January 2011 Moms

Never having sex again!

Okay well not never but I just don't wanna!  We had sex two days in a row after we got our BFP and then nothing since.  I'd been feeling bad for DH and well...manually helped him...once but the sight of fluids made me gag for some reason.  So then I said I only wanted to have real sex and only once we got the go-ahead from the dr's office, so the nurse said it was okay but then I wanted to wait until after the u/s which was today.  So this afternoon we did finally and right after I started cramping and crying.  I haven't spotted so it isn't a big deal or anything but it still hurts down there.  This isn't really new since I never wanted to before but I feel bad for DH.  I'm going to see what my Dr says Friday.  I want to be a good wife but I just don't wanna do that Crying I know I'm overreacting btw, but had to vent.
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Re: Never having sex again!

  • I feel your pain....I'm on pelvic rest for a little while so decided to manually help DH yesterday in the shower. Well he was getting me all worked up and even though we never had intercourse I did have a little cramping after.  I know it's b/c it made my uterus contract, but it still sucks that we  can't enjoy it without worrying afterwards.

    GL and I know it's upsetting but it is normal and having sex can't cause anything to go wrong

  • I know everyone around here says cramping after sex is normal- but my doctor specifically told me that if I had cramping after sex then I shouldn't do it again until I see him and we figure out what's going on. Not to be a Debbie Downer or anything...
  • My Dh and I have been having sex too. I thought it would be uncomfortable, but it wasn't during the act. Afterwards I was sore down there and had some cramping. I go to my OB today, so I will ask her if we should stop. Don't feel bad, you are not the only one.
    Hope (32), James (36), Sophee (1 year old), McKenzee (7 weeks) CafeMom Tickers CafeMom Tickers
  • I personally have found it matters more what positions are in use and the amount of errr thrust! Him on top GENTLY seems to not hurt or cramp during or after.

  • image nurseJK:

    I personally have found it matters more what positions are in use and the amount of errr thrust! Him on top GENTLY seems to not hurt or cramp during or after.

    This.

    Chemical Pregnancy in 2004. BFP #1 on 9-26-2009 * MC on 10-2-2009 @ 6w DX with PCOS and Started Clomid C#1 @ 100mg 4-12-2010. BFP #2 on 5-6-2010 * Beta #1 - 41 @ 12dpo * Beta #2 - 256 @ 15dpo Saw HP 126bpm - 5/27/10 Asher arrived on 1-13-2011
  • image nurseJK:

    I personally have found it matters more what positions are in use and the amount of errr thrust! Him on top GENTLY seems to not hurt or cramp during or after.

    Chemical Pregnancy in 2004. BFP #1 on 9-26-2009 * MC on 10-2-2009 @ 6w DX with PCOS and Started Clomid C#1 @ 100mg 4-12-2010. BFP #2 on 5-6-2010 * Beta #1 - 41 @ 12dpo * Beta #2 - 256 @ 15dpo Saw HP 126bpm - 5/27/10 Asher arrived on 1-13-2011
  • It gets easier it really does.  Keep trying and be gentle.  After 12 weeks most of the discomfort goes away for a while.
  • I've got one of those "I don't want to hurt the baby" DH's who thinks he is going to poke the baby or something important, so I have a feeling it will be a long, dry pregnancy for both of us.  No sex since the BFP and so far I am fine with that, lol.
  • image hollyh74:
    I've got one of those "I don't want to hurt the baby" DH's who thinks he is going to poke the baby or something important, so I have a feeling it will be a long, dry pregnancy for both of us.  No sex since the BFP and so far I am fine with that, lol.

    My DH would love to have sex but we haven't since BFP either. I'm just uninterested. Plus I tend to not feel well at night. I feel so bad for DH I know he is getting frustrated with me.

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  • Oy! Don't you want though? 

    I've been getting cramping all day no matter what I do, and honestly I need to have sex. I just can't imagine not having it when I want it. My hubby tried to pull the "I don't want to poke baby" act but I demanded and he caved and now we are happily back on schedule. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Photobucket
  • image hollyh74:
    I've got one of those "I don't want to hurt the baby" DH's who thinks he is going to poke the baby or something important, so I have a feeling it will be a long, dry pregnancy for both of us.  No sex since the BFP and so far I am fine with that, lol.
     

    I want a husband like this!!!!!  Then I wouldn't feel bad for not wanting to have sex. LOL. 

     

  • I am so glad other people have this!! Since finding out we are pregs, I have gotten severe pain in my lower abdomen after "enjoying" sex, and girl friends I do mean severe, rolling around on the bed in the fetal position "honey get me the heat pad or something" severe.  No spotting though.  Dr's recommendation to me? You can have sex, just don't go to the "O".  bummer....
  • image Shoshana2010:
    I know everyone around here says cramping after sex is normal- but my doctor specifically told me that if I had cramping after sex then I shouldn't do it again until I see him and we figure out what's going on. Not to be a Debbie Downer or anything...
    Interesting.  My doc said it was totally normal.
  • In the first trimester, I couldn't even think about sex.  The weight, the sweat, the utter pain of it all.  We are in the second now and the pain has let up but I think I now have a mental block against it.  Since it hurt so long, I am afraid it'll hurt now.  The hubby has been really understanding and we do what we can, but it has made me completely uninterested.

    I have to believe it'll get better.  That, or we are having only one child and then I'm moving to a nunnery.  But, I think the easiest way to get through this now is to have a very frank, open discussion with the hubby and outline what you might be able to do.

  • Wait till you get bigger and the baby starts kicking if your husband is like mine he will be feaked out and not want to have sex anyhow. This has been my experience anyhow. In the beginning i didn't want to have sex because i felt sick and it was uncomfortable but now i am interested but he isn't.
  • A good thing to pinpoint and explain to your Dr at your next visit:  Do you cramp after sex, or simply after orgasm?  Meaning... if you were brough to orgasm through oral or lighter/gentler manual stimulation, do you still have pain and cramping?  Or does it have to be sex? 

  • image Mrs.West07:

    My DH would love to have sex but we haven't since BFP either. I'm just uninterested. Plus I tend to not feel well at night. I feel so bad for DH I know he is getting frustrated with me.

    This, exactly.  I've helped him out manually a few times but it seems to make him more irritated that I won't do "more."  He actually came out and *asked* for oral the other day, and I had to gently explain I can't even put a toothbrush in my mouth without gagging.

    image
  • I've really enjoyed sex during my whole pregnancy (I'm at about 30 weeks now)! Sometimes, though, I would get uncomfortable during, and it almost felt like he was pushing against my cervix. It was too deep to feel good. I have found the solution though! When I have my O prior to any penetration, this relaxes everything and actually feels so much better to me. Then, we can both enjoy ourselves :)

    Also, I will say that, as I get bigger, doggie-style is the only position that is comfortable for me. It allows the most room for my stomach to be free, and this way, there is no pressure on my belly!

    Good luck - I know that "not being in the mood" puts stress on the relationship. Hopefully, DH will understand that it is just temporary and stick by you!

  • I feel like I have met my other half!!!!!!!! I seriously have had issues since day one. It just is not a great feeling to have sex and I am so nervous about doing it and hurting something inside so I have stayed away. My poor DH!... He knows it is not permanent so.. everything is OK!
  • I have a solution to the pain, gagging, not being in the mood, etc.

     It is a 'bedroom accessory' that is for him. I sell romance enhancement products and this toy is by far my best seller.

     Go to www.SlumberPartiesbySuzanne.com and click on the 'shop' button.  Find the toy called 'Super Stretch Sleeve.'  You will also need lubricant, I recommend our product called 'Just Like Me.'  This lube is safe to use with this toy.

     Of course, he can use it alone, which would take some pressure off of you if you just don't feel like having sex.

     You can also use it during the oral favor.  Most likely, when he puts the toy on him he will just barely poke out of the top.  This means less gagging for you, because you won't even really have to open your mouth very far  ;)

     You can also cut the toy to make it smaller, and put it at the base of the penis.  It will act as a penis buffer so that your sensitive cervix won't get bumped during intercourse.

    This toy has been a lifesaver for me!  You can order it directly from my website and it will be shipped to your door.  If you have questions feel free to email me at 

    s.chagolla@gmail.com

     Good luck and I really hope this can help some of you!

     

     

     

  • You could always so "Ok, you asked for it."  Have him lay down, start to perform and the spit up stomach acid all over his pelvis (Just like I do every morning while/after brushing my teeth) and I'll bet you he doesn't ask again. 

    My thing with sex is how it feels on my pelvis.  My hubby's member feels like it is going to poke right out of my body.  *Not an enjoyable sensation.

  • I'm not sure how far along you are, but just tough it out for a few weeks. Once you hit that 2nd tri, you will not be able to get enough! We had problems with cramping and pain in the beginning of both my pregnancies, but now, since about 15 weeks, my husband can't even keep up with me! Haha.
  • image katywants:

    I've really enjoyed sex during my whole pregnancy (I'm at about 30 weeks now)! Sometimes, though, I would get uncomfortable during, and it almost felt like he was pushing against my cervix. It was too deep to feel good. I have found the solution though! When I have my O prior to any penetration, this relaxes everything and actually feels so much better to me. Then, we can both enjoy ourselves :)

    Also, I will say that, as I get bigger, doggie-style is the only position that is comfortable for me. It allows the most room for my stomach to be free, and this way, there is no pressure on my belly!

    Good luck - I know that "not being in the mood" puts stress on the relationship. Hopefully, DH will understand that it is just temporary and stick by you!

     

    I agree. I'm 36 weeks pregnant and other than a few weeks each trimester, we've been on a good schedule, some weeks we had a "busier" schedule than before the pregnancy lol.  But sometimes there isn't a thing in the world that could get you in the mood. If you both remember it will get better that helps. You may even make up for it later ;)

    Currently the best position for us is on our side with him behind me. its frustrating the first time but really helps with pain afterwords. We used missionary as our primary for as long as we could then went to me sitting on his lap. But I'm huge now!

  • I can empathize with anyone having trouble with all of the sex issues, but I have a comment. If we ARE ALL having cramping, don't you think it is normal? I think orgasm is a "cramping" sensation in the body, but we feel it more intensely and crampy because we have a uterus and baby in the way!!! I have been cleared for sex, lifting, exercise, gardening , cardio and I still have that cramping right after sex, but after a few minutes it dissapates. Also for those who are repulsed in the 1st trimester.......wait til' your second.... I have more sex now than before pregnancy.

  • Try to relax. It is normal to have those things happen. I had a lot of cramping in the first trimester- sex or not. If you're like me, in the 2nd trimester, you won't be able to get enough of it so your feelings can change pretty quickly. In the 3rd, I still have a lot of drive, but the mechanics is just difficult. Feel free to give it a try; just be a little gentler if you have some soreness. Still really worth it! 
  • if you are a high risk pregnancy then anything is forbidden until the doc gives u the ok! or if u've had a miscarriage then u r high risk! it sux but i am on HR PREGNANCY #3!
  • Talk it over with your hubby. Just reassure him that this too shall soon pass, and by your second trimester u will be back to normal!
  • I hope this will be an encouragement - we had almost no sex the first trimester because I didn't feel like it at all (exhausted with no sex drive) & had painful cramping after.  Then suddenly a few weeks into my second trimester my sex drive came back and then some.  The painful cramping afterward is gone completely.  We're not only back to having sex, but having incredible sex!  I hope it works out that way for you and that things will be much better soon!
  • This made me giggle.  I had the same problem with cramping especially after the first couple of months.  And then of course after that you feel bigger than a barn.  And then you have the baby and can't for 6 weeks.  Then you go back to work and between that and a newborn you don't have energy.  And then you start resenting dear sweet hubby because you are more tired and have the worse job.  And then you turn into ME!  haha

    You just have to remember that even if he complains, you still have it much worse than him.  I told DH that many times, poor you you can't have sex, poor me I have to grow a human life and pop it out and then wait a YEAR before getting back to normal.  So yeah, you win! Big Smile

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