Baby Showers

Grandma skipping baby shower??

So I found out from my mom over the weekend that my grandma isn?t planning on coming up for the baby shower because she promised my 9 year old cousin she?d go to her last soccer game. I live 5 hours away, but this is a drive that we?ve all done a hundred times and my mom offered to bring her up with her since she lives near her.

 

I?ve been upset about it all weekend and know I should call my grandma to address this myself, but I really don?t feel like I should have to explain to her why my baby shower is more important than a soccer game?

Re: Grandma skipping baby shower??

  • I'm a little on the fence here since it involves a promise to a child who is presumably also her grandchild.  I understand your shower is very important to you and how much I'm sure you'd like your grandma to be there, but if it was really important to you for her to come you could have coordinated the date to be sure she could attend.  If you *did* coordinate with her/rest of the family on dates and this is a last minute decision to go to the soccer game, or the date of the game got set late, I'm more conflicted...if it was me, I'd still have a very hard time calling grandma to implore her to break the promise to my young cousin, that sort of thing is important to a kid even if it seems trivial to an adult.

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  • Seriously?  I don't mean to come off as harsh but it's not the end of the world if Grandma doesn't come to your shower. 

    Baby showers are a gift giving event -- the baby's not even here yet! 

    I'd let this one go.  If you call up Grandma and try to confront the issue you are going to come off as a brat.  

  • image K.a.T.e:

    Seriously?  I don't mean to come off as harsh but it's not the end of the world if Grandma doesn't come to your shower. 

    Baby showers are a gift giving event -- the baby's not even here yet! 

    I'd let this one go.  If you call up Grandma and try to confront the issue you are going to come off as a brat.  

    Ditto this. I just do NOT think showers are the "be all/ end all" of events that so many people seem to think they are. 

    Coming and watching you open a bunch of gifts from people, many who she may not even know, is really more important than fullfilling a promise to a child?  Really?! 

    If you're talking that this was her first chance to meet the baby, ok, I'd undersatnd more.  But over a SHOWER?

    Plus,  on top of it all - I would never, EVER expect someone (ANYONE) to drive 5 hours for my shower!

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • Let it go.  If you make a big stink about this you will end up regretting it one day. 
  • The drive is nothing new, we all do this all the time for family events.

    The game was supposed to be this last weekend but was rescheduled. My cousin is in 4 different sports as well as theater and my grandma has been to and will continue to go to many more. One game shouldn't make a difference

    My grandma and I are very close and my family has recently faced a lot of hard blows, to me this shower wasn't a gift giving event but was instead a long weekend planned far in advance to get to spend some quality time with my mom and grandma together before the baby comes. I personally don't understand how people view their shower as an event just for recieving gifts.. but that's just me

  • image sabrinafair:

    I personally don't understand how people view their shower as an event just for recieving gifts.. but that's just me

    Because in reality, that is what it is.  "Shower the bride/ mom to be with gifts".  "quality time" and celebrating the baby can be done w/o it being linked to a gift giving event.

    but if it was a full weekend of stuff planned, you could have mentioned that before because that piece of information changes my tune somewhat.  Yes, you can call her and tell her you're sad she isn't coming, you were looking forward to spending the weekend with her, etc.  BUT it can't be done out of guilt.  It just needs to be an explanation, expression that you'll miss her. It shouldn't be to make her feel BAD.  And really- it shouldn't be about the shower

    At the shower, you're going to be busy and preoccupied anyhow!  You won't be spending much quality time w/ any one person anyhow. 

    Tell us what the real focus is and we can better answer your questions.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • image EastCoastBride:
    image sabrinafair:

    I personally don't understand how people view their shower as an event just for recieving gifts.. but that's just me

    Because in reality, that is what it is.  "Shower the bride/ mom to be with gifts".  "quality time" and celebrating the baby can be done w/o it being linked to a gift giving event.

    but if it was a full weekend of stuff planned, you could have mentioned that before because that piece of information changes my tune somewhat.  Yes, you can call her and tell her you're sad she isn't coming, you were looking forward to spending the weekend with her, etc.  BUT it can't be done out of guilt.  It just needs to be an explanation, expression that you'll miss her. It shouldn't be to make her feel BAD.  And really- it shouldn't be about the shower

    At the shower, you're going to be busy and preoccupied anyhow!  You won't be spending much quality time w/ any one person anyhow. 

    Tell us what the real focus is and we can better answer your questions.

     

    Wow you?re harsh lol   I wasn?t really asking a question so much as venting, although I do appreciate the advice received. My grandma only makes the travel for ?occasions? and when my family does the trip it is always for a long weekend of quality time together. This means that she won?t be able to hang out baby free, or see me with the big belly, or feel the baby moving? all things we were planning on and looking forward to other than just a shower. I drove down there for Easter but that was the last celebration and I can?t handle long road trips anymore.

     

    There is always a bigger explanation to a situation, but I didn?t want to write full book just to vent about my hurt feelings.

     

    That being said, I would NEVER call her up to guilt her into coming. And in fact that?s exactly why I was torn about calling her to explain it anyway since I wouldn?t want her to come up out of guilt? so yes, my little girl panties are in a twist and my feelings are hurt

     

  • image sabrinafair:
      This means that she won?t be able to hang out baby free, or see me with the big belly, or feel the baby moving? all things we were planning on and looking forward to other than just a shower. I drove down there for Easter but that was the last celebration and I can?t handle long road trips anymore.
    Yes, I can be too blunt.  IN all seriousness, though, I DO get where you're coming from. 

    Can you just talk to her?  If you're that close, talk to her in a somewhat "fun" way, but mention to her your really bummed she won't get to see you w/ your big belly, or feel the baby move.

    She may not be thinking "bigger picture".  If done in the right way, it might just get her thinking about it and she might (might) change her mind.  You never know.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • I don't think it is necessary for her to come.  Invite her to visit after the baby is here to meet her great-grandchild.
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  • I don't agree with some of the other posters.  I DO think your grandma should be attending your most likely ONLY shower since your 9 year old cousin will probably have multiple soccer games in her future.  I don't think showers are up there with a wedding or a Christening but they are surely higher up in importance than a soccer game.  What event did your grandmother know about first?   I am a grandmother now and I would have no problem explaining it to a 9 year old granddaughter the reason I'm not able to attend her last soccer game.  No way would I miss my granddaughter's only baby shower (for my great grandchild) to go to another grandchilds soccer game.  They don't even compare in my mind.  Hopefully she will see reason when you call her.  Has your mother spoken to her?
  • I think Im a black sheep here and every one is entitled to there opinion, but I think Grandma should be there.. like you said the other grandchild is involved in lots of sports. Your mom has offered to drive her. I disagree about not saying anything to her about it. You need to let her know how you feel... other wise she may have no clue and you will secretly hold a grudge. It's just something that needs to be addressed. If she knows how you feel and she doesn't come then don't feel so bad when you can't bring the LO to something that's important to her one day...
  • image Sunkissed029:
    I think Im a black sheep here and every one is entitled to there opinion, but I think Grandma should be there.. like you said the other grandchild is involved in lots of sports. Your mom has offered to drive her. I disagree about not saying anything to her about it. You need to let her know how you feel... other wise she may have no clue and you will secretly hold a grudge. It's just something that needs to be addressed. If she knows how you feel and she doesn't come then don't feel so bad when you can't bring the LO to something that's important to her one day...

    That may be a bit harsh, however, I do understand the point behind it and I would probally say the same thing.

    I have a feeling I may be in the same boat with my gradmother. Only difference is she live 5 mins away for me I do see her alot, however, that is not the point. She is a homebody and tends to throw pitty parties for her self and does not usually attend family events outside the ones we have at her home. This is her first great-grand child and i hate to say it but probally the only one she will see born. Her sisters who are older are comming and I feel she should too. Bottom line is I want her at my shower and I will throw a hissy fit if she does not come.

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  • image sabrinafair:

    I?ve been upset about it all weekend and know I should call my grandma to address this myself, but I really don?t feel like I should have to explain to her why my baby shower is more important than a soccer game?

    She already promised your cousin she would go to her last soccer game.

    I understand you're disappointed, but there is nothing you can do about it.

     

    How can you possibly think that calling your grandmother and putting her in that position to choose between two grandchildren is a good idea? That is completely bratty and selfish. Shame on you for wanting to put your grandmother through that. If you really loved her, you wouldn't make her choose.

     To you, your baby shower is more important than your cousin's soccer game. To your cousin, her soccer game is more important than your baby shower.

    To your grandmother, she already promised your cousin. Get over it.


     

     

    White Knot
  • Apparently Simply Fated has never been disappointed by anyone or has been, but handled it with complete grace and never said a word about it...ya right. I had a lot of people who didn't show to my shower, including both grandma to my husband. To be honest I was a little disappointed, because everyone said they were interested in coming, but they had other things going on and I understand that. I also had another friend tell me she wanted to throw my a shower and then canceled it 4 days before the event due to "money" problems. People often try to butter you up while you are pregnant and then often let you down. While you are in a highly hormonal state feeling disappointed is a completely ligament and you should not feel guilty about this. 
  • Well Sabrinafair, I can't say that I would want her to break a promise to a child but if she knew about your baby shower well before the game then she shouldn't have promised to attend a game during it. 
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  • Quick side note: Sabrina and EastCoast, way to talk through it, I was afraid this post was going to get messy!!

     I however would have to agree with you Sabrina, my niece is 9 but would totally understand if I or my mom had to go do something else, even after a promise. It's quite easy to redirect a kid of that age! I would be so disappointed if a family member couldn't make it to my shower for that reason. I would have quite an issue with confronting her about it. If it were me I'd be sad, but let it go. See if she can come up another weekend and maybe you, your mom, and your grandma can spend a great "generational" weekend together (before baby arrives)! good luck!  

  • image hoekll01@gmail.com:
    Apparently Simply Fated has never been disappointed by anyone or has been, but handled it with complete grace and never said a word about it...ya right. I had a lot of people who didn't show to my shower, including both grandma to my husband. To be honest I was a little disappointed, because everyone said they were interested in coming, but they had other things going on and I understand that. I also had another friend tell me she wanted to throw my a shower and then canceled it 4 days before the event due to "money" problems. People often try to butter you up while you are pregnant and then often let you down. While you are in a highly hormonal state feeling disappointed is a completely ligament and you should not feel guilty about this. 

     

    What the hell are you talking about? Of course I've been disappointed by people before but I didn't demand my grandmother choose me over my cousin, which is what this mother-to-be wants to do.

    White Knot
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