Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Cried myself to sleep

It has been about 2 and a half weeks since Kendall passed away, and I am still trying to find meaning behind the loss. I still keep saying, "I was full term"...."I was full term"....I thought for sure since we had lost two other babies at 19 weeks, the problem was solved. With this pregnancy, I got the cerclage placed and the whole pregnancy was a breeze, but this time...my sweet baby was born, but she swallowed meconium and died 3 days later!!!!!! How cruel.

I have to sit in one room because I had to have an emergency c section and the wound was having problems healing, and my mother (who is a nurse) has to come and pack the wound everyday to get it to heal. I keep thinking "how much more can I take!!!". I have a wonderful husband who makes sure that I eat, take my meds, etc...but the only thing that he is having problems with is letting me grieve. He says that he hates to see me cry, so when he is around I try to be calm, but last night it was hard.

I told him I was sad and he stated that he cant cry anymore, he has to try to move on, he also said that he can function on a daily basis if he is sad all the time...he made a vow to himself NOT to cry anymore.....but its not that easy for me....I hate that he feels like when I cry he has to somehow "fix" it instead of just holding me or just being in silence with me....everything is sooooo hard...I miss Kendall sooooo much!!!


Re: Cried myself to sleep

  • I have no words Broken Heart

    Belly Bug <3 BFP June 11th, 2010 missed m/c July 7th, 2010<br>

  • Hugs to you. I have no words, except I am so very sorry. 

    TTC#1 since May 2009
    PCOS * Hypothyroid

    Bean - BFP May 26, 2010. EDD Feb 3, 2011. Natural Miscarriage 8w5d - June 29, 2010.
    Pumpkin - BFP Feb 8, 2011. EDD Oct 21, 2011. Natural Miscarriage 6w3d - Feb 28, 2011.

    DX Graves Disease. Radioactive Iodine treatment July 7, 2011.
    Cleared to TTCAL once again - March 2012.
    Femara started June 2012.

    wedding 58310/365: Never disturb a sleeping cat...25/365: My favourite necklacewedding 323
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  • Kendall is a beautiful name.  Men are wired differently.  They want to fix us, but it's not that easy.  My DH was the same way.  Putting a brave face on doesn't really help either.  Continue to communicate with him and hopefully he will understand where you are coming from.  

    I am so sorry for the loss of your LOs.  This is so not fair.   

    My Blog
    We love and miss you Jillian (18w) and Peanut (6w). Welcome to our TAC miracle Jacob!
  • I'm so sorry for your losses. Sometimes you just need to cry... it's part of the process.
    m/c 7/17/10
    Dx: MFI- 3% morph
    IUIs: Gonal-F + Ovidrel + b2b IUI= BFNs
    IVF with ICSI= BFP! EDD 11/25/11
    3/18- Beta #1 452! 3/20- Beta #2 1,026!! 3/27- First u/s- TWINS!
    Our twin boys arrived at 36w5d due to IUGR and a growth discordance

    FET: Medicated FET moved up to 5/23 due to ovulation
    Transferred a 6BB hatched blastocyst- genetically normal female embryo
    BFP! 5/28- 5dp6dt      
    6/1 Beta #1- 223! 6/3 Beta #2- 567!


    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
  • I am sorry for your losses, let yourself cry its natural no matter what anyone says. T's & P's to you and your little ones.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Premature Baby tickers
    BFP #1 - 04/09/10 -- m/c - 07/02/10 @ 20weeks and 3 days. D&C 07/02/2010 - EDD 11/16/10
    BFP #2 12/17/10 please stick turtle. EDD 8/29/11 - Emergency C-Section 7-2-11. Andrew's journey
    Congratulations to my TTCAL buddy Carolee on her BFP! Stick, baby!
    Congratulations to elbandas09, cherylanddoug, tctibbe(MsPegees) and alliejoe for their take home babies!
  • I had read your story in one of your earlier posts and it just breaks my heart every time. I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through and I am not going to compare my loss at 26 weeks to yours. I can only imagine that you were "home free" with your baby and then all of this happened. I am so torn, I feel so terrible, life is so unfair. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish words could make all your pain go away, but we all know it isn't that simple. All I can say is I am so sorry. I hope things get easier and I hope you start healing from the c-section. ((hugs))

  • I am so, so sorry. It's so unfair and you have every right to be grieving still. Let your DH know that you know it makes him sad when you cry, but that you need to let it out and if you bottle it up you'll break. Remind him that you're two different people who grieve differently, and make a pact that you will support him in the way that he needs to grieve if he will support you.

    Hugs hugs hugs and again, I'm so sorry you have to go through this again. I can't even imagine. I wish the universe would have a one dead baby rule per couple. Crying

    image image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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    Always missing our first son Caleb, born at 19w3d on 4.12.10.
  • I am so very sorry. I can't imagine your emotions right now. I know my DH is like yours and puts on a strong face for me, but I continue to cry. It's not fair that you are having to write this post and I wish I could say the magic words to help you, but there are none. I think it's important for you and your DH to understand that each of you will greive differently and that is OK. It may help you both to attend a grief counselor once you are healed physically. I'm so heart broken for your family.  ((HUGS))

    6/28/10: Lost our sweet baby Addyston at 18wk 1day to pPROM 7/24/11: Michael William born at 24wk 2d due to IC after an emergent cerclage at 18wks, 4wk home BR and 2 weeks hospital BR. Grow strong our little Miracle! 9/17/11: Michael joined his sister in heaven after 8 amazing weeks with us on earth. He fought a very hard fight but NEC was too much for him in the end. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I am so sorry. What you are going through is completely unfair and awful. I can't imagine how devastated and angry you must be. You're entitled to feel bad and cry for as long as you want. Tell your DH that you want him to hold you or just be quiet with you and not try to make it better, because nothing can make it better.

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers

    Our angel baby, always missed-EDD 1.18.10-D&C 7.2.10
    "Sometimes, the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." -Winnie the Pooh

    Congrats to my KU buddy ~
    and ZZsMommy on baby XYZ and GPickles on baby C

  • nothing i can say will make it better, just know that I am praying for you.  We are here for you whenever you need us!
    So excited for our little blessing:)
  • I'm so sorry! I wish there was a magic button that could be pushed to make things better. We're here anytime you need to cry, scream, or just vent. Hugs!

    PGAL/PAL Welcome


  • I am so so sorry! Words just cannot compare to the sorrow I feel for you and your family. Please know that we are here for you at this rough time, and will continue to be throughout your grieving process...

    ((hugs))Broken Heart

    My Blog

    Me:26 PCOS, IR, MTHFR c677t/c677t, arcuate uterus DH:27 4% morphology
    11/2006 Married My DH
    Started trying on Honeymoon
    2009/2009 4 failed clomid cycles, many BFN, PCOS Study
    4/2010 5 rounds of femara resulted in BFP!
    6/2010 Lost our little poppy.
    7/2010 DX: MTHFR C677t/C677t
    2/23/2011 Starting first IUI cycle. Follistim and ovidrel. Fingers crossed...
    First IUI=BFN Second IUI=BFN
    9/2011: IUI 3,4,5,6 BFN
    1/2012 New year New plan... First consult for IVF.
    4/3/2012 First day of our 1st IVF cycle..
    5/16 ER 14R 6M 5F (25+ empty follicles)
    5/19 ET 3dt of 2 grade A 8 cell embabies!!! Stick baby stick
    8dp3dt BFP! Beta#1 12dp3dt 136, #2 14dpt 336, #3 16dpt 845
    6/19/2012 7w HB 131!!! 6/27/2012 8w HB 173
    Baby Delaney is scheduled to be induced Jan 30, 2013!!

    imageimageimage Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I'm so sorry ((hugs))


    image 3 IUI's all BFN

    IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN

    Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10

    BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11

    Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11

    my blog

  • image ColleenS629:
    I'm so sorry for your losses. Sometimes you just need to cry... it's part of the process.



    My heart is broken for you and your DH.  Broken Heart

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