1st Trimester

Anyone have negative friends?

So I told a friend of mine that we were expecting today, and in the past we had some financial problems, she had asked how we were doing I told her we have our good months and bad months.  She then went on to say why would you even try to have another child with the financial situation that you are in and can you abort it? (WHAT!!!!!!!)  She then called me by a used to be friends name that has numerous children by numerous partners and I told her well all I can say is that at least all my kids are by the same person.

First of all, we were not trying we did use BC and got pregnant so obviously the man upstairs has bigger plans for us and an abortion NO WAY!!!!!  Why would I abort the child?  I really just wanted to tell her off, but kept my cool at let it go.

Sorry just had to Vent, but has anyone else had an experience like this.  Now that I think about it I should have never told her! 

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Re: Anyone have negative friends?

  • she was most likely just giving u her advice, and didn't mean to be rude. she should have been more supportive though. Sorry that happened to u
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  • Usually she is more supportive but when she said this I literally had to pick my mouth up off the floor.
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  • telling you to abort was kind of drastic 
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  • I agree, the abortion remark was below the belt.  She would have just been a concerned friend if she hadn't made that remark.
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  • I am worried about negative responses too, we have had our money issues, but we too were using BC and here we are....sorry she reacted that way, I hope she comes around
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  • We haven't told friends yet so I haven't had to experience that. Let me ask you one this....where is your friend in her life? Is she bitter about her own situation?
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  • I do, but this is majorly crossing the line!  Some people don't think before they speak, but this is beyond rude!  I would wonder what is going on with her right now.

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  • When I told my friend with my first pregnancy, her first response was "I hope it's not a blighted ovum."  I had to look up what that meant then proceeded to freak out until the u/s showed a baby.  I told her later that worried me and this time around she was excited which was nice.  Your friend is being negative- ignore her!  Lots of people have money issues and have families.  Enjoy this time!

  • My BEST friend told me that my boyfriend was going to cheat on me and leave me and that I should give it up for adoption because I don't believe in abortion. She eventually came around but I haven't talked to her in months unless it's like a need to thing, I'm cooling off for now.

     People REALLY don't think before they talk, its disgusting. She was the only one negative about it. It's not like we're in high school, we're almost done with college, or need financial assistance, so I don't know where her awful remarks came from.

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  • from my friend ididnt get a huge response, got how did this happen and then i saw her she had no emotion.   I think you need to ignore it, she may be jelous a little bit.  

  • wow- i think this is one of the most immature and un friendly things to do!  I'm almost positive I will lose one "friend" once the news is made public.  My friend just found out she was pregnant, and our mutual friend has completely disowned her!  So I'm sure I'm next.  our mutual friend has been trying for a year now and has been unsuccessful, and apparently jealous to the point that she can't handle it.  just remember we're happy for you and share in your joy and you don't need people like that bringing you down! 
    HarLynn's mama
  • Not sure if she is bitter, she has a great life right now she is in the Army in her 40s, single, but since she is not tied down or anything she gets to do all the traveling she wants, so not sure if she is bitter, she has always said that she never wants kids of her own, so who knows she said she just feel really strongly about stuff like that!  Whatever that may be!

    Thanks for all the support here! 

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  • Sounds like maybe you are sharing too much info. with your friend.  Why does she even know your financial business.  That's something that should be between you and your husband, and has nothing to do with her.  It's too bad that someone would react like that - doesn't sound like much of a friend to me!
  • I was just talking to my husband this morning about a friend of mine, whom I like to call Eeyore. Everytime I talked to him he has nothing but doom and gloom to spread. I'm 34 wks. pregnant and really don't need that negativity in my life right now. I say dump your friend! At least for a while. You don't need that in your life. You need to surround yourself with positive, encouraging people. Every baby comes with a blessing from above. I used to have my doubts about that until I experienced it myself. Know that your family and your baby will be taken care of!

  • Danielle dont even bother, there will always be someone raining on ur paraide ... besides God knows best... he knows the amount of challenge that we can handle... At the end of the day, money is not what is important. I have tons of negative co-workers around me ... asking me all tons of questions it does bother me but i figured that if they ask so many questions and they always have a statment to make it is because they have a meaning less life and they have to say something or they'll die so i just let them say their peace and let it go and let God drive them away from me and my hormones devilish!!!!

    Perhabs ur friend has too much anger or bad experiences and she is afraid if she was in ur position she will lose it... u never know what she is really feeling. Sometimes we dont ask and there is much deeper damages in others that we see. Dont take it personally just think that God has gave u a new blessing to keep your faith intact and maintain a better relationship with him and your family. God knows best... Congratulations and i hope everything is well with u and ur pregnancy.

     Jeanine

  • One of my best friends called me to tell me what a horrible dream she'd had, that I had gotten pregnant by my then boyfriend and told her I was keeping it. Low and behold two weeks later I found out I was pregnant!

    In the beginning she was obviously not happy about my decision, abortion was just not an option for me. She felt pretty strongly (especially since he and I had ended our relationship) and didn't hide it very well. It made it a bit awkward/uncomfortable for a while but she came around and has been super supportive and even planned/hosted an amazing baby shower for me!

  • I am terribly sorry that happened to you. No one should be able to say those things to you.

    However, we told friends of ours who don't want kids and her exact words to me were "Oh....i'm sorry". She was apologizing and sympathizing that we were going to have a baby! Since we have known them for a little while I wasn't surprised with her reaction, but I was a little stunned in the moment. I thought she would be excited because she loves children, but just doesn't want any of her own. ?We just laugh about it now!!!!

  • Don't worry about it, girl! A lot of people have a really hard time being empathetic to someone else's situation until they find themselves in the same situation! Just be happy in knowing that because of your experiences, if a friend came to you with a situation, you'd be able to see her point of view and be way more supportive!! Hang in there, not everyone is going to be positive, but who really cares, its your life! 
  • I have definitely experienced this, except more from my family than friends. I have a couple of cousins that act supportive to my face, but I later found out they were badmouthing me to my sister in law. I have been one of the many unfortunate people affected by the recession and I have not been able to find work in over a year (esp. not now that I'm pregnant). I won't go into too much detail about what they said, but how I get insurance and my financial state are none of their business or concern. We have a lot of support from other family members and I'm confident we'll be just fine. Just like your friend, it's none of her business how you raise your child. I think negative people like that are jealous deep down.
  • Wow, that sounds very similar to what happened to me.  My friend told me she did not approve of my pregnancy.  It pretty much ruined our friendship.  We didn't speak for a while.  We email each other now occasionally, but it's not the same because I feel like I can't ever mention my pregnancy to her because I know how she feels about it.

    What hurt me the worst with her was that I hadn't even been really close to her for a while before we got pregnant, so she didn't even know if her concerns were still valid.  And instead of asking me how those things were going, she just flat out said 'I don't approve, and this is why'.  I, like you, was dumbfounded.  I had to pick my heart off the floor and figure out how to handle the situation.   I'm still not sure I handled it the best possible way, but it's in the past now.  The whole thing taught me to be careful what I tell friends from now on.  That might prevent me from getting really close with anyone, but it might be worth it to avoid confrontations like that.  No one should ever make you feel guilty for having a baby.

  • I understand how you feel and no, no one has that right to make you feel that way. If she is being negative you have one of two ways to deal with it as I in the reason past have figured out. One-Ignore it and try to get her to join the happy process. Two- Cut her out til she's ready or you are. My friend well pregnant decided I was a bad person and made her feel bad because she was pregnant (I cant yet, TTC since November) and I stressed her out (I told her the truth that she will be tired and babies are alot of work but awesome). She cut me out, after 15yrs but I have a way of putting my foot into my mouth so now no friend. Maybe she feels as sorry as I do?
  • sorry you had to go through this...it really annoys me and quite frankly, it pisses me off that people are so rude about the issue.  its no one's business about your ability to take care of your baby, financially or any other reason.  its a baby, why cant people just be happy for you.  i would never respond negatively to any of my friends about their pregnancy and expect the same from them.  a couple of my friends make jokes to me about how my life is over and im stuck with a wife and baby for the rest of my life but they say it jokingly and then congratulate me and are happy for us...why cant everyone be that way???
  • I know exactly where you are coming from!  My supposed best friend acted the same way recently.  I was shocked when she asked me how I was going to afford food.  Fact is, she is just jealous and has been wanting more children but her husband has her on "lock down".  He holds all the cards, I guess.  Sorry to say, being in a marriage is supposed to be a partnership and she is just miserable.  You might want to consider if this is the case with your friend....   Jealous much...... I agree, children are a blessing, no matter the situation!!!!  It is gods plan.... you are right!
  • My friends were great!  One of my friends has been wanting a baby for years, but her husband isn't ready and she is always so upset about it, so I actually expected a bad remark about my big news from her, but she was super excited and supportive!  I think it was totally rude and unnecessary of your friend to react that way to you.  A baby is supposed to bring out the better side of people, but clearly it didn't with her.  At least you let it go and were the bigger person.  Good for you! Smile
  • My friends were great!  One of my friends has been wanting a baby for years, but her husband isn't ready and she is always so upset about it, so I actually expected a bad remark about my big news from her, but she was super excited and supportive!  I think it was totally rude and unnecessary of your friend to react that way to you.  A baby is supposed to bring out the better side of people, but clearly it didn't with her.  At least you let it go and were the bigger person.  Good for you! Smile
  • I had a few friends that reacted negatively to my pregnancy. Mine also wasn't planned, I was on the pill and had been for over a year. I was also told I would have problems conceiving due to ovarian cysts and prior miscarriages. Naturally after all of that when we found out we were extremely excited, but nervous about miscarrying. Yet when I told one friend she asked if we were keeping it, and I told her of course. Her response was "so you should go out now since your life will be over soon".. Like seriously?!? Who even says things like that? It absolutely drove me crazy. My friends and I are all relatively young, we're all in our early 20's. It just amazes me that some people so quickly say things without thinking or worrying about your feelings at a time when you are most sensitive. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. But I'm sure I'm not the only one who can relate.

     On another note, I am 33 wks and 6days pregnant!! Patiently awaiting our baby girl's arrival =D

  • OH MY! You are way more calm then I would have been! For anyone to tell someone who is pregnant to abort their baby is terrible. She must have been a "really good friend" to you because personally I think I would have punched her. That is just aweful and an insult.. wow.. just wow.

     

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  • People really fail to value the gift of life.  If more people focused on pregnancy and children as a gift and privilege, there wouldn't be abortions, adoptions and abused children. Sometimes I'll watch 16 and pregnant and that is the perfect example of how children dont need money they need love support and a good family.  Money is just a part of life it isnt all life is about.  I too had an experience like that with some of my friends, but mind you none of them have children so they dont know what its like to be going through all the initial emotions that we go through.  Well I hope you are doing better and have a good support group.
  • image anna2029:
    she was most likely just giving u her advice, and didn't mean to be rude. she should have been more supportive though. Sorry that happened to u

     

     

    Are you kidding? She asked if she had considered killing her baby! That is giving advice? Maybe she is jealous.

  • image Danielle42576:

    Not sure if she is bitter, she has a great life right now she is in the Army in her 40s, single, but since she is not tied down or anything she gets to do all the traveling she wants, so not sure if she is bitter, she has always said that she never wants kids of her own, so who knows she said she just feel really strongly about stuff like that!  Whatever that may be!

    Thanks for all the support here! 

     

    It really sounds like the opposite though. She hit 40 and doesnt have a family. No husband, no kids. My husband is in the Army. One of the things he tells me is how happy he is to have a family that supports him. To know that when he is away that he is missed. I'm pretty sure that she is green with envy. I would totally write her off as a friend.

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