My LO is 4 (almost) and picks out her shirt and stuff herself. She decides if she wants a dress or not. The only time I enforce something is if they're on a field trip (needs the uniform that day) or if we're going somewhere where we should dress up. (Church, weddings, parties.) I won't let her leave the house looking slutty and I won't let the boy leave the house with underwear showing. But hair? Tattoos? (I hope that when she's old enough, DD will want to get a matching tattoo with me. Just not a stupid one, like someone's name or Marvin the Martian on their privates... like a classmate of mine. Not sure if that will be 16 or 18, 25 or never.) I don't really care about that.
Samantha Skye - Aug 30, 2006 AND Maxwell Griffin - April 14, 2009
I believe in stages. I think in the early years one should be controlling, but should use that time to teach LO about hygiene, style and the impact of how one looks on others.
I'll encourage her to start picking out her own clothes as soon as possible, (after all I bought those clothes, I can't disapprove too much) but I'll feel free to overrule her if what she's wearing doesn't fit or isn't weather appropriate. Also, on important occasions, family gatherings, church etc. I'll pick for her but try to make a teachable moment of it so that eventually I can trust her to make good choices.
Some hard rules: no piercings until LO is 13, and then only two. So, it could be earlobes or an industrial, or one earlobe and something else, but not both earlobes and another piercing. Again, it's all about phasing things in. After all, once she's 18, she can do whatever she wants.
She can play with washable hair dye when she's younger, but I get final say on haircuts until she's (you guessed it) 13.
Temporary tattoos, henna etc. are all fine as long as the tattoo isn't too tasteless, i.e. pornographic. No permanent ink, period. That can wait until she's an adult.
As for hygiene, I hope to make that a fun, mother/daughter bonding thing: brushing our teeth together before bedtime, doing each other's nails, getting facials together. It's important that she learn to take care of herself, and I want to teach her that grooming isn't a chore. It's a joy.
I totally agree. My parents made me wait until the law allowed it and then they let me do what I wanted. I still got a belly button piercing and some different earl piercings, but I still love them today and they are part of who I am. Waiting made me think about what I really wanted, but I still got to make my own decision. I would like to give my child that opportunity. Heck, by then, if they can't make their own sound judgement call, there might not be any more I can do!
The clothing is a different story with me...as far as I'm concerned I'll be buying her wardrobe for the most part until she can buy her own - and even then I doubt she'll be able to wardrobe herself with a part-time job - so I would control what she wore for the most part and I don't see myself letting her own daisy dukes or anything inappropriate while I'm doing the buying.
This is how I feel!! I won't buy DD skanky clothes in high school, no matter what friends' moms do... she will have to buy anything I don't like all by herself. And I think earning your own money gives you a lot more decision-making power in our house.
It's hard for me to say my son is nine and even now I find myself correcting his appearence (i.e. fixing his colar, tucking in his shirt, etc.) I dyed my hair weird colors had a nose ring and tatoos but not until I was 18. I think I will be totally hipocritical and say no to him doing all that stuff and double for my daughter when she grows up.
I know my husband will be strict about those type of things. His whole family is from a small town and acts like if a child dyes their hair they have serious issues-like dying hair equals drug use, etc or something. To me if a child is on the right track but wants to express themselves through unique hair styles, etc...pick your battles. Teenagers are hard enough-is this really what you want to focus on. Now I say that within reason cause I won't be the mom that takes their kid to get a tatoo or facial peircing and I do think it is important to help your child understand that there are a lot of ways to express themselves and be an individual but to also think about things like how it will look in the future when they have moved past that style, or how they would be percieved in an interview, etc. I guess I think there is a balance between the two. Husband however, will not be swayed lol!
My stepdaughter is 16yo, spent about 10yrs immersed in the French fashion scene (thanks to Gramma Gene), and goes to a visual & performing arts academy with a lot of wonderful, yet eccentric friends. She comes home from school with art all up her arms and streaks of colour in her hair. Her friends wear tutus on top of skinny jeans and Invader Zim tshirts, with blue and pink striped faux-hawks.........luckily they, somehow on Gods green earth, manage to keep each other from doing/wearing anything majorly stupid. They all keep things covered up, only two of them (out of about 20) have any tattoos, and they keep the piercings tame (eyebrows, tongues, belly buttons, and ears....which apparently you can fit a lot of holes into). DD, thankfully, is fine with just 4 ear piercings and just body art of the Sharpie variety......Our 4yo loves to be like her big sister, but shes still in the clip-in hair color, and crayola tattoo stage.
I have 5 tattoos, 2 because my parents were majorly against them. They would ground us for coloring/drawing on our arms, and I went to a school with a uniform, so that part wasnt a problem....
The more "freedoms" (they think its a freedom, but its just a lenient rule) they have as a kid, the less likely they are to do anything too stupid when they grow up......DD cant get a tattoo to spite us, cause we've never told her shes not allowed to get one (no boy/girlfriends' name, though.....only time names are allowed is if someone has died....i cant be a hypocrite)
My parents never gave me restrictions on attire/piercings/ect. They just wouldn't pay for it either. So, in High School, I dressed how they liked and in college (when i had my own job and the id to prove i was old enough), I got my first piercings. They were not happy but it was my decision. When I got my first job, I got my first tattoo. Again, not happy but it was my decision and no one could say I wasn't thinking it through.
Ere go, this is how we plan on raising our kids. We won't help out but not judge either.
When I was a teen I was into the whole goth thing, dyed hair, wierd clothes, freaky make up and then I grew up...If you didn't know me then you would have no idea. I believe that it is important to be strict on some issues, the ones that effect safety or could be permanent, but letting a young person experiment with looks in a non-permanent way while the stakes are pretty low is not a problem for me...It isn't like you see many fifteen year olds out trying to make a living in a job that requires a super professional look anyway. And if they are then they will learn pretty quick a good life lesson about proffessional appearance! The best you can do is role-model what is appropriate and wait for them to grow out of it, chances are you will all get a good laugh over the photos later, my family does.
I think it will really depend on the child. If he's a good student and does all the things he's supposed to but desperately wants to have some crazy hairdo or something I will gladly pay for him to have it. I don't think I will have too much to say about clothes either. I will be much more concerned about why he is choosing these things and who his friends are. If he's just trying to fit in with his friends, he may get a variation on the speech from House M.D. "Nonconformity. Right. I can?t remember the last time I saw a 20-something kid with a tattoo of an Asian letter on his wrist. You are one wicked freethinker. You want to be a rebel? Stop being cool." LOL
I'm much more leery of tattoos just because I know that people often change their minds. Of course I'm the girl who didn't get her ears pierced until she was 30! I'll probably take a stance on it if it becomes an issue but I hope I instill in him a good sense of judgement so he won't run out getting permanent stuff done willy-nilly just because he's finally turned 18 and has a few bucks to burn.
If I have a girl later, that will be a whole other can of worms I guess, with the clothes. I think a school with uniforms might be the way to go. Ha ha. I'll probably get her ears pierced when she's 2 or so but most additional piercings will probably wait until 14 to 18 (depending on provocativeness) and/or they can pay for it themselves. With our gene pool though that won't be much of a deterrent. My hubby bought himself a car at 16 because his parent told him if he wanted one he would have to buy it himself?so he did. Goal-oriented is a good thing, right?
I will most definitely be the "pull up your pants and cut your hair" type. Of course, I will let them have their individuality with their style and things of that nature but pants hanging off the butt aren't the kind of style that will be acceptable in my household.
Exactly!! If my daughter puts in highlights that wouldn't be bad, but not purple hair! One piercing in ears is ok, more than that she can wait until she is old enough to live in her own place.
I'll most likely be the kind of mom my mom was. I wasn't allowed to have long hair until I was able to take care of by myself. Once I was I never went longer than around my shoulders. Once I was in school, I was always allowed to give input on how I wanted my hair. Once I hit middle school, I as allowed to do almost anything that I wanted with my hair since I never wanted anything crazy. I never had more that ear piercings (2 holes in each ear). I showed my mom that I would make good decisions so I was given more freedom. I payed for the second holes in my ears (still on the lobe). Parents can't be too strict, that's when kids run wild.
Re: How controlling will you be of LO's physical appearance?
Samantha Skye - Aug 30, 2006 AND Maxwell Griffin - April 14, 2009
I believe in stages. I think in the early years one should be controlling, but should use that time to teach LO about hygiene, style and the impact of how one looks on others.
I'll encourage her to start picking out her own clothes as soon as possible, (after all I bought those clothes, I can't disapprove too much) but I'll feel free to overrule her if what she's wearing doesn't fit or isn't weather appropriate. Also, on important occasions, family gatherings, church etc. I'll pick for her but try to make a teachable moment of it so that eventually I can trust her to make good choices.
Some hard rules: no piercings until LO is 13, and then only two. So, it could be earlobes or an industrial, or one earlobe and something else, but not both earlobes and another piercing. Again, it's all about phasing things in. After all, once she's 18, she can do whatever she wants.
She can play with washable hair dye when she's younger, but I get final say on haircuts until she's (you guessed it) 13.
Temporary tattoos, henna etc. are all fine as long as the tattoo isn't too tasteless, i.e. pornographic. No permanent ink, period. That can wait until she's an adult.
As for hygiene, I hope to make that a fun, mother/daughter bonding thing: brushing our teeth together before bedtime, doing each other's nails, getting facials together. It's important that she learn to take care of herself, and I want to teach her that grooming isn't a chore. It's a joy.
This is how I feel!! I won't buy DD skanky clothes in high school, no matter what friends' moms do... she will have to buy anything I don't like all by herself. And I think earning your own money gives you a lot more decision-making power in our house.
My stepdaughter is 16yo, spent about 10yrs immersed in the French fashion scene (thanks to Gramma Gene), and goes to a visual & performing arts academy with a lot of wonderful, yet eccentric friends. She comes home from school with art all up her arms and streaks of colour in her hair. Her friends wear tutus on top of skinny jeans and Invader Zim tshirts, with blue and pink striped faux-hawks.........luckily they, somehow on Gods green earth, manage to keep each other from doing/wearing anything majorly stupid. They all keep things covered up, only two of them (out of about 20) have any tattoos, and they keep the piercings tame (eyebrows, tongues, belly buttons, and ears....which apparently you can fit a lot of holes into). DD, thankfully, is fine with just 4 ear piercings and just body art of the Sharpie variety......Our 4yo loves to be like her big sister, but shes still in the clip-in hair color, and crayola tattoo stage.
I have 5 tattoos, 2 because my parents were majorly against them. They would ground us for coloring/drawing on our arms, and I went to a school with a uniform, so that part wasnt a problem....
The more "freedoms" (they think its a freedom, but its just a lenient rule) they have as a kid, the less likely they are to do anything too stupid when they grow up......DD cant get a tattoo to spite us, cause we've never told her shes not allowed to get one (no boy/girlfriends' name, though.....only time names are allowed is if someone has died....i cant be a hypocrite)
My parents never gave me restrictions on attire/piercings/ect. They just wouldn't pay for it either. So, in High School, I dressed how they liked and in college (when i had my own job and the id to prove i was old enough), I got my first piercings. They were not happy but it was my decision. When I got my first job, I got my first tattoo. Again, not happy but it was my decision and no one could say I wasn't thinking it through.
Ere go, this is how we plan on raising our kids. We won't help out but not judge either.
What is a LO? Is there a place on this website to help me with these acronyms?
I think it will really depend on the child. If he's a good student and does all the things he's supposed to but desperately wants to have some crazy hairdo or something I will gladly pay for him to have it. I don't think I will have too much to say about clothes either. I will be much more concerned about why he is choosing these things and who his friends are. If he's just trying to fit in with his friends, he may get a variation on the speech from House M.D. "Nonconformity. Right. I can?t remember the last time I saw a 20-something kid with a tattoo of an Asian letter on his wrist. You are one wicked freethinker. You want to be a rebel? Stop being cool." LOL
I'm much more leery of tattoos just because I know that people often change their minds. Of course I'm the girl who didn't get her ears pierced until she was 30! I'll probably take a stance on it if it becomes an issue but I hope I instill in him a good sense of judgement so he won't run out getting permanent stuff done willy-nilly just because he's finally turned 18 and has a few bucks to burn.
If I have a girl later, that will be a whole other can of worms I guess, with the clothes. I think a school with uniforms might be the way to go. Ha ha. I'll probably get her ears pierced when she's 2 or so but most additional piercings will probably wait until 14 to 18 (depending on provocativeness) and/or they can pay for it themselves. With our gene pool though that won't be much of a deterrent. My hubby bought himself a car at 16 because his parent told him if he wanted one he would have to buy it himself?so he did. Goal-oriented is a good thing, right?