3rd Trimester

Bachelor Parties??

Do any other pregnant moms out there think that it's not right for my husband to go to a bachelor party that includes going to a strip club when I am 7 1/2 months pregnant sitting at home??  It's for his brother.  Any thoughts or comments would be helpful.

*EDIT* I have never liked the idea of him going to strip clubs.  I didn't want him to go to one for his and he told me 4 years after we'd been married that he had and it really upset me.  He promised he wouldn't go again but now the issue's back up since his brother's getting married.  So, I'm upset from both prior history and yes due to the fact that I'm hormonal! :)

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Re: Bachelor Parties??

  • What would the difference be if you rae 7.5 months pregnant and not pregnant?

    With that being said DH went to the strip club for his bachelor party in October.  I trust my DH and would care if he went to one for a BP while I was pregnant or not.  

    What did ya get bro?

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  • I'm only speaking on behalf of myself and my hubby:  It would be out of the question!
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  • I'm not ever totally comfortable with DH going to a strip club, but I wouldn't forbid it. At 7.5 months, its unlikely that you'll go into labor while he's there, so I don't understand why  you would say no. I say let him go and have fun!

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  • If the issue is the strip club AND it would be an issue even if you weren't pregnant, then you should talk to him about it.

    If you were not pregnant and you would have no problem with him going to the strip club then you are probably just being hormonal and irrational and you should bite your tongue or you are just going to start a fight because you are feeling insecure due to hormones.

  • I dont have a problem with DH going to strip clubs. I've been with him and his friends and they mainly drink and people watch. And make fun of each other. I trust him. But thats me.
  • I don't see an issue. It is a bachelor party for his brother. He should be allowed to have some fun, whether you are 7.5 months pregnant or not.
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  • I'm not the most excited wife when it comes to "outings" like this, but I don't forbid DH to go. It only ever comes up when it is someone's bachelor party anyway. He went to my brother's when I was about 4 1/2 months.

    Find something to do to occupy yourself while he's gone. I'm sure you'll be fine!

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  • I trust DH completely, so whether or not I was pregnant wouldn't matter to me.  Although I would say, the closer to EDD I got, the more I would dislike the idea of him going out and getting loaded, but I woudl just have a conversation wtih him about how much he was going to drink, just in case I went into labor.  

    I will admit that I HATE strip clubs and even then, because I trust DH, I would never try to tell him DH that he could not go to his brother's bachelor party.  That seems selfish and immature to me - but that is just taking into consideration my relationship.

  • image RitaT22:
    I don't see an issue. It is a bachelor party for his brother. He should be allowed to have some fun, whether you are 7.5 months pregnant or not.

    Ditto.  

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  • image Just_Lisa:
    I dont have a problem with DH going to strip clubs. I've been with him and his friends and they mainly drink and people watch. And make fun of each other. I trust him. But thats me.

    OMG, your DD is adorable! May I ask where you got her outfit in the pic?

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  • Would you have a problem going if you weren't pregnant?  I don't see what difference being pregnant makes.
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  • My DH is not going to a b-party when I am 36 weeks pregnant, for the simple fact that it is about 4 hours away.  If it was earlier, he would be going. 

    Have a girls night when he is out, or get a mani pedi, it will likely feel bad.  Remember, you are the one he will be coming home to the next day.

    A & T Since 2009 Parents of A born July 2010
  • I wouldn't care if it's not a weekly ritual, especially if it's his brother's bachelor party.

     

     

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  • I have no problems with it.
  • I don't think it should matter whether or not you are pregnant. That being said, it would bug me too. I think strip clubs are beyond gross!!  I might care slightly less if it were for DH's brother, but even then, I know DH's brother's wife would never have let it fly, so I wouldn't have to say a word!  Wink

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  • image Just_Lisa:
    I dont have a problem with DH going to strip clubs. I've been with him and his friends and they mainly drink and people watch. And make fun of each other. I trust him. But thats me.

    This.

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  • I guess I'm in the monority, but it would def. bother me. It's not a matter of trusting DH (I do 110%), but to me strip clubs are disrespectful if you are a married man.

     And yes, I find it MORE offensive that you are pregnant. You're sitting at home possibly feeling heavy and possibly unattractive (not to put feelings in your head or mouth, and NOT that you are either of these things, but that seems to be how many of us feel this far along, at least I do) In any case, working hard carrying his child, and he's off staring at women who's job it is to stay fit and attractive and be overly sexual.

    I get that it's for a bach party, and not just cause he feels like going. I think that's the only redeeming factor here. And I would have a hard time "forbidding" my DH to do anything - that is also disrespectful. But if you are having strong feelings, I would def talk to him about it, and you are not the only one it bothers. 

  • Would not bother me at all. 
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  • Its his brothers bachelors party and it does not matter what they are doing but he should be there for his brother. It is not like he is taking any of them home with him or anything. Whether you are pg or not should not matter. As far as your "prior history" with strip clubs I say get over it. Thats what guys do for bachelor parties, let him go have fun.
  • Thanks for your post, Amymarie13, you hit the nail right on the head.  I think they are extremely disrespectful places to go to if you are married.  DH told me he doesn't even want to go, but feels like he has to go because it's for his brother and he'll get so much *** if he doesn't go.  I trust him completely but I don't trust his brother or the other guys going.  We keep going around circles on this and it's just really bothering me.
  • To me it would depend on if it was an issue that you discussed prior to being pregnant. If you were okay with it pre-pregnancy then it's kind of hard to backtrack at this point.

    But---I'm all for honest, open, calm communication. Discuss how you feel with your husband, your insecurities (if you have them) or your general view on strip clubs. Discuss how it would make you feel. Try to get to the root of the problem then create a solution or compromise. 

    People have different views on strip clubs, just as they do on porn. If your views have changed while you were pregnant you should think them through then let him know. 

    DD1 (b. 8/16/2010)
    DD2 (b. 9/04/2013)
    BFP 2/25/12, m/c @ 6w 3d || BFP 8/1/12, m.m/c @ 9w5d
  • My two cents:
    DH going to strip clubs for bachelor parties = not a big deal
    DH going to strip clubs frequently/just because = inapropriate
    BFP #1 10/27/2009 ~ DS1 ~ BIRTHday 7/16/2010 ~ med-free Bradley birth @ 40w5d
    BFP #2 1/22/2012 ~ DS2 & DD ~ BIRTHday 9/13/2012 ~ unplanned C-section @ 38w1d

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  • image Amymarie13:

    I guess I'm in the monority, but it would def. bother me. It's not a matter of trusting DH (I do 110%), but to me strip clubs are disrespectful if you are a married man.

     And yes, I find it MORE offensive that you are pregnant. You're sitting at home possibly feeling heavy and possibly unattractive (not to put feelings in your head or mouth, and NOT that you are either of these things, but that seems to be how many of us feel this far along, at least I do) In any case, working hard carrying his child, and he's off staring at women who's job it is to stay fit and attractive and be overly sexual.

    I get that it's for a bach party, and not just cause he feels like going. I think that's the only redeeming factor here. And I would have a hard time "forbidding" my DH to do anything - that is also disrespectful. But if you are having strong feelings, I would def talk to him about it, and you are not the only one it bothers. 

    well said. 

  • image Amymarie13:

    I guess I'm in the monority, but it would def. bother me. It's not a matter of trusting DH (I do 110%), but to me strip clubs are disrespectful if you are a married man.

     And yes, I find it MORE offensive that you are pregnant. You're sitting at home possibly feeling heavy and possibly unattractive (not to put feelings in your head or mouth, and NOT that you are either of these things, but that seems to be how many of us feel this far along, at least I do) In any case, working hard carrying his child, and he's off staring at women who's job it is to stay fit and attractive and be overly sexual.

    I get that it's for a bach party, and not just cause he feels like going. I think that's the only redeeming factor here. And I would have a hard time "forbidding" my DH to do anything - that is also disrespectful. But if you are having strong feelings, I would def talk to him about it, and you are not the only one it bothers. 

     

    Thats exactly how I feel. My DH was a best man in a wedding in April, went to the bach party and wouldn't admit to me that they had a stripper- so in my eyes, he was trying to lie about it. He finally told me at 2 am that there was one, and I was furious. So on the positive side, at least he's telling you what they're doing. 

    Lucas Edward | Aiden Anthony
                07.30.10          08.17.12           
  • image meredithstone11:
    Thanks for your post, you hit the nail right on the head.  I think they are extremely disrespectful places to go to if you are married.  DH told me he doesn't even want to go, but feels like he has to go because it's for his brother and he'll get so much *** if he doesn't go.  I trust him completely but I don't trust his brother or the other guys going.  We keep going around circles on this and it's just really bothering me.

    I'm sorry, but I hate the "I don't trust his friends" line. Who cares what they do? As long as you can trust your H, it shouldn't matter.

    And how are they any more disrespectful if you're married? They're craptastic places to begin with, but it is what it is and one hopes they're not there to pick up girls, but it's not your business if it's not your H.

    As my H said, going to a strip club for a bachelor party is like taking the 21st birthday boy/girl to the bar. You feed them shots or buy lap dances to watch them suffer and make fun of them. If they enjoyed it too much, then there's concern (either for alcoholism or that they shouldn't be getting married).  

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  • i've never really understood why this bothers most women.  a lot of times they're only there because that's what their guy friends are doing.  i understand feeling a little less attractive at this point in your pregnancy and being more insecure about that now, but it's not like he's going there to take a stripper home and bang her - he's going for a bachelor party.  he'll probably come home horny, so if so, put aside your angry feelings, give him a good time and show him who's boss!!!  that will do more for your marriage and self-esteem than getting into a big fight over it.  if that's not your style, though, that's fine too.
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  • tyke29tyke29
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    image Just_Lisa:
    I dont have a problem with DH going to strip clubs. I've been with him and his friends and they mainly drink and people watch. And make fun of each other. I trust him. But thats me.

    This.  As long as it is a special thing and not every Friday, then I have no problem with it.  However in our town, I look better than the strippers.  So that probably helps.  LOL.

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  • ames71ames71 member
    image Amymarie13:

    I guess I'm in the monority, but it would def. bother me. It's not a matter of trusting DH (I do 110%), but to me strip clubs are disrespectful if you are a married man.

     And yes, I find it MORE offensive that you are pregnant. You're sitting at home possibly feeling heavy and possibly unattractive (not to put feelings in your head or mouth, and NOT that you are either of these things, but that seems to be how many of us feel this far along, at least I do) In any case, working hard carrying his child, and he's off staring at women who's job it is to stay fit and attractive and be overly sexual.

    I get that it's for a bach party, and not just cause he feels like going. I think that's the only redeeming factor here. And I would have a hard time "forbidding" my DH to do anything - that is also disrespectful. But if you are having strong feelings, I would def talk to him about it, and you are not the only one it bothers. 

    What she said. 

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  • It's his brother's bachelor party - it's not like he goes every week!   I'd vote for the 'just drop it and let him go...and don't make him feel guilty about it' approach.

    If you around/past your due date and concerned about your DH being wasted/far away, then that would be a fair concern.  

     

     

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  • image meredithstone11:
    Thanks for your post, Amymarie13, you hit the nail right on the head.  I think they are extremely disrespectful places to go to if you are married.  DH told me he doesn't even want to go, but feels like he has to go because it's for his brother and he'll get so much *** if he doesn't go.  I trust him completely but I don't trust his brother or the other guys going.  We keep going around circles on this and it's just really bothering me.

    This sounds exactly like a conversation DH and I had years ago for his BF's bach. party. And i have to say - I see his side of it too. I know you do too, by the fact that you go back and forth. I think if you really believe him that he feels the way he says he does, then you gotta give him the ok, and just try to ride it out. I do think the guys and his brother would give him a really hard time (jerks!) and being that it is his BROTHER , not just some casual friend, he's between a rock and a hard place.  It just sucks, but it'll be over soon! But still, make your thoughts and feelings crystal CLEAR.

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