2nd Trimester

How controlling will you be of LO's physical appearance?

The piercing post made me wonder.  Do you think you'll be the "pull up your pants and cut your hair" type of parent or be pretty lenient on what your kid wears, pierces, or dyes?

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Re: How controlling will you be of LO's physical appearance?

  • Hahhahaaaa!  I just got a scary visual from this, hahaaa!  I can totally see my poor son, 17 years old, and me still laying out his clothes for him.  I think I will be most definetely be the pull up your pants and cut your hair type of mom.  I can't help myself.  Hahahaaa!
  • KC_13KC_13
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    I will be strict. When my child is old enough where they want to have weird hair colors/piercings etc., they should be working a summer job. People with weird piercings/hair colors tend not to be hired.
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  • I think I'll be fairly relaxed but definitely within reason. I dyed my hair and had wild styles and pierced a lot, but my mom I feel still kept me under control and made sure I understood my actions. I think I'll parent similarily in this regard that I'll definitely voice my opinion and make sure I offer guidance.

    I think it's sometimes worse if you forbid these types of things and they do it anyways, then you've put a block in communication and could detract from an open relationship. It's also not great to be a friend first before parent and just be like 'yah that's cool do it!'.

    haha who knows though when the time comes! :)
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  • My parents didn't control mine, however I wasn't too wild.  Yes, I got a nose and tongue piercing when I was a teen and liked to dye my hair... But it was always a reasonable colour.  And my clothing wasn't too wild.  So I'm just hoping my children will be the same. 

     

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  • I like to think I'll be pretty lenient.  My mother was the type who would let me leave the house in a tutu and a Cubs sweatshirt, and I turned out to be a fabulous dresser :)  I think it's about expression...that said, I agree with the thought that as far as getting a job, etc, there will have to be some boundaries.  Laws about piercing and tattooing are in place for a reason, so I don't see myself allowing LO a tattoo when he is underage.
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  • Like with my parents I will decide was is appropriate and inappropriate until they can buy their own clothes. If DH and I are paying for our daughter or sons wardrobe (this mostly pertains to girls) and she wants to be wearing some skanky outfit she better get a job and work for it I will not fund that crap lol.  Other then the skank look I really don't care how they want to express themselves, I would prefer if it didn't include being grungy but that's just me.
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  • We are going to be quite lenient on some things. How hypocritical would we be as parents being covered in tattoos and not let our little ones express themselves? There is a new law in our state (I'm not sure if it's everywhere) but a child under the age of 18 cannot get a tattoo regardless of parental permission so that stops him anyways, after that he will be a legal adult and we won't have much say so in his choice. So thats our view on tattoos and piercings.

    Clothing-wise there will be certain restrictions. No clothing respresenting satanic anything due to our religion nor clothing that is degrading to women or any race in general. If our kid wants pink hair and a moehawk then we'll discuss it and come to an agreement. Some things I'm okay with, others not so much.

    One thing I know for sure. If we ever have a daughter there is NO way she will be walking around like some 12 year olds I see wearing mini skirts, hooker heels and skimpy tops. No way, no how. I didn't dress that way and I don't see why my little girl should. I got plenty of attention dressing in cute t-shirts, skinny jeans and boots. Sexy but NOT slutty.


  • I think you have to pick your battles.  Is it the end of the world if she wants to dye her hair pink when she's 15? No.  Will she look like a fool (and probably laugh about it later)?  Absolutely.  But that time of life is when they can learn that people DO care about appearances in the professional world, and their choices about appearance can have a negative impact, whether they like it or not. 

    However, that is not to say that I'll take her to get 12 holes in hear ears, etc.  She won't be allowed to have her ears pierced until middle school, and I'm hoping and praying that this tattoo craze has passed by the time she's old enough to get one w/out my consent.

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  • I might be more controlling than he'd like. The thought of my son having Justin Bieber hair makes me want to cry. I don't know, really. I'll try my best to be lenient and understanding of whatever the trends might be, but sheesh. Justin Bieber hair. 
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  • If we have a girl, G-d help me, I'll be so annoying about her wardrobe. I refuse to have a skanky daughter.

    I would probably also intervene if clothes didn't fit well and weren't flattering, or if they wore offensive sayings. Other than that, though, I think we'll give future children room to be expressive...to a point. BIL dyed his hair a lot in high school and he and SIL still dress pretty funky. I think if the worst rebellion my kid(s) go through is blue hair, then I'm lucky.

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  • image DR&RN04:

    I think you have to pick your battles.  Is it the end of the world if she wants to dye her hair pink when she's 15? No.  Will she look like a fool (and probably laugh about it later)?  Absolutely.  But that time of life is when they can learn that people DO care about appearances in the professional world, and their choices about appearance can have a negative impact, whether they like it or not. 

    However, that is not to say that I'll take her to get 12 holes in hear ears, etc.  She won't be allowed to have her ears pierced until middle school, and I'm hoping and praying that this tattoo craze has passed by the time she's old enough to get one w/out my consent.

     Mostly this. I do expect that my husband and I will enforce a sense of modesty in our children's dress, and no tattoos. We'll let some ear piercing happen, but not anything crazy. I can't really see my hubby letting our (potential) son pierce his ears. He would be weirded out by that. Hopefully our general family values will have a certain bearing on how our kids want to dress. 

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  • Right or wrong, I know that DH would make fun of the poor kid, especially a boy. He's a Marine, this is how they do things. We would allow it, except slutty, or doing things that can screw up your future, but I'm sure he would comment and challenge.
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  • image Mrs.Bones:

    If we have a girl, G-d help me, I'll be so annoying about her wardrobe. I refuse to have a skanky daughter.

    I would probably also intervene if clothes didn't fit well and weren't flattering, or if they wore offensive sayings. Other than that, though, I think we'll give future children room to be expressive...to a point. BIL dyed his hair a lot in high school and he and SIL still dress pretty funky. I think if the worst rebellion my kid(s) go through is blue hair, then I'm lucky.

    yes this!!

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  • image Mrs.Bones:

    If we have a girl, G-d help me, I'll be so annoying about her wardrobe. I refuse to have a skanky daughter.

    I would probably also intervene if clothes didn't fit well and weren't flattering, or if they wore offensive sayings. Other than that, though, I think we'll give future children room to be expressive...to a point. BIL dyed his hair a lot in high school and he and SIL still dress pretty funky. I think if the worst rebellion my kid(s) go through is blue hair, then I'm lucky.

    Exactly This!!  I will have 2 girls once LO is born. I won't hesitate to tell them to march their happy butts back upstairs and change! I see waaay too many 14 & 15 year olds walking around with their butts hanging out of their shorts. Absolutely not...besides DH would throw a fit even if I didn't!

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  • Modesty and respect in physical appearance is an important value in Mormon culture (DH is Mormon...I'm not really...) however, as a couple it is something we value.  We hope to continually instill modest dress/appearance values..so they can make the right choices.  Absolutely no piercing/tatoos for boys-one hole in each ear for girls.  I will try not to micromanage their wardrobe as long as they don't look like bums or street walkers!!
  • I want to let her pick out her own clothes as soon as she wants to. I want her to be able to express herself and have her own personal style. Now where I draw the line is when she is much older. I will not tolerate dressing like a skank which I see way too much of! Thankfully all the schools here require uniforms anyway.

    As far as dying her hair, when she's a teenager, if she wants to try something out I'll probably let her as long as it's temporary color. I feel like the more you fight something like that the more she'd want to do it. I'm a big believer in picking my battles.

  • There is a difference between individualism and inappropriate. I hope we find that balance and while I might not like what my child wants to wear or how they fix their hair, as long as it's not inappropriate, I'll try to be ok with it. I won't let a little girl go out dressed like a slvt and I won't let my boy be so punked out people are afraid of him. But if they just like odd things or want to wear their hair in an unflattering way, who am I to stop them?

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  • I think I'll be pretty strict. I have a lot of pet peeves when it comes to appearance especially in public. Nothing too crazy though, just stuff like no pj's at the grocery store, keeping hands and face clean etc...
  • We will probably be pretty easy going about hair color/style and piercings. DH had hair to his waist and 2 earrings in high school and my parents always allowed us to experiment with our hair and clothes as long as we got good grades. We'll probably take the same stance, as long as they dress appropriately for family functions etc. I will be strict about the skank factor for girls clothing though. Nothing too short/tight/low cut in my house, sorry.
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  • image Mrs.Bones:

    If we have a girl, G-d help me, I'll be so annoying about her wardrobe. I refuse to have a skanky daughter.

    Mrs. Bones, you're my hero today!! DH is so glad we are having a boy... everytime we see a girl out in public (who needed the "march right back upstairs" speech) he sighs and says, "I just couldn't do it."

    With our Little man though, DH had some piercings, long crazy hair... so I doubt we'll be too forceful on hair and clothing (within reason). Tattoos and piercings... I don't even want to think of that until the day comes!

  • I have tattoos, so there's no way I'm going to tell DD she can't, but she'll have to wait until she graduates high school. DH does not agree, so it will definitely need to be a discussion when the time comes. Piercings REALLY don't bother me b/c they can always be removed, so she's welcome to those as well. Again, DH disagrees. The clothing is a different story with me...as far as I'm concerned I'll be buying her wardrobe for the most part until she can buy her own - and even then I doubt she'll be able to wardrobe herself with a part-time job - so I would control what she wore for the most part and I don't see myself letting her own daisy dukes or anything inappropriate while I'm doing the buying.
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  • This is where I'm glad we're having a boy.  I don't have to worry about Kamikaze dressing like a slut with her butt hanging out when she goes to the mall trolling for rude dudes.  Boys wear long shorts and baggy T's.  I can get down with that.

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  • My hubby is covered in tattoos, and had gauges in his ears, and a pierced tongue when he was a teenager, I less drastically used to dye my hair w/kool-aid and had my nose pierced. I think as long as my child is not harming themselves, or look like they are trying to sell something (ie too short/tight clothes) then I will let them express themselves however they want to.

    I'd rather my kid dye his/her green then want to dress and act like everyone else. To me it's more important to me that they learn to think for themselves and have a healthy self image then worry about "controlling their appearance."

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  • DH and myself are both covered in tattoos and I have had a few piercings. Since there is always the first tattoo regret we have decided that when our daughter comes to us wanting a tattoo we will tell her that if she still wants that tattoo in a year then she can have it. As for clothes, she better be covered or she ain't leaving the house! Stick out tongue
  • Yes.  I will certainly be making sure my kid doesn't dress like a slut or a hoodlum.  Our house, our rules.
  • We haven't really discussed clothing, but we are adamant about hair.  Our son will not be allowed to have that popular hairstyle among teenage boys where the bangs are longish and they must flip their head every 2 seconds to keep hair out of their eyes.  This was not big when I was in middle and high school, but I notice it a lot on MTV shows now and it drives me insane.

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  • I'm not very controlling or picky at all. As long as it's age and event-appropriate, I'm cool.

    I dressed goofy as a teen and my parents never said anything or tried to change me.

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  • Haha, me and DH were actually joking about this the other day when going through the clothing section of BRU. I said that as soon as LO is old enough to point, they will decide what they want to wear! Thats a little bit of an exaggeration.. but we'll be pretty lenient.

    I got piercings and tattoos as a teenager, no big deal. But as some PP have said, my child will work, and if their hair/piercings/tattoos/etc get in the way of a job, they will have to go.

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  • I think I'll be pretty lenient, within reason, of course.  If I have a daughter, she will be modest - but not to the extent my parents were with me.  I wasn't allowed to wear anything that showed my shoulders, but as long as my daughter isn't wearing too short or too low cut things, I'm okay with most things.  I won't allow either kid to wear anything offensive, and I hope to G-d they aren't into the whole "emo" thing.  As for hair colors, I'm pretty open to anything - as long as they have good grades and stay out of trouble, I'm not going to harp on them for expressing themselves.
  • With things that aren't permanent (hair color, style, clothing) I think we'll be pretty lenient.  Though I will say that all the "skank" clothes I see now will be a big NO.  Let's just hope in 12 to 16 years there's an 80's revival or something (think big shirts and stirrups, LOL).

    Tattoos = not until 18 at least, and she will need to consider carefully what to get/where to get it.  After all, her mom, aunts and grandma will all have them, so who are we to say she can't.

    Piercings = I'd prefer that she stick to ears only (not sure at what age we'll do the first one)  A lip, eyebrow or tongue would have to wait until she was 18 and I would be upset it she decided to do any of those things that stretch your skin out - I don't know what they are called. No offense to anyone who may have them, but I just think they are unnattractive.

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