2nd Trimester

I have to say, I'm jealous of all of you with babysitters.

The last time we left DD with anyone and had a date night just DH and I was at least 3 months ago.

And the last time I got my hair done (due to not having a baby sitter or DH being in town) was 6 months ago.

And the last bridal shower I went to....I brought DD. ::gasp::

Seriously though, I would love to have family or friends closer so I could have more me-time or even more us-time for DH and I.  You all are very lucky.

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Re: I have to say, I'm jealous of all of you with babysitters.

  • So very true.  I haven't been on a date with my H in months, because we don't have family or friends that live close enough.  We do have a girl we call occasionally, but at $12/hr we can't do that very often.

    It's really hard.

  • We definitely appreciate how lucky we are.  DS is 20 months and my SIL has said no to babysitting once.  We also have our old nanny and multiple friends who would babysit at the drop of a hat.  I don't know what we would do without such a great group of friends and family.
  • image hippotree:

    So very true.  I haven't been on a date with my H in months, because we don't have family or friends that live close enough.  We do have a girl we call occasionally, but at $12/hr we can't do that very often.

    It's really hard.

    Holy hell.  I'm quitting my job and going into babysitting part time!  Seriously, I think I made $3/hr for a family of 4 when I was younger. 

  • This is why I feel truly blessed that both my mom and my sister live 5 blocks from my house. They actually live next door to one another.

    DH and I live next door to his mom but she isn't really trust worthy to keep our child for more than 30 minutes. She is literally BSC and is having serious medical issues that prevent her from taking her crazy meds. 

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  • image ***SweetPea***:
    image hippotree:

    So very true.  I haven't been on a date with my H in months, because we don't have family or friends that live close enough.  We do have a girl we call occasionally, but at $12/hr we can't do that very often.

    It's really hard.

    Holy hell.  I'm quitting my job and going into babysitting part time!  Seriously, I think I made $3/hr for a family of 4 when I was younger. 

    Yeah, I know!  Me too.  (and it's about to go up to $15/hr when The Sequel gets here.)
  • I totally understand.  We don't have any family near and all our friends have 2+ kids of their own, so I hate to ask them to watch DD.

    We just moved here to this area 6 months ago, and it's hard to find a sitter out of the blue.  It's hard to find someone you trust when you don't know anyone!

  • I agree. I too am jealous and feel at a disadvantage not having family nearby. Paying for a baby sitter everytime you want to have some adult time has got to add up quickly!
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  • I totally agree! We have friends here, and family but without going into too much detail not too many people we can trust to leave DS with! We get a date night once in a blue moon but mostly we take DS everywhere with us. And we also have never left him overnight ... gasp! lol.

    My DH travels a lot too, it is hard and just gonna be harder with #2! 

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  • Werd!

    There is a free dinner at a fancy restaurant tomorrow night for the Mother's of Multiples club and we don't have a sitter!!! :**(

    Claire Zoe, 10.26.10

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    Brady Phoenix, 8.29.09

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    Abigail Noelle, 8.29.09

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  • I feel VERY lucky! Dh's parents live right next door to us and my parents live a 5-10 minute drive. Also, I have a ton of friends who are already telling me that they are "in line" to babysit. I don't think we will ever have a problem doing what ever it is we'd like to...that is unless we just want to be with our LO all the time!!!!!
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  • We are extremely lucky, we have a fantastic support system within 20 minutes of us.  My parents spend their winters in FL, so my mom is already trying to figure out how she can spend every minute possible with LO every summer - we already have one guaranteed all-expense FL trip each winter, now I'm thinking 2 might be a possibility. 

    I grew up spending every single weekend of my first 9 years with one or the other set of grandparents, we were the only grandchildren on both sides back then so we (and our parents) lucked out.  We had a great relationships with both sets and that same bond is very important to my parents.  Luckily, DH was close to his also and his parents have already been a huge help with his nephew.

    As for babysitters being $12/hour - HOLY COW, I had no idea!

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  • LCB34LCB34
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    I guess I don't get why people act like it is so hard to find a sitter.

    We never lived closed to family and my parents always had someone - a connection from the church nursery, a friend?s older child, etc.

    I am not worried in the least about finding someone we trust to keep the baby.  And, I am not worried about the cost at all.

    $15/ hour is nothing compared to letting my marriage get shoved on the back burner due to my husband and I not having date nights and alone time. 

     

  • image LCB34:

    I guess I don't get why people act like it is so hard to find a sitter.

    We never lived closed to family and my parents always had someone - a connection from the church nursery, a friend?s older child, etc.

    I am not worried in the least about finding someone we trust to keep the baby.  And, I am not worried about the cost at all.

    $15/ hour is nothing compared to letting my marriage get shoved on the back burner due to my husband and I not having date nights and alone time. 

     

    We don't go to church.  Our friends don't have older kids.

    We know you're not worried about money, believe me.

    And who said my marriage is on the backburner?  This post is just ridiculous and reeks of judgy.

  • image LCB34:

    I guess I don't get why people act like it is so hard to find a sitter.

    We never lived closed to family and my parents always had someone - a connection from the church nursery, a friend?s older child, etc.

    I am not worried in the least about finding someone we trust to keep the baby.  And, I am not worried about the cost at all.

    $15/ hour is nothing compared to letting my marriage get shoved on the back burner due to my husband and I not having date nights and alone time. 

     

    Ditto 100%.  Someone has to be out there watching kids.  Get out there network and check references.

    If a sitter even once a month is a bank breaker, you've got bigger issues.  

    Baby Numbers 11.8.10 The Sequel on or around 10.13.12
  • image LCB34:

    I guess I don't get why people act like it is so hard to find a sitter.

    ....

    $15/ hour is nothing compared to letting my marriage get shoved on the back burner due to my husband and I not having date nights and alone time. 

     

    This. I understand the fear of leaving your LO alone with someone you don't know, but can't you contact a mommy friend and ask who she uses? There should be a fair amount of teenage kids who are qualified to watch your kid.

  • image marathonjunkie:
    image LCB34:

    I guess I don't get why people act like it is so hard to find a sitter.

    ....

    $15/ hour is nothing compared to letting my marriage get shoved on the back burner due to my husband and I not having date nights and alone time. 

     

    This. I understand the fear of leaving your LO alone with someone you don't know, but can't you contact a mommy friend and ask who she uses? There should be a fair amount of teenage kids who are qualified to watch your kid.

    Or find a mommy friend!  Growing up, i always remember going to a friend's house, or a friend coming over, so the other parent could ahve a night out.  It takes a village people!

    Baby Numbers 11.8.10 The Sequel on or around 10.13.12
  • image LCB34:

    I guess I don't get why people act like it is so hard to find a sitter.

    We never lived closed to family and my parents always had someone - a connection from the church nursery, a friend?s older child, etc.

    I am not worried in the least about finding someone we trust to keep the baby.  And, I am not worried about the cost at all.

    $15/ hour is nothing compared to letting my marriage get shoved on the back burner due to my husband and I not having date nights and alone time. 

     

    Do you have sitters lined up?  How exactly do you determine if you "trust" someone?  The only people I trust are friends of ours and I feel like I am seriously imposing when I ask them to watch DS.  They would never let me pay them and I am basically asking them to give up their night for me.  I am also not comfortable leaving DS with someone I don't know - as a prosecutor I am not very trustworthy of people I know through the grapevine.  


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  • image LCB34:

    I guess I don't get why people act like it is so hard to find a sitter.

    We never lived closed to family and my parents always had someone - a connection from the church nursery, a friend?s older child, etc.

    I am not worried in the least about finding someone we trust to keep the baby.  And, I am not worried about the cost at all.

    $15/ hour is nothing compared to letting my marriage get shoved on the back burner due to my husband and I not having date nights and alone time. 

     

    FWIW - a "church connection" just sent a friends baby to the ICU for 2 weeks and luckily it sounds like he'll recover.  While I agree you can find good non-family babysitters out there and this was a rare occurence, it's not a simple task but can definitely be done. 

    I go out of my way to offer to babysit to those I know don't have family/close friends in the area, because I agree you can't put a price on your relationship. It simply amazes me how many people have never had a night away from their child.  I don't care what anyone says, EVERYONE needs a some time away from LO to reconnect with thier SO's.

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  • LCB34LCB34
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    image hippotree:
    image LCB34:

    I guess I don't get why people act like it is so hard to find a sitter.

    We never lived closed to family and my parents always had someone - a connection from the church nursery, a friend?s older child, etc.

    I am not worried in the least about finding someone we trust to keep the baby.  And, I am not worried about the cost at all.

    $15/ hour is nothing compared to letting my marriage get shoved on the back burner due to my husband and I not having date nights and alone time. 

     

    We don't go to church.  Our friends don't have older kids.

    We know you're not worried about money, believe me.

    And who said my marriage is on the backburner?  This post is just ridiculous and reeks of judgy.

    I'm just saying for me, paying a babysitter is worth it if it means DH and I get our alone time which for us means out of the house enjoying a good dinner out.  We are big time winos and foodies so, taking that aspect out of our relationship would be putting "us time" on the back burner.

    I?m not going to lie ? I find it hard not to judge people that don?t actively continue to have alone time (inside of the home or outside of the home) with their husbands after having a baby.  It would not work for us so that has my mindset skewed to putting it at a very high importance.  I?ve also seen one to many marriages crumble after kids due to eliminating this from their marriage.

    I realize I don't have kids yet and this could all change - I just don't understand the whole concept of not being able to find someone to have as a reliable babysitter - for any reason - not just date night purposes.

     

     

  • image hippotree:
    image ***SweetPea***:
    image hippotree:

    So very true.  I haven't been on a date with my H in months, because we don't have family or friends that live close enough.  We do have a girl we call occasionally, but at $12/hr we can't do that very often.

    It's really hard.

    Holy hell.  I'm quitting my job and going into babysitting part time!  Seriously, I think I made $3/hr for a family of 4 when I was younger. 

    Yeah, I know!  Me too.  (and it's about to go up to $15/hr when The Sequel gets here.)

    i babysit and can't imagine charging that much!  for a toddler and infant i'd say $10 an hour tops!  for just a toddler $5, for two toddlers about $8.  $15 is ridiculous.

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  • image LCB34:

    I guess I don't get why people act like it is so hard to find a sitter.

    We never lived closed to family and my parents always had someone - a connection from the church nursery, a friend?s older child, etc.

    I am not worried in the least about finding someone we trust to keep the baby.  And, I am not worried about the cost at all.

    $15/ hour is nothing compared to letting my marriage get shoved on the back burner due to my husband and I not having date nights and alone time. 

    I don't think it's hard to find a sitter, we live in a city with few family members, and we haven't lived here that long. However, it IS hard to find a sitter that I trust will be a competent caretaker for my child that isn't still in middle school. Especially someone who can do the "bedtime routine" for DS, which is usually the time of day when we would need a sitter.

    And yeah, at $15/hour we WOULD have to take the cost into consideration. Let's say we spend $50 at dinner, and are gone for three hours. Three hours of babysitting = $45, plus the $50 we just spent at dinner. Almost $100 for one evening? That would be a rare treat for DH and I. However, when Nana comes to town, DH and I make sure we get out for a cheap meal. : )

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  • image hippotree:
    image LCB34:

    I guess I don't get why people act like it is so hard to find a sitter.

    We never lived closed to family and my parents always had someone - a connection from the church nursery, a friend?s older child, etc.

    I am not worried in the least about finding someone we trust to keep the baby.  And, I am not worried about the cost at all.

    $15/ hour is nothing compared to letting my marriage get shoved on the back burner due to my husband and I not having date nights and alone time. 

     

    We don't go to church.  Our friends don't have older kids.

    We know you're not worried about money, believe me.

    And who said my marriage is on the backburner?  This post is just ridiculous and reeks of judgy.

    LCB's wallet aside, I think if you can't spring for a sitter once a month, even to go sit at a damn McDonald's and have alone time with your husband, you are screwed.  Financially and otherwise.

    I am admittedly judgey on this topic.  There is something off about people who won't leave their kids for an adult night out as far as I am concerned.

    Baby Numbers 11.8.10 The Sequel on or around 10.13.12
  • LCB34LCB34
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    image Mrs.Rose:
    image LCB34:

    I guess I don't get why people act like it is so hard to find a sitter.

    We never lived closed to family and my parents always had someone - a connection from the church nursery, a friend?s older child, etc.

    I am not worried in the least about finding someone we trust to keep the baby.  And, I am not worried about the cost at all.

    $15/ hour is nothing compared to letting my marriage get shoved on the back burner due to my husband and I not having date nights and alone time. 

     

    Do you have sitters lined up?  How exactly do you determine if you "trust" someone?  The only people I trust are friends of ours and I feel like I am seriously imposing when I ask them to watch DS.  They would never let me pay them and I am basically asking them to give up their night for me.  I am also not comfortable leaving DS with someone I don't know - as a prosecutor I am not very trustworthy of people I know through the grapevine.  

     

    Yes - we have alraedy talked to numerous people that we would be comfortable leaving our child with once she is a bit older (probably 3+ months). 

    I talked to co-workers that live in my area, talked to my friends that use nannies that many be interested in weekend work, and have connections through our church. 

    Obviously things may not 100% mesh when we use them but, I have already met with each caregiver in a casual setting to make sure I felt comfortable with them.  Add in that they all came highly recommended by people I trust and I am feeling pretty good about using them in the future.

    I also have a friend that is due right around the same time as me.  We have been talking about doing an every other month date night swap.  She brings her daughter over and goes out with her hubby one weekend and then they return the favor.  No money involved - but it is a win-win for both couples.

  • image hippotree:
    image LCB34:

    I guess I don't get why people act like it is so hard to find a sitter.

    We never lived closed to family and my parents always had someone - a connection from the church nursery, a friend?s older child, etc.

    I am not worried in the least about finding someone we trust to keep the baby.  And, I am not worried about the cost at all.

    $15/ hour is nothing compared to letting my marriage get shoved on the back burner due to my husband and I not having date nights and alone time. 

     

    We don't go to church.  Our friends don't have older kids.

    We know you're not worried about money, believe me.

    And who said my marriage is on the backburner?  This post is just ridiculous and reeks of judgy.

    Ha!  Yeah because dinner once a month is the only thing that keeps my marriage alive.  We manage to keep our marriage healthy and happy despite not having a baby sitter.

    And we also don't go to church, we don't have friends with older kids and we don't have any older kids in the neighborhood.  I don't trust my kid with just anyone I meet either. 

  • image amy052006:
    image marathonjunkie:
    image LCB34:

    I guess I don't get why people act like it is so hard to find a sitter.

    ....

    $15/ hour is nothing compared to letting my marriage get shoved on the back burner due to my husband and I not having date nights and alone time. 

     

    This. I understand the fear of leaving your LO alone with someone you don't know, but can't you contact a mommy friend and ask who she uses? There should be a fair amount of teenage kids who are qualified to watch your kid.

    Or find a mommy friend!  Growing up, i always remember going to a friend's house, or a friend coming over, so the other parent could ahve a night out.  It takes a village people!

    If you remember it, you were probably talking by then, don't you think? I think finding a sitter for a child who can't yet communicate with you is a whole 'nother story. Your infant/toddler can't tell you what the babysitter did while you were gone. An older child can. I think it's an important difference.

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  • I'm sorry, I am just dumbfounded that people wouldn't have a friend watch their kid, even a baby, for a few hours. Saying "I don;t know anyone" is just an easy excuse if you don't want to leave your kid.  I personally don't know anyone that cures cancer, but if it had it, I'd ask around for references and interview someone to do it.

    Who the hell, exactly, leaves their kid with strangers?  Is daycare a stranger?  How about teachers?  No one is suggesting that.

     

    Baby Numbers 11.8.10 The Sequel on or around 10.13.12
  • LCB34LCB34
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    image amy052006:

    I'm sorry, I am just dumbfounded that people wouldn't have a friend watch their kid, even a baby, for a few hours. Saying "I don;t know anyone" is just an easy excuse if you don't want to leave your kid.  I personally don't know anyone that cures cancer, but if it had it, I'd ask around for references and interview someone to do it.

    Who the hell, exactly, leaves their kid with strangers?  Is daycare a stranger?  How about teachers?  No one is suggesting that.


     

    I'm so glad that I am not the only one a bit perplexed by this entire thing.

  • image amy052006:
    image hippotree:
    image LCB34:

    I guess I don't get why people act like it is so hard to find a sitter.

    We never lived closed to family and my parents always had someone - a connection from the church nursery, a friend?s older child, etc.

    I am not worried in the least about finding someone we trust to keep the baby.  And, I am not worried about the cost at all.

    $15/ hour is nothing compared to letting my marriage get shoved on the back burner due to my husband and I not having date nights and alone time. 

     

    We don't go to church.  Our friends don't have older kids.

    We know you're not worried about money, believe me.

    And who said my marriage is on the backburner?  This post is just ridiculous and reeks of judgy.

    LCB's wallet aside, I think if you can't spring for a sitter once a month, even to go sit at a damn McDonald's and have alone time with your husband, you are screwed.  Financially and otherwise.

    I am admittedly judgey on this topic.  There is something off about people who won't leave their kids for an adult night out as far as I am concerned.

    Who said I can't spring for one once a month, or once a week?  We're very comfortable financially - I just don't AW it on here.  I just don't always want to shell that out, and to be honest we're busy.  That doesn't mean my marriage is on the backburner (in fact, it's better than ever and our 11th anniversary is in two weeks).

    It's just hard finding someone you trust in the neighborhood or off of craigslist.  And those are my options right now.  I am glad you have other ones.

  • What about trading babysitting nights with other moms you may know from play groups, mommy and me classes, etc?
  • image marathonjunkie:
    What about trading babysitting nights with other moms you may know from play groups, mommy and me classes, etc?
    Working on it (we don't go to playgroups since I work, but with other daycare parents or neighborhood parents).  We moved here not too long ago so it's a long process.  Just because someone has kids of their own doesn't mean I trust them with mine.
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