Babies: 0 - 3 Months

DD is only 8 weeks old and DH wants to get pregnant again - I'm not ready!

The arguments over getting pregnant again have steadily become more and more angry.  At first he was simply teasing about not wearing condoms ever again and no more birth control as we waiting anxiously for the Docs approval to become intimate again... but as soon as we started having sex he really does refuse to wear condoms and is not happy about the fact that I'm on the mini pill.  He calls me selfish and gets very upset and dramatic whenever we talk about it... :(

Don't get me wrong, I WANT another child, but I want to be able to give DD the attention that she deserves.  Not to mention the fact that I need time to emotionally and physically prepare myself for another pregnancy.  DD was not planned and has taken us both by storm.  During the pregnancy, obviously my life was the only one to really change until I delivered.  Since then, I've been staying home with baby and breastfeeding, and I therefore take the vast majority of the responsibility for her. 

Any advice or opinions on this would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Re: DD is only 8 weeks old and DH wants to get pregnant again - I'm not ready!

  • Wow, I'm not really sure what to say.  Like you said, you're the one doing the majority of the work, and would be with a less than 1 year old and newborn.  2 in diapers and 2 with bottles.  A serious heart to heart and adult sit down conversation sounds in order. 
  • What reasons does he give for wanting another baby? Or is he just saying tht so he doesn't have to wear a condom?? Maybe you could explain how difficulltnit is for you to even think about another baby until you're emotionally and physicially ready. Remind him what you looked like when you were in the hospital pushing and ask him if he thinks 8w is long enough to prepare for your body to do that all over again!! Also try to give him a timeline of when you'd consider trying agsin- like my answer is no for now, butlet's tslk about it again after the holidays. GL
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  • When my DH said he didn't want to wear a condom, I told him there would be no sex then. I'm baffled at your DH's behavior. Bottom line, BOTH parents have to be ready for a baby, not just one. And especially not just the one who didn't have to have his body wrecked by pregnancy and delivery. 

    If you've told him exactly how you feel and he still won't budge, I don't know. Maybe counseling is in your future. 

    Also, there are studies that suggest that your body needs way more than 8 weeks before you get PG again or you could have serious complications. My mom had 4 of us, and the 4th pregnancy was full of complications. She and my brother almost died. But my other brother was only 5 months old when she got pregnant again, so they think that could have been why. 

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  • I had this problem with DH, so i told him the conversation would be off limits until christmas and if he loved me he would respect that date.  So far he has been pretty good about it.  

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  • I'd sit down and talk to your H about this. Set out at a time when you're both calm (perhaps either mom could watch LO for a few hours so you don't get interrupted?) and explain that you're not ready for another pregnancy/baby yet.

    Perhaps set a guideline as to when you'll try again (once done BFing, LO is 1 y/o, etc). If he refuses to wear condoms, I'd refuse to have sex, TBH. 

  • 8 weeks is waaaaay too soon to be thinking about another baby. Mistakes happen, of course, but at my 6-week check-up, the doctor told me that they do not recommend getting pregnant again for at least a YEAR. One of my good friends got pregnant again when her baby was 4 months old, and the doctor told her it would be difficult, and it was. She was in and out of the hospital constantly. Her body just was not ready for another baby yet. 

    It seems odd that your husband is getting angry about this, especially if this child was unplanned. Even though you're home with the baby and bfing, he must be somewhat aware of the work involved, right? If not, you need to sit down and have a serious talk with him.

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  • This makes me really sad for you. It sounds like you two need to sit down and have a serious conversation. Sorry you're having to deal with this right now.
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  • Sorry for the typos- 1ht
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  • WOW. DH called you selfish because you'd like some time to recover and prepare? Not cool.

    Please inform your DH that a doctor would recommend a woman wait 1-2 years before getting pregnant again to give her body time to recover. It doesn't always work that way for all ladies, but it's good for your body to rest and recover. Unless he is trying to throw you into some major depression from being overwhelmed. Or cause you to resent him.

    I am sorry he is doing this to you and doesn't seem to be taking the time to enjoy the beautiful baby you have now. Hopefully he soon realizes that 1) this is not 1952 and 2) it is unfair to a child to intentionally bring them into a family where one parent was not ready yet. He seems to be a bit controlling and counseling for him might be in order.


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  • image ttimmerman:

    at my 6-week check-up, the doctor told me that they do not recommend getting pregnant again for at least a YEAR.

    This!!! Indifferent

    There is medical reasoning behind this! It's not healthy for you... Your DH should respect that. Give your LO some time to enjoy his parents as an only child! I would strangle my DH if he even spoke a word of trying for another right now... He knows better!

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  • My DH started talking about having another baby almost as soon as I got home from the hospital with DS2!  I'm not sure that I want a 3rd child, and DH knows that.  I can't believe how your DH is acting though, and getting so angry about it.  i would tell him that if he doesn't want to wear condoms, then there will be no sex.
  • This is the beauty of birth control for women (and for breastfeeding!!).  If you're not ready, you're not ready.  Try talking to your dh about it when you bring it up, and on your terms.  I'd open with the fact that you DO want more kids, but that you just want to space them out a bit so that you get to enjoy each loved one.  For some families, it's okay to have them so close together, but that's really rough when they're so little.  If he is still adamant that you have more children now, tell him bluntly that you're just not ready. Period.  And from then on out do not engage in that conversation. YOU are in charge of your own fertility.  Keep taking your pill, keep breastfeeding (in many-not all- cases this will help delay fertility for at LEAST 6 months as long as you follow certain precautions- I didn''t get AF back until ds was 17 months...).  Your dh may not come around, but you are in control of the baby makin' ;)
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  • image CircleInTheSea:
    This is the beauty of birth control for women (and for breastfeeding!!).  If you're not ready, you're not ready.  Try talking to your dh about it when you bring it up, and on your terms.  I'd open with the fact that you DO want more kids, but that you just want to space them out a bit so that you get to enjoy each loved one.  For some families, it's okay to have them so close together, but that's really rough when they're so little.  If he is still adamant that you have more children now, tell him bluntly that you're just not ready. Period.  And from then on out do not engage in that conversation. YOU are in charge of your own fertility.  Keep taking your pill, keep breastfeeding (in many-not all- cases this will help delay fertility for at LEAST 6 months as long as you follow certain precautions- I didn''t get AF back until ds was 17 months...).  Your dh may not come around, but you are in control of the baby makin' ;)

    This too. And although this may sound crazy, I'd keep my pill in a safe place where they cannot be tampered with. Not saying YOUR DH would do something like that, but it's not unheard of and has definitely happened to some women. Just to be safe. GL.


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    "Oh Bryn, you see through the dark
    Right past the fireflies that sleep in my heart."

    My love, my lovely.

    CinemaGoddess: As one, mindtwin. Ghey soulmate lyfe partners 4eva. Nerd's the word.

    Black Out: my work-in-progress

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  • I really feel for you.   

    If all else fails, you can also make your case from a financial standpoint. Double the diaper costs?  Double the DAYCARE costs???  For my family, I know that we are waiting to build up some more savings prior to a second kid.  My husband said it best -- we want to wait until our daughter is potty trained before we have another kid.

     Men generally respond much better to hard facts than to emotional arguments.  Maybe find some statistics you can quote about the medical reasons to wait a bit longer...

    Good luck! 

  • I got pregnant with Dominic when Natalie was 3 months old - believe me, it was not on purpose!    Although my pregnancy went very well and we don't regret it one bit ----- I don't recommend it:)

    Besides the added stress of caring for a baby while pregnant, your body still needs more time to "bounce" back.   Just ignore his comments or maybe counter with the "just let me enjoy the baby that I have" argument.    Quite honestly, I think he is being incredibly selfish pressuring you right now ---- you've just had a baby!!!   

  • I think you should respond to his claim about selfishnes. Getting pregnant this quick will hurt you, the current baby and the  future baby (ie everyone but him). Both you children will be healthier if your body is only supporting one of them at a time so if he wants his children as healthy as possible he shouldn't consider trying to get pregnant until this child is weened.

    If he won't listen to you ask him to talk to you OB.

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