ew, family party

pawcall

Against my better judgment and only because I adore my niece, I went to her birthday party today.  It wasn't oppressively hot out, so I figured it'd be okay.

Blergh.  Mistake.

Got there and MIL ran over to me (soaking wet from the pool) and tried to touch up my bump.  I backed up and said "no thanks."  I could have been more polite, I just don't particularly like her.   She seemed to get the picture and pulled up a chair for me to sit down next to her.  The moment I sat down, she lit a cigarette and turned to me and blew that first foul puff RIGHT IN MY FACE.  She (and every adult there aside from myself, DH, and my niece's mom's sponsor (niece's mom is fresh out of rehab)) chainsmoked from that point onward.

The party was full of kids ranging in ages from 2-12, none of whom were being supervised as they ran around in a yard full of broken toys and played in the pool sans-adults.    I was a nervous wreck.

Finally, by the grace of god, someone turned on some (super foul expletive-laden) music (I was told these are all the kids' favorite songs) and they changed the kids into clothes to do cake and presents.  The two year old came out matching his father in his finest ripped camo shorts, wife beater, and mohawk.  Everyone oohed and ahhed over how "cute" it was.  I couldn't help but notice that the kid had more teeth than the dad.  Just sayin'.

I feel like a snobby b!tch, but I just cannot see my LO fitting in with this family, ever.   Ever.  What's the nice way to say "sorry, dh, but your family is super duper trashy and I'm totally uncomfortable with each and every one of them."? (I won't say this - but I sure as heck feel this way).

And to top it off, I clearly overdid it in the sun, because as soon as I got home, I felt sick to my stomach and had to lie down.  I just woke up (awesome.  it's after midnight.  I slept for 7 hours.  Fantastic.) feeling all out of sorts and nauseous.

Maude1014

Sorry you had a crappy time. If it makes you feel any better, my MIL and FIL smoke like its their job too. I hate it. I can totally relate.

Maude1014

oh I forgot to mention. I too took a ridiculously long nap and I'm not at all tired. I hate it when I do that.

beautifulsin90

Sounds like the most horrible day ever. I don't think you sound snobby I think you sound like someone with common sense. I am so sorry you had to be around all that smoking but a good thing it was outside. Also I love the way you reacted to the MIL's unwanted touching. I hate it when people think it is ok to touch you just because you are pregnant.

ps0812

Oy! Doesn't it make you wonder how then men we married escaped that sort of thing and ended up normal?

tigerali

ps0812:

Oy! Doesn't it make you wonder how then men we married escaped that sort of thing and ended up normal?

I wonder this all the time!

If you find a nice way to phrase the whole "Your fam is trash and I don't love 'em" line, let me know

NJBrit

Poor you... I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Hopefully you're escaping them around the holidays? The last thing you need is more stress during this time. 

pawcall

ps0812:

Oy! Doesn't it make you wonder how then men we married escaped that sort of thing and ended up normal?

YES!  My husband actually SAID this yesterday.  "Oh my god, how did I come from this?" (then a pause) "I'm not... like them, right?"

pawcall

NJBrit:

Poor you... I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Hopefully you're escaping them around the holidays? The last thing you need is more stress during this time. 

I thought it might be a struggle - but I've already set the "I don't go to MIL's house anymore" rule because of her smoking.  When she was over for the 4th, she was talking a big "we're quitting" game, so I was a little nervous about how I'd get out of it (if I had to, I'd just pull the "I'm 9 mos pregnant and not going, period!" card).  "Luckily" she was all talk.  When DH asked her yesterday what happened to quitting, she refused to speak to him and when he pressed her on it, she actually left the party.  Quite specifically NOT saying goodbye to us.

cherryghost

I'm sorry Some of my husband's family just drink the weekend away and don't think anything of it.  Everytime I'm there just to visit I just think to myself "I  have nothing in common with these people...get me home". Totally understanding.

And the rap music is so inapropriate to little ones I don't know why someone would think that's ok with the language. :sigh" I'm glad I grew up in th e 80's when it was normal. I liked my muppet babies 7th birthday party

pawcall

cherryghost:

I'm sorry Some of my husband's family just drink the weekend away and don't think anything of it.  Everytime I'm there just to visit I just think to myself "I  have nothing in common with these people...get me home". Totally understanding.

And the rap music is so inapropriate to little ones I don't know why someone would think that's ok with the language. :sigh" I'm glad I grew up in th e 80's when it was normal. I liked my muppet babies 7th birthday party

Most of my husband's family does this too - specifically my mother in law and her fiance and my brother in law.  I hate to imagine the sobriety levels of this weekend's party if my niece's mom's sponsor hadn't been there.  /shudder.

Happily, she can't drink in front of her sponsor, so it was a "dry" party (which my husband awkwardly found out when asking "hey, where's the beer?").

honey740

My parents smoke, and they smoke inside (who does that? this isn't the 70's??) . Me and my sister have made it painfully clear to them we will not come over if they don't leave the area/house when smoking when we are over. We actually will leave if they don't comply. I know it's hard for them to quit after 30+ years (I quit last year myself, though I didn't smoke nearly as much as they do), but I just won't tolerate it. Being an ex smoker they give me less credibility so it's really hard to get my point across. My mom actually got so mad at me last weekend when I drove her to the hospital to see my sister and wouldn't let her smoke in my car. I told her I would pull over at Starbucks and she could smoke in the parking lot. So, I totally get where you're coming from and it's not any less hard when it's your parents and not just IL's unfortunately.

NJBrit

Speaking as someone who escaped their trashy family, I can sympathize with your husband, and I'm sure you can sympathize with my husband. Luckily it's my family that lives halfway across the country, and not my husband's, although I do miss them, trashy as they are, from time to time. My family is full of alcoholics, chain smokers, and those who have spent time in the slammer... somehow I escaped. Be thankful your husband has too, and hopefully you can distance your LO enough once they are here. 

izzourclue

Ugh, my DH has a side of the family a lot like this.  Luckily his mom and him both hate being around them as much as I do.  Unfortunately you married his family when you married him and unless he is also wanting to steer clear of them, you are probably going to have to put up with it.  I wouldn't tolerate LO in an enclosed area with all that smoking, but occasionally, you will have to hang out with trashy grandma and her clan.  Unless you can manage to move far away from them.  

UrbanHippieMama

Ugh, sounds awful.  I'm sorry.   I would have make it obvious how gross the smoke was and moved far away.  How rude!