Babies: 9 - 12 Months

Why do I feel so guilty?

I hired a babysitter today to watch Henry twice a week from now until the middle of August.  I am taking three 1 month classes which means I have to do all of the work in 1/4 of the time of a regular semester. 

I know this is best for me and for H because I feel like sometimes I neglect him (put him in the bouncer and turn on the TV) when I have to get something done, but I feel horrible about it for some reason.  I feel like by hiring the babysitter I'm saying I don't want to spend time with him even though I know logically that is not what I'm doing. 

Please tell me I'm being foolish and that he will have a blast playing with the cutest 18yr old I've ever seen.   Oh and I'll be home 99% of the time she's watching him and I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse. 

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Re: Why do I feel so guilty?

  • Amy,

    You probably don't recognize me from Adam (I took down my adorable little boy because I freaked out over some privacy stuff) but I recognize you all the way back from the tri days when I was nothing but a lurker.  You're a good mom, and you're being foolish.  Smile  H will have a blast!  You will get your school work done, and maybe even have 10 minutes to yourself to recharge your batteries.  ((BIG HUGS))

    Do you feel better now? Big Smile

  • You feel guilty because you are a SAHM and you feel like you need to take care of him always. Don't beat yourself up about it. Be gad that you realize you will need help so he isn't stuck sitting in the bouncer watching tv. I'm sure he will have much more fun with the sitter and you will be able to get things done. Believe me, I feel the same way anytime I leave Lily-even if it's just with DH. You'll be fine and he'll have a great time. The best part is...you'll still be there and know that he is having a good time! See you tomorrow!
  • Don't feel guilty, it's only for a few hours. You'll get things done and won't have to feel bad about neglecting him.

      But I do understand how you feel. I'm a weirdo and felt bad leaving him for a few hours last Saturday to go out with DH to a movie and dinner, ha ha .

  • Being a good mom doesn't mean being on mom duty 100% of the time.  In fact, it's good for him to have a little space to interact with other people and test his wings without you.  And what a great, safe way to let him do that with you just a little distance away!  

      

  • Thanks ladies.

    You all are right- I do feel like I need to do it all 100% of the time.  Today when we met the girl to go over some things he started crying.  I know that is a sign that he needs to learn to be with new people, but it's just so hard for me. haha

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  • I think it will be really good for both of you. My DD loves her daycare and playing with other kids and adults. I think it helps her learn and grow to interact with other people.
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  • May I make a suggestion -  One that comes from my time as a SAHM, a working mom and a babysitter?  Go out when the babysitter is there.  Even if you have to go to a coffee shop and do your work there.    Maybe not even a coffee shop, but set yourself up in the backyard or a room with a door and a set of headphones.

    When I'm nearby, my daughter wants me.  If I'm gone, it's out of sight, out of mind.  This weekend, we were around my MIL.  I felt so bad for her.  If I was in the room, DD wanted nothing to do with her.  If I was able to walk away, she was fine.  And I remember being a babysitter and it was so awkward to try to win over a baby and figure him out when there was a parent hovering.  I felt awkward being all goofy and singing songs with an adult right there, but that was exactly what I needed to do.   

  • image Cityplanner:

    May I make a suggestion -  One that comes from my time as a SAHM, a working mom and a babysitter?  Go out when the babysitter is there.  Even if you have to go to a coffee shop and do your work there.    Maybe not even a coffee shop, but set yourself up in the backyard or a room with a door and a set of headphones.

    When I'm nearby, my daughter wants me.  If I'm gone, it's out of sight, out of mind.  This weekend, we were around my MIL.  I felt so bad for her.  If I was in the room, DD wanted nothing to do with her.  If I was able to walk away, she was fine.  And I remember being a babysitter and it was so awkward to try to win over a baby and figure him out when there was a parent hovering.  I felt awkward being all goofy and singing songs with an adult right there, but that was exactly what I needed to do.   

    Thanks for the advice.  I actually told DH he needed to move my desk into the spare bedroom this weekend because like your DD, when I am around H wants me.  I will be telling him bye and closing the door behind me until I'm finished with my schoolwork.  

    I hated having parents hover while I was babysitting so I am making it a point not to do it....even though I will want to. haha

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  • I felt guilty at first too....I have a babysitter 2 days a week for 3 hours a day.  But DS LOVES playing with her, and yet he is still so excited when I come home from work.  It will be ok.
  • I was just struggling with this myself.  I don't have a spare minute to do anything around this house other than the normal dishes, laundry, get through the week- type stuff.  I was feeling guilty asking my ILs to come play with DS on Friday afternoons just so I can attack the clutter and closets in this house. 

    Personally, I think that our LOs need a change of scenery every once in awhile- he'll have such a great time and you'll get your time to do your schoolwork.  Don't feel guilty, especially since he's got a cute 18yr old!  DS LOVES the cute girls at the Y and probably wouldn't mind if I left him there more often!  :)  

     

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  • LVilaLVila member
    As hard as it is to accept, our LOs NEED other people in their lives. It's important that they learn to take direction and interact with others... I mean, that's what happens when they go to school! I used to teach preschool and you could definitely tell the difference in the kids who had lots of time with someone other than their mom (or dad, in some cases) and those who were experienced in solving things without their parents and/or with the help of another adult. There is no shame in getting a babysitter for a few hours!
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