Parenting

So one of my very very good friends called me today

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Re: So one of my very very good friends called me today

  • imagemel.lc:
    The real question to me is: why did he delete the texts? .

    Maybe for the same reason that I delete all of my emails the minute I am done with them-- I freakin' hate clutter, which extends to my email inbox. Same with my voice mail.

    There's not always a nefarious purpose behind the simple deletion of useless texts like "going to the pool?"

    AKA KnittyB*tch
    DS - December 2006
    DD - December 2008

    imageimage
  • imageamhough:

    Eh, I guess I'm in the minority here, but if you are making plans or just having casual banter, than do it with the wife.  There is a couple we are freinds with, and while we all do things together, I don't communicate independently with him and she doesn't communicate with DH.  I just think it's a boundary thing.

     But, I also don't have single male friends that I hang out with without DH, and vice versa.

     

    I'm sort of with amhough- I don't think there is anything wrong with the occasional text to and from a friends DH, but done on a regular basis it would bother me. There are no trust issues in my relationship with my DH but after marriage I just don't think close friendships with the opposite sex are all that appropriate. Like PP said- it's a boundary thing more than a trust thing.

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  • You should not contact/text married men. There is too many single men out there. That keeps life simple and you out of inapproaiate situations. Whether he is trustworthy or not or has some indiscretions or not is really beside the point. The point is...don't text married men whether it is your friend's husband or not. This is a great rule to follow and it will keep your life flowing smoothly!

    Signed, someone who loves God and loves doing  things His way, so that I can experience all of His benefits, Tanya

  • EMTEMT member
    imageTwopeasinapod36:

    Hey it is no big deal.. if you are a friend to both tex both not just one.  Why do you tex him and not her anyways?? You know that they are married why cause friction between them. The man is taken and like she the plans should be made together. leave it at that. She sounds like a person who wants her say in what her plans are. ease up and shrug it off. She sounds as if she is going through a trust issue him. Something must of set her off. let it chill before things get messy where it can't be fixed.

    Can you all come post on parenting more often?

  • imagetejohnson1:

    You should not contact/text married men. There is too many single men out there. That keeps life simple and you out of inapproaiate situations. Whether he is trustworthy or not or has some indiscretions or not is really beside the point. The point is...don't text married men whether it is your friend's husband or not. This is a great rule to follow and it will keep your life flowing smoothly!

    Signed, someone who loves God and loves doing  things His way, so that I can experience all of His benefits, Tanya

    Can you point me to the passage in the Bible that deals with texting married men?

    I, too, love God, and want to experience all of His benefits, but I must have missed this particular rule when I was spending 12 years in religion class at Catholic schools.

    Of course, everyone knows that Catholics are basically heathens, so maybe that's why I wasn't enlightened about this particular rule.

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  • imageEMT:
    imageTwopeasinapod36:

    Hey it is no big deal.. if you are a friend to both tex both not just one.  Why do you tex him and not her anyways?? You know that they are married why cause friction between them. The man is taken and like she the plans should be made together. leave it at that. She sounds like a person who wants her say in what her plans are. ease up and shrug it off. She sounds as if she is going through a trust issue him. Something must of set her off. let it chill before things get messy where it can't be fixed.

    Can you all come post on parenting more often?

    Seconded!  PLEASE post more often.  I will give you cupcakes.

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  • imagetejohnson1:

    You should not contact/text married men. There is too many single men out there. That keeps life simple and you out of inapproaiate situations. Whether he is trustworthy or not or has some indiscretions or not is really beside the point. The point is...don't text married men whether it is your friend's husband or not. This is a great rule to follow and it will keep your life flowing smoothly!

    Signed, someone who loves God and loves doing  things His way, so that I can experience all of His benefits, Tanya

    Bwahhahahahahahahahahahahaha**breathe**bwahahahahahahaha

    Are you real?

    Kill all my demons and my angels might die too. -Tennessee Williams

    image
    You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
  • Dude, I have got to say, I totally understand your friend's concern.  I think it's completely inappropriate to be texting a married man having conversations that don't include his wife.  My best friend and I have been best friends for 12 years, and we are never alone with each other's husbands.  If I need to pick something up from her house, and she won't be there, but her husband will, I either pick it up later or he brings it outside (I.E. I'm not in the house alone with him.)  Same for her and my husband.  We respect each other's marriages and never want to put ourselves in a questionable situation.  My husband never lunches with female co-workers without other company, etc.  It's just not smart.  I would TOTALLY be bothered by my husband getting texts from another woman.  
  • How is picking something up at your friend's house when only their huband is home putting yourself in a questionable situation?

    Either you have some seriously creechy friends, or you people are batshit crazy and paranoid.  

    I'm thinking it's a combo of the two.

     ***(o)Y(o)***

    Flashes bewbs to all you prudes

    Kill all my demons and my angels might die too. -Tennessee Williams

    image
    You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
  • Duh, if you're alone in a house with a man who is not your husband, you'll get pregnant.

    That's how babies are made!

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  • So if I hung out with one of my collge buddies one week and got pregnant, and then another one of them a couple of weeks later, would I get repregnant with Irish twins?
    AKA KnittyB*tch
    DS - December 2006
    DD - December 2008

    imageimage
  • I know exactly how you feel!! My very best friend did this same sort of thing to me once.  I had known her husband as long as she had, and had always been very close with both of them.  While he was in basic training on one side of the state and she lived on the other (I lived smack dab in the middle) I would even go pick him up on weekends to take him to see her.  After 16 hours in a car with someone on a bi-weekly basis you tend to chat!!! (yes, that's right it was an 8 hour each way drive!!!! so that they could spend time together!!!! oh and I paid for most of the gas!!!!!)  She got very upset and asked/really kind of told me to stop being so chummy with him. 

    I was hurt and angry.  Our friendship took years to recover.  Sadly enough since then though I've never been able to be close with her husband.  I feel awkward around him as though we've done something wrong when we haven't!!!

    Im like the monogmy police so I still to this day can't figure out where she got this idea from. 

  • imageAnnapolisLari:
    So if I hung out with one of my collge buddies one week and got pregnant, and then another one of them a couple of weeks later, would I get repregnant with Irish twins?

    YES!

    Also, you can get pregnant from texting with married men.  God just called me and told me.  So watch out, you could end up with triplets.  hth!

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  • Duh, that's right.  I forgot that having a penis renders one completely without self control.
    Kill all my demons and my angels might die too. -Tennessee Williams

    image
    You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
  • I completly understand why that would hurt your feelings, but I know a lot of people that have gotten themselves in trouble by getting too friendly with a friends husband/partner.  My husband and I have a lot of mutual couple friends and I don't mind at all (neither does he) is we text someone of the opposite sex, but it's not an everyday thing either.  My opinion, not worth the risk...plus, if it affects the other couples relationship I would want to stay as far away from getting blamed as possible!
  • imageluckyluvr:
    There are 2 women who could text my DH w/o me getting pissed. One is his ex wife, and the other is a dear friend he's had since hs, who lives 300 miles away. I'm not saying you can't feel how you're feeling, but really you're making this about yourself when you say there's an elephant in the room, so to speak. Just let it go. She is uncomfortable with it; it's her marriage, her husband. Stop texting him and call or text her. Eventually, the discomfort will go away b/c you're respecting her and including her in your friendship. If you sit and dwell on how it makes you feel she thinks you did something wrong, when you and your DH don't think you did, you'll go nuts. Different people live their lives different ways. You wanted to know what people thought of it. I trust my DH, but if other women were asking about his plans for the day w/o me, I'd probably question it.

    This, as innocent as it was, perhaps he lead her to believe he was hidin it, which likely made her insecurity about it even worse, and though it's fine to text guy friends about things that are directly related to him, like something you tlaked about previously or are both in together, but making plans with him without including her in the conversation or planning, might be a bit offensive, and if they already have issues could easily strike a cord.  I doubt she really meant anything offensive to you, or she wouldn't have trusted you enough to ask you to stop in the first place, if she really thought you were a cheating ** it wouldn't make a difference what she said to you. She may have meant it to come across as, "This our issue, and we are trying to deal with it, so this is why he may not text you anymore and I would appreciate if you respected that and didn't as well"  The getting the texts from you was likely just to ease her own mind, so she can feel ok about it all.  When the fight is over and she sees the text, she will probably feel pretty foolish, but relieved.

  • Wow.  That's awful.  Her insecurities should be between her and her husband, and if she doesn't trust him enough to TALK to another woman, maybe they shouldn't be together?  I know this is just me, but if my BFF did this to me I wouldn't talk to her anymore, only because we have such a good friendship and if she doesn't trust him talking to me that means she doesn't trust me.

     My boyfriend has a long-time friend who he talks to a lot.  At one point I think she really liked him (I think that's why she hated me at first).  Did I worry?  No.  Every one if his friends are single and he went out to bars with them every weekend while I sat at home pregnant.  I think they are either going to cheat, or not, and if they are thinking about it and you freak out, they are going to think about it even more.

    I'm sorry this happened you to.

  • imageeclaires:
    imagetejohnson1:

    You should not contact/text married men. There is too many single men out there. That keeps life simple and you out of inapproaiate situations. Whether he is trustworthy or not or has some indiscretions or not is really beside the point. The point is...don't text married men whether it is your friend's husband or not. This is a great rule to follow and it will keep your life flowing smoothly!

    Signed, someone who loves God and loves doing  things His way, so that I can experience all of His benefits, Tanya

    Can you point me to the passage in the Bible that deals with texting married men?

    I, too, love God, and want to experience all of His benefits, but I must have missed this particular rule when I was spending 12 years in religion class at Catholic schools.

    Of course, everyone knows that Catholics are basically heathens, so maybe that's why I wasn't enlightened about this particular rule.

    She didn't say, "I think this because it's what god says you should do" she has a religious signature, it doesn't mean every view she has comes directly quotable from the bible, why does being religious suddenly mean she is the only one that has to suddenly defend her opinion with a passage?

  • imagemrsbesongtobe:
    If I need to pick something up from her house, and she won't be there, but her husband will, I either pick it up later or he brings it outside (I.E. I'm not in the house alone with him.)  

    Are you an orthodox jew?  Do you only request female service people to come to your house?  Can you really not trust yourself around people of the opposite sex?  Is every time you are alone with another man considered "Questionable?"

    I just can't wrap my brain around this.  How do you order pizza? 

    Mom to G 10.23.06, H 9.04.08 and a baby in heaven 10.07.10 (23w due to chromosome deletion)
  • imagetrinadesrosiers:
    imageeclaires:
    imagetejohnson1:

    You should not contact/text married men. There is too many single men out there. That keeps life simple and you out of inapproaiate situations. Whether he is trustworthy or not or has some indiscretions or not is really beside the point. The point is...don't text married men whether it is your friend's husband or not. This is a great rule to follow and it will keep your life flowing smoothly!

    Signed, someone who loves God and loves doing  things His way, so that I can experience all of His benefits, Tanya

    Can you point me to the passage in the Bible that deals with texting married men?

    I, too, love God, and want to experience all of His benefits, but I must have missed this particular rule when I was spending 12 years in religion class at Catholic schools.

    Of course, everyone knows that Catholics are basically heathens, so maybe that's why I wasn't enlightened about this particular rule.

    She didn't say, "I think this because it's what god says you should do" she has a religious signature, it doesn't mean every view she has comes directly quotable from the bible, why does being religious suddenly mean she is the only one that has to suddenly defend her opinion with a passage?

    a) it's called sarcasm.  ywia!

    b) I've responded to several people on this thread asking for follow up posts.  she's not unique or the only one.  of course, no one responds because you are all insane and not that bright.

    c) I was asking about the Bible since she brought up doing it "God's way" implying to me that her first statement about not texting married men has something to do with God's way or is some kind of "rule."   Her whole statement alludes to some kind of random rulebook about married men and women.

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  • I honestly wouldn't hang out with them again. It sounds like she thinks her husband is cheating on her with someone and she isn't sure who it is. But she clearly doesn't feel like the two of you are good enough friends to talk to you about her fears. Unless they're really really great friends (in which case, I would confront them about the situation), I would just let it go and pay them no more of your attention. 
  • cpmichcpmich member

    Take it for what it is worth -- a wife who for some reason really doesn't trust her husband right now.  Be the bigger person and be a good friend.  Offer to show her your phone and don't be defensive.  After she reviews the texts, ask her if she is comfortable with you texting him like this.  If she says no, then respect it. Hopefully, she will understand after reading them that you guys texting is harmless.

    You are completely innocent and getting offended will only make her think that you are hiding something.  (Down the road when this has blown over, you can tell her that she hurt your feelings by suspecting you would do something with her husband.)

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Honestly, I think that all you can really do in this situation is respect her wishes. If the shoe were on the other foot, wouldn't you expect her to. He may be your friend, but he is her husband. Sucks for this to happen but that's how it is. It's up to you to decide whether you will continue your friendship with them. Personally, I wouldn't want for my friendship with someone to pose a threat (though no true threat exists in your mind) to someone's marriage (even if I were not friends with both parties). Perhaps she has a legitimate reason to feel as though there are feelings on his part (if not yours). Perhaps she has no foundation for her suspicions besides his past behavior. But it's not your place to figure it out. Respect her wishes where it concerns her family. You'll probably be saving yourself a lot of drama. Good luck!
  • imagetejohnson1:

    You should not contact/text married men. There is too many single men out there. That keeps life simple and you out of inapproaiate situations. Whether he is trustworthy or not or has some indiscretions or not is really beside the point. The point is...don't text married men whether it is your friend's husband or not. This is a great rule to follow and it will keep your life flowing smoothly!

    Signed, someone who loves God and loves doing  things His way, so that I can experience all of His benefits, Tanya

    DUH. Clearly, if you bitches read HIS word, you'd know that Jeebus is NOT down with OPP. I know. I KNOW!

    I guess if we should enforce an eleventh Commandment that states, "thou shall not text/talk/email/FB a member of the opposite sex, especially if they are married."

    GMAFB.

    ~Erica, Mommy to Peyton 9/06 & Cullen 9/09
  • imageGoose51504:
    imagetejohnson1:

    You should not contact/text married men. There is too many single men out there. That keeps life simple and you out of inapproaiate situations. Whether he is trustworthy or not or has some indiscretions or not is really beside the point. The point is...don't text married men whether it is your friend's husband or not. This is a great rule to follow and it will keep your life flowing smoothly!

    Signed, someone who loves God and loves doing  things His way, so that I can experience all of His benefits, Tanya

    DUH. Clearly, if you bitches read HIS word, you'd know that Jeebus is NOT down with OPP. I know. I KNOW!

    I guess if we should enforce an eleventh Commandment that states, "thou shall not text/talk/email/FB a member of the opposite sex, especially if they are married."

    GMAFB.

    Goose, why you gotta pick on the religious folk?  SO UNFAIR.  Just because she references God in her signing of her post???!?!

    Hater.  Jesus hater.

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  • I am so dead at Jeebus not being down with OPP.
    Kill all my demons and my angels might die too. -Tennessee Williams

    image
    You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
  • imageeclaires:

    Duh, if you're alone in a house with a man who is not your husband, you'll get pregnant.

    That's how babies are made!

    LOL.....Oh eclaires I *heart* you! 

  • I have to agree with your friend. Texting anyone elses husband regularly opens the door for issues. My husband and I have free reign over each others phones for this reason. And if there were trust issues with her husband early on in marriage then she has every right to have her radar up. Most affairs do involve husbands and friends.

     Just my opinion, but if one of my friends was regularly texting my husband I too would be uncomfortable about it and would ask them to stop.

    Cloth diapering, VBAC, BF & FF, AP momma to two 2 and under. Special needs - DS born with clubfoot and diastrophic dysplasia (dwarfism)
  • imagemamamimi77:

    I have to agree with your friend. Texting anyone elses husband regularly opens the door for issues. My husband and I have free reign over each others phones for this reason. And if there were trust issues with her husband early on in marriage then she has every right to have her radar up. Most affairs do involve husbands and friends.

     Just my opinion, but if one of my friends was regularly texting my husband I too would be uncomfortable about it and would ask them to stop.

    Sounds like all your friends are whores, then.  I'm sorry about that.  You should find new friends you can trust.  YW!

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  • imageeclaires:
    imageGoose51504:
    imagetejohnson1:

    You should not contact/text married men. There is too many single men out there. That keeps life simple and you out of inapproaiate situations. Whether he is trustworthy or not or has some indiscretions or not is really beside the point. The point is...don't text married men whether it is your friend's husband or not. This is a great rule to follow and it will keep your life flowing smoothly!

    Signed, someone who loves God and loves doing  things His way, so that I can experience all of His benefits, Tanya

    DUH. Clearly, if you bitches read HIS word, you'd know that Jeebus is NOT down with OPP. I know. I KNOW!

    I guess if we should enforce an eleventh Commandment that states, "thou shall not text/talk/email/FB a member of the opposite sex, especially if they are married."

    GMAFB.

    Goose, why you gotta pick on the religious folk?  SO UNFAIR.  Just because she references God in her signing of her post???!?!

    Hater.  Jesus hater.

    Doood. You know Jeebus is my Homeboy. Hello? Who's the one who was all for sponsoring the dumpster Messiah's pilgrimage across North America? Mmmkay? I'm down with G-o-d; just not the one that these heathens seem to worship. My Jeebus is a big fan of inter-sex relationships. Look that sh!t up, yo!

    ~Erica, Mommy to Peyton 9/06 & Cullen 9/09
  • imageGoose51504:
    imageeclaires:
    imageGoose51504:
    imagetejohnson1:

    You should not contact/text married men. There is too many single men out there. That keeps life simple and you out of inapproaiate situations. Whether he is trustworthy or not or has some indiscretions or not is really beside the point. The point is...don't text married men whether it is your friend's husband or not. This is a great rule to follow and it will keep your life flowing smoothly!

    Signed, someone who loves God and loves doing  things His way, so that I can experience all of His benefits, Tanya

    DUH. Clearly, if you bitches read HIS word, you'd know that Jeebus is NOT down with OPP. I know. I KNOW!

    I guess if we should enforce an eleventh Commandment that states, "thou shall not text/talk/email/FB a member of the opposite sex, especially if they are married."

    GMAFB.

    Goose, why you gotta pick on the religious folk?  SO UNFAIR.  Just because she references God in her signing of her post???!?!

    Hater.  Jesus hater.

    Doood. You know Jeebus is my Homeboy. Hello? Who's the one who was all for sponsoring the dumpster Messiah's pilgrimage across North America? Mmmkay? I'm down with G-o-d; just not the one that these heathens seem to worship. My Jeebus is a big fan of inter-sex relationships. Look that sh!t up, yo!

     BWHAHAHA  I knew this thread would be best read from back to front!!

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  • My head hurts. I cannot take the stupidity in this post any longer. Tongue Tied

     

  • imagegrja:

    My head hurts. I cannot take the stupidity in this post any longer. Tongue Tied

     

    I'm thinking some of these losers need to get their barefoot, pregnant asses back in the kitchen and start submitting to their husbands.

    Because isn't that what Jeebus says?

    Kill all my demons and my angels might die too. -Tennessee Williams

    image
    You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
  • imageBubblyToes:
    I am so dead at Jeebus not being down with OPP.

    this exactly!  snort.

    imageimage Ashley Sawtelle Photography
  • imageBubblyToes:
    imagegrja:

    My head hurts. I cannot take the stupidity in this post any longer. Tongue Tied

     

    I'm thinking some of these losers need to get their barefoot, pregnant asses back in the kitchen and start submitting to their husbands.

    Because isn't that what Jeebus says?

    Dead. I'm gonna pee myself.

  • Just...wow...

    First, for the OP...I'm so sorry that your friend doesn't trust you enough to trust that the texts your sending are legitimately mundane.  Unless, of course, you had decided that a 'hang out with the kids, poolside" style of elicit affair was the way to go.

     

    Second, to everyone who's all "Oh, noes! Men and Women should never converse without their spouse present!!"

    Seriously?  If you cannot keep your relative pieces in your pants while with the opposite sex, then YOU have a problem.   The same goes for your respective partners.  Why is it that so many people are obsessed with sex to the point of paranoia?  Seriously, sex is best enjoyed with someone you have trust in.  If you can't trust your partner to handle texting someone with boobs without wanting to get a piece of That, how can you trust them with your pleasure?  OR your sensitive body parts, not to mention hormones and emotions that flow from the whole experience?

    If you can't trust your partner, you married the wrong person, or shouldn't be married at all. 

  •  i guess i am in the minority, but i think i would be pretty leary if my friend was texting my husband all the time. It's soooo common to hear of cheating these days, even with people you think never would in a million years, so if its a mutual friend why not text her and let her tell him the jokes. I know men and women can be friends, and i know i wouldn't do anything wrong, but sometimes its the other people i don't trust. I guess it's just a boundaries thing. I wouldnt trust if my husband was really friendly with a woman we both friended and i didn't hear from her really. I would wonder what the motive was i guess. 
  • I see where she is coming from but that doesn't mean she went about it the right way.  It sucks because it sounds like the families hanging out might start to become less and less simply because it may be uncomfortable.  I would respect her wishes but like someone mentioned every time you guys get together it's like there's an elephant in the room.  

    I think the thing that would piss me off the most is that she asked for your copies of the text messages... to me that seems a bit extreme and I think that would put more strain on the friendship than anything else.  If her hubby is deleting all of his messages then she should be talking to him not asking her friends for copies of their conversations... that just seemed odd to me!

    Just remember that their relationship issues are not your problem/fault and try to be supportive... sounds like if her hubby is being dishonest she may need a few good friends around.

     Good luck! 

  • imagejenxdigital:

    Just...wow...

    First, for the OP...I'm so sorry that your friend doesn't trust you enough to trust that the texts your sending are legitimately mundane.  Unless, of course, you had decided that a 'hang out with the kids, poolside" style of elicit affair was the way to go.

     

    Second, to everyone who's all "Oh, noes! Men and Women should never converse without their spouse present!!"

    Seriously?  If you cannot keep your relative pieces in your pants while with the opposite sex, then YOU have a problem.   The same goes for your respective partners.  Why is it that so many people are obsessed with sex to the point of paranoia?  Seriously, sex is best enjoyed with someone you have trust in.  If you can't trust your partner to handle texting someone with boobs without wanting to get a piece of That, how can you trust them with your pleasure?  OR your sensitive body parts, not to mention hormones and emotions that flow from the whole experience?

    If you can't trust your partner, you married the wrong person, or shouldn't be married at all. 

    WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!!  Jen, you nailed it on the head.....I've skimmed the responses..too many to read word for word, but this is my favorite.

    sex must suck for those who are worried that their DH may talk to another girl....

     

  • So, there is probably more to the story than you know or even want to know.  I know it was probably hurtful the way she said it, but she's probably going through something with her marriage that you can't understand right now.

     I think the fact that he's erasing all the texts may be a sign that there's more going on and she's just having issues with it.  Ultimately, it's there marriage and their issues are between them.  

     I'm not sure how i would approach the friendship with either of them.  It might be a good idea to talk to her openly about how you feel (without trying to figure what's going on with them as you may never know) after you've cooled off for a bit.  If you're feeling awkward about the whole thing, the best approach is to bring it up and see what you guys can do to fix it together.  

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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