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We have an agency deal with the tax stuff for us. My DH deals with it so I honestly don't even know how it works.
What your nanny is saying is kind of true, sadly. If she's used to making $18 in cash, you will have to pay at least $20 on the books. Which might mean you need to hire a nanny used to making $15/hour cash.
Yes. The normal "offering" varies a lot region. Around here most nannies get some paid time off unless they are part time. We do two weeks paid, federal holidays, and 3 sick days.
I would also be very specific about what vacations mean. Do you choose the vacation times or does she (or a 50%-50% split). I have more paid time off than my nanny and it is bit of an issue I wish we had addressed prior. We'll probably take a week off at the end of the year and my nanny won't have an "vacation time" left and I'm really not sure if she is expecting to be paid or not. We probably will because I want her to be happy, but I think we'll talk more about it when the time comes.
Lapsfam:Was it hard to figure out the tax aspect? Our potential nanny is balking that our rate is before taxes--but we feel as though we are paying her competitively, especially as we're giving her plenty of vacation/sick time and will guarantee her hours even on days we don't need her as long. I feel stuck. We want to be fair, but the tax thing is making us pay quite a bit more than we had anticipated. We had said $18/hour, which works out to $15 after taxes taken out. She is wanting $18 prior to taxes, which works out to well over $20/hour for us and just is not feasible. Ugh.
I would just look for someone else if your nanny is balking about the tax issue. There are plenty of nannies in NY/NJ who would be happy with $15 per hour net.
We have had the same nanny for the last year--she is technically our third. She doesn't call out sick often, but she gets paid sick days. She has pretty much never requested a vacation day, but we told her she could take vacation as long as she told us well in advance so we could plan care for DS. She gets off any day I have off.
We don't pay her on the books though. We did not find her through an agency, and frankly, can't afford agency nanny prices... so we pay her under the table.
If your potential nanny isn't happy with the offered pay, then I think you should find someone else. Even if she wound up agreeing to it, I bet you anything there would be potential problems and eventually, she could just quit, say, via Text while she is home because of a death in the family and you are sitting by a pool in Miami for a long weekend away with your sister and now you have no nanny and no way of finding a new one before you have to go back to work the following Tuesday... just a possible scenario...