Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Is it possible to be a baby hog when it's your own baby?

Whenever MIL comes over, I let her hold DD (usually).  But if she starts to fuss, my mom alert goes off and I need to take over.  I try to give MIL a chance to calm her down, but after maybe 10 seconds, I go over to her and take DD away.  She doesn't cry much, so when she does, I can easily figure out what's bothering her and I can fix it instantly.  MIL tries to sing to her.

Tonight DD fussed, I went over to get her, and MIL tried to turn her back on me so I couldn't get to DD.   I told her "I need to soothe my baby" and I took her away... I knew she was hungry so I went upstairs to the nursery and fed her... and I made the feeding last until MIL went home (the nursery is off-limits to everyone but DH when I'm nursing).  Am I a bad DIL for stealing my baby away from her grandma? 

abby 365




**Abigail (Abby) Lily**06/11/2010**7 lbs, 10 oz.**19.5 inches**

**Charlotte Harper**11/04/2012**7 lbs, 6 oz.**19 inches**


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Re: Is it possible to be a baby hog when it's your own baby?

  • I also take my baby from my MIL when she fusses. MIL doesn't seem to be very motherly...

    I do feel bad because I let my mom, sister, and grandma soothe her. I guess I am just more comfortable with them.

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  • not a bad DIL at all. At least your MIL doesn't follow you into the nursery like MY MIL does! UGH! You did the right thing. I'm finding since I had my DD that my MIL seems to think she's in charge... I think a lot of us are finding that out.
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  • I think we have the right to hog our own babies if we want to.

    MIL always makes snide comments about me when DS starts to cry, so now I take him away immediately before she can say something that will piss me off.

  • Well...

    Lookit, she's your baby.  But, you might get the side-eye from your IL's on this one.   It's just the way it goes sometimes.  I know how you feel though.  Mine are here this week and we went out earlier for ice cream and took our DD in the stroller.  She cried for a good portion of the way there (my MIL was pushing the stroller) and it was all I could do to NOT snatch her out of the stroller and take her home.  She ended up falling asleep and it was all fine.

    So, I dunno.  You gotta do what feels right to you.  Sometimes you'll be judged for it though.

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  • mopsiemopsie
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    image Laura0575:

    So, I dunno.  You gotta do what feels right to you.  Sometimes you'll be judged for it though.

    I judge my ILs all the time... I guess turnabout is fair play. 

    abby 365




    **Abigail (Abby) Lily**06/11/2010**7 lbs, 10 oz.**19.5 inches**

    **Charlotte Harper**11/04/2012**7 lbs, 6 oz.**19 inches**


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  • If my baby starts to cry with just about anyone I take her. She's crying because she wants something, and I don't care how "good with babies" anyone thinks they are. No amount of random rocking or singing is going to make her not hungry or in need of a change. Such a peeve!
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  • If my LO starts to fuss or cry with someone else, I don't take her. But - I have a bit of a selfish reason why. Every time she has fussed, I sit there and don't move a muscle, and it never fails whoever is trying will give up and hand her to me, and it takes me about 15 seconds to fix it. Soooo....the IL's end up seeing that they can't make her happy, and I can. Now, as soon as she even peeps....they hand her over. I don't have to even ask or make a move to take her.
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  • IMO you're being a little too possesive. 10 minutes is one thing, but 10 seconds? I think you should be happy MIL cares enough to want to calm and soothe her. It's not going to harm the baby to fuss a couple minutes and if you give MIL a chance she may do a good job. Plus, you want her to be comfortable around different people. At the end of the day, it's your baby so do what you want, but you asked for opinions.
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  • image teelaman:
    If my LO starts to fuss or cry with someone else, I don't take her. But - I have a bit of a selfish reason why. Every time she has fussed, I sit there and don't move a muscle, and it never fails whoever is trying will give up and hand her to me, and it takes me about 15 seconds to fix it. Soooo....the IL's end up seeing that they can't make her happy, and I can. Now, as soon as she even peeps....they hand her over. I don't have to even ask or make a move to take her.

     

    I am so very guilty of this.  I don't feel as bad now.  :D

  • According to my mother, I don't know how to be a mother and apparently she feels the need to take the baby away from my hands if she's fussy. Go figure!!! Had a huge fight with her today over all the nonsense.

    So no, I don't feel like you're being a hog. It's your baby!!!! It's just MIL and Mother's seem to be very damn opioniated and controlling yet think they are coming off helpful.

  • Wow. Yes, its possible to be a baby hog. My LO also doesn't fuss unless something is wrong. I normally know what that something is right off. If I'm not the one who has her I advise the other person what is wrong then tell them what they can do to help. Its important that baby has attachments to someone other than you. Long term its awesome for them to know many people love and care for them. You're doing a disservice to your baby by not allowing anyone else figure out a way to soothe them/ help you in soothing them.
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  • magretmagret member
    I had a problem where FIL wouldn't give me DD back when she was 3 months old and was crying.  She was hungry and I had pushed back feeding her as long as I could and I knew thats what she wanted but he simply wouldn't give her back to me.  He looked and me and said no! I was like but its my child and she needs to eat.  To say the least DH had to go and get DD from FIL and they all knew I was not happy.  So sometimes I think it is completely fair to take LO away.  But I guess it just depends on the situation.  GL
  • I'm trying very hard not to have one of those babies who can't be held by others and are clingy towards me so I give other people the opportunity to soothe LO.  If it is obvious what the problem is,  ie she's hungry I tell them and either take her to nurse or give them a bottle to feed her, in otherwords I help them gain the tools necessary to provide her comfort.  If I know I'm the only one in that instance that can soothe her I just tell the person and make it clear that I will give her back after the fact  But the only people that it has been necessary for this sort of thing is my BFF and my mom and MIL, they are all very respectful of me as the mother so it's not a problem at all.
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  • Um, yeah, it's possible to hog your own baby. DS rarely fusses. If someone else is holding him and he starts to fuss I'll let them deal with it. If I thinknits hungry or wet then I'll tell them that. Usually they'll try tonsoothe him but if it doesn't work after a minute or so they'll hand him over to me. Honestly, I think it's very important for DS to get used to being soothed by others. FIL is notorious for coming in and raking DS from me while he's sleeping. 90% of the time it wakes DS up and as soon as he wakes up he has to eat. I laugh and tell FIL that he woke him up so he has to deal with it. I BF so it's obviously a joke but FIL will hand him over after a minute or so of trying other ways to soothe DS.
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  • If you are, then I am too.  When DD was little, MIL used to say "I don't mind when babies cry" if DD fussed while she was holding her.  I repeatedly said "I do" as I took DD away.  DD didn't fuss/cry for no reason and neither does DS.  I know how to comfort them, it's not really necessary for anyone else (other than DH) to learn how to soothe them when they're tiny - we're not going anywhere.
  • I am the same way.  My MIL barely raised her own son (he was an only child, was with grandma most of his first 3 months, and had a live in nanny), so she really has no idea what to do with her when she cries.  Most of the time she hands her over.  Either way I usually take her. 

    My mother on the other hand takes her from me when she gets fussy.  I have absolutely no problem with that because my mom seems to have that touch.  She can get her calm in seconds.

    If she can't get her calm, what's the point in letter her cry? 

  • eh, I think its a bit much. 10 seconds? Give the woman a chance.

    Now if she's actually crying, thats different. But a little fussing? 10 seconds is a short time. I'd be a bit taken a back if a mom ripped her child out of my arms after 10 seconds as well.

  • Haha no not at all. I do the same thing. The only person that seems to be able to soothe LO other than DH and I is my mom. I'm quick to take LO away from anyone but my mom :)
  • image IrishBrideND:

    eh, I think its a bit much. 10 seconds? Give the woman a chance.

    Now if she's actually crying, thats different. But a little fussing? 10 seconds is a short time. I'd be a bit taken a back if a mom ripped her child out of my arms after 10 seconds as well.

     the most important part of what u just said was "a mom, and her child" what right do u feel u have to someone elses child when they want them back? I don't get u ppl. i understand those of u who so freely let anyone hold and soothe, more power to u. but if i want my child, no one and nothing is going to keep him/her from me, family or not. u didn't carry that child or go through labor. ur not home with me at night feeding him/her or taking care of them so don't presume you stake any claim, especially the first few months.

  • it is not possible to hog ur own child. its urs! I don't plan on letting anyone near my son until Thanksgiving, and even then there will be rules. he will not be passed along to every pair of hands in the house and when he starts crying he's back to mommy. the first person to try and tell me no or not give him back will be ruining it for the rest of the family because no one will be touching him after that. Period. my family or BF's. I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT CHILD. if something happens to him everyone else will just be sayin "what a shame" or "so sad" i'm the one who will have to deal with it.
  • image EmoDiva:
    it is not possible to hog ur own child. its urs! I don't plan on letting anyone near my son until Thanksgiving, and even then there will be rules. he will not be passed along to every pair of hands in the house and when he starts crying he's back to mommy. the first person to try and tell me no or not give him back will be ruining it for the rest of the family because no one will be touching him after that. Period. my family or BF's. I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT CHILD. if something happens to him everyone else will just be sayin "what a shame" or "so sad" i'm the one who will have to deal with it.

    IndifferentYikes. The umbilical cord is cut at birth for a reason.

    OP, if LO is just fussing, then let others try to comfort him/her. If it's out of hunger or a diaper change then I agree with you. LO needs to learn to be soothed by others as you may not always be around (i.e. work, events, etc.). It's important for children to gain relationships with other family members too.

     

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  • image EmoDiva:
    image IrishBrideND:

    eh, I think its a bit much. 10 seconds? Give the woman a chance.

    Now if she's actually crying, thats different. But a little fussing? 10 seconds is a short time. I'd be a bit taken a back if a mom ripped her child out of my arms after 10 seconds as well.

     the most important part of what u just said was "a mom, and her child" what right do u feel u have to someone elses child when they want them back? I don't get u ppl. i understand those of u who so freely let anyone hold and soothe, more power to u. but if i want my child, no one and nothing is going to keep him/her from me, family or not. u didn't carry that child or go through labor. ur not home with me at night feeding him/her or taking care of them so don't presume you stake any claim, especially the first few months.

    Is it really THAT hard to spell out "you" and "your"? Christ on a cracker, I'm on my droid and can manage it just fine.

    There's a reason the saying goes "it takes a village to raise a child". It's important that a child bonds and can be soothed by others. What if there's an emergency and LO has to be left with someone? If they have only been soothed by you and know nothing else it will be very stressful to them. Furthermore the OP didn't even give her MIL a chance and then purposefuly hid away until after she left. That's mean and rude. That's her grandchild, her flesh and blood. You're doing a disservice to your child by not allowing them to get used to others, especially their own grandparents (unless there is just cause).

    You gonna wrap your kid in bubblewrap w/ a helmet and teeth gaurd too?
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  • I completely understand why you would want to take your baby and soothe him. After all, it's your baby. You're more likely to know what he needs than just about anyone else. That being said, I would suggest a more tactful approach to it.

    When he starts fussing tell your MIL what he needs and let her take care of it. I'm sure she's perfectly capable of changing and plenty of other things. Obviously, if you're nursing and the baby is hungry then you'll need to take over. Try something nonchalant like looking at your watch before you go for him and saying "Oh, it's time for a feeding again." Your MIL (and others for that matter) will feel less pushed aside if there's some communication other than just taking him out of their arms.

    I'm ready to climb the walls, too, buddy.

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  • I absolutely agree with both of your responses, thank you for being real.
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