December 2010 Moms

Do you ever get jealous?

Of couples that make a lot of money? I sometimes do... I love my DH and don't compare him to other husbands - he is perfect for me and if he had no money and we had to live in a cardboard box I'd do it. 

That said... especially now with a baby on the way and other financial issues. (We rent out my condo that we couldn't sell, which is an extra monthly expense for us and a huge stress), plus trying to be able to afford maternity leave, the medical costs of having a baby, and trying to find $$ for daycare....

Lately I have found myself getting jealous of other couples I know who have jobs that make much more money, or who have wealthy families who help them out, etc. I would love it if DH made more money and I could be a SAHM, but that's not going to happen, probably ever.  (The field he is in is non-profit, and therefore you just don't make much money doing it.)   

I try hard not to be jealous, because I know everyone's story is different... I know some are just lucky with wealthy family members, others work really hard to make the salaries they do, etc. I'm not saying I begrudge them anything... I just get a little green with envy sometimes wishing that we had it easier financially. Anyone else feel like this ever? Or am I just a terrible person? :( 

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Re: Do you ever get jealous?

  • Your not terrible and I understand how you feel.  Smile
    But the truth is plain to see:She was sent to rescue me,I see who I wanna be, in my daughter's eyes

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  • I do, but I know we have it pretty damn good.  We always joke once our SLs are paid off we'll be rich!  Cleaning lady here we come!
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  • No you are not a bad person. I get jelous all the time. I work really hard and try to be the best person I can be but it always seems that people who aren't half as nice or moraloy sound as I am get everything they want. It really bugs. It makes me feel like when will it be our turn.

    I know that it is an un-generous attitude, but I totally feel you.

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  • No you are not a bad person. I get jealous all the time. I work really hard and try to be the best person I can be but it always seems that people who aren't half as nice or moraloy sound as I am get everything they want. It really bugs. It makes me feel like when will it be our turn.

    I know that it is an un-generous attitude, but I totally feel you.

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  • I don't think that wanting more in life, regardless of where you are currently, in any way makes you a terrible person.  This kind of 'wanting' plays a role in alot of people motivation to go on to do something bigger.  I think to some degree everyone experiences this.  You can always find someone else that has more money, but alot of times these people have very poor quality of life (excessive work hours or inability to focus on anything in life but work).

    I will be honest, I drive past the lottery sign everyday on my way to work and daydream about what it would be like to actually win ....even when it is considered a small jackpot by most (i.e. $10 Million!). LoL!

  • yeah, I do. When we moved from NY to Plano, Texas I saw all of this wealth here. Poeple live in very expensive houses,everyone drives a Lexus. They all have more money than they know what to do with here (or so it seems). I don't begrudge them either. For me it has nothing to do with the actual people with money. I just wish I could have a job like they do that pays that well, or a husband whose job pays that well. I;'m constantly in awe that people actually make that much money to live like they do here...

    It would make things so much easier on us if we had more money. I would be happy if we didn't have to struggle with money all of the time. I don't want the life they lead though. Many of the women I see here have fake nails, fake boobs, impossibly white teeth and spend their days shopping or socializing. I would definitely need a job to keep me from going insane.

  • of course!

    I was just at my cousin's wife's baby shower this past weekend & she has been a stay at home wife since they got married like 7 yrs ago. And now she will continue to be a stay at home mom once their baby is born. I can't imagine being able to just sit around the house & be pregnant w/o a care in the world.

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  • This is a normal human thing, but I think the best way to look at it is to think of all the things you have that they dont.

    I would love more money, but would I trade my great parents for ones with money? No, I wouldn't.

    Do I want my husband to make more money? Yes, but I am so lucky to have the best marriage that I know of so I'll take his lower pay.

    It all works out in the end ;-)

  • image pipergirlz:

    yeah, I do. When we moved from NY to Plano, Texas I saw all of this wealth here. Poeple live in very expensive houses,everyone drives a Lexus. They all have more money than they know what to do with here (or so it seems). I don't begrudge them either. For me it has nothing to do with the actual people with money. I just wish I could have a job like they do that pays that well, or a husband whose job pays that well. I;'m constantly in awe that people actually make that much money to live like they do here...

    It would make things so much easier on us if we had more money. I would be happy if we didn't have to struggle with money all of the time. I don't want the life they lead though. Many of the women I see here have fake nails, fake boobs, impossibly white teeth and spend their days shopping or socializing. I would definitely need a job to keep me from going insane.

    I think this is a big part of what's been bugging me lately. I feel like we spend all of our time trying to figure out how to spend less than we already spend, and how to cut more corners, basically what else we can "do without". We're not poor or anything like that at all. We both make decent livings and live in a nice, safe home. It's just hard to watch other people my own age that seem to be flying by so easily. Building huge houses, taking fancy vacations like tropical vacations one week and African safaris the next... and the wife either doesn't have to work but chooses to or stays home even before a baby!

    DH & I both joke occasionally, "Where is our rich uncle??" LOL...  

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  • I totally understand. I was just thinking about all the people that I know that are pregnant right now and over half of them get to be SAHM's and that made me a little jealous.

    I try to just think about how hard DH and I work and how well we manage the money that we do have. Of course there is always room for improvement, but overall - we do pretty well with what we've got!

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  • image TMNTgirl:

    I totally understand. I was just thinking about all the people that I know that are pregnant right now and over half of them get to be SAHM's and that made me a little jealous.

    I try to just think about how hard DH and I work and how well we manage the money that we do have. Of course there is always room for improvement, but overall - we do pretty well with what we've got!

    This is so true. And DH and I always remind ourselves that it's a blessing in disguise that we have to work hard now. Because if things ever get tough for us later on down the road we'll have experience handling stress together like that. Easier said than done - when like you said you know tons of future SAHMs :)

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  • Your not terrible at all. If my husband didn't have to pay child support every month we would be a lot better off as well. So yes, everyone has a different story and you just have to deal with what you have. However, I completely understand and can't wait until his ex gets married in Dec. because the amount we have to pay goes down drastically then and then in 12 years when he turns 18 we are all done! No time at all right! lol 
  • image katiereifel:
    Your not terrible at all. If my husband didn't have to pay child support every month we would be a lot better off as well. So yes, everyone has a different story and you just have to deal with what you have. However, I completely understand and can't wait until his ex gets married in Dec. because the amount we have to pay goes down drastically then and then in 12 years when he turns 18 we are all done! No time at all right! lol 

     

    This!! ...  And my just getting out of the military so we could physically be in the same place.  The things we do for love!  hehe

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  • Reading your post made me cry.  No, I can't say I'm jealous of others with money...but I understand what you mean.  I think you may be going through the nesting stage of getting things ready for your baby.  :)   

    I cried because my husband was laid off of work last year!  It was a tough time for us.  We had just bought our house and it seemed like the world was caving in on us financially.  Literally, by the last week of the month we didn't have any more cash left and I wondered how the heck are we going to survive.  Christmas was rough...we tried to get our families to do secret santa so we could join in and feel like we contributed (my FIL said no) so it was hard.  We stayed strong and prayed.  Each month...the unemployment money and my income was just enough to get us by.  Dh got very depressed and of course I'd do what I could to bring him up.  DH and I got closer than ever during this trying time.  In late February he had an interview with a federal government position ....and then wola two weeks later we find out that he got the position!  It was shortly after that I ended up pregnant!!   And this Christmas we will have A BABY!!

     We learned that whats important is sticking together and moving forward no matter what.  We move at 'Carmen and Alex' time...and we can't compare our relationship to anyone elses.  Times will be rough sometimes, but as long as you have each other you guys can get through anything.  Things work out in the end.  You'll see how doors will start to open and loved ones will help.  Be optimistic my friend and don't look at what you don't have, re-evaluate what you have and you will find that it's just right for you guys.  You can't take money with you when you die, you just have memories at the end of the road and I hope you make some awesome ones!!

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  • I don't think it's really jealousy for me, more of a sadness that money dictates me being a SAHM or a working mom. I would give anything to be a stay at home mom, but our budget currently doesn't allow it. Also, I'm stuck being full time, so I can get medical coverage for myself and baby. DH has insurance also, but it costs extra $$ to have us on it. I am blessed though that my job will allow me to work some at home, and grandparents will watch the baby while I work.

    I wish things could be different, but I wouldn't change anything to trade for someone elses life.

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  • You're not terrible, I agree with you. I left my well paying job to marry my husband and move to the states. Instead of getting a job that paid similar I have been unemployed for the last 18 months when back home (Australia) I know we both could have got good jobs and been DINK's for a year or two until I got pregnant. Alas I can only dream. My husband is in the Army so it ends up we save when he's away and spend when he gets home, its hard but we make it work. The baby in the mix though will shake things up a bit as I am the one always on about saving and paying off debt but he likes to spend after being away so long. It'll be interesting I'll give you that. If only I could find a job. I hate not working.
  • Sometimes, but I try to be satisfied with what we have. 
    "So I will help you read those books if you will soothe my worried looks, and we will put the lonesome on the shelf."
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  • image our1stbaby2010:

    Reading your post made me cry.  No, I can't say I'm jealous of others with money...but I understand what you mean.  I think you may be going through the nesting stage of getting things ready for your baby.  :)   

    I cried because my husband was laid off of work last year!  It was a tough time for us.  We had just bought our house and it seemed like the world was caving in on us financially.  Literally, by the last week of the month we didn't have any more cash left and I wondered how the heck are we going to survive.  Christmas was rough...we tried to get our families to do secret santa so we could join in and feel like we contributed (my FIL said no) so it was hard.  We stayed strong and prayed.  Each month...the unemployment money and my income was just enough to get us by.  Dh got very depressed and of course I'd do what I could to bring him up.  DH and I got closer than ever during this trying time.  In late February he had an interview with a federal government position ....and then wola two weeks later we find out that he got the position!  It was shortly after that I ended up pregnant!!   And this Christmas we will have A BABY!!

     We learned that whats important is sticking together and moving forward no matter what.  We move at 'Carmen and Alex' time...and we can't compare our relationship to anyone elses.  Times will be rough sometimes, but as long as you have each other you guys can get through anything.  Things work out in the end.  You'll see how doors will start to open and loved ones will help.  Be optimistic my friend and don't look at what you don't have, re-evaluate what you have and you will find that it's just right for you guys.  You can't take money with you when you die, you just have memories at the end of the road and I hope you make some awesome ones!!

    Thanks for sharing this - maybe the hormones but now your post made me cry! :(  It's just hard right now because I feel like we have so many expenses and the income is not increasing! Everyone says, eat out less, cut back on your budget, but so much of our budget is fixed - things we can't cut back (like loans, set payments, etc.) I just have to have faith that if we keeping working hard and doing the best we can we'll eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel!

     

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  • image lilmgirl:
    I do, but I know we have it pretty damn good.  We always joke once our SLs are paid off we'll be rich!  Cleaning lady here we come!
    OMG, we are drowning in student loans!! Sallie Mae makes it such a mission to lower your monthly payments, too. When DH has to start repaying his loans, we will be paying $1K a month combined!!! WTF?? He only has an associates and I have master's. His payments are actually more than mine though! It's outrageous!


    I totally understand. I get jealous of people all the time, but I really try not to because first of all, it p!sses me off and second, it makes me feel bad for the millions of people all over the world who don't even have a bed to sleep in or food to eat. We have a pretty damn good life compared to most people in the world and I try to focus on being thankful.

  • image jessiesnwbrd:

    I don't think it's really jealousy for me, more of a sadness that money dictates me being a SAHM or a working mom. I would give anything to be a stay at home mom, but our budget currently doesn't allow it. Also, I'm stuck being full time, so I can get medical coverage for myself and baby. DH has insurance also, but it costs extra $$ to have us on it. I am blessed though that my job will allow me to work some at home, and grandparents will watch the baby while I work.

    I wish things could be different, but I wouldn't change anything to trade for someone elses life.

    That sums it up for me perfectly.  I do my absolute best to never let on to DH how sad I am I can't stay home with our child (because we know what that implies, and I don't want him to feel guilty or think I feel he's inadequate).  I always swore I'd never have kids unless one of us could stay home with them, and now I am honestly having a really tough time coming to grips with the fact I'll be going back to work at ~5 weeks pp and my child will be in daycare (or with DH's mom).  My mom was a SAHM, so I have no experience with any other way to be.  I do thank my lucky, lucky stars for what we have been blessed with though.  When I get particularly mopey about the childcare situation, I always remind myself of how lucky we are to have educations, jobs, a nice house, and security.

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  • I'm jealous of my friends with master's degrees who make 100K+ while I am a teacher in a state that believes teachers cause all of the financial problems for everyone and are "overpaid" and given "too many perks..."  So right now because that controversy is happening in my state, I am jealous of people who are not being targeted and still get to make money.
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  • lysl23lysl23 member
    I can definitely understand where you are coming from.  However, I work at a well known resort which happens to be the playground for some of the wealthiest in the world.  The most important thing I have learned from working here is the more money you have, the unhappier people seem to get.  The people I see on a daily basis are rude and miserable and have little contact with their families.  That said, I would choose my simple life with my wonderful family and husband in a heart beat over having millions!
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  • I feel the same way sometimes.  I wonder how two people with college degrees can end up with so little money!  My hubby works at a grocery store (zoology degree = no available jobs!) and I teach.  I see relatives who are close to the same age with giant houses and private preschools...  BUT, at the same time I have friends who still live, while married, with their parents due to debt.  We are lucky to have each other and we can make do, right now it means leaving the lights off all day to combat my electric use with the a/c, but we make do! 
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  • You aren't a bad person...I wish we had money too. Its not so much that I'm jealous of people with a ton of money, I'm more jealous of those who have good jobs. I busted my a** in school, got a degree, and can't find a job to save my life. I'm stuck waitressing until I have the baby and can spend more time trying to find a decent job. Just remember, there are a lot of people who are having a harder time than any of us. I can't imagine what it would be like to not have a home to bring the baby to or not have money to feed ourselves. It might be rough, but things will be better one day. In the meantime, we'll make it work!
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  • image our1stbaby2010:

    Reading your post made me cry.  No, I can't say I'm jealous of others with money...but I understand what you mean.  I think you may be going through the nesting stage of getting things ready for your baby.  :)   

    I cried because my husband was laid off of work last year!  It was a tough time for us.  We had just bought our house and it seemed like the world was caving in on us financially.  Literally, by the last week of the month we didn't have any more cash left and I wondered how the heck are we going to survive.  Christmas was rough...we tried to get our families to do secret santa so we could join in and feel like we contributed (my FIL said no) so it was hard.  We stayed strong and prayed.  Each month...the unemployment money and my income was just enough to get us by.  Dh got very depressed and of course I'd do what I could to bring him up.  DH and I got closer than ever during this trying time.  In late February he had an interview with a federal government position ....and then wola two weeks later we find out that he got the position!  It was shortly after that I ended up pregnant!!   And this Christmas we will have A BABY!!

     We learned that whats important is sticking together and moving forward no matter what.  We move at 'Carmen and Alex' time...and we can't compare our relationship to anyone elses.  Times will be rough sometimes, but as long as you have each other you guys can get through anything.  Things work out in the end.  You'll see how doors will start to open and loved ones will help.  Be optimistic my friend and don't look at what you don't have, re-evaluate what you have and you will find that it's just right for you guys.  You can't take money with you when you die, you just have memories at the end of the road and I hope you make some awesome ones!!

     

    I love this caring and wise response.

  • I feel similar to this, not outright jealously, but wishing we did not have to budget so much and financially worry. Theres alot of times we can't do certain things that other couples/families we know are doing due to our budget system. I became a SAHM once my DS#2 was born, I absolutly wanted too, but daycare for two kids would have pretty much wiped out my paycheck anyway at that point. I love that we were able to buy a home in a nice area with good schools that is safe, ect.. but I always feel like we are struggling compared to many of the people that live around us... it can be uncomfortable to say the least. But I try to keep my chin up, we saved like hell, we went from a tiny 2 br apt to a 4 br house in a nice area, and are homeowners at 25, we have a vehicle totally paid off, and my SL are not that much. Many of my friends are older and more established than DH and me, I often feel like I'm lacking, luckily my friends around here are great and reassure me that it doesen't all come overnight. I really admire people with awsome careers, My Dh is just a normal guy(That I woulden't trade for the world!!!) with a normal job, we live by so many high paying career driven people it can be intimidating even though I know its the inside that counts lol.

    I do thank god every night for what I have, because more often than not I feel like the luckiest woman in the world... but I'm only human so the above does pop up now and again...

  • I get jealous of my sister who half-a$$ed her way through high school and college and now makes twice as much as I do.  That pisses this honor student off a LOT.

    Mostly I'm fine with it, but when she talks about being "broke" on a 6 figure income, I get really irritated!

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  • I totally understand how you feel.  I wish we made more money so I could stay home, or at least only work 1-2 days/week.  But we live in a very expensive city.  Honestly, I'm somewhat tempted to move way out to the boonies so we can actually afford things!  Except then I'll be far away from everyone.
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