Blended Families

DSS is backing BM in return of custody

We were informed last night that DSS is backing BM in going back to week on week off custody.

Apparently if you beat your child til black and blue from head to toe, all you have to do is take a parenting class

Nevermind you havent paid child support in 7 months, maintained medical insurance like you're supposed to, but spent upwards of $1500 in the last 3 months on toys for your traumatized 3 year old.

 

I can walk outside right now and kick a dog in the ribs until they're broken and get charged with a felony, and go to prison. 

She cant beat her 2 1/2 year old, and take a parenting class.

I've had it with the legal system.

Re: DSS is backing BM in return of custody

  • Oh yeah, and we received a phone call the other day from case worker, asking if we got into a physical altercation while the kids were in the house.

    FI asked what they were talking about.

    An anonymous phone call came into DSS saying that I chased FI and the kids around the house with a baseball bat.

    FI laughed and said, aside from that being absolutely ridiculous, we don't even own a baseball bat.

     

    But really, are we getting that low.

  • Was she charged?  What happened with the charges?  And have you gone back to family court?  This is horrible.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • thats awful.. what a nightmare. I'm sorry
  • image flippy1234:
    thats awful.. what a nightmare. I'm sorry

    This!  How terrifying for that child to have to go back to her! 

    accordingtoabby.com" "From of suffering emerges the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars." Kahlil Gibran
  • image Littlejen22:
    Was she charged?  What happened with the charges?  And have you gone back to family court?  This is horrible.

    This is a really important piece of this puzzle?

    How terrible that this is happening.

  • BM and BF were found guilty in family court, and DSS handed file to local authorities.  Local Police are not pursuing, because there isn't enough evidence for a criminal trial.  Stressor one, but we were at least consoled by the fact that she no longer has any time alone with him.

    Now, DSS is saying that because she completed all of her classes her, and her BF will be having custody returned.  Basically DSS no longer wants to be involved.

    I'm livid, FI is barely speaking, and is starting to shut down.  I watched SS kick and scream for months because he didn't want to go over there... he would hide in the closet crying.  Then BM figured out if she gave him a new toy everytime she saw him she could win back some affection.  I listened for months as 3 year old SS cataloged in detail what Mommy gave him that day.

    She gets to see him 3 days a week, if she wants, 2 weekdays, 1 weekend.  Thats what FI and her worked out.  She doesn't actually see him that much, because she just won't call and as for weeks at a time.  She claimed she wasn't working which is why we weren't receiving any financial support.  We figured her parents were giving her money, like they have done in the past.

    Nope, she's working, she doesn't see SS on her visitation days during the week.  She's at work.  Her mother spends time with him.

    At first we were confused about this information, but I just figured out why.

    In our state most common reason to have your parental rights terminated, is when your child has been removed from your custody, and in a six month period you have not financially supported your child nor seen your child.  She was using her allotted visits, but not spending more than 10 mins. with him at a time, just long enough to give him a toy, and suck up.  But not long enough to make him mad about something, and him come back saying he doesn't want to go back.  

    Now he can come back and say stuff, like "I played with *BF's kid* all day we played water guns, and monster trucks, and swords"  We told DSS that BM had contact with her BF's son (it's court ordered that she not, because in earlier interviews with him, he gave off a vibe of fear at the mere mention of her name.  He apparently witnessed her flip out in the car, pounding on the dashboard, hitting his father, and screaming "bad words" he also talked about how BM broke the house).  They said they would look into it.  But that was the last we heard.

    I'm so angry that this is even possible.  She's proven over and over how unstable she is... what do they need, video surveillance of her assaulting someone to prove, "Hey, this broad has a seriously short fuse, she's mentally unstable."

    FI has pictures of the truck she maimed the night he told her to pack her bags and not come back.  She ripped the dashboard off, shattered a window, and beat the crap out of it WITH THE BABY'S CAR SEAT SS was 4 months old at the time, and asleep in his crib.  This was BEFORE he told her to leave.  Wanna know why she flipped out?  FI asked her when she would be returning to work.

    Doesn't matter though... she went to an anger management class.

    Well, guess what, so did my Mom and Dad, they still came back and hit me afterward.  They were angels during their classes... they limited any actual contact with my sister and I... but they are drunks, true colors always came shining back through... I moved out when I was 17 to get away... 2 months after high school graduation.  The state didn't protect me, teachers knew, guidance counselors knew, friends and relatives knew, but no one ever did anything well, except for FI, but thats a whole different story.  I can't stand by and watch that happen to SS.

    And here I am watching BM who is drug addict get away with the same crap my parents did, because she knows how to manipulate the world around her.  Like my parents do. 

     


  • I forgot to add... when we return to court, the date is not set yet... will be when the judge determines whether or not he goes back.

    But if they have the full support of the DSS behind them, where does that leave us in terms of fighting it.

  • sorry for the really long vent... it wasnt my intention to do more than give the facts pertaining to the case... but I feel a lot better now that its actually off my chest.
  • I am so sorry. I can't imagine how hard it is to have that happen to one of your kids. I work with kids who are often abused and the system is the same here- One little girl "stepped on a gas pipe going to a heater and it exploded in her face" - no burns on the rest of her body, not her feet or anything, just her face. The parents didn't take her to the hospital for 3 days and when they finally did she had to be airlifted to a bigger hospital. The kids were taken away for 2 days. Mom is now in jail, both parents are addicts, and the state just gave them back their kids again after taking them away for abuse in April.

    My only advice is to document document document. Get proof that she hasn't been paying child support. Print all emails/texts/etc. that say she isn't going to see him for her visitation times. Every time you talk to her on the phone, keep a phone journal and write downeverything she says. Get letters from witnesses who have witnessed her behavior with the kids. You might even try going in to DSS and ask to talk to someone higher up. With the kids I wrote about, I went in and asked to talk to a different case worker after the burned face incident. The case worker I talked to the first time lied and said she was in charge of their case but wasn't, and by asking I was able to talk to their actual case worker (who actually cared about them). Keep moving up the chain of command until something is done.

    Again, I'm really sorry you're having to go through this.

    photo
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image bekup:
    I feel a lot better now that its actually off my chest.

     

    I'm so glad that you feel better. This is an absolutely horrible situation. I have no advise to give. Your family will be in my thoughts & prayers.

  • image katecham:

    My only advice is to document document document. Get proof that she hasn't been paying child support. Print all emails/texts/etc. that say she isn't going to see him for her visitation times. Every time you talk to her on the phone, keep a phone journal and write downeverything she says. Get letters from witnesses who have witnessed her behavior with the kids. You might even try going in to DSS and ask to talk to someone higher up. With the kids I wrote about, I went in and asked to talk to a different case worker after the burned face incident. The case worker I talked to the first time lied and said she was in charge of their case but wasn't, and by asking I was able to talk to their actual case worker (who actually cared about them). Keep moving up the chain of command until something is done.

     

    Great advice! Yes

  • image bekup:

    I forgot to add... when we return to court, the date is not set yet... will be when the judge determines whether or not he goes back.

    But if they have the full support of the DSS behind them, where does that leave us in terms of fighting it.

    I have no idea. I would hope that if you have a really kick ass lawyer that the judge will be able to see that DSS really dropped the ball here and is putting your SS's life at risk by allowing her contact with him at all.

    Keep us posted. I really hope that this all works out for you guys, especially for your SS. You will be in my T&P's.

  • Just because DSS is crazy, doesn't mean that the Family Court is.  They have very different standards of acceptable care.

    Get a good attorney and you should be able to keep custody.

    image
  • I am hoping Karma is right.  Does he have full legal custody right now?  Can you move out of state?  Seriously, that is all I can think of.

    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • Everyone keeps telling us to hire a good attorney... but we're completely out of money.  Right now we are struggling to put food on the table, and BM hasn't done so much as offer a box of pull-ups...

    As of now, we're hitting the library, and pulling every court order, piece of paper, and taking notes...

    While we were pouring through them last night, we realized that BM is breaking court order in not only the original divorce decree several times... but also breaking court order in the DSS case...

    FI is heading to the courthouse today to see what can be done about it.

    He does have full legal custody right now... and prior to all of this he had Primary Joint...  BM tested positive for cocaine use when SS was 4 months old, so for the first year of his life she only had supervised visitation... which is what upsets me so much... SS was almost 15 months old before she was allowed alone with him again, and at 30 months old he is taken from her again...


  • Have you tried looking for attorneys that do pro bono work? 
  • Call a child abuse advocate.  Many women's shelters have them.  They quite often have an attorney and a court advocate that can help you.
    image
  • Alos call the court and ask that a Guardian (childs attortney)  be appointed to represent teh best intrests of the child.  You and BM may have to share teh cost, but at least you won't have to pay the bill all yourself

     

    Also demand a psych eval be ordered on all adults in both homes.

    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards