Military Families

Any new parents "in between" friends?

We are new parents, but a little bit older (33 and 32) because we waited over eight years after getting married. Ever since we had our son, our younger, childless friends (even the married ones) don't invite us out anymore (and often say they are busy when we invite them out), and our other parent friends have much older kids and don't want to go out.  I feel so awful.  I know the younger friends aren't doing it on purpose, but I feel like we've lost our friends base because of it. (Yes, maybe they were never "great" friends, then, right? However, it hurts nonetheless.)  Luckily we are PCSing shortly, but I worry about being caught up in that situation again. I really don't want play groups and days "with kids" to be our only form of social contact.  I need adult time too!  Anyone else in this situation?

Re: Any new parents "in between" friends?

  • I feel like I am in that situation. The 2 couples that we are friends with do not have children. They seem to get together which each other (even though I know for sure that 1 of the wives doesn't like the other wife) while it's like pulling teeth to get together one day or evening. 

    Then my other friend is older and divorced so it's not really hanging out with a couple since it's only her.

     

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  • guess I'm about to find out. I'm 33 and DH is 30 and we are having a first here in Sept. Most people here seem to be okay with other peoples' kids but we shall see how it really is.
    My story:
    Three early losses, then my baby boy in 2010, followed by three more losses.
    Maybe we will be blessed one more time!


    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers


  • I only have one friend where I'm at, because the most of the wives around my age just want to go out and party (and most of them have screwed around on their deployed husbands) I'm 26, dh is 32. we only spend time with a couple that are his age. Where are you PCSing to?

  • We are 32 and 35. We PCS'd here in March and I've found it very hard to make friends especially since I SAHM now. I joined a mom's group and go on playdates but that's it. It's very lonely.
  • image CeeMat:
    It's very lonely.

    I hear you! We don't have play dates where I am at but yes, being a SAHM or SAHW can be very isolating.  

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  • I guess we have a really unique situation because DH is the stay-at-home dad and I work, but we're in the same situation...I work with all young single Airmen and we're moving to Beale in November...like the most desolate base next to Edward.
  • I think we are all there at some point.  Whether it's because of PCS's or kids or whatever, the military is so diverse in some ways that it can be really hard to find quality people to connect with.  I'm a SAHM with a 3yr old and another on the way.  We have been at our base for four years and have cycled through friends in that time.  I only have a couple good ones left. I've come to conclusion that quality wins over quantity and that I don't have to be BEST friends with someone to spend time with them now and again.  You never know who they might introduce you to.

     Check out all of your resources on base and online and find people to hook up with.  Cinchouse.com, momslikeme.com, meetup.com and even right here on theBump you can find people in your area.  I started my SAHM career while DH was on deployment so I totally get that.  The girls I met at deployed family events got me through.  

    Also, don't be afraid to approach that mom you see in the commissary or exchange ever week. She might be in the same boat just wishing someone would invite her to do something.  Parks and other public places are good spots for initial meetings to keep everyone comfy.  Hope this helps! (and I hope I can remember to listen to my own advice after our next pcs!)

  • Hi,

    I understand what you're going through, though it may be a little different for us. All of our friends aren't even close to having kids and really still want to party all night and get sloppy drunk. Now that we are having our first, our priorities have changed and we've drifted apart from our old friends. We know what we're doing is right for our family, but it would be nice to have some friends to hang out with and not talk about babies. We're PCSing soon too (and to a much bigger post) so hopefully we can start new.

    Good luck!

    B

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Thanks, all for the input.  We are mil-to-mil, so I can't hang out with people during the daytime.  I am not so much looking for playgroups and mom groups as I am for people who do want to go out and have fun but who don't freak out becase we have kids, because that's pretty much what happened. We had a very actve social life, but once the kid came along, people stopped inviting us out, even though we can easily get a babysitter and often try to plan social outings with people.  I'm just sad that somehow people feel like they can't relate to us anymore, even when we all work together and used to be great friends.  I suppose some people still have a little growing up to do, is all.
  • image L*Lopez7784:

    I only have one friend where I'm at, because the most of the wives around my age just want to go out and party (and most of them have screwed around on their deployed husbands) I'm 26, dh is 32. we only spend time with a couple that are his age. Where are you PCSing to?

    Sounds like our situation. Exactly. I'm 29, DH is 33. All the ones we would have hung out with have PCS'd out and we've been stuck for a year or so now. It's lonely, but at least I have DH to be with (when he's not gone). Until we find others who aren't into beer bongs and wife swapping, we'll be content with each other! haha



    BFP 9/8/10... D&C 10/18/10
    RIP Angel Bear We will always love and miss you xoxo

    BFP 10/7/2011; EDD 7/15/12 - STICK BABY STICK!!!!

    IAmPregnant Ticker
  • It happens all the time. Apparently if you procreate you can no longer hang out with people who haven't. It is annoying and in my opinion shallow.

    You'll get around it eventually or you'll make new friends and make new connections.

  • I have a simallar situation. My Hubby and I are 24 and so we've become the "adults" of our friends group. We're the only ones married, living together and with a baby. Most people don't even bother returning our phone calls or invite us anywhere because they assume we're just too busy with the baby. Then when we do have parties, no one bothers to RSVP. I guess its because how fun can a party be with "old" people.

    On the other side, everyone who actually has kids my daughters age in the  DC area are mostly older with established careers who are finished with school. Don't exactly fit in with that crowd either. It gets to be a pain in limbo. 

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