Single Parents

What would you do?

Has anyone else done this or have advice?

 My lease is up in November on the apartment that we got last year.  The rent goes up another $100, and he can not give me anymore money and in all fairness he does give me a lot as it is.  My parents want me to move back in with them and will give me the downstairs as "my" space and DD would be upstairs in another bedroom.  I would only have to give them a little money and the rest I could put on my bills and save that in a year I could possibly be debt free.  In addition my mom would be able to take DD to daycare if I was running late or the weather was bad, etc. which is a plus.

Only problem is I was miserable at home before I got married.  My dad was always complaining about something I did and that I was in the shower too long or whatever else he could come up with.  Now it's not just me and he says stuff when DD throws these fits and the screaming and crying she does like he forgets 2 yr olds do this.  I am really torn on this and my mom says it will be different because I'm older.  STBXH thinks it's a horrible idea which I think is mainly because he won't be able to just come around anymore and won't have somehwere to hang out with DD.  Please any suggestions and sorry so long.

Re: What would you do?

  • Can you find a roommate, possibly another single mom, and either stay in your apt or get a new one?

    I would avoid at all costs moving back into your parents house.  I did that and while there were clear benefits such as my parents and siblings were around for the kids and I was able to finish school at night and I was able to  work some overtime and get back on my feet w/ a better start.

    Things that were bad:  My parents would parent me in front of my children, they would undermind my authority as a parent to my children.  I was expected to come back into the family unit as the same person and in the same role as I had left 7 years earlier.  Meaning I was expected to do the same chores and take care of my younger siblings and be the obedient daugter like i was when I was 18.  There was horrible transition that I came back as a broken abused withdrawn and depressed mother of 2 children w/ a job and full time student.  I had bills and responsibilities.  I was expected to turn over my paycheck and financials over to my dad to "handle" for me.  (that got laughed right out.)

     It also stunted me b/c I sometimes it was easy to take that mental vacation and just let them take over.  My oldest is just 6 yrs younger than my youngest sister.  She still sometimes treats me like i"m her older sister than her mother.

    They put rules and a curfew on me, I was 26 when i moved back home, i left after I graduated and got settled in my 2nd job after college about 3 years after I moved in.

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  • Thank you that is my fear!!! I am also going to school for my Masters so it would be helpful but the whole curfew thing is a big thing.  I was 26 when I got married and he would get mad if I stayed out or anything like that. It is such a hard thing to decide!!!!
  • This is a tough one.  Moving back home would be tempting but then it would also be an annoyance.  I would try other options first like looking for a roommate or getting a cheaper apartment. 

  • I'll be your roommate :-) Or take suggestions of cheap but nice places.

    I'm in the Philly area and I need to get out of my sister's house because she has her own family. And I saw you are a teacher and so am I.  

     

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    "There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."
  • I would do it.  And I could have written your post regarding my dad.  I love him to death but he was hard to live with at times.

    I thought that the long term benefit to DS (being able to pay off debt, save, be more financially secure and afford a nicer house) outweighed the inconvenience/annoyance for me.

    If you decide to do it, I would suggest figuring out a strict budget and a time frame as far as when you will move out.  You wouldn't want a temporary thing to turn into years just because you get comfortable, kwim?

    Also I would try to sit down with your parents ahead of time to establish expectations for you and them.

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
  • I would definitely sit down with your parents and discuss boundaries if you are going to do this.
  • image Meliss227:

    I'll be your roommate :-) Or take suggestions of cheap but nice places.

    I'm in the Philly area and I need to get out of my sister's house because she has her own family. And I saw you are a teacher and so am I.  

     

     

    Where are you in Philly?  Thank you guys, that would be the main thing setting boundries!  I'm not going to run wild but at the same time I don't want a curfew at 30 and treated like I'm 18.  Such a hard thing to decide about!!!

  • image babymaybe317:
    image Meliss227:

    I'll be your roommate :-) Or take suggestions of cheap but nice places.

    I'm in the Philly area and I need to get out of my sister's house because she has her own family. And I saw you are a teacher and so am I.  

     

     

    Where are you in Philly?  Thank you guys, that would be the main thing setting boundries!  I'm not going to run wild but at the same time I don't want a curfew at 30 and treated like I'm 18.  Such a hard thing to decide about!!!

     

    Right now I am in Folsom in Delaware County. I teach in South Philly and I lived in Center City and then the Northeast when I was with the ex. I wouldn't mind moving back to the city but I'm too poor because I want to live in Old City. Where are you? Do you teach for Philly or one of the suburbs? 

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    "There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."
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