2nd Trimester

Advice please!

I am 17 weeks pregnant and I am finding myself more and more annoyed with my boyfriend. I think that a lot has to do with the fact that this is not a planned pregnancy and we have only been together not even 6 months yet. I feel so trapped. I thought that I would be ready for this and that I was in love with him but now I am second guessing everything. It is weird. We had so much fun together before we found out that i was pregnant and now we do nothing and he bothers me all the time. We do not live together but are moving in together within a couple of weeks but I do not know if I can do it! haha.. he is always wanting to be with me.. like 24/7 and never will just leave me to do my own thing. I feel like he is more excited about everything then i am and I feel bad about it. Don't get me wrong he is a great guy and i am so excited to have the baby but what if it doesn't work out? I do not want to be mean to him but some days I can't help it.. Is this just the pregnancy or is he really as annoying as I think??.. AHHH!!!

Re: Advice please!

  • image Lcgurl23:

    he is always wanting to be with me.. like 24/7 and never will just leave me to do my own thing.

     

    And you think the baby is going to give you that?

     

     

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    "People seem to couple an inordinate amount of stupidity with extreme laziness." ~ A wise interwebz friend.

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  • I went through the almost exact same thing with my husband and our first son. We weren't living together, we weren't even that serious, but I got pregnant.  blah blah blah, long story short, we both had issues with the relationship, but didn't even know how to communicate to one another about it.  We ended up separating with I was 6 months, and didn't resolve our issues until our son was 18 months old. 

    The biggest regrest I have looking back at those 2 years was that I didn't tell him how I felt, good or bad it would have been better to at least try to talk about it than not and go through what we went through.  Trust me, as bad as you may think it would be to tell him how you feel, there are definately worse senarios.  Hope it helps you, I wish every day I had those 2 years back.  We missed so much in our son's life because we were too busy  not talking to one another.

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  • I am not talking about the baby.. Obviously I know that the baby will need me 24/7. The father on the other hand does not need to spend every free minute with me. I need time for me and with friends and family without him getting mad about that.
  • image Lcgurl23:
    I am not talking about the baby.. Obviously I know that the baby will need me 24/7. The father on the other hand does not need to spend every free minute with me. I need time for me and with friends and family without him getting mad about that.

    Here's a funny concept- talk to him about it and tell him you need a little time of your own every once in a while.

    If he gets mad about it, I would nix the moving in thing and seriously reconsider the relationship. That is a controlling behavior which generally only leads to more controlling behaviors once they have you isolated in a home/apartment.

     

    image

     
    "People seem to couple an inordinate amount of stupidity with extreme laziness." ~ A wise interwebz friend.

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers


  • Thank you so much! I have kind of told him how I feel but I just don't think he gets it. I think that us moving in togehter will really show a lot and hopefully the communication will get a lot better. Not being with someone for very long makes it hard to talk to him. I feel like i want it to work out but I just need some breathing room. Having a baby and moving in with someone you pretty much just started getting to know really was not in my life plan so it is going to take some getting used to. Thanks for the advice! I will find a way to talk to him.
  • try to listen to what he has to say too.  Your priorities may not be on the same page right now, but I am sure that he has some real concerns for your future, and is dealing with them in his own way.
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  • Does he have a job?  That should be atleaste 8 hours of free time there.  If you feel like doing something and don't want him to tag along- Don't invite him.  Sad to say this but I do that to DH sometimes but it's fine with DH cause he usually doesn't want to go hang out with the girls anyways.  Just tell him how you feel. 

    But don't push him away-sounds like he is just excited about having a baby.

  • We both have jobs.. but our schedules are pretty much the same. So that doesn't work so well. Oh I know that he is excited for the baby. He talks about how we are starting a family all the time and how excited that he is to be with me. I know that some girls would love to hear that from their boyfriend but it scares me. If this was all planned sure I would be thrilled about it but its not. I think that is it weird how excited he is about everything concidering we have only been togeher a few months. The thought of already starting a family just scares me and this is something I am not used to at all. I have tried getting him to talk to me but he doesn't he changes the subject or just says "I don't know." It is so frustrating!
  • I have been with my husband for 5 years and when we found out I was in a panic and he was thrilled. I kept telling him to be quite that I was still in denial. I found it very annoying too when he got all excited and I was having little anxiety attacks about all the real life changes we, my body and our lives were quickly taking on.

    You are making some big and serious lifestyle changes and weather you planned it or not it is all a little scary at times. I agree with the other advice that you need to start talking and don't feel bad when you take some time for yourself... you have allot to process and figure out. From what you say he is a good guy and you are lucky to have someone who is committed to this baby.

     Remember that guys/men are not natural talkers nor do they open up easily but just tell him it is very important you and that you are scared and need him to be there to talk to when you need to talk. I bet he is just scared too. Get a book. Ask him questions and tell him what is on your mind but try not to attack or point fingers.... as hard as it may be ;)


     

  • The idea of having moving in with someone new, having a baby, etc. is a lot for anyone to digest.  I am a very independent person.  When I got married, I had owned my own house and lived by myself for 4 years.  It was a huge adjustment for me to constantly be around someone all of the time (although I loved him).  You have a lot of life changes going on right now. 

    My husband and I are very good about giving each other time with friends.  For instance, today he called and said he was going to go fishing with a friend.  Last night, I went to a meeting a dinner with a bunch of girls. 

    I don't know if you have someone that you are close to that has been a mentor for you that you can talk to about some of your issues.  My family has a wonderful friend that is an ordained minister.  She provided us with premarital counseling, in addition to the course at the church we go to, and gave us some great advice.  I've also talked with her about other things that went on in my life in high school, college, etc.  Talking with someone that you can be very candid with and they be very candid back to you about your feelings may not be a bad idea.

     As far as annoying goes, men can just be that way, but it may be amplified by hormones. 

    Due June 10, 2014


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  • image kdodge423:

    image Lcgurl23:
    I am not talking about the baby.. Obviously I know that the baby will need me 24/7. The father on the other hand does not need to spend every free minute with me. I need time for me and with friends and family without him getting mad about that.

    Here's a funny concept- talk to him about it and tell him you need a little time of your own every once in a while.

    If he gets mad about it, I would nix the moving in thing and seriously reconsider the relationship. That is a controlling behavior which generally only leads to more controlling behaviors once they have you isolated in a home/apartment.

    I am all up for snark when it is necessary, but your ugly attitude is not needed.  If you cannot answer a simple post without being a sarcastic troll then x out. 

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Pregnancy Ticker
  • Is this addressed to me? I was not trying to have an ugly attitude at all.
  • Thank you soooooo soo much ladies!!! The advice had really helped me out a lot! I I had a long talk with my sister about all the changes and the way I was feeling, she gave me some great advice. I decided that it was time that him and I talk about things and even though I was scared to he did mostly agree with half the things that I have been feeling and agrees that we both have things to work on and we will make it! =) It is a great feeling that he is going to be there and that he is such a good guy, that is something I need to remember! I am very happy that I found this website to talk with all of you ladies about everything. This first time mom stuff is kind of scary! Thanks again everyone and good luk with all of your families!
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