3rd Trimester

When will you "abandon" your child?

There have been a couple threads in the last few days about leaving LO with Dad or a grandmother that have really surprised me about the attitude toward being away from your child. Is it typical for school aged children who have never been away from Mom for a night? I spent the night at Grandmas', cousins', friends' houses for as long as I can remember. I watched my niece overnight a few times when she was an infant.

IRL, I have a coworker who isn't "allowed" (his word choice) to take his 4 mo. old daughter places without her mother. Their reasoning is that it makes breast feeding too complicated. Is this how you end up with a 9yr old who has never spent the night away from Mom?

IMO, these children have had a huge disservice done to them... taking away bonding time with Dad and other relatives, preventing them from learning coping skills, and withholding new experiences. I plan on leaving LO with DH as soon and as much is practical, and with grandmas, etc.

What are your plans?

«1

Re: When will you "abandon" your child?

  • DS has spent the night once at the ILs without us there. We've all spent the night a couple times together. We don't do it often bc they also have school-age children and I know they need their sleep.

    image
    image image
  • J+MSJ+MS
    10000 Comments 250 Answers Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    member
    Hmm... I think once I'm comfortable with pumping and LO is on a set feeding schedule than she can go with DH w/o me. As for a baby sitter, it will be a while. I'm going to be a paranoid parent, I already know it.
    "Seriously, mommy forum people are some crazy ass bitches." New Year New You
  • I left DH with DS by himself for the first time when DS was 1 month old.  We didn't leave him overnight until he was 14 months old, but that was only b/c we hadn't ever had the opportunity to do so.  My ILs have been watching him so that we can go out for day trips since he was 5 or 6 months old though.  The same will probably be true for DD as well.

    FWIW, leaving DS for any time longer than 2 hours was actually pretty difficult when I was still BFing.  I wasn't ever a huge producer, and it was a LOT of work to pump enough milk just to be able to stay out longer than that.  DS ate every 2 hours until I switched to formula at 6 months.

    image
  • Well, my Dh and I are planning a vacation either next spring or next summer.  Without kids.  Bun will be 6 months-9 months, depending on when we decide to go.

     

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    image
  • we left alex w/my mother for a few hours when she was a little over a week.

    and we left her with my best friend's overnight for the first time when she was 5 months old.

    i've also left her with my husband for a few hours at a time since she was born- and now that she's older i'd probably leave her with anyone who offered to watch her. heh.

    but yeah. i prefer to be with her (more so when she was "little") but i have no problems passing her off now & again. plus, she's with my mom or MIL all day mon- fri, soooo.

  • Lurking Stick out tongue

    My DS spent the night with my mom at 10 weeks so we could have a night away before I went back to work. He has had 2 more sleepovers since then, he's 6 months old.

    My DH has him alone all the time. It empowers DH and my son loves his Daddy time.

    It depends a lot on your child though. We have a very easygoing baby so it's been easy for us.

  • OMG I would go nuts if I didn't have breaks!!  With my first DS I think I left the house to go shopping around 2 weeks old-DH cared for our son while I was gone for maybe and hour and half.  I nursed him before hand and left exprssed BM if he got hungry.  We went out on our first day after he was born when he was only 4 weeks!  We were only gone under two hours.  My best friend watched DS. 

    The way I feel about it is DH is an equal parent and is just as capable of caring for DS as I am.  Breast pumps are a nursing moms best friend!  I always had milk either frozen or would pump before I left so I didn't feel tied to home or DS 24/7.

  • I completely agree with your logic not just b/c I am a working mom. But I am the only child of my parents to have children and my regular family is very close. So my children spend lots of time with their uncles and granparents. What happen to the village raises children.
  • I leave DD with DH all the time.  Now, she has never stayed a night away from DH nor myself, other than when DH had a heart attack.   Then she stayed with my Mom at my house.  This is not because I have issues with her being away from me.  Other people have babysat her, but she has never stayed overnight. DH's family lives in another state, so all we have is my family.  My Mother has had marital issues for the last 5 years and I just don't feel comfortable with DD around my step-dad.  My Father is an alcoholic and I would never leave my child with him.  Unfortuantely, I don't have much family, so it is not practical for her to stay overnight at places.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    imageimageimage

  • I have no qualms about leaving my kid with her dad or grandparents BUT your coworker's wife does have a point about breastfeeding.  If you BF and don't pump, you'll get engorged if you stay away from LO too long (not mention LO will get hungry) . . . and even if you do pump it's a huge hassle to do it away from home.  Depending on where I was going, I might very well decide it's not worth the trouble to be away from Betsy for very long. 

    But I certainly don't plan to BF her until she's nine, so I'm fully confident that eventually she will be spending the night apart from me!

    image
  • I think its a huge disservice to both the child and the parents.  Its good for everyone to have a little time away.  Now I understand if you dont have anyone close by that you would trust your LO with overnight....thats another story.  DS spent his first overnight when he was almost 5 months old and has had MANY overnights since then.  I hope for this LO to be the same!!!
    image 3.27.08image 9.18.10



  • I know early it can be hard with breast feeding. My sister in law has a 3m old and can get really tender. I don't know that she owns a pump, not my place to ask. So I understand that!

     Then you have my Mother in law with her 10y old who has never had a friend sleep over and he?s never slept at a friend?s house. His first non-family B-day party was one my husband I planned and threw for him last year. The child is antisocial, shy, and sat on a computer like his dad all summer. What we do even out of love for that child can be a terrible thing later on. I know they love him very much but the coddling has definitely stunted his social growth.

  • DH was alone with DD from when she was about 2 weeks old whenever he has needed to be, I'm in school nights.  I can't imagine not being able to trust your SO with your child, I couldn't be married to someone like that.  Also we have gone on date nights every couple of months since she was a few months old.  We try to get out once a month if we can afford it, its the best thing for your relationship with your SO.  We left her for the first time over night when she was 10 months old with my parents for 2 nights so DH and I could have a little getaway.  I was paranoid a lot but everything went fine and we really enjoyed the time away together. 
    Snuggling after a nap! Claira 2 yrs and Sophia 11 months Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • image pdxjenn:

    Lurking Stick out tongue

    My DS spent the night with my mom at 10 weeks so we could have a night away before I went back to work. He has had 2 more sleepovers since then, he's 6 months old.

    My DH has him alone all the time. It empowers DH and my son loves his Daddy time.

    It depends a lot on your child though. We have a very easygoing baby so it's been easy for us.

    this. i really have no idea what seems reasonable until he's out. i've never had a kid before, so i'll say it depends on the child and the mom. i might be really clingy at first or he might.

    but i hope not. we have tickets to see the wall in december. 

    image
  • image pdxjenn:

    Lurking Stick out tongue

    My DS spent the night with my mom at 10 weeks so we could have a night away before I went back to work. He has had 2 more sleepovers since then, he's 6 months old.

    My DH has him alone all the time. It empowers DH and my son loves his Daddy time.

    It depends a lot on your child though. We have a very easygoing baby so it's been easy for us.

    I wonder if there is a correlation to being easygoing and being accustomed to having multiple caregivers. More adaptability = fewer freak-outs?

  • The first time we left O was with my mom when she was a couple wks old.  We went out for a couple of hours.  She never latched, so I pumped before we left and again when I got home.  After that we left her every now and then so we could get out, but only with my mom or MIL.  At about 9 months old, we found the most amazing babysitter.  Our first overnight was at just about a year when we went away for the weekend for our anniversay.  We then had a few overnights after that (weddings and such).  We left her for a week this past November when we went to Mexico.  She has never slept out of our house though.  Grandmothers have come here and we like it that way. My husbands stepfather is very creepy and my mom and dad sold their house and moved to a 1 bedroom.  I should also add I leave her with my husband all the time. 

    We plan on doing the same with this baby... 

  • DS still hasn't had an overnight away from both DH & I, although we've both been gone separately - this is not because I wouldn't do it but we don't have family close by and DH & I haven't had the chance or $ to get away. However, starting about 8 weeks I would leave him w/ DH for a couple hours  if I wanted to go out with friends or something (until that point I was exclusively breast feeding w/o pumping & it was challenging to schedule). DH is SAHD so he gets lots of alone time w/ DS, and we've had a couple day trips and nights out w/o DS when we've had family or friends available to watch him. I imagine it will be the same when DD arrives. We are trying to plan a little Mom & Dad only getaway for our 5 year anniversary (which is a year and a half away) - so maybe that will be the first time the kiddo's are without both of us overnight.
  • I said it in the other thread and I'll say it again...my relationship with my husband is really important to me....and as result we take vacations/weekends away alone, without DD.  It's just "us" time and I think all parents should do it.

    Afterall, who do you think created those beautiful children you raise??  That's right...YOU and YOUR HUSBAND.

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers Baby #3! BFP 10/20/12 EDD 6/27/13
  • image bstrangely:

    this. i really have no idea what seems reasonable until he's out. i've never had a kid before, so i'll say it depends on the child and the mom. i might be really clingy at first or he might.

    but i hope not. we have tickets to see the wall in december. 

    Haha... this is our first LO, so I may totally be eating my words in 6-9 mos. I know a lot of first time parents think "I would never [blank]" and then end up doing exactly that! I suppose I should reserve judgment until I've been there...

  • image brittlandk:
    image pdxjenn:

    Lurking Stick out tongue

    My DS spent the night with my mom at 10 weeks so we could have a night away before I went back to work. He has had 2 more sleepovers since then, he's 6 months old.

    My DH has him alone all the time. It empowers DH and my son loves his Daddy time.

    It depends a lot on your child though. We have a very easygoing baby so it's been easy for us.

    I wonder if there is a correlation to being easygoing and being accustomed to having multiple caregivers. More adaptability = fewer freak-outs?

    Could be. We have always had lots of people around. We also have had him sleep EVERYWHERE... so he's not addicted to his crib. As he's gotten older he has much more of a pattern for sleeping, but it's easy to replicate just about anywhere.

  • Once my boy's old enough that BFing isn't an issue I'll gladly let my MIL take him for the night. Plus she lives really close to all the nieces and nephews... they love sleep overs! And Mommy will love a night alone with Daddy.

    image
    SEAHAWKS! And... Macklemore. Seattle's WINNING! 
  • I was thinking about just sending the kid home with my mom straight from the hospital.
    image
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickersAlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickersAlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • image MissNikki007:
    I was thinking about just sending the kid home with my mom straight from the hospital.

    Yes  Cool

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers Baby #3! BFP 10/20/12 EDD 6/27/13
  • image DLD102:

    I said it in the other thread and I'll say it again...my relationship with my husband is really important to me....and as result we take vacations/weekends away alone, without DD.  It's just "us" time and I think all parents should do it.

    Afterall, who do you think created those beautiful children you raise??  That's right...YOU and YOUR HUSBAND.

    Obviously, you know I agree with this 100%!  I truly believe relationships suffer when time is not taken to nuture them.  I love my child, I love my husband, and I love myself...they all need equal time.

  • image wife1014:
    image DLD102:

    I said it in the other thread and I'll say it again...my relationship with my husband is really important to me....and as result we take vacations/weekends away alone, without DD.  It's just "us" time and I think all parents should do it.

    Afterall, who do you think created those beautiful children you raise??  That's right...YOU and YOUR HUSBAND.

    Obviously, you know I agree with this 100%!  I truly believe relationships suffer when time is not taken to nuture them.  I love my child, I love my husband, and I love myself...they all need equal time.

    ::high five!::

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers Baby #3! BFP 10/20/12 EDD 6/27/13
  • image MissNikki007:
    I was thinking about just sending the kid home with my mom straight from the hospital.

    just tinkled a bit!!!  Maybe I should call my mom right now to see if this is OK with her.  Best idea of the day!

  • I'm abandoning DD to give birth to this baby.  But if it makes anyone feel better, I'm hoping to abandon the new one much earlier :)
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers 
                             Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • We left DS with my parents over night at 11 weeks.  We went to a wedding in LI.  We left on a Saturday morning, and came home Sunday late afternoon. 

    We left DS a few times over night before he was 1.  At 14 months we left him for 5 nights to go to a destination wedding.  It was hard, but DH and I had fun.  And he was great for my parents.  

    My SIL REFUSED to come to DH and my wedding because she could not leave her 8 month old for a few hours with the baby's father to come.  because she was nursing.  Crock of sh!t. 

    I agree with the original poster.  it is good for you and your child to be left alone over night and with babysitters.  It teaches them to trust other people.  The best thing I did this summer was to hire a nanny for DS.  he has learned to trust her and that he can trust other people than ME.  And he is less reliant on me now!!

  • image DLD102:

    I said it in the other thread and I'll say it again...my relationship with my husband is really important to me....and as result we take vacations/weekends away alone, without DD.  It's just "us" time and I think all parents should do it.

    Afterall, who do you think created those beautiful children you raise??  That's right...YOU and YOUR HUSBAND.

    I couldn't agree more!  Unfortunately, not everyone has the luxury of having family close by. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    imageimageimage

  • My mom has already offered to take Micah one day a week so that I can run errands, etc. without having to lug him around.  I definitely intend on taking advantage of that as soon as I can!  Also, my H has a great work schedule so I'm pretty sure he'll be alone with the baby almost right from the start--just so I can run to the store or whatever.

    I think I'm lucky because I've been a baby sitter/nanny for 15 years so I think it's really important to leave LO with others as soon as possible.  Also, I've got three beautiful nieces whom I love very much and enjoy doing auntie/niece things with.  As soon as I got married, they started sleeping over at our house every other month or so and we often take them for a day to do something fun.  I love being on the other side of it so I fully intend to "give my son away" in the same manner.  Big Smile

«1
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards