Baby Showers

Is it tacky or distasteful...

to throw your own shower?  We don't want to burden anyone else with the expense.  DH and I figured we would just have a summer BBQ.  The invitation will say something like "come join us to celebrate..." Not too much fuss.  We are registered so people can bring gifts, but we don't plan to open them in front of anyone.  We are just really low key.  What do you think?

Re: Is it tacky or distasteful...

  • Well.... I think it depends on whether you'd consider the get-together a "shower" or a summer BBQ to celebrate your having a baby. Also, it also depends on whether the invite screams SHOWER, and includes registry info, or whether it's clear that it's just a GTG for your loved ones to celebrate, and doesn't mention that you're registered anywhere.

    I'm cool with the BBQ/ GTG idea, and would definitely bring a gift if I were invited to one (off a registry, if this were your first).

    But to directly answer your question, yes, I think it's pretty tacky to throw your own "shower", though I do appreciate your doing so to save others the expense. So why not have a friend or relative throw it at THEIR house, so they're technically 'hosting', even if you and your DH pay or help pay, and do a lot of the prep work...?? That way it's 100% fine for them to include registry info, and you'll end up with more loot. Wink

  • When someone offers to host a shower they have already looked at their available time and budget and they have decided that it's not a burden.  It's a gift, something they would genuinely like to do for you.

    You may graciously accept.

    If there are no offers, then you can host a no-gifts "meet the baby party" after the birth.  But you really can never host your own shower.

  • BBQ ok, shower given by you and DH not ok, I'm sure someone will offer to host your shower and you can be involved if you choose to.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • If someone offers to throw you a shower, then tell them you will help out with the costs.  A summer bbq sounds fun, but like pp said if it screams "baby shower", then it is a bit tacky.  If no one offers to throw you one and you still want to celebrate the baby, then host a meet the baby party after the baby arrives.
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers, Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I helped to fund my baby shower to save my friends in the cost. I don't really think it's anyone's business who spent what on the shower, but this was after they had offered to host. If someone offers to host, I don't think there's anything wrong with putting funds towards the event.

    A shower is a present that is given to you. Hosting your own shower is incredibly rude and in poor taste.

    To have a celebratory summer BBQ is not tacky. Just make sure it doesn't scream "shower!" If no one offers to host you a shower, having a get-together before or after the baby is a fun way to celebrate

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • When will people learn that a baby shower is a gift someone offers to you? It is not a right that comes with pregnancy.

    Yes, it would be tacky. A better option would be to wait until you have the baby and throw a "meet our baby" party. 

  • Pretty much what PP's said.  Although your heart is in the right place (not wanting to burden someone else with the expense), a shower is a gift someone wants to give you, and if someone offers, it's perfectly OK to accept.  It is tacky to throw your own, though, because the nature of a shower is a gift giving are now inviting people to an event in your honor to give you gifts.  People who want to do so will do so whether you have a shower or not, btw.

    However, that isn't to say you can't have a low-key BBQ to celebrate the birth of the baby if you want to.  Don't call it a shower, don't put registry information on the invites, and have it after the baby is born so that it is a celebration of the baby.

  • I agree with everything mysticporter said.
  • Thanks Ladies. I do appreciate all of the input, especially from those who included reasons.  It makes complete sense to me now.  I am back to square one.  My Mom kind of half offered to host a shower for us.  Personally, I don't want one because I am so low key.  We will probably stick with the BBQ idea without registry information.
  • Island Bride - 

    We are thinking the exact same thing - we live in VA and my mother is throwing a Baby shower for us in NJ in August but we were thinking of doing a BBQ in VA to celebrate the baby coming and 4th of July theme.... what did you end up doing for your invite and how did you word it?  Let me know - I would love to hear the feedback - you can email me directly:!

     Any feedback would be great!  Our due date is August 27th so we are pretty close!






  • A bbq is different than a shower.  People don't bring gifts to a bbq.

    Has anyone offered to throw you a shower?  

  • image jkmcnamara:

    When will people learn that a baby shower is a gift someone offers to you? It is not a right that comes with pregnancy.

    Yes, it would be tacky. A better option would be to wait until you have the baby and throw a "meet our baby" party. 

    Ew.  "When will people learn..."?? No need to be snippy. Hmm

  • I think coco summed it up pretty well.
    When life hands you lemons, you throw them back in life's face and say "F*ck you, I want some Orange juice, B!tch! Make it happen!"

    The Blog
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards