3rd Trimester

Smoking and drinking is okay, right?!?!

Um, so WTF.

Today, I was talking to a friend's parent. She knows I'm pregnant. She asked me if I  wanted a drink, and I said "sure, thanks." and she started listing ALCOHOLIC beverages and such. Aside from the fact that I'm pregnant, I'm not 21 yet. I just looked at her blank-faced and shocked, and she sighs at me. "God, you're not one of THOSE, are you. Its common sense that FAS isn't real, I mean, I smoked pot and cigarettes and drank through all of my pregnancies and my kids are perfect. Birth defects and all that bullsh!t are just hype."  My jaw dropped. I mean, seriously, who thinks that, let alone says it???

 I could NOT believe it!!

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Re: Smoking and drinking is okay, right?!?!

  • FAS isn't real? Yeah, okay Lady, tell that to the young lady my grandmother used to take care of. Three martini lunches are, in fact, detrimental to your child's health. Some people are so ignorant! I don't know what I would have said in that situation!
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  • I was shocked, like do people really think that way!?

    and this lady has offered to watch LO for free if I decide to go back to work. I think not! She probably thinks whiskey is good to help an infant sleep as well.

  • Thank goodness her kids came out okay but all the other kids with FAS are just faking it??
  • Wow....I don't even know what to say here. I've worked with FAS kids for years and this is just insanity. Yeah, I wouldn't ever let her watch your kid girl.

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  • Wowza, I can handle one drink every so often, but I can't believe she openly admitted to those things she did to her children. SO IRRESPONSIBLE.
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  • Wowwww, this woman has no idea how blessed she is that her children came out healthy. It blows my mind that there are people who are so ignorant; it's kind of infuriating. I hope your friend knows how wrong their mom is before they have children of their own.
  • People like this are so selfish. You're growing a human being inside you, put your fvcking cig and alcohol down for just 9 months.. ugh. And she's a dumbass if she thinks FAS isn't real.
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  • That is when you punch her in the face, and then say don't worry it doesn't hurt!!! What a friggin tool!
  • Is there any reason you are doing a "unique" spelling of your dd's 1st name? I am considering the name Allison if we have a girl (team green!) and I was wondering if you are purposly butchering it or if it is a family spelling or something like that.

    I was given the advice a few weeks ago that because the baby's brain is done growing at 35 weeks I would be fine to have a beer now & then. Hmm Umm...thanks for the advice but I'll pass on that. I can wait a few more weeks.

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  • Unfortunately some people do think that way.

     

    I went to a friend's 30th bday party an they had someone making drinks.  I obviously LOOK pregnant.  she asked if I wanted a beer.   I said no, I am pregnant.  She say so, and went to pop one open for me!!!  I was shocked!!

  • My MIL has given me crap about this on more than one occasion.  One time she actually said "geez, I just dont understand doctors these days!  Are they afraid the baby is going to come out messed up or something??"  Um, yes, acutally they are.  It was fairly common to smoke and drink during pregnancy up through the 70's, but come on.  It's not like FAS is some new-fangled crazy piece of medical jibberish.
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  • image jpowell3:

    Is there any reason you are doing a "unique" spelling of your dd's 1st name? I am considering the name Allison if we have a girl (team green!) and I was wondering if you are purposly butchering it or if it is a family spelling or something like that.

    I was given the advice a few weeks ago that because the baby's brain is done growing at 35 weeks I would be fine to have a beer now & then. Hmm Umm...thanks for the advice but I'll pass on that. I can wait a few more weeks.

    Indifferent  

     

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  • image jpowell3:

    Is there any reason you are doing a "unique" spelling of your dd's 1st name? I am considering the name Allison if we have a girl (team green!) and I was wondering if you are purposly butchering it or if it is a family spelling or something like that.

    I was given the advice a few weeks ago that because the baby's brain is done growing at 35 weeks I would be fine to have a beer now & then. Hmm Umm...thanks for the advice but I'll pass on that. I can wait a few more weeks.

     

    Is there any reason you're being rude to this woman about her name choice? Butchering it? I think it's more like personal choice. 

    Anniversary
  • image jpowell3:

    Is there any reason you are doing a "unique" spelling of your dd's 1st name? I am considering the name Allison if we have a girl (team green!) and I was wondering if you are purposly butchering it or if it is a family spelling or something like that.

    I was given the advice a few weeks ago that because the baby's brain is done growing at 35 weeks I would be fine to have a beer now & then. Hmm Umm...thanks for the advice but I'll pass on that. I can wait a few more weeks.

     

    Is there any reason you're being rude to this woman about her name choice? Butchering it? I think it's more like personal choice. 

    Anniversary
  • Sounds like it is time to start hanging around a higher class of people.  Not just for you, but for your future kid(s).  I see FAS and other drug and alcohol related problems frequently in my practice.  My wife teaches children with FAS and a host of other problems in a special education setting.  The effects are documented and real.  Sometimes children just get lucky and have no VISIBLE effects.  Does she deny that alcohol, tobacco, and drugs lead to early death and disease in adults?  There is proof of that as well.  Do the smart thing and stay away from someone that doesn't care about their own health, much less that of yours and a fetus that can not yet protect itself.  Sad

     

    -Dr. B

  • Sounds like it is time to start hanging around a higher class of people.  Not just for you, but for your future kid(s).  I see FAS and other drug and alcohol related problems frequently in my practice.  My wife teaches children with FAS and a host of other problems in a special education setting.  The effects are documented and real.  Sometimes children just get lucky and have no VISIBLE effects.  Does she deny that alcohol, tobacco, and drugs lead to early death and disease in adults?  There is proof of that as well.  Do the smart thing and stay away from someone that doesn't care about their own health, much less that of yours and a fetus that can not yet protect itself.  Sad

     

    -Dr. B

  • FAS not real? yea right, its real enough, trust me. i was Born with FAS. i was so dark as an infant i looked like a Mexican baby. I was also born 2 months early at 2Ibs 3 Oz, and was a SIDS risk baby. tell that woman she is full of ***. 

     My mother smoked and drank straight whisky during all her pregnancies, which from what my father told me there were quite a few stillbirths and miscarriages in her past.

    I got lucky that i didnt have any major problems, and she SURE AS HELL got lucky. some women are just plain idiots. 

  • image jpowell3:

    Is there any reason you are doing a "unique" spelling of your dd's 1st name? I am considering the name Allison if we have a girl (team green!) and I was wondering if you are purposly butchering it or if it is a family spelling or something like that.

    I was given the advice a few weeks ago that because the baby's brain is done growing at 35 weeks I would be fine to have a beer now & then. Hmm Umm...thanks for the advice but I'll pass on that. I can wait a few more weeks.

     

    Spelling it "Allison" makes it a man's name. So good luck with that.

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  • lol, been there!  Take it with a grain of salt, ignore it and keep your eyes open in the future with regards to your precious bundle.  FAS may not affect every baby (doesn't make it any less real, though) of an alcohol drinking mother, but there is no benefit to it, so why take the risk?  

    Some people have trouble remembering that over time we learn things that were not known to be true before now.  Not that that is an excuse, just an explanation.  My mother once told me that her doctor told her it was not only safe for the baby, but GOOD for the baby to smoke and drink because it kept the birth weight down and caused no ill effects.  Bear in mind, that she tends to "rationalize" any way she can in regards to her smoking addiction, so I am not even sure he said that.  However, if he did, that was over 3 decades and tons of research ago.  But, she is still hanging onto it.  My mil has (on multiple occasions) said to me, "I did it, my mother did it, her mother did it......so, what's YOUR problem?"  She even got upset over the fact that I wouldn't put my new baby in her bassinet that she used for her kids with a big hole in the side of it.  She does not babysit for any of my kids and never has.  

     Just use your mommy instincts.......not every bit of "old" advice is wrong, just like not every bit of "current" advice is right.  ;) 

  • image summerhollis:
    image jpowell3:

    Is there any reason you are doing a "unique" spelling of your dd's 1st name? I am considering the name Allison if we have a girl (team green!) and I was wondering if you are purposly butchering it or if it is a family spelling or something like that.

    I was given the advice a few weeks ago that because the baby's brain is done growing at 35 weeks I would be fine to have a beer now & then. Hmm Umm...thanks for the advice but I'll pass on that. I can wait a few more weeks.

     

    Is there any reason you're being rude to this woman about her name choice? Butchering it? I think it's more like personal choice. 

     

    Yeah, I was wondering that, too. Jeez. I thought the spelling was pretty and I usually don't like you-neek names, but I would never come right out and question a person's choice like that. I'm also a little sensitive because people around here seem to think it's perfectly acceptable to tell me how awful our ideas are for DD's middle name even though they asked what we were considering and I NEVER asked for their effing opinion.

  • You've got to be kidding!!  I can't believe anyone would be this rude!  Any half way intelligent thing you had to say after this statement was not heard by anyone since we were all distracted by your comment.  Why would you name your son Carter?  I mean, I just don't like that name personally, so I'm going to criticize your choice. 

    I know a lot of people use being pregnant as an excuse to be a witch, but we're all pregnant here, so there is no excuse to be this rude!!  I feel very sorry for the people around you who have had to put up with this level of offensive behavior for the last 9 months. 

  • image jpowell3:

    Is there any reason you are doing a "unique" spelling of your dd's 1st name? I am considering the name Allison if we have a girl (team green!) and I was wondering if you are purposly butchering it or if it is a family spelling or something like that.

    I was given the advice a few weeks ago that because the baby's brain is done growing at 35 weeks I would be fine to have a beer now & then. Hmm Umm...thanks for the advice but I'll pass on that. I can wait a few more weeks.

     

    You've got to be kidding!!  I can't believe anyone would be this rude!  Any half way intelligent thing you had to say after this statement was not heard by anyone since we were all distracted by your comment.  Why would you name your son Carter?  I mean, I just don't like that name personally, so I'm going to criticize your choice. 

    I know a lot of people use being pregnant as an excuse to be a witch, but we're all pregnant here, so there is no excuse to be this rude!!  I feel very sorry for the people around you who have had to put up with this level of offensive behavior for the last 9 months. 

     

  • image bonniefaye:
    image summerhollis:
    image jpowell3:

    Is there any reason you are doing a "unique" spelling of your dd's 1st name? I am considering the name Allison if we have a girl (team green!) and I was wondering if you are purposly butchering it or if it is a family spelling or something like that.

    I was given the advice a few weeks ago that because the baby's brain is done growing at 35 weeks I would be fine to have a beer now & then. Hmm Umm...thanks for the advice but I'll pass on that. I can wait a few more weeks.

     

    Is there any reason you're being rude to this woman about her name choice? Butchering it? I think it's more like personal choice. 

     

    Yeah, I was wondering that, too. Jeez. I thought the spelling was pretty and I usually don't like you-neek names, but I would never come right out and question a person's choice like that. I'm also a little sensitive because people around here seem to think it's perfectly acceptable to tell me how awful our ideas are for DD's middle name even though they asked what we were considering and I NEVER asked for their effing opinion.

     

    This.

    Regardless of how you feel about the way she's spelling it, she likes it, and that's all that matters. I don't think its right of you to come out and say something like that. What if it was a family spelling, do you really think "butchering" is the right word to use when asking if it is? Insulting AND rude...try thinking about what you say before you say it.

    As for what the OP said, FAS is very serious, and that woman should get a smack in the head for even thinking its not. I watched alcohol kill my father 2 1/2 years ago, I couldn't imagine what that would do to an unborn baby. I wouldn't let my child be left alone with her.

  • image jpowell3:

    Is there any reason you are doing a "unique" spelling of your dd's 1st name? I am considering the name Allison if we have a girl (team green!) and I was wondering if you are purposly butchering it or if it is a family spelling or something like that.

    I'm not sure which is worse; the subject of the original post or your rude response! Everyone has choices for their baby's name, and in this day in age, most of them are unique or unusual. Personally, I think Alicen is a much better way of spelling it than the traditional Allison. English is such a screwed up language that Allison should be pronounced "All-i-son," but everyone says it much more like Alicen. KUDOS  to the original poster for being creative but still normal.

    Just last week I was looking at a store at the King of Prussia (PA) Mall, and they had personalized items for Nevaeh... so why on earth is a unique spelling of a classic and beautiful name so looked down upon? Seriously, woman, check yourself at the door before you assume you have the authority or the right to question other peoples' name choices.

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  • image iluvmybby:
    image bonniefaye:
    image summerhollis:
    image jpowell3:

    Is there any reason you are doing a "unique" spelling of your dd's 1st name? I am considering the name Allison if we have a girl (team green!) and I was wondering if you are purposly butchering it or if it is a family spelling or something like that.

    I was given the advice a few weeks ago that because the baby's brain is done growing at 35 weeks I would be fine to have a beer now & then. Hmm Umm...thanks for the advice but I'll pass on that. I can wait a few more weeks.


     

    Is there any reason you're being rude to this woman about her name choice? Butchering it? I think it's more like personal choice. 

     

    Yeah, I was wondering that, too. Jeez. I thought the spelling was pretty and I usually don't like you-neek names, but I would never come right out and question a person's choice like that. I'm also a little sensitive because people around here seem to think it's perfectly acceptable to tell me how awful our ideas are for DD's middle name even though they asked what we were considering and I NEVER asked for their effing opinion.

     

    This.

    Regardless of how you feel about the way she's spelling it, she likes it, and that's all that matters. I don't think its right of you to come out and say something like that. What if it was a family spelling, do you really think "butchering" is the right word to use when asking if it is? Insulting AND rude...try thinking about what you say before you say it.

    As for what the OP said, FAS is very serious, and that woman should get a smack in the head for even thinking its not. I watched alcohol kill my father 2 1/2 years ago, I couldn't imagine what that would do to an unborn baby. I wouldn't let my child be left alone with her.

    This. My mother-in-law is a pack-a-day smoker, and she smoked when she was pregnant with DH in 1985... like they didn't know it was bad back then. the sad thing is, she was able to cut down to 13 cigarettes a day with EASE a few weeks ago, but is now back up to 17, not because she's addicted, but because she WANTS to smoke. And she wants me to leave DS with her... What will she do when she wants a cig? Take him outside with her? Or leave him alone and unattended with their cats inside. Then she'll go in and be around him, reeking of ciggy, which is still dangerous to DS. Plus, she is an idiot-DH was born with a cleft lip and cleft palate because of her smoking, and now that is a fear we will have to live with when we have our children, and she is too dumb to even care.

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  • image jpowell3:

    Is there any reason you are doing a "unique" spelling of your dd's 1st name? I am considering the name Allison if we have a girl (team green!) and I was wondering if you are purposly butchering it or if it is a family spelling or something like that.

    I was given the advice a few weeks ago that because the baby's brain is done growing at 35 weeks I would be fine to have a beer now & then. Hmm Umm...thanks for the advice but I'll pass on that. I can wait a few more weeks.

    So who ever told you the baby's brain is done growing at 35 weeks is an IDIOT as well. There is clearly research that shows that:

    "The third trimester stage is highlighted with fewer brain developments. The brain continues to grow and increase rapidly in size, all the while establishing connections between nerve cells. The brain along with the lung is the last organ to develop, and is completed close to the end of the third trimester. A newborn's brain is only about one-quarter the size of an adult's". (buzzle.com link provided below)

    Check out this link to read more about fetal brain development. http://www.buzzle.com/articles/brain-development-in-fetus.html 

    Also the March of Dimes has plenty of research on brain development at the end of pregnancy. I could not find the chart I have from my birthing class to give exact number, but it shows pictures of the difference in a late pre-term baby's brain and a full term baby's brain and it is significantly different. 

     

  • That's rediculous!  I'd say some of pot and alcohol she was partaking in during her pregnancies at least did damage to her brain to say something so uneducated and stupid!

    I had a server at a restaurant try persistantly to convince me it was ok for me to drink wine...I assume it was due to her trying to increase her check average.  Really? 

  • Ummm....that's how my name is spelled and I'm not a man.  I don't care if someone chooses to spell their child's name differently; to each their own.  But.....when you're calling someone out for being rude, please don't be rude yourself. 
  • Let her meet a child who has been affected by alcohol or drugs inutero and then see what she says.  Babies are exposed to what the mother is ingesting.  I guess, she'll say that it's okay after the baby is born even if you are breast feeding.  I should introduce her to some of the babies & toddlers on my caseload. 
  • wow..I work with kids who have FAS, some people are just oblivious to life.  I would have been so mad if I heard this. 
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