2nd Trimester

WDYT?

No offense to anyone who does this but I always find it a little weird when people do thinks like choose "CharliesMomma" as their SN on websites or have a FB profile pic that is of their child only.  Have your kid IN the picture if you want but you don't cease to exist because you're a parent.  Now I don't have kids so who knows, maybe I'll change that way but I always felt the same way about pets and when I got my dog I didn't start putting her pic as my FB profile picture either.  And my u/s pic is not my profile pic either.  It happens to be a picture of me with a baby bump.

Does anyone else think it's weird when parents seem to lose their identity when they have kids?  Or will I overnight become "Brendan's Mom" (or whatever the eff we name him ha ha) once LO is born?

Pregnancy Ticker

Re: WDYT?

  • As an "older" mom to be - I'll be 41 in August - I'm in complete agreement with you.  I think most people will say, "Oh! You're Stacey's daughter" rather than the other way around.

  • I guess I don't see it as losing your identity. ?Once you have a child, that child becomes the center of your life (if you are a good parent anyway). ?There is nothing I wouldn't do for my child, and I never stop thinking about him. ?I don't think I've lost my identity as Evenstar622 just because I am also Sammy's mom.
  • I do. But then again, I consider a lot of parents today to be slaves to their children as well, so the name goes right along with that.
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  • I think I am in the minority as I like it when people do this.  I know what my friends and family looks like, but it is nice to see what the kids look like growing up.  My family all lives in MI and I live in WI so I don't get to see them all the time.  I like that they put up pics of their kids.  DH feels the same way that you do though.
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  • I completely agree. It is a pet peeve of mine to put your child's picture as your profile pic on FB.

    It is YOUR profile, put a picture of YOU as the profile picture!

  • If I have a particularly cute picture of Ethan I'll put it up, if I have a nice picture of me then that one will go up.  It's whatever Im feeling at the time, but even though I do put pictures of Ethan up as my profile pic I do NOT feel as if I am losing my identity.  Though in honestly when I became a parent my identity did change, I no longer just looked out for me and I am not the most important thing in my life anymore, he is.  I AM Ethan's mom, but I am still Sandy as well, the two can co-exist.
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    The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.
  • I'd never thought much about profile pictures and what-not but I absolutely loathe parents who incessantly talk about their child/ren. My SIL is a perfect example of this. All she talks about are her kids and how wonderful they are. (NEWSFLASH: they kinda blow) I attribute a great deal of it to the fact that she has no life whatsoever independent of her kids. But she has always been like this. Her main goal in life has always been to get married and have kids; nothing more. She has almost no relationship with her husband and no friends. She has been enveloped by her kids' lives. That, IMO, is where the danger lies. Not to mention what the hell do you do with yourself once your kids are all grown up and move away? Oh yeah, get a divorce and/or have a nervous breakdown!

    Obviously life changes once you have children, but it's very important to me to maintain hobbies, friendships, and my individual sense of self even though someone will be calling me "mom". 

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    I am friends with President Obama. I asked him to dress up in an Easter Bunny costume and show up at my parents' house with a giant check for $1 million a la Ed McMahon on Easter Weekend. We were going to make them think that they had won Publishers Clearinghouse sweepstakes LOL. As soon as they answered the door, we had our friend stage a robbery - they made it look like everyone in the Publisher's Clearninghouse van was violently murdered. They threw the "bodies" out of the van onto the street and peeled out. We had a fake ambulance and police show up. Then my parents' neighbors came by with a basket of kittens - they were SO cute! Just when my parents were so freaked out by seeing kittens after a murder/robbery AND having won $1 million, we had Pres. Obama take off the Easter Bunny head and say "Surprise!! You're going to be grandparents!" My parents will never forget that moment. - Pillowass

  • I agree with the PP who say that adding a child to your life is "expanding" your identity, not replacing it.I own my own business and I am the face of that business and having a child will not change that. It can't -- not if I intend to support my child!

    Personally, I wouldn't put my baby's picture up on the internet (no, not even the so-called "privacy" of facebook, especially with their abhorrent privacy record!) This is also why I don't have my own picture on my profile. I'm too much of a privacy freak. Yes, I know that if someone REALLY wants to find out my identity they can put together all my posts and all the different things I've said and probably figure out who I am, but... I'm doing the best I can. But to each his own. I know people in my industry that use their children for promotional purposes an they do so very wisely and well, and I respect that. But I am undecided on this -- and my husband, who is even more of a privacy freak than I, gets a say in that as well. What I really don't want to do is post anything about my child that becomes permanent record on the internet and that her classmates can use to ridicule her with later. 

  • I'm torn on this topic....on the one hand, I totally agree that my identity should always remain Monica. It bugs me when people refer to me as "_____'s wife" or Mrs. Husband'sFirstName LastName. I'm not Mrs. "John Smith." I'm Monica! Same with being a mom - I'm not Gabi's mom, I'm Monica!

    However. The pride you feel in your child is beyond anything I imagined and so sometimes, yes, I have my FB profile pic as a pic of my DD.  Yet, I would never have my screen name be "Gabi'sMommy" or any other sort of variation. My identity is still me, Monica - who happens to also be a Mommy. 

    If any of that makes sense... Wink

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