I havent had a chance to breathe in months, I work 4 10 hr days at a crappy call center job that drains my soul every single day, i am having issues with our DC provider (nothing serious, just have been kinda going back and forth with her on some things) so that makes me feel even worse about working and leaving DD, I dont get a chance to get out and do anything enjoyable, we only have 1 car and DH has it the majority of the time b/c of his work schedule so this puts DD and I alone at home most of the time which is depressing. I want to get her out and show her things and take her fun places but we can never do it b/c we are always working and all my DH wants to do when he gets home is rest, even on weekends. I feel like we dont do enough with DD and she spends her time at DC in a stupid playpen or swing or whatever and when she is with us I want to make the most of it but DH is always annoyed and argumentive and complaining about how tired he is. i feel so alone like its just DD and I.
Everything is starting to build up and I am tired of being tearful, resentful, exhausted, frustrated and I have no outlet. We are always super broke and barely scraping by (please do not flame) b/c of old debts of DH's that we are trying to pay off. So I am always penny pinching and trying to figure out how we are going to eat or how to afford gas for the week in addition to feeling like I have no support from DH. I have tried to tell him how hard all of this is for me as a working mom with no friends or family and how sad I am b/c all we do is work, we never have money, never do anything as a family, DD is always home on weekends with me and not out doing fun things b/c he is gone with the car at work (he needs the car for work), and we dont even communicate as a couple anymore. Everything is an argument and he is always challenging me about who is the most tired and who got more sleep, and all this mess.
I talk and he just sits there and doesnt respond, ask questions or seem remotely concerned about my feelings so in the end I shut down. this is not how i expected my life to be. there is nothing remotely enjoyable (with the exception of DD) going on. I feel so ran down and overwhelmed and sad. I do everything for our family and run myself into the ground trying to manage all these responsibilities with minimal help and it seems like there is no end in sight. I am tired of arguing with him and trying to talk and "work it out" and get on the same page. It is just not working. I dont know what I expect from writing this post, but I just had to get it out. Im just fed up and at my wits end.