Babies: 0 - 3 Months

HELP! He wants to be held ALL THE TIME!

AH! I'm at my wits ends. I'm not sure what to do anymore! Conner is 23 days old and has to be held ALL THE TIME or he cries and cries and cries and screams and SCREAMS till he's red in the face! I can't take it anymore. I'm about to cry myself. Ever since he hit 2wks old he's awake from 11:00am-11:00pm and if he's not being held he screams bloody murder. I get NOTHING done around the house until DH is here. No laundry, no cleaning, NOT FOOD for myself, not a shower, NOTHING. When DH is home he has to hold him so I can cook dinner and pick up the house. I finally put him upstairs in our bedroom (where he sleeps in a bassinet) and shut the door. It's been 10min and he's STILL screaming. What do I do?! How long do I wait to get him?! Anyone else gone through the same thing?

Re: HELP! He wants to be held ALL THE TIME!

  • Do you have a Baby Bjorn?  Does that help?  At least you could have your arms free.  Also, what about a bouncer/vibrating chair thing.  My DD seems to like that when she's fussy.
  • Your baby is only 3 weeks old.  He is not old enough to CIO, you need to go get him NOW.  He can not self soothe.  He is crying because he needs something.  If he just needs to be held then so be it.  He is wrapped tight in your womb for months, he just needs to feel safe.  Get a moby and wear him around the house, but please don't just leave him to cry.  I know it can be frusterating, but you have to do everything you can to comfort him.
  • Get a Moby wrap. It will change your life!
  • At 23 days he could be going through a 3 week growth spurt.  At that age though babies do need a lot of affection.  They're only crying for a few reasons, and needing comfort is one of them.  Do you have a moby wrap?  If not I would think about getting one.  I wear my son around the house all the time while I clean & do laundry.  Also, letting him scream alone for 10 minutes isn't a good idea, he cannot self soothe at his age.  As I said before, at 3 weeks he is crying for a reason and letting him CIO can hurt his trust in you.
  • we have the same problem, about 9pm till midnight, sometimes its earlier sometimes its later, last sunday she was awake most the day and only slept when someone held her, the second you put her down she would scream.  sometimes babies jsut want to be held. on sunday it turned out that she had thrush and monday after she was able to get meds she got better, she still has her period of time where she wants to have nothing but to be held. i try and lay her down even if its only for 10 mins. she has your screaming fits too. give him 10 mins and then comfort him, crying isnt going to hurt him in fact its great for his lungs. (Samantha cried for 3 hours and only stopped when she was picked up) thats how we knew she just wanted to be held. they do grow out of it though. we are still in the learning process as well. some ladies suggested a sling,moby or other baby carrier (i have a baby carrier but shes too small for it right now.)
  • He was held in close quarters for 9 months.  It stands to reason that he wants to be held still.  Google 4th trimester. 

    Cleaning and laundry can wait.  They're not going to go anywhere while you tend to the baby.  You need a carrier of some sort - a sling, mei tai, baby bjorn, or something.

    Right now, you let him scream until you're calm enough to handle him.  No longer than that.

    The first 8 weeks are about survival.  Your job is to get through it alive.  That's all.  It's not fun, but you'll get through it.  It will get easier.  It will get fun.  But right now, it sucks.  And it's ok to admit that.

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  • don't wait to go comfort your baby.

    My daughter is just over a month and also wants to be held all the time. You just have to do it. My doctor told me to focus on 4 things the first month, feed your baby, feed yourself, drink water and sleep. All other stuff will wait, including laundry and other chores.

    You are still healing, so forget about the chores and focus on you and baby. I think as crazy and difficult as it is, all you are going through is normal.

    Your son is depending on you for comfort, at this age he has nothing else to depend on. Hold him whenever and however long he wants.

    Get some food on hand that is healthy and easy to eat. Nuts, granola bars, yogurt, fruits/veggies have all been life-savers for me. I do sometimes take a 5-min shower and let her fuss, or even have put my daughter in her bathtub just outside the shower so I can comfort her while showering. Good luck and go easy on yourself.

  • image SoCaliAli:
    Your baby is only 3 weeks old.  He is not old enough to CIO, you need to go get him NOW.  He can not self soothe.  He is crying because he needs something.  If he just needs to be held then so be it.  He is wrapped tight in your womb for months, he just needs to feel safe.  Get a moby and wear him around the house, but please don't just leave him to cry.  I know it can be frustrating, but you have to do everything you can to comfort him.

    This. LO is almost 10 weeks old, and he still goes through spells where all he wants is to be held. As a parent, this is your job.  I also think you should invest in some sort of baby-wearing wrap or carrier. It will help you get things done and keep baby happy at the same time.  Sometimes you have to let the house go.

  • image SoCaliAli:
    Your baby is only 3 weeks old.  He is not old enough to CIO, you need to go get him NOW.  He can not self soothe.  He is crying because he needs something.  If he just needs to be held then so be it.  He is wrapped tight in your womb for months, he just needs to feel safe.  Get a moby and wear him around the house, but please don't just leave him to cry.  I know it can be frusterating, but you have to do everything you can to comfort him.
    All of this. A carrier will help a lot. This phase won't last forever so please don't let him cry. He needs to know you'll respond to his needs right now. It's the only way they have to communicate. And wanting to be held is a valid need
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  • Eek! Please don't let that LO cry that long! Like PP said they have been in the womb, wrapped up for 9 months- this is a shock to their system. My LO LOVES to be held. She'll go in her swing for maybe 10 minutes at a time... I'm whipping out the moby today and trying it out!

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  • Two things:

    1) Happiest Baby on the Block.  Don't bother with the book.  You can pick up the video at the library or order it from Amazon.com.  The method really helps calm baby.

    2) MOBY WRAP!!!!  This thing is wonderful for when baby wants to be held but you need to get things done.  99% of the time DS is happy as a clam in it, and he's a pretty cranky baby.  I wore him in the moby on an airplane, wear it at the store, etc.  DH stays home with him and often just wears it around the house so DS will stay calm but DH can get some stuff done.

  • image EmilyAnn10:
    I finally put him upstairs in our bedroom (where he sleeps in a bassinet) and shut the door. It's been 10min and he's STILL screaming. What do I do?! How long do I wait to get him?! Anyone else gone through the same thing?

    Oh, and  PLEASE don't do this.  If your baby wants to be held, just hold him.  Using something like the moby wrap will help you hold him all of the time while keeping your sanity.

  • My survival tips: get a carrier like a moby wrap so that he is "held" and you can do things around the house.  The only way you might get to shower is to put the bouncy seat or something similar in the bathroom and then shower quickly.  He'll cry, but you can at least check to be sure he is OK.  Have food on hand that you can eat cold or fix one-handed.  Also, I wouldn't let him sleep until 11am.  If you wake him up at 7 or 8 in the morning, he will likely take a nap. 
  • image SoCaliAli:
    Your baby is only 3 weeks old.  He is not old enough to CIO, you need to go get him NOW.  He can not self soothe.  He is crying because he needs something.  If he just needs to be held then so be it.  He is wrapped tight in your womb for months, he just needs to feel safe.  Get a moby and wear him around the house, but please don't just leave him to cry.  I know it can be frusterating, but you have to do everything you can to comfort him.
    Fortunate to be a SAHM to my 3 musketeers (5/2006, 5/2010 & 12/2011). Soy & dairy free for the 3rd and final time. Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers image image
  • image SoldiersGreenBean:

    He was held in close quarters for 9 months.  It stands to reason that he wants to be held still.  Google 4th trimester. 

    Cleaning and laundry can wait.  They're not going to go anywhere while you tend to the baby.  You need a carrier of some sort - a sling, mei tai, baby bjorn, or something.

    Right now, you let him scream until you're calm enough to handle him.  No longer than that.

    The first 8 weeks are about survival.  Your job is to get through it alive.  That's all.  It's not fun, but you'll get through it.  It will get easier.  It will get fun.  But right now, it sucks.  And it's ok to admit that.

     

    Ditto about the first 8 wks.  Its hard to swallow, but its true.  My 2nd child is 3 weeks, and its been 5 years since I've been through it with my first child.  It's so, so tough - but I can tell you it does get better - better enough to forget how rough it was and want another.  ;o) 

  • DO NOT CIO a 23 day old baby!

    Pick that baby up

     

    Babies want to be held. Its normal.

    Get a moby wrap.

  • image berrybuzz:
    i try and lay her down even if its only for 10 mins. she has your screaming fits too. give him 10 mins and then comfort him, crying isnt going to hurt him in fact its great for his lungs. (Samantha cried for 3 hours and only stopped when she was picked up) thats how we knew she just wanted to be held. they do grow out of it though. we are still in the learning process as well. some ladies suggested a sling,moby or other baby carrier (i have a baby carrier but shes too small for it right now.)

    1) This is HORRIBLE advice.

    2) Your infant cried for THREE HOURS without being comforted?  Honestly, I think that is child abuse.

    3) What kind of carrier?  Get one for newborns or suck it up and hold your baby the old fashion way. 

    Fortunate to be a SAHM to my 3 musketeers (5/2006, 5/2010 & 12/2011). Soy & dairy free for the 3rd and final time. Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers image image
  • image Go_Dawgs:

    image EmilyAnn10:
    I finally put him upstairs in our bedroom (where he sleeps in a bassinet) and shut the door. It's been 10min and he's STILL screaming. What do I do?! How long do I wait to get him?! Anyone else gone through the same thing?

    Oh, and  PLEASE don't do this.  If your baby wants to be held, just hold him.  Using something like the moby wrap will help you hold him all of the time while keeping your sanity.

    Not to pick on any one person, but several ladies have made similar comments.  I don't think the OP is trying to CIO or such.  She is at a point where she is about to totally lose it.  I don't believe in CIO at all, at any age.  However, when a parent is at the breaking point, I do think it is OK to put a crying baby down just until you have calmed down and can handle things.  Many times babies have been shaken or otherwise abused b/c of non-stop crying.  While I do NOT think that OP is ever going to do any such thing, people more or less telling a mom that she can't ever put a crying baby down, even when she truly cannot take another second of it is really bad advice IMO.  When you are at this point, putting the baby somewhere safe and going to another room until you are calm is the right thing to do--just go back to get the baby as soon you have recovered.

  • image berrybuzz:
    we have the same problem, about 9pm till midnight, sometimes its earlier sometimes its later, last sunday she was awake most the day and only slept when someone held her, the second you put her down she would scream.  sometimes babies jsut want to be held. on sunday it turned out that she had thrush and monday after she was able to get meds she got better, she still has her period of time where she wants to have nothing but to be held. i try and lay her down even if its only for 10 mins. she has your screaming fits too. give him 10 mins and then comfort him, crying isnt going to hurt him in fact its great for his lungs. (Samantha cried for 3 hours and only stopped when she was picked up) thats how we knew she just wanted to be held. they do grow out of it though. we are still in the learning process as well. some ladies suggested a sling,moby or other baby carrier (i have a baby carrier but shes too small for it right now.)

    Please tell me you did not let your baby cry for 3 hours without trying to soothe her.

  • image SoCaliAli:

    image berrybuzz:
    we have the same problem, about 9pm till midnight, sometimes its earlier sometimes its later, last sunday she was awake most the day and only slept when someone held her, the second you put her down she would scream.  sometimes babies jsut want to be held. on sunday it turned out that she had thrush and monday after she was able to get meds she got better, she still has her period of time where she wants to have nothing but to be held. i try and lay her down even if its only for 10 mins. she has your screaming fits too. give him 10 mins and then comfort him, crying isnt going to hurt him in fact its great for his lungs. (Samantha cried for 3 hours and only stopped when she was picked up) thats how we knew she just wanted to be held. they do grow out of it though. we are still in the learning process as well. some ladies suggested a sling,moby or other baby carrier (i have a baby carrier but shes too small for it right now.)

    Please tell me you did not let your baby cry for 3 hours without trying to soothe her.

    Seriously?  Letting your child scream and cry for 3 hours is neglect. 

  • First of all, if you need a break it is totally acceptable to put him down in a safe place and take a break.  I wouldn't go more than 15 minutes, but take a shower or grab something to eat and get calm, then tackle the screaming baby again.  I can't imagine that every woman on this site wasn't given this advice by the hospital they delivered at.  It is much more acceptable to put a screaming baby down someplace safe and take a few minutes for yourself than it is to ramp up your stress level and potentially put yourself and your baby at risk.  The constant screaming, coupled with postpartum hormones is where shaken babies come from.

    Second, are you swaddling?  Have you seen the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD?  Your baby is used to being held close.  Happiest Baby on the Block will teach you about the concept of the fourth trimester and will teach you how to swaddle.  I am guessing that your child is having a hard time adjusting to "outside" and there are ways to help with that.  Happiest Baby on the Block gives some great advice on how to help soothe baby during the fourth trimester.

    Third, do you have a good infant wrap?  I like ring slings and Mobys at the newborn stage.  Wearing your baby will allow him to be held close and will allow you two hands for more freedom to get things done around the house and to just feel more like you CAN do things if you want to (even if you don't WANT to sometimes).

    Fourth, you didn't really talk about your feeding schedule.  Can you tell us if you are breastfeeding?  If so, are you doing so on demand or are you trying to institute a schedule?  Your little one is probably going through a growth spurt right now and if you are trying to feed on a schedule he is probably hungry as cluster feeding is necessary through growth spurts.

    Fifth, can you get some help during the day?  Do you have family or friends that would be willing to come over and give you a break?  It sounds to me like you really need a couple hours a day to take a break for you if at all possible.  Your DH holding your child while you do household chores and make dinner is not a sufficient break for you, you need to get out of the house for a few minutes, you need to take a nap, you need to take a shower, you need to do something for YOU.

  • image BrainySmurfette:
    image Go_Dawgs:

    image EmilyAnn10:
    I finally put him upstairs in our bedroom (where he sleeps in a bassinet) and shut the door. It's been 10min and he's STILL screaming. What do I do?! How long do I wait to get him?! Anyone else gone through the same thing?

    Oh, and  PLEASE don't do this.  If your baby wants to be held, just hold him.  Using something like the moby wrap will help you hold him all of the time while keeping your sanity.

    Not to pick on any one person, but several ladies have made similar comments.  I don't think the OP is trying to CIO or such.  She is at a point where she is about to totally lose it.  I don't believe in CIO at all, at any age.  However, when a parent is at the breaking point, I do think it is OK to put a crying baby down just until you have calmed down and can handle things.  Many times babies have been shaken or otherwise abused b/c of non-stop crying.  While I do NOT think that OP is ever going to do any such thing, people more or less telling a mom that she can't ever put a crying baby down, even when she truly cannot take another second of it is really bad advice IMO.  When you are at this point, putting the baby somewhere safe and going to another room until you are calm is the right thing to do--just go back to get the baby as soon you have recovered.

    This times a million!!!  I can't even imagine how frustrating this must be.  Implying that she isn't doing the right thing by putting her baby down is NOT HELPING!!!

  • If you need a mental break, take one! Your baby can cry for a few minutes and be alright. It's not a big deal, despite what thebump mob will have you believe. You want to attend to all your baby's needs, but not jump at every sound. That will make you crazy, and your baby 100% dependent on you.

    DD wanted to be held a lot. And she'd fall asleep in my arms and as soon as I put her down, she was up crying again. I re-read Baby Whisperer and it said 1. some babies need to cry and 2. some babies need pitch darkness to sleep. So I put her in a dark room and she slept. She was never one of these babies that you could stick in a baby carrier to nap and take off to a restaurant. Not all babies are the same and it will take you time to figure yours out.

    The things that worked for us: darkness, swaddling, a few minutes to CIO (I let DD CIO for 5m and she always self-soothed and still has to this day). Also, read the Baby Whisperer and Happiest Baby on the Block. Great books for new moms! I also let her whimper for a few minutes before I got her from the crib - IF I knew she was full. If she was truly hungry, she would whimper louder and let me know. But most of the time she just fell back asleep.

    Also make sure that his tummy isn't unsettled. I know that keeps a lot of babies up. But if he is sleeping well from 11pm-11am, I don't think its his tummy. It might be daylight. ?

    GL and it's ok - its hard on everyone!!

  • it wont be like this for long... let the house be dirty... pretty soon ur baby is gonna be squirming to get down and ul miss the days where all they wanted to do was be held
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