Babies: 3 - 6 Months

Would this make you mad?

My husband and I do not have a joint checking account, we got married in our 30's and we are both really independent and we both kind of like it that way.  Call us weird. 

Anyway, my husband and I split the cost of formula and diapers, he will buy them and then when it is gone, I will buy it.  That is fine, however, when it comes to everything else for the baby, I have bought everything else.  It kind of makes me mad, because he makes more money than I do.  I have brought it to his attention and he said he pays a majority of the house payment.  Understandable, but still.  Would that make you mad?

Re: Would this make you mad?

  • You guys should have a joint checking as well as a individual one. 
  • Whatever works for you great but I am just baffled at the thought of DH and I having his money and my money compared to our money.
  • Yes it would. DH and I have joint everything so that isn't an issue. To be honest, I don't understand why married people have separate accounts. But I have friends that do it as well (and to each their own). Anyway, all my gfs that have separate accounts end up spending their money on the kids and the husbands end up spending money on themselves. I think this is unfortunately how it tends to go. GL!
  • this is why we have a joint account. it takes away the issue of who is paying for what.

    we would do nothing but argue with seperate accounts.

  • i dont think it's weird that u dont have a joint checking.. DH and I have seperate checking and a joint savings. while it's still OUR money, i feel more comfortable having seperate accounts bc DH is a little more lax with using "his" money while i am more frugal.

    That being said... i think it's still both of your money so it really shouldn't matter too much. I know sometimes my DH thinks bc i ask him to take money out for the babysitter from his account that he's spending HIS money but we're married and his money is my money and my money is his money no matter whose account it gets taken out of. he just knows that if i'm running low on cash in my account i need to tap into his and vice versa.

  • I know for some couples it works best to keep their money separate, and you should do what works for you.  But once there is a child in the picture, that child is a joint responsibility.  The money should be joint, too.  Is it possible to set up a checking account for kid's expenses, then each of you contribute equally to it through a payroll deduction?  It's only going to get worse in the future with daycare, field trips, dance lessons/sports, etc.
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  • image mylo:
    You guys should have a joint checking as well as a individual one. 

    We really should do that.

  • Why don't you make a joint acct for LO? That would save you all the hassle. When you go buy diapers, wipes and formula, just use money from that acct and there would be no more arguments.
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  • image murfygirl:
    Whatever works for you great but I am just baffled at the thought of DH and I having his money and my money compared to our money.

    This! Except it doesn't seem to be working for the op...

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  • My husband does not like the fact that I use a debit card all the time and acquire all these receipts and then balance my check book.  I have always done that. 

     

  • I second you guys having a joint account for the household and children, and having separate accounts for your personal expenses if you wish.
  • I think every couple needs to work out a financial situations that works for them. My DH and I decided that we would have a joint account where all of our money would go, and from that we would pay for most everything (e.g. house, baby, bills, food). But, we also each get a separate account for ourselves with a specified amount put in it every month, and that is what we use for "fun" stuff (like if I want a mani-pedi, or he wants a CD, etc). This works for us because my husband is a spender, and I'm a saver. Since he can only spend what is in his account on most stuff for himself, I never have to get mad about it. Occasionally we argue about what qualifies as "fun" versus necessary, but really not too much. Everything for the baby comes out of the joint account. It works for us!
  • image Jsolivan:
    I second you guys having a joint account for the household and children, and having separate accounts for your personal expenses if you wish.

     

    Yes, good idea!

  • Wouldn't make me mad, but would be a signal to me that the system is no longer working for us.
  • No. I'd argue that him making the mortgage is for the LO. Would you be able to pay it and provide your family, and your new child, a home? 

    I agree with others, it's baffling that you have separate accounts. But, if having separate is what you want, then you can't get mad at your husband for not spending "his money" where you think he should, even if it's on your LO.

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  • image nomadica:

    My DH and I decided that we would have a joint account where all of our money would go, and from that we would pay for most everything (e.g. house, baby, bills, food). But, we also each get a separate account for ourselves with a specified amount put in it every month, and that is what we use for "fun" stuff (like if I want a mani-pedi, or he wants a CD, etc). This works for us because my husband is a spender, and I'm a saver. Since he can only spend what is in his account on most stuff for himself, I never have to get mad about it. Occasionally we argue about what qualifies as "fun" versus necessary, but really not too much. Everything for the baby comes out of the joint account. It works for us!

    This is exactly what DH and I plan on doing if/when we ever have money for "fun" stuff, LOL!  A joint account that all income goes directly into and then an account for each of us with a set monthly allowance.

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  • I agree with having a joint acct for household expenses. You can each contribute the same amount or each contribute the same proportion of your take-home pay. Once my DH and I started the joint account, we realized having individual accounts was more trouble than it was worth. We still have them, but we don't ever use them.
  • image murfygirl:
    Whatever works for you great but I am just baffled at the thought of DH and I having his money and my money compared to our money.
    This!   I dind't buy the stuff nor did he.  We buy it!
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  • image mylo:
    You guys should have a joint checking as well as a individual one. 

    This.

  • image teelaman:

    No. I'd argue that him making the mortgage is for the LO. Would you be able to pay it and provide your family, and your new child, a home? 

    I agree with others, it's baffling that you have separate accounts. But, if having separate is what you want, then you can't get mad at your husband for not spending "his money" where you think he should, even if it's on your LO.

    I think what the real problem is that I think it would be neat for my husband to come home from time to time with a cute outfit, or something for the baby.  I think that is what gets to me.  He never goes shopping with me to buy the baby anything and it kind of makes me sad.  A joint account for the baby would help, that would be the solution.

  • To each their own. Every couple needs to do what works best for them. DH and I have been together 6 years, and have lived together 5 of those years, and we have always had seperate accounts. It may baffle some people, but there are aspects of joint accounts that baffle me. We never argue over money, ever. He has his checking account, and I have mine. We split all the bills 50/50, no question.

    Although we have seperate accounts, we still have the mentality "what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine." If I need money for something I don't have to hesitate to ask him for money, and vice versa. But I don't have to explain to him how I'm spending every cent and neither does he. When it comes to DD we don't keep track of who spends more. Babysitting costs are split just like all other bills. All of her necessities are bought when we do our monthly shopping (food, household items), so that is also split 50/50. If we happen to run low on diapers or wipes between shopping days, either one of us will pick some up. I admit I probably spend more money on DD when it comes to clothes/shoes but that is because I'm a woman and I shop more lol. We both pay for her necessities, so if I happen to spend extra on outfits she doesn't need, I cannot get angry at DH.

    I think if you decide to have seperate accounts, you cannot be pety (sp?) and argue over every dollar. Obviously seperate accounts are no longer working for you and your DH, so perhaps it's time to sit down and come up with a different plan. Maybe open a joint account just for LO. GL!

  • We each have our own checking and savings accounts and a joint checking account.  Our income is budgeted so that all but our "allowance" goes into the joint account and the bills get paid for from there.  To make this easier, we use our credit card to pay for joint things like food, gas, etc. and then pay it off at the end of the month out of the joint account.  DD's things come out of this as well.  if I wanted to buy her something that she didn't "need" but I wanted her to have, then I figure that is my expense (i.e. a flower headband from etsy, it made me happy to buy it for her), or DH promised DD he would buy her a dress if he got a good annual review and that came out of his money.  But in general, all that she needs comes out of the joint account.  I do like having my spending money and his spending money seperate and it sounds silly to call it an allowance, but we never have issues with one person overspending or not being able to pay an important bill.  Works for us.  HTH.
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  • image murfygirl:
    Whatever works for you great but I am just baffled at the thought of DH and I having his money and my money compared to our money.

    This!  I can understand wanting your own money for "your" things.  However, for anything household or baby related I would just think it'd be easier to each contribute a portion of your income, so one doesn't feel as though they are always paying for something.  I know a joint account has saved us many arguments, but I could see how you might like some of your own money as well.

  • image Mirage222:
    image teelaman:

    No. I'd argue that him making the mortgage is for the LO. Would you be able to pay it and provide your family, and your new child, a home? 

    I agree with others, it's baffling that you have separate accounts. But, if having separate is what you want, then you can't get mad at your husband for not spending "his money" where you think he should, even if it's on your LO.

    I think what the real problem is that I think it would be neat for my husband to come home from time to time with a cute outfit, or something for the baby.  I think that is what gets to me.  He never goes shopping with me to buy the baby anything and it kind of makes me sad.  A joint account for the baby would help, that would be the solution.

    My DH never comes home with a cute outfit or toy for DD. He hates shopping and only shops for himself if there is something specific he needs. We discuss larger purchases for DD (like her jumperoo), but when it comes to randomly buying cute things for DD, I am the only one who does this. But it doesn't bother me b/c I know I like to shop, and he doesn't.

    Besides, I know when she's older she is going to have him wrapped around her little finger and I'm sure there will be plenty of times where she will go up to her daddy, smile sweetly and say "daddy, can I have that?" and he'll pull out his wallet faster than you can say "cash or credit" lol. And I'm sure when that time comes, whatever it is she is asking for will probably cost more than the $10 outfit I picked up at Target yesterday. He's already talking about buying her a Big Wheels Motorcycle as soon as she's old enough for it, so she can have a motorcycle like her daddy Stick out tongue

  • We are in this exact same situation right now. DH just finally agreed to have his check direct deposited into mine and take out what he needs for the week because I pay the bills and he was having to get the money out and deposit in my acct every single week.

    I used to get so mad because I paid for all of LO's clothes, food, toys etc. and he would pay for the house payment. What he didn't realize is how much all of those things add up over a months time.

    Hopefully having his money directly deposited so I can handle all of the money will help because DH is not good about saving money AT ALL!

  • image teelaman:

    No. I'd argue that him making the mortgage is for the LO. Would you be able to pay it and provide your family, and your new child, a home? 

    I agree with others, it's baffling that you have separate accounts. But, if having separate is what you want, then you can't get mad at your husband for not spending "his money" where you think he should, even if it's on your LO.

    I completely appreciate he is paying for the mortgage, however, I am paying a portion of it as well, I pay a part towards my condo that I own, because the renter does not pay the full mortgage, I pay for a big portion of the things for the baby, and I pay the baby's health insurance. 

     

  • We have separate accounts and it works great for us.  Both of our names are on each other's accounts (if something ever happened) but we keep our money separate.

     We don't split bills, however.  I pay the mortgage, the utilities, and insurance.  He pays for everything else (daycare, groceries, health insurance, his car payment, vacations, miscellaneous).  Then we don't argue about who's job it is "this time" and we don't have to go around writing each other checks.

     I think couples who live outside their means argue about money - joint or individual accounts non-withstanding.  I know it happens to the best of us, but I bet that's the root of your problems much more than having 2 accounts.

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  • Yes it would make me mad and that's why we don't have separate accounts (never have).

    I have a good friend who always had separate accounts but one joint account as well.  They each put a percentage of their salary into the joint account to cover household items. That way it didn't matter who paid more, they still each put the same percentage in.

    After they had their first child it just didn't work anymore.  They could have increased the percentage they each put into joint and bought baby items from there, but it was just complicated.  I couldn't even imagine!!

    The more pressing issue from your post is that your DH dismissed your concern and got defensive about something he pays more of.  That would concern me the most.

    Good luck.

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  • I guess what would make me mad is the thinking that he has "his" money and you have "your" money.  Personally, I think (in most cases) when a couple marries, it becomes "their" (or "our") money.  That being said, I have nothing wrong with individual accounts and that is how my husband and I do it, too, however we do have a joint savings account where all our money is pooled.  I pay for groceries and most kid stuff and he takes care of the houses payment and bills.  I transfer the money I need each money into my account and he transfers a substantially larger amount into his, but he's paying for a lot more, too...with "our" money, though.  It works for us.  I can see what we have in savings yet I also know exactly how much money is in my account and I don't have to worry about overdrawing or someone scrutinizing each purchase I make. 
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