I guess I'm in the monority, but it would def. bother me. It's not a matter of trusting DH (I do 110%), but to me strip clubs are disrespectful if you are a married man.
And yes, I find it MORE offensive that you are pregnant. You're sitting at home possibly feeling heavy and possibly unattractive (not to put feelings in your head or mouth, and NOT that you are either of these things, but that seems to be how many of us feel this far along, at least I do) In any case, working hard carrying his child, and he's off staring at women who's job it is to stay fit and attractive and be overly sexual.
I get that it's for a bach party, and not just cause he feels like going. I think that's the only redeeming factor here. And I would have a hard time "forbidding" my DH to do anything - that is also disrespectful. But if you are having strong feelings, I would def talk to him about it, and you are not the only one it bothers.
Absolutely! Well said. I think they are completely inappropriate period, but especially after you are married, and quite especially when you are pregnant. You were made for your husband to see, those women were not.
What the hell is he thinking? No, he shouldn't go. For one thing, men who see no problem watching naked women dance around have already learned to see women (some of them at least) as objects. How can anyone trust that that won't affect his marriage???
He should never have gone to a strip club for his own bachelor party. I don't blame you one bit for being upset about that. That he's even considering going to one again--for his brother's "benefit" (?!?) should earn him more than the world's biggest dope slap up the back of his head. Man up, buddy! You're a husband, now, and your wife needs you to be a man--for the sake of your marriage and for the sake of the children you two have together.
Why the hell should anyone be bullied into thinking this is normal for men? It's normal for losers--not for real men.
Your husband telling you he doesn't even want to go to the strip club is like you saying you don't think Brad PItt is attractive. He's doing it to spare your feelings/help his cause knowing its something that you are 100% comfortable with. He's not being untruthful, jhe's just trying to save face as and not fully admit to a guilty innocent pleasure that you happen to find disgusting. I'm sure you have a few of your own.
That being said, I think you ought to let him go. He's about to become a father, his brother is about to become a husband... you don't want to "be the woman who stood inbetween their last hurrah together as free men" ... or whatever excuse it is that men use. As silly or disrespectful as it may seem to us women, its just what guys do for bachelor parties as a way to bond with one another. Its like how they dont understand spending $50 for someone to paint our toenails.
Now... If you husband is going to a strip club on his own during his lunch break and somehow your bank account is missing $500, then I think youd have something to worry about. Otherwise, plan a fun night out with the girls and induldge in some guilty pleasures of your own for the night!
DH could go if he wanted to, he will be coming home to me.
"We like nothing better than buffing our Zygoma. And imagining a horny time traveling long overcoat purple scarf wearing super sleuth nordic legend fuck fantasy. Get to work on that, internet." Benedict Cumberbatch
I defo wouldn't feel comfortable with my DH going to a strip club, (preg or not) My DH wouldn't feel comfortable with it either! He would hate it too if I oggled other guys, and just the other day I made a little joke about how there were some naked chicks out sunbathing in the shared back garden.. if he went for the washing he could see them (yeah I wanted the washing done bad! lol) He was actually a bit offended that I seemed not to care if he looked at others naked!
Fair enough if you both share an ok on the subject but I its sad that it seems so many guys- husbands, husbands to be or not, feel peer pressured into making a 'one off' visit to a strip club when it makes them or their SO feel uncomfortable.. come on guys get a spine and be a real man! Glad my hubby's friends feel the same and all have sports days/camp bachelor parties instead! From what I've seen + heard they have a really good time too.
I wouldn't be crazy about my husband going to a strip club. I'll admit that it would make me feel self conscious and insecure. I had my baby 7 months ago and I'm still trying to work off the baby weight. To have my husband go and stare at hot naked chicks and then want to come home and sleep with me would disgust me. I know that in my case...my insecurity is my issue and I need to get past it. But the truth is the truth.....it would bother me. I wouldn't forbid him but I would make it known that it would bother me and let him make the decision. If he decides to go then try to understand (the issue with the guys and his brother) and move on. That's all we can do and try to feel better about ourselves anyway.
i totally think it is inappropriate. Can you tell him "no way?" in fact, i think strip clubs for bachelor parties are b.s. and just asking for trouble. i wouldn't let my husband go, pregnant or not!
You either trust your husband or you don't. It really is that simple. You really should let it go. If he is faithful, then what is it that you are worried about? Use the time to pamper yourself. Get some girlfriends together get a preggo friendly pedi and mani, go see a chick flick and dinner. It's totally edited but really, go do something for yourself and let the man party with his brother.
I'm not a big fan of strip clubs myself, and tried to get my husband to go somewhere else for his bachelor party...he lied to me about it, but got told on by one of my friends that was part of the group. Granted, the lie was to keep the guy that told out of trouble with his girlfriend - they both knew that while I didn't like it, I do "get" that that is what happens at a bachelor party.
My one actual rule was "No lap dances" for hubby. After my friend ratted everything out, I know that hubby did follow that rule, so I'm happy.
When it is someone else's party, the guests don't really get alot of say in where they are going. This is his brother's party, so I'm going to suggest that you let it go for now. Maybe tell him that until he leaves for the party, he's your's, and you want something romantic - give him a chance to do something special for you before and after the party?
I completely agree with you Meredith!!! It makes me kind of sad to see so many women feeling to casual about their men going off to the strip club. It's not a matter of trusting your man, it's a matter of him respecting you. If he's made a commitment to you then that kinda nixes his "right" to have fun by getting off to other women's naked bodies. There are other ways for him to celebrate his brother getting married. The whole idea of a man celebrating his upcoming nuptuals by getting a lapdance sounds absurd to me anyway. When I wasnt pregnant I made it very clear that I wasnt ok with it. Pregnant or not I told my DH I wasnt comfortable him going to a friend of ours Bachelor Party if that's what they were doing. And especially being pregnant I would be hurt. There is nothing wrong with him going out to have a good time with his friends. My DH goes golfing, goes to the bar to play darts, has his friends over to order a pay per view fight on tv...why cant these be perfectly suitable things for him to do to have fun??? It's a pretty crappy guilt trip to pull on you to say he HAS to go to a titty bar to have "fun". The BOTH of you have created a life and you shouldnt have to sit home feeling like that while you carry his child. Once you found out you were pregnant all the crazy fun had to stop for you and that's ok but he shouldnt get special privileges cuz he's a guy...
I guess I'm in the monority, but it would def. bother me. It's not a matter of trusting DH (I do 110%), but to me strip clubs are disrespectful if you are a married man.
And yes, I find it MORE offensive that you are pregnant. You're sitting at home possibly feeling heavy and possibly unattractive (not to put feelings in your head or mouth, and NOT that you are either of these things, but that seems to be how many of us feel this far along, at least I do) In any case, working hard carrying his child, and he's off staring at women who's job it is to stay fit and attractive and be overly sexual.
I get that it's for a bach party, and not just cause he feels like going. I think that's the only redeeming factor here. And I would have a hard time "forbidding" my DH to do anything - that is also disrespectful. But if you are having strong feelings, I would def talk to him about it, and you are not the only one it bothers.
I don't think you being pg has anything to do with it. If he promised you he wouldn't go again, he shouldn't go, regardless of who it's for. End of story.
I would be upset. Yeah he is going to look but at the end of the night YOU are the one he wants to come home to. He's going to go anyway, it IS his brother. Does he go out every weekend? Every month? Everyone needs to get away, and you are "stuck" with the baby while he gets to go out and have fun. Man have I had this conversation more times than I can count.
Meredith, I really think that if it bothers you that much its a discussion you need to have with DH. You are very pregnant and maybe you need to tell him the reasons why it bothers you. We ladies have a tendancy to get our backs up instead of having a calm conversation about these things. Your DH will be much more open to hear what your saying if its a calm, tear free conversation. Maybe you can make a deal with him and he can go to the rest of the party and bail when they head there. It sounds like pregnant or not, you really arent that fond of him going. Talk to him about that. Perhaps make a deal with him that you will have a private"show" for him if he doesnt go. It seems like a better ending for him then oogling a bunch of girls he cant go home with anyway.
Whatever you decide good luck and remember at the end of the day in any relationship you need to feel respected. If your DH attending strip clubs makes you not feel respected (regardless of anyone elses opinion) you need to let him know that. Good Luck
I agree with Amymarie13. Besides it doesn't matter who the party is for. DH is married to you and you're more important than anyone or anything in his life now. Who cares if the guys or whoever are going to give him smack about not going. Like I said before you're the most important person to him, or at least you should be. He should care more about you and your feelings than getting a little harassment from others about not doing something you and he aren't comfortable with. He doesn't have to go because it's for his brother and if he wants to "be there" for his brother than they can plan something else to do together. There are better things and better ways for people, in this case, males to do to celebrate the union of marriage. My husband and I have standards that we lower for no one. He didn't go to strip clubs or participate in any disrespectful, distasteful activity and as amazing as that is for some people to believe he had a really good time and he and his friends showed me pictures and told me about it. It's not a trust issue, it's what YOU and DH are comfortable with and decide together. Hope things work out with you two. Good luck!
I'm not pregnant currently and we haven't had any children yet, but I am with you on B parties. I think if your husband already knows that it makes you feel really horrible for him to go to those places and he had already promised he wouldn't ever go to one again, then he should not go to that part of the celebration. Usually there is an eating part and then they go to the SCs. He can still support his brother and be a good brother as well as a good husband and not have to go to the SC. If they only plan to go to the SCs, then your husband should explain to his brother that he loves him, but he also loves his wife and offer to take him out to eat anytime after or before the B party. He doesn't have to go to that part. I know he loves his brother, but you are his life companion and your feelings should have precedence. I would think his brother would respect him more knowing that he takes your feelings seriously. In our vows my husband and I promised to do just that. I hope he realizes how much it would hurt you and make the right decision. Best of luck! Congrats on the baby also!
from an ex dancer's point of view you have to trust your man, it doesn't help he lied to you either. but the girls are nice and some are just after there money to help pay for school, kids, ect. there are a very limited amount of girls there that would do "extra"things but thats up to the guys. ask around about the place there going to, about the girls being "clean" (meaning nothing more then a dance) or are they a dirty club (meaning they WILL do anything for $$$) you may want to go with him. i take my man to them all the time. i know which clubs aree the good ones to go to and reswpect the fact that he's married. and even bought him some dances from girls i knew and trusted. you can even watch if you ask.
I'm only speaking on behalf of myself and my hubby: It would be out of the question!
This. And, luckily, I have a husband who understands that I do not approve of strip clubs whether pregnant or not. He and I are committed to one another and don't believe in hurting the other one's feelings for a night out on the town. He actually only spent 15 minutes at a friend's bachelor party due to the first stop being a strip club...mind you he was lied to when he asked if they were going to one...but I have to say that if you talk, not yell and cry, with your spouse and let them know exactly why you don't approve and ask them to support you in your feelings then I would think they would genuinely try to understand.
I guess I'm in the monority, but it would def. bother me. It's not a matter of trusting DH (I do 110%), but to me strip clubs are disrespectful if you are a married man.
And yes, I find it MORE offensive that you are pregnant. You're sitting at home possibly feeling heavy and possibly unattractive (not to put feelings in your head or mouth, and NOT that you are either of these things, but that seems to be how many of us feel this far along, at least I do) In any case, working hard carrying his child, and he's off staring at women who's job it is to stay fit and attractive and be overly sexual.
I get that it's for a bach party, and not just cause he feels like going. I think that's the only redeeming factor here. And I would have a hard time "forbidding" my DH to do anything - that is also disrespectful. But if you are having strong feelings, I would def talk to him about it, and you are not the only one it bothers.
I understand about the whole hormonal thing and not wanting him to go. It can be really hard. However, it is his brother, and lets face it- its just what they do at bachelor parties- I say if you trust him, you'll let him go, but he has to do something that you enjoy another day. Make him take you on a romantic date before the baby is born.
Wow I can't believe all the posts on here. I appreciate all the advice from people.
One
thing I wanted to clear up is the part I said about sitting at
home...I'm on bed rest now so I don't/can't get out much. I'd like to
plan a girls day but I don't know who all would be willing to come down
to my house, because my friends are all married/with children/etc. and
all have busy schedules. I don't want to seem "lame" that I need people
around me that day either, even though it would help.
Um, did anyone read this later post saying that she is on BED REST and
can't really go anywhere? Its bad enough that he knows how against it she is,
how bad it makes her feel, promised her he would never go to another
one, and now is guilt tripping her into letting him go, but he's also leaving his
pregnant on bed rest wife at home alone. Jerk.
And yes, I realize
the original post date was several months ago, but imho this is totally and
completely unacceptable. If she's uncomfortable with him going to a strip club, he needs to
respect her feelings and honor his promise. If she's pregnant and on
bed rest with his child, maybe he should be sticking closer to home.
My husband and I talked about the strip club situation before we got married and I told him I'm not into him going (I brought it up) and he told he has been twice in his life and thats enough for him. He didn't go for his bachelor party - HE actually wanted a joined party for us - so we had a blast at a bar with all of our friends and siblings and cousins - it was totally awesome...
If he was to tell me now - I am 21 weeks pregnant - that he wanted to go I would probably feel its because it isn't attracted to my body - fortunately he is extremely turned on by my growing shape. However, if it was for his brother I would feel really guilty not "letting" him go, I mean, its his brother! If it were just a friend or co-worker it would be out of the question, but just think - he probably wants to go to support his brother's marriage.
Anyway, its a guy thing - they all get together, drink, stare at half naked women that they aren't allowed to touch and compare their own genital sizes. I'd be happier with a half glass of wine, a romance novel and comfy clothes than in some dank bar!
I hope it all works out for you! Just remember - he married YOU, he made a child with YOU and he loves YOU!
Re: Bachelor Parties??
Absolutely! Well said. I think they are completely inappropriate period, but especially after you are married, and quite especially when you are pregnant. You were made for your husband to see, those women were not.
What the hell is he thinking? No, he shouldn't go. For one thing, men who see no problem watching naked women dance around have already learned to see women (some of them at least) as objects. How can anyone trust that that won't affect his marriage???
He should never have gone to a strip club for his own bachelor party. I don't blame you one bit for being upset about that. That he's even considering going to one again--for his brother's "benefit" (?!?) should earn him more than the world's biggest dope slap up the back of his head. Man up, buddy! You're a husband, now, and your wife needs you to be a man--for the sake of your marriage and for the sake of the children you two have together.
Why the hell should anyone be bullied into thinking this is normal for men? It's normal for losers--not for real men.
Your husband telling you he doesn't even want to go to the strip club is like you saying you don't think Brad PItt is attractive. He's doing it to spare your feelings/help his cause knowing its something that you are 100% comfortable with. He's not being untruthful, jhe's just trying to save face as and not fully admit to a guilty innocent pleasure that you happen to find disgusting. I'm sure you have a few of your own.
That being said, I think you ought to let him go. He's about to become a father, his brother is about to become a husband... you don't want to "be the woman who stood inbetween their last hurrah together as free men" ... or whatever excuse it is that men use. As silly or disrespectful as it may seem to us women, its just what guys do for bachelor parties as a way to bond with one another. Its like how they dont understand spending $50 for someone to paint our toenails.
Now... If you husband is going to a strip club on his own during his lunch break and somehow your bank account is missing $500, then I think youd have something to worry about. Otherwise, plan a fun night out with the girls and induldge in some guilty pleasures of your own for the night!
DH could go if he wanted to, he will be coming home to me.
"We like nothing better than buffing our Zygoma. And imagining a horny time traveling long overcoat purple scarf wearing super sleuth nordic legend fuck fantasy. Get to work on that, internet." Benedict Cumberbatch
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I defo wouldn't feel comfortable with my DH going to a strip club, (preg or not) My DH wouldn't feel comfortable with it either! He would hate it too if I oggled other guys, and just the other day I made a little joke about how there were some naked chicks out sunbathing in the shared back garden.. if he went for the washing he could see them (yeah I wanted the washing done bad! lol) He was actually a bit offended that I seemed not to care if he looked at others naked!
Fair enough if you both share an ok on the subject but I its sad that it seems so many guys- husbands, husbands to be or not, feel peer pressured into making a 'one off' visit to a strip club when it makes them or their SO feel uncomfortable.. come on guys get a spine and be a real man! Glad my hubby's friends feel the same and all have sports days/camp bachelor parties instead! From what I've seen + heard they have a really good time too.
I wouldn't be crazy about my husband going to a strip club. I'll admit that it would make me feel self conscious and insecure. I had my baby 7 months ago and I'm still trying to work off the baby weight. To have my husband go and stare at hot naked chicks and then want to come home and sleep with me would disgust me. I know that in my case...my insecurity is my issue and I need to get past it. But the truth is the truth.....it would bother me. I wouldn't forbid him but I would make it known that it would bother me and let him make the decision. If he decides to go then try to understand (the issue with the guys and his brother) and move on. That's all we can do and try to feel better about ourselves anyway.
I'm not a big fan of strip clubs myself, and tried to get my husband to go somewhere else for his bachelor party...he lied to me about it, but got told on by one of my friends that was part of the group. Granted, the lie was to keep the guy that told out of trouble with his girlfriend - they both knew that while I didn't like it, I do "get" that that is what happens at a bachelor party.
My one actual rule was "No lap dances" for hubby. After my friend ratted everything out, I know that hubby did follow that rule, so I'm happy.
When it is someone else's party, the guests don't really get alot of say in where they are going. This is his brother's party, so I'm going to suggest that you let it go for now. Maybe tell him that until he leaves for the party, he's your's, and you want something romantic - give him a chance to do something special for you before and after the party?
I completely agree with you Meredith!!! It makes me kind of sad to see so many women feeling to casual about their men going off to the strip club. It's not a matter of trusting your man, it's a matter of him respecting you. If he's made a commitment to you then that kinda nixes his "right" to have fun by getting off to other women's naked bodies. There are other ways for him to celebrate his brother getting married. The whole idea of a man celebrating his upcoming nuptuals by getting a lapdance sounds absurd to me anyway. When I wasnt pregnant I made it very clear that I wasnt ok with it. Pregnant or not I told my DH I wasnt comfortable him going to a friend of ours Bachelor Party if that's what they were doing. And especially being pregnant I would be hurt. There is nothing wrong with him going out to have a good time with his friends. My DH goes golfing, goes to the bar to play darts, has his friends over to order a pay per view fight on tv...why cant these be perfectly suitable things for him to do to have fun??? It's a pretty crappy guilt trip to pull on you to say he HAS to go to a titty bar to have "fun". The BOTH of you have created a life and you shouldnt have to sit home feeling like that while you carry his child. Once you found out you were pregnant all the crazy fun had to stop for you and that's ok but he shouldnt get special privileges cuz he's a guy...
Meredith, I really think that if it bothers you that much its a discussion you need to have with DH. You are very pregnant and maybe you need to tell him the reasons why it bothers you. We ladies have a tendancy to get our backs up instead of having a calm conversation about these things. Your DH will be much more open to hear what your saying if its a calm, tear free conversation. Maybe you can make a deal with him and he can go to the rest of the party and bail when they head there. It sounds like pregnant or not, you really arent that fond of him going. Talk to him about that. Perhaps make a deal with him that you will have a private"show" for him if he doesnt go. It seems like a better ending for him then oogling a bunch of girls he cant go home with anyway.
Whatever you decide good luck and remember at the end of the day in any relationship you need to feel respected. If your DH attending strip clubs makes you not feel respected (regardless of anyone elses opinion) you need to let him know that. Good Luck
I'm not pregnant currently and we haven't had any children yet, but I am with you on B parties. I think if your husband already knows that it makes you feel really horrible for him to go to those places and he had already promised he wouldn't ever go to one again, then he should not go to that part of the celebration. Usually there is an eating part and then they go to the SCs. He can still support his brother and be a good brother as well as a good husband and not have to go to the SC. If they only plan to go to the SCs, then your husband should explain to his brother that he loves him, but he also loves his wife and offer to take him out to eat anytime after or before the B party. He doesn't have to go to that part. I know he loves his brother, but you are his life companion and your feelings should have precedence. I would think his brother would respect him more knowing that he takes your feelings seriously. In our vows my husband and I promised to do just that. I hope he realizes how much it would hurt you and make the right decision. Best of luck! Congrats on the baby also!
from an ex dancer's point of view you have to trust your man, it doesn't help he lied to you either. but the girls are nice and some are just after there money to help pay for school, kids, ect. there are a very limited amount of girls there that would do "extra"things but thats up to the guys. ask around about the place there going to, about the girls being "clean" (meaning nothing more then a dance) or are they a dirty club (meaning they WILL do anything for $$$) you may want to go with him. i take my man to them all the time. i know which clubs aree the good ones to go to and reswpect the fact that he's married. and even bought him some dances from girls i knew and trusted. you can even watch if you ask.
This. And, luckily, I have a husband who understands that I do not approve of strip clubs whether pregnant or not. He and I are committed to one another and don't believe in hurting the other one's feelings for a night out on the town. He actually only spent 15 minutes at a friend's bachelor party due to the first stop being a strip club...mind you he was lied to when he asked if they were going to one...but I have to say that if you talk, not yell and cry, with your spouse and let them know exactly why you don't approve and ask them to support you in your feelings then I would think they would genuinely try to understand.
So Well Said.. I completely agree.
Um, did anyone read this later post saying that she is on BED REST and can't really go anywhere? Its bad enough that he knows how against it she is, how bad it makes her feel, promised her he would never go to another one, and now is guilt tripping her into letting him go, but he's also leaving his pregnant on bed rest wife at home alone. Jerk.
And yes, I realize the original post date was several months ago, but imho this is totally and completely unacceptable. If she's uncomfortable with him going to a strip club, he needs to respect her feelings and honor his promise. If she's pregnant and on bed rest with his child, maybe he should be sticking closer to home.My husband and I talked about the strip club situation before we got married and I told him I'm not into him going (I brought it up) and he told he has been twice in his life and thats enough for him. He didn't go for his bachelor party - HE actually wanted a joined party for us - so we had a blast at a bar with all of our friends and siblings and cousins - it was totally awesome...
If he was to tell me now - I am 21 weeks pregnant - that he wanted to go I would probably feel its because it isn't attracted to my body - fortunately he is extremely turned on by my growing shape. However, if it was for his brother I would feel really guilty not "letting" him go, I mean, its his brother! If it were just a friend or co-worker it would be out of the question, but just think - he probably wants to go to support his brother's marriage.
Anyway, its a guy thing - they all get together, drink, stare at half naked women that they aren't allowed to touch and compare their own genital sizes. I'd be happier with a half glass of wine, a romance novel and comfy clothes than in some dank bar!
I hope it all works out for you! Just remember - he married YOU, he made a child with YOU and he loves YOU!