2nd Trimester

Losing friends bc of cigs??

So a group of my close girlfriends smoke, which they are totally entitled to do, but because of this I find myself completely outcast from them at social gatherings (parties, dinners, etc.) My DH and I recently went to a friend's 80s theme b-day party where I spent $$$ on getting an outfit and making food, but was left inside the house practically alone while all of my friends sat outside smoking- the entire night. I know they have every right to do this, but at the end of the day I think it's sad that cigarettes are whats standing in the way of me having a good time with my friends. Not really sure what I'm saying or wanting to get from the this post, guess I just needed to vent...
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Re: Losing friends bc of cigs??

  • Why didn't you just hang out with them outside? 
    Atthedogpark
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  • In all honestly opinion, if they were real friends they would be considerate. I don't see my friends much but they wait until I leave or they will step outside for a quick smoke them come back in after 10-15 minutes.
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  • image yodasmistress:
    Why didn't you just hang out with them outside? 

    Ummm... DUH... second hand smoke!  I understand exactly what you are saying.   I would be a bit put out if it happened to me.  Most of my friends, the DH's smoke and the women do not so it's equally divided. Just be honest and let them know how you feel.

  • That's really crappy. I understand people enjoy smoking (I personally can't stand it) but if you went to all the trouble to throw a party and invite and feed everyone, the least they could do is take smoke breaks and not move the whole party outside. They should have considered your feelings and the fact that you are pregnant and can't sit outside w/ them while they smoke all night.

    I am sorry.

  • image UnderAtree:
    In all honestly opinion, if they were real friends they would be considerate. I don't see my friends much but they wait until I leave or they will step outside for a quick smoke them come back in after 10-15 minutes.

    This. None of my friends smoke but it shouldn't take that long to take a quick cig break. There is a problem if they are hanging out outside without you during most of the party. I can understand why you are upset, I would be too.

  • I smoked before I got pregnant, so I would have been outside chatting with my friends.

    I know *GASP* I would expose my child to second hand smoke.

  • image heckysue:

    Not only am I trying to avoid second-hand smoke, but it totally makes me gag to even be within 50 feet of a cigarette so I feel your pain.  Luckily not many of my friends smoke.

    I do think your friends are a little inconsiderate to be gone all night smoking outside but there's also not a lot you can do.  It sounds like you realize that though and just needed to vent.  Hope you feel better!

    This.

    I was a smoker. Now I cannot stand the smell - it makes me want to vom, actually. I can smell it on others' breath and on their clothes. ::gag::

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  • image Beanie_mrt:

    Since the party wasn't at your house, I don't think they were being rude by going outside to smoke.

    If it was an event hosted by you, it would be a different story. 

    I think you're being overly sensitive and are probably bummed out you couldn't be out there with them (not necessarily smoking, but out enjoying the company).  Also, I don't think you are losing friends because they smoke, you were still invited to the party.

    There isn't much you can do.  If you don't want to expose yourself to the second hand smoke, then you are relegated to the inside.

     LOL at being oversensitive--of course I am, I'm pregnant!!! No, I understand what you mean, and like I said they are totally entitled to do so. I guess I just wouldn't stay outside the ENTIRE night knowing one my best friends was all alone inside. And for not being hosted by me the same thing happened the next night at my house. I had a few friends over, but was "forced" to go inside because of all the cig smoke. I know I'm not really losing my friends here, I guess just two nights in a row kind of got to me so I vented. 

  • image gemrae1225:

    image yodasmistress:
    Why didn't you just hang out with them outside? 

    Ummm... DUH... second hand smoke!  I understand exactly what you are saying.   I would be a bit put out if it happened to me.  Most of my friends, the DH's smoke and the women do not so it's equally divided. Just be honest and let them know how you feel.

    Ummm... DUH... I'm not paranoid about second hand smoke if I'm OUTSIDE.

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  • image UnderAtree:
    In all honestly opinion, if they were real friends they would be considerate. I don't see my friends much but they wait until I leave or they will step outside for a quick smoke them come back in after 10-15 minutes.

     

    This. I wish this were more the case, where they go step outside, have their cig, and then return to the conversation. Instead they all sit around and chain smoke together. It's cool though, I guess it's just the nature of the beast! Thanks for all the kind comments ladies, I guess that's all I needed Smile

  • You have every right to be bummed! They were just being rude by staying outside.

     Congrats to you for not exposing yourself or your child to 2nd hand smoke!!

     

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  • image Sully88:

    image UnderAtree:
    In all honestly opinion, if they were real friends they would be considerate. I don't see my friends much but they wait until I leave or they will step outside for a quick smoke them come back in after 10-15 minutes.

     

    This. I wish this were more the case, where they go step outside, have their cig, and then return to the conversation. Instead they all sit around and chain smoke together. It's cool though, I guess it's just the nature of the beast! Thanks for all the kind comments ladies, I guess that's all I needed Smile

    What did you do before you were pregnant?

  • I'm a former smoker.  I quit when I got my BFP.

    The smell of smoke, however, doesn't bother me in the least. 

    I have no fear of being around the smoke, as long as we're all outside.  I sit far enough from the smokers, that nothing is coming my way.  Not the smell, not the smoke.  We had friends over on Friday night who smoke.  We all sat outside, and they smoked on one end of the deck, and I sat on the other end of the deck. 

    Sit far enough away from them where you can't even smell it, or by a fan, but close enough that you can still partake in the conversation.

    I think it was a bit much to stay inside moping all night because your friends smoke and were outside, most likely also taking advantage of great weather.

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  • As a recent non-smoker (last August I quit a 25 year habit), I completely understand your point.  My friends who still smoke are considerate enough to either - not smoke in front of me, or - have a quick smoke. 

    Unfortunately I've become sort of a militant ex-smoker.  There is NOTHING redeeming about smelling like a dirty ashtray.  I am disgusted that I smelled so bad for so long. 

    Being pregnant hasn't helped either because the smell of any type of smoke nauseates me.

    Both you and your friends had a choice in the matter.  You didn't have to go to the party and they didn't have to smoke so much.  But, given that the majority of smokers are inconsiderate, it didn't cross their minds that you might have an issue with the smoke. 

    If your friends "choose" smoking over your health/comfort.....what kind of friends are they really? 

  • I used to smoke (it's been years now) but I think you did the right thing in not exposing your baby to the smoke. You did the right thing.

    What about getting together with your friends in a non-party environment? I mean, if you went out to lunch together, they wouldn't be standing outside smoking, right?

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  • image bfcake69:

    As a recent non-smoker (last August I quit a 25 year habit), I completely understand your point.  My friends who still smoke are considerate enough to either - not smoke in front of me, or - have a quick smoke. 

    Unfortunately I've become sort of a militant ex-smoker.  There is NOTHING redeeming about smelling like a dirty ashtray.  I am disgusted that I smelled so bad for so long. 

    Being pregnant hasn't helped either because the smell of any type of smoke nauseates me.

    Both you and your friends had a choice in the matter.  You didn't have to go to the party and they didn't have to smoke so much.  But, given that the majority of smokers are inconsiderate, it didn't cross their minds that you might have an issue with the smoke. 

    If your friends "choose" smoking over your health/comfort.....what kind of friends are they really? 

    Wow! So were you an inconsiderate smoker?

    Cause I know that I never was. Usually inconsiderate people, stay that way no matter if they smoked or not.

    Just sayin'

  • image monkiem:

    I'm a former smoker.  I quit when I got my BFP.

    The smell of smoke, however, doesn't bother me in the least. 

    I have no fear of being around the smoke, as long as we're all outside.  I sit far enough from the smokers, that nothing is coming my way.  Not the smell, not the smoke.  We had friends over on Friday night who smoke.  We all sat outside, and they smoked on one end of the deck, and I sat on the other end of the deck. 

    Sit far enough away from them where you can't even smell it, or by a fan, but close enough that you can still partake in the conversation.

    I think it was a bit much to stay inside moping all night because your friends smoke and were outside, most likely also taking advantage of great weather.

     Who said anything about moping? It was on a porch of about 10+ people sitting around a table all smoking at once. I did go out there at some points, but the smoke was just stagnant.  I have hung out with people plenty of times and just move myself to the end so I'm not breathing it in, but this was like a smoke-a-thon and I couldn't be out there. At the end of the day I guess I was just a little bitter that I couldn't chat and laugh the night away with everyone. There was no moping though and we live in FL so the "great weather" ended a couple of months ago Smile

  • image Monkey304:
    image bfcake69:

    As a recent non-smoker (last August I quit a 25 year habit), I completely understand your point.  My friends who still smoke are considerate enough to either - not smoke in front of me, or - have a quick smoke. 

    Unfortunately I've become sort of a militant ex-smoker.  There is NOTHING redeeming about smelling like a dirty ashtray.  I am disgusted that I smelled so bad for so long. 

    Being pregnant hasn't helped either because the smell of any type of smoke nauseates me.

    Both you and your friends had a choice in the matter.  You didn't have to go to the party and they didn't have to smoke so much.  But, given that the majority of smokers are inconsiderate, it didn't cross their minds that you might have an issue with the smoke. 

    If your friends "choose" smoking over your health/comfort.....what kind of friends are they really? 

    Wow! So were you an inconsiderate smoker?

    Cause I know that I never was. Usually inconsiderate people, stay that way no matter if they smoked or not.

    Just sayin'

    Wow, I totally agree with you Monkey.  I never was an inconsiderate smoker. 

    Also, it takes an inconsiderate person to be an inconsiderate smoker.

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  • Yeah, pretty much.  I smoked outside most of the time, but I never asked those around me "Oh I'm sorry, is my smoking bothering you?  Here, let me move or better yet, let me put this out...."

    My next door neighbors smoke weed and keep their door open, I can almost get a contact high.  I close my door, but I shouldn't have to.  They should close their door.  And they know I'm pregnant. Most (but not all) smokers do not realize that what they're doing does have an effect on others.

    Just sayin'..... :)

  • image bfcake69:

    Yeah, pretty much.  I smoked outside most of the time, but I never asked those around me "Oh I'm sorry, is my smoking bothering you?  Here, let me move or better yet, let me put this out...."

    My next door neighbors smoke weed and keep their door open, I can almost get a contact high.  I close my door, but I shouldn't have to.  They should close their door.  And they know I'm pregnant. Most (but not all) smokers do not realize that what they're doing does have an effect on others.

    Just sayin'..... :)

    I was the smoker that asked if I was bothering someone, because like I said, I was considerate. If I was walking down the street smoking, and a child or a baby stroller was coming in my direction, I put it out.

    If your neighbor smokes weed and you don't wanna shut your door, then call the cops. Don't complain.

  • image bfcake69:

    Yeah, pretty much.  I smoked outside most of the time, but I never asked those around me "Oh I'm sorry, is my smoking bothering you?  Here, let me move or better yet, let me put this out...."

    My next door neighbors smoke weed and keep their door open, I can almost get a contact high.  I close my door, but I shouldn't have to.  They should close their door.  And they know I'm pregnant. Most (but not all) smokers do not realize that what they're doing does have an effect on others.

    Just sayin'..... :)

    I disagree that you were being inconsiderate, especially if you were there first.  When I smoked, I found that there were more rude non-smokers than rude smokers.  Most smokers would stand well away from any crowd and take great pains to prevent the smoke from drifting towards the non-smokers. 

    Inevitably there would be one non-smoker who would come and stand about a foot away from me, down wind, and make a spectacle out of coughing and sniffing and carrying on like they were dying.  It was ridiculous and unnecessary. 

    I would much rather be inhaling weed smoke than cigarette smoke, honestly.  Fewer carcinogens. 

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  • image bfcake69:

    Yeah, pretty much.  I smoked outside most of the time, but I never asked those around me "Oh I'm sorry, is my smoking bothering you?  Here, let me move or better yet, let me put this out...."

    My next door neighbors smoke weed and keep their door open, I can almost get a contact high.  I close my door, but I shouldn't have to.  They should close their door.  And they know I'm pregnant. Most (but not all) smokers do not realize that what they're doing does have an effect on others.

    Just sayin'..... :)

    Oh wow.  I get it. 

    What people do in their own homes is up to them, and them alone.  So fvcking what if your neighbours smoke pot with their doors open?  It will be their own damn fault if someone smells it and calls the cops on them - since, afterall, what they're smoking is illegal.  Since what they're doing is illegal and you despise it so much, call the bloody police.

    And what people do in the great outdoors? Totally up to them, too.  They have their own personal choice to damage your own body.  If you don't like it, you don't have to be around it.  But if you choose not to be around it, don't complain that you were left out.  Again, personal choice.

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  • image cinema_goddess:

    I disagree that you were being inconsiderate, especially if you were there first.  When I smoked, I found that there were more rude non-smokers than rude smokers.  Most smokers would stand well away from any crowd and take great pains to prevent the smoke from drifting towards the non-smokers. 

    Inevitably there would be one non-smoker who would come and stand about a foot away from me, down wind, and make a spectacle out of coughing and sniffing and carrying on like they were dying.  It was ridiculous and unnecessary. 

    True on all accounts.  I totally agree with you.

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  • image cinema_goddess:
    image bfcake69:

    Yeah, pretty much.  I smoked outside most of the time, but I never asked those around me "Oh I'm sorry, is my smoking bothering you?  Here, let me move or better yet, let me put this out...."

    My next door neighbors smoke weed and keep their door open, I can almost get a contact high.  I close my door, but I shouldn't have to.  They should close their door.  And they know I'm pregnant. Most (but not all) smokers do not realize that what they're doing does have an effect on others.

    Just sayin'..... :)

    I disagree that you were being inconsiderate, especially if you were there first.  When I smoked, I found that there were more rude non-smokers than rude smokers.  Most smokers would stand well away from any crowd and take great pains to prevent the smoke from drifting towards the non-smokers. 

    Inevitably there would be one non-smoker who would come and stand about a foot away from me, down wind, and make a spectacle out of coughing and sniffing and carrying on like they were dying.  It was ridiculous and unnecessary. 

    I would much rather be inhaling weed smoke than cigarette smoke, honestly.  Fewer carcinogens. 

    LOL.  DH loves the smell of weed.  Me?  Not so much.  Yes, I also agree there are more rude ex-smokers than non-smokers.  I unfortunately have fallen into that category.  Not so much that I stand next to smokers and cough, but enough to remove myself from any unpleasant smelling smoking situations. 

     

  • Couldn't you hang out with them if they are outside? Sit on the opposite side of them that the wind is blowing. My brother and his fiance smoke and I was at a cookout with them over the weekend. I just make sure I am not in a direction that the wind would blow any smoke in my face.
    image image

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  • I avoid second hand smoke at all costs.  Even if they are outside.

    Here are my questions, and I don't mean this snarky: What do you plan on doing when LO is born?  Do you plan on having them around your baby when they are smoking every 5 minutes?  Do they have kids?

     

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  • image smbckr2:
    Couldn't you hang out with them if they are outside? Sit on the opposite side of them that the wind is blowing. My brother and his fiance smoke and I was at a cookout with them over the weekend. I just make sure I am not in a direction that the wind would blow any smoke in my face.

     

    Yeah, like I said, I usually do this. In this particular situation it was as smokey as a bar out there on the porch. And really, I wouldn't even have vented about this at all, but the same thing happened the next night at MY house after I had cooked everyone dinner. Do I want all my friends to stop an act that they are perfectly entitled to do so? No, not at all. But I find it slightly inconsiderate to go inside of my own house while everyone is having a great time outside and continues to stay out there without caring. Bottom line: no one is doing anything wrong, I'm just venting. I'm not crying to them or moping in front of them, I just felt like getting that off my chest and was wondering if anyone else was experiencing the same thing. I don't think I'm losing my friends (prob should have changed the title) and everything will be find and dandy when I'm not pregnant. Sorry if I ruffled anyone's feathers.

  • One breath of second hand smoke will temporarily stop a fetus' lungs from working.  Just one.  *shrug*

    I can't handle smoke anywhere near me.  I find it frustrating that I can't sit outside on a patio and have lunch without having to breathe in someone else's smoke.  I hate having to walk down the street behind someone who's smoking.  And getting stuck at street corners waiting for a light to change with someone who's smoking is brutal.

    I know this is flame-worthy, but I really think that smoking is incredibly selfish.  Yeah, everyone has the right to choose to damage their own lungs, but your right to inhale that sh!t ends where my right not to breathe in toxins begins. 

    I think it's a disgusting habit and it has zero benefit and massive consequences.  I wouldn't have gone outside with the smokers either. 

  • image denise_m:

    I avoid second hand smoke at all costs.  Even if they are outside.

    Here are my questions, and I don't mean this snarky: What do you plan on doing when LO is born?  Do you plan on having them around your baby when they are smoking every 5 minutes?  Do they have kids?

     

    No, you aren't being snarky. Smoking around my baby will be a huge no-no. But I also don't really plan on bringing him out to parties with adults (at least not night ones) and I really don't think they would do that if a baby was there. And only two have kids, so I know the others just don't get it yet. But soon they will and I will make sure to be there for them. 

  • image piecesofflare:

    One breath of second hand smoke will temporarily stop a fetus' lungs from working.  Just one.  *shrug*

    I can't handle smoke anywhere near me.  I find it frustrating that I can't sit outside on a patio and have lunch without having to breathe in someone else's smoke.  I hate having to walk down the street behind someone who's smoking.  And getting stuck at street corners waiting for a light to change with someone who's smoking is brutal.

    I know this is flame-worthy, but I really think that smoking is incredibly selfish.  Yeah, everyone has the right to choose to damage their own lungs, but your right to inhale that sh!t ends where my right not to breathe in toxins begins. 

    I think it's a disgusting habit and it has zero benefit and massive consequences.  I wouldn't have gone outside with the smokers either. 

     

    AMEN!!!

     

    Yes

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