Working Moms

How do you deal w a boss who is mad you were out?

My new boss -not married, no kids - showed no gratitude for the 32 hours I worked over my 3 mo leave and has only complained about how hard it was for her and even coworkers are telling me how much she complained-new ppl now know my name bc they heard I was out on leave and it was hurting my whole dept.

 

I get it.  I really do.  But seriously she's been an executive for many years and should know better.  Also she should recognize I broke policy (law?) by working as much as I did.  I'm not sure how to play this.  She's clearly intimidated by how well I know our dept and jealous of my fam, but neither do I flaunt, and I show her I'm willing to share all I know.  I show her I'm a team player and I thought the ultimate gesture was 32 hours on leave.  I feel like I can't get a break.  She is now asking us about her taking 2 weeks off as if it would be a burden on us-trying to demonstrate how she cares when obviously I didn't.  

I work for a fortune 100, top working mother, etc so on.  Big company.  But this boss is getting borderline in her attitude in my opinion.  Any advice? 

Re: How do you deal w a boss who is mad you were out?

  • Honestly, I would contact HR (and I work in HR).   I would let them know that she has said negative things about you relative to your maternity leave and now you have a tarnished reputation for taking the leave that is protected by law.

    I would argue she is creating an uncomfortable working environment (hostile work environment is thrown around a lot but legal hostile environment is very specific).  HR needs to tell this lady to cease immediately.   

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  • image luvmagoldn:

    Honestly, I would contact HR (and I work in HR).   I would let them know that she has said negative things about you relative to your maternity leave and now you have a tarnished reputation for taking the leave that is protected by law.

    I would argue she is creating an uncomfortable working environment (hostile work environment is thrown around a lot but legal hostile environment is very specific).  HR needs to tell this lady to cease immediately.   

    Definitely this. Sounds like your boss doesn't realize that if they keep going with everything they're doing, some people would file a law suit for discrimination and/or other things. 

  • I would talk to HR too.  But be careful about your expectation of acknowledgement for the time you worked while off.  Don't bring that into the mix because it kind of makes you sound petty.  If you want your concerns taking seriously, leave that out of it.
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  • image EastCoastBride:
    I would talk to HR too.  But be careful about your expectation of acknowledgement for the time you worked while off.  Don't bring that into the mix because it kind of makes you sound petty.  If you want your concerns taking seriously, leave that out of it.

    Interesting and honestly frustrating.... that is what is causing much of my anger in this situation.  The lack of appreciation for what I did.  The work I did was to show them how much of a team player I was and how much I cared about my dept.  

     I'm wondering if the fact that I worked on leave with her awareness could get her in trouble-could that not put her in check?  No I dont want to screw my career, but I daydream about that.  If you don't appreciate it I'm going to make you regret it... I wish I could do that.

     I have a crappy HR dept.  They talk *** about each other and do not honor confidentiality.  And yes this is a major company with a very good rep... but my specific hr dept is horrible. 

  • image OohLaLaLaLa:

    image EastCoastBride:
    I would talk to HR too.  But be careful about your expectation of acknowledgement for the time you worked while off.  Don't bring that into the mix because it kind of makes you sound petty.  If you want your concerns taking seriously, leave that out of it.

    Interesting and honestly frustrating.... that is what is causing much of my anger in this situation.  The lack of appreciation for what I did.  The work I did was to show them how much of a team player I was and how much I cared about my dept.  

     I'm wondering if the fact that I worked on leave with her awareness could get her in trouble-could that not put her in check?  No I dont want to screw my career, but I daydream about that.  If you don't appreciate it I'm going to make you regret it... I wish I could do that.

     I have a crappy HR dept.  They talk *** about each other and do not honor confidentiality.  And yes this is a major company with a very good rep... but my specific hr dept is horrible. 

    This is a very shittty additude to have. The fact that you're "trying to get her in trouble" and that she's "jealous of your family" make you sound looney. You knew that you weren't supposed to work while you were on leave. You made that (bad) decision. Were you paid for that time? And now you want her to bend over backwards thanking you for breaking the rule...? Yes talk to HR, but I would leave out a few of the details that you've mentioned here. Good luck
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  • I hate to tell ya - you're not making yourself look good here or very professional.  You sound like you do things to "look" professional (the fact that your so pissed you didn't get acknowledgement for trying to LOOK like a team player says a lot), but your overall attitude isn't professional in the slightest. 

    And add to that your claims that she's so jealous of you... it's starting to make me wonder what your overall personality and attitude at work really is, and why she really doesn't like you.  You chalk it up to jealousy, but this is a post that really makes me want to know her side of the story.

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  • image EastCoastBride:

    I hate to tell ya - you're not making yourself look good here or very professional.  And add to that your claims that she's so jealous of you... it's starting to make me wonder what your overall personality and attitude at work really is, and why she really doesn't like you. 

    Agreed.  It must be extremely difficult to have an employee take such a long leave - she shouldn't have complained publicly about it, but to try to farm out a FT employee's work for 3 months (!) requires some finessing.  If she has burdened other employees with your work, and now she needs to burden those same employees with her work while she's out, it makes sense that she would be profusely apologetic.

  • image The_Jen626:
    image OohLaLaLaLa:

    image EastCoastBride:
    I would talk to HR too.  But be careful about your expectation of acknowledgement for the time you worked while off.  Don't bring that into the mix because it kind of makes you sound petty.  If you want your concerns taking seriously, leave that out of it.

    Interesting and honestly frustrating.... that is what is causing much of my anger in this situation.  The lack of appreciation for what I did.  The work I did was to show them how much of a team player I was and how much I cared about my dept.  

     I'm wondering if the fact that I worked on leave with her awareness could get her in trouble-could that not put her in check?  No I dont want to screw my career, but I daydream about that.  If you don't appreciate it I'm going to make you regret it... I wish I could do that.

     I have a crappy HR dept.  They talk *** about each other and do not honor confidentiality.  And yes this is a major company with a very good rep... but my specific hr dept is horrible. 

    This is a very shittty additude to have. The fact that you're "trying to get her in trouble" and that she's "jealous of your family" make you sound looney. You knew that you weren't supposed to work while you were on leave. You made that (bad) decision. Were you paid for that time? And now you want her to bend over backwards thanking you for breaking the rule...? Yes talk to HR, but I would leave out a few of the details that you've mentioned here. Good luck

    I think I could be your friend.  You make good points.  I need my attitude put in check-but to be fair here, I'm speaking on an anonymous message board so I am stating what I *think* she thinks and I would never say that at work.  So yeah, sounds looney if spoken at work, but I would never-just my anonymous board.  

     

    I effed up BIG time working on leave.  I signed up for it bc I felt sorry for my coworkers and I guess I wouldn't have cared so much about lack of gratitude if I didn't have to approve an award from my boss to my employee for accomplishing some project while our dept had limited resources.  I felt like she shot me the bird right when I walked in the door when I thought I did what I could to help them out even though my leave put them out-if that makes sense.   

  • image EastCoastBride:

    I hate to tell ya - you're not making yourself look good here or very professional.  You sound like you do things to "look" professional (the fact that your so pissed you didn't get acknowledgement for trying to LOOK like a team player says a lot), but your overall attitude isn't professional in the slightest. 

    And add to that your claims that she's so jealous of you... it's starting to make me wonder what your overall personality and attitude at work really is, and why she really doesn't like you.  You chalk it up to jealousy, but this is a post that really makes me want to know her side of the story.

    Okay some fair points here but I believe you misunderstood what I was saying about demonstrating being a team player.  I was not pretending.  She is a new boss and I had a solid relationship with my previous boss who knew I worked my arse off.  So I wanted to SHOW her the team player I was.  Not pretend, demonstrate.  

    I don't look super professional when I whine on here, but I had to whine... I guess it is hard to know what a person is really like behind their one off anonymous posts... are they talking like they do in real life here?  Or are they saying "in an imaginary world I WISH I could get her in trouble"  we all have unsavory thoughts like these, that we'd be more likely to share on an anonymous board.... I'm a tad emotional... I'm anonymous, and I am professional at my work- I've not made one complaint upon my return as that is not appropriate.  I've been happy to take on new work... it is what it is... how could I prove it, I can't but its cool.

  • CA2006CA2006
    Tenth Anniversary
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    I think we have strayed far from the point.  I would contact someone in HR, as PP's said. Or, if you don't trust HR (as you have implied), maybe have a talk directly with your boss. I don't believe any woman should be made to feel guilty for taking maternity leave.  Your life just changed and you spent time that you will NEVER EVER get back with your newborn baby.  SO, work has to be rearranged or a temp has to fill in.  They/you have probably about 6 months to figure out how that will get done.  And to be pissed about something that is already done is VERY immature and not at all professional of your boss.  SO, the question of what to do...talk with either HR or your manager and document any conversations.  This behavior could be considered "retaliation" for your taking a protected leave (like it or not, boss) and is illegal when you get right down to it.

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  • FMLA is a protected leave; so I would assume that HR needs to be notified of this issue. You should leave out the comments such as "my boss is jealous of my knowledge of the department" or "my family" -- these are not professional comments.

    But my question to you is--did you not work out a plan on how your work would be covered before you leave? I started a new job in March (I was due in July), and I basically talked about my leave within a month or so. My boss and I talked about what he wanted me to learn before I went on my maternity leave, and also discuss how my work would be covered during the leave. I didn't just take the leave and let everything go.

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  • my advice: document EVERYTHING and go to HR about it. Period.
  • Ditto goldielocks.  Document everything.  I would talk to HR from purely a "I want to make sure this is documented and isn't showing up in my reviews".  I don't know about mentioning the working during your leave.  That was YOUR decision and I have to say, not a great one.  FWIW, it can invalidate the company's STD policy under which you were paid, forcing the company to pick up the costs for the time you were out.  So use that information as you will.  Otherwise, stop focusing on her.  You can't control what she thinks, says or to an extent, even does.  You CAN focus on how you behave and I think I would simply do my work, do it well and act professional and responsible.  That's really all you can do.


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