Natural Birth

How does your spouse/partner feel about hiring the doula?

Does your spouse understand what their role is?  Feel relieved not to have to be your only support?  Worry that the 'extra person' is a waste of money?

How did you find your doula?  There are a bunch around here, but I get wacky vibes from some so some sort of interview would be necessary, but that would be a pain.

(If you do happen to live in Boston and have specific recommendations, bonus!) 






Re: How does your spouse/partner feel about hiring the doula?

  • I found doulas in my area from www.dona.org. We scheduled interviews with two (I wish there were more of them around here). The first forgot about our appointment on Sunday, so unless I absolutely hate the woman we are meeting tonight we are going with her.  I really think an interview is necessary no matter what. You want to be really comfortable with this person.

    My DH is all for anything that makes me happy. I do think once he gets to know her better that he will be relieved to have the extra help.   Right now he is just along for the ride.

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  • My husband was really supportive.  He knew how important it was to me.  And from listening to my stories about working as a doula, I think he understood that they can really make a positive impact.

    I wanted a natural birth but we ended up with a long, tough induction that ended in a cesarean after 2 days in the hospital.  My doula was there through it all.

    After the birth my husband told me he doesn't know how he would have made it through the whole experience without our doula.  The birth was long and hard for him too (emotionally, physically) and our doula really helped him too.  He didn't have the pressure of being my sole support person--he could take a break and know that the doula was there helping me.  She showed him how he could better help me through it.  She made the whole ordeal less scary and stressful for my husband too.  And in no way did she replace him. 

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    Big sister {September 2008} Sweet boy {April 2011} Fuzzy Bundle {ETA July 2014}

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  • I wish we had more doulas where I'm at.  We interviewed the one we hired and liked her, but she's never had kids herself and she's only been a doula for 2 years (but charges the full experienced price!).  The other doulas I contacted were not interested and thought we lived too far from them to be convenient.  So while I'm not overly concerned, I do wish we could have found the "perfect" doula.

    My husband initially did not want a doula, but after talking about it and him looking into it, he decided he wanted one.  It takes a lot of pressure off him to remember every little thing and to know when the medical staff might be taking measures that I don't want.  The money is a concern, but we decided we'd rather have one and find out it wasn't worth it than not have one and wish we had!

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  • http://www.dona.org/  Huge website of doulas in north america

    I found a couple I am interviewing just by googlesearching "doulas near Mycity"

    My husband is totally on board with a doula.  We don't want any parents or anything in the room, and I explained that the role of the doula is also to support HIM and tell HIM what he should be doing for me.  He thinks spending the cash for an expert to be with us from start to finish will be more than worth it.

    His only stipulation is that he gets to help interview and select.  He wants to be just as comfortable with her as I am so that he can get the most out of the experience as well.

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  • My husband was all about a doula after hearing from my best friend and her husband how much they loved having one and would be using one again for future children, even after having "been there done that" with L&D.

    Any doula you interview should be willing to provide references.  I would suggest that having your spouse/partner help with contacting those references, and the references' spouses/partners, may help combat any skepticism.

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  • With DD, neither of us had heard of doulas before doing our Bradley classes. So it helped that we both learned about them at the same time, versus it being something that I brought up to him. DH tends to be more open to things if they're suggested by someone other than his crazy wife. LOL.

    Our doula with DD was so wonderful and took such a load off him. So HE was the one who absolutely insisted on having a doula again with DS. He tells all his guy friends with pregnant wives, "Dude, the doula isn't just for her. YOU want a doula. Trust me."

    With DD, I got doula recommendations from a local birth resource center -- they offer childbirth classes, breastfeeding classes, new mom support groups, etc. We found out about them so late that we really only had one option, and we met with her and liked her, so that was that.

    With DS, we started the search MUCH earlier, so we had more options. I got recommendations from web sites like Mamapedia, the Mothering.com forums (the "Find Your Tribe" area), and another message board for local moms, as well as from my midwife. I ended up interviewing four doulas in person before hiring mine.

    Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)

  • Are you actually IN Boston or NEAR Boston? (I grew up south of Boston and always said that's where I was from to simplify).  The reason I ask is because we live in Providence now and got our Doula through Doulas of RI  http://doulasri.org/index.html.  They hosted a "Meet the Doula" night which allowed us to meet a BUNCH of Doulas get a really great understanding of what they are and are not.  We found it incredibly helpful.  Many of them serve RI and parts of Mass so depending on where you are, someone may be able to help you or point you to someone in your area.  We ended up interviewing 3 and loving ALL of them.  Picking one was really tough.  PM or page me if you want names or more info.  GL!
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  • DH didn't really get the whole natural/med-free plan at first but then over time, with the more and more I showed him and more he learned about it he was totally on board with my wishes; the same went with the doula - he didn't get the idea of a strager being there but after our first meeting with her he is much more comfortable now.

    We have a volunteer doula program in our area and we were lucky enough to get one from there, I would not think it was a waste of money but I wouldn't be having one if we had to pay since I wouldn't be able to justify the cost. A donation to the program is encouraged but not necessary.

     

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  • DH would probably done alot of eyerolling about 'dirty hippie crap' if i had mentioned a doula with our 1st (but wouldn't have stopped me) but after our experience w DS' birth he was more than on board for it this time.

    In our case, we have several reasons why DH will be releived to have a pro here helping us and think it is $ well spent: a toddler to manage until a family member can come get him; a long drive to the hospital because the natural-friendly one is 45 min+ away; and the fact that I am an AMA VBAC Mama so there are lots of dire warnings about increased risks. 

    I want to labor at home as long as possible & avoid the FTP interventions I had last time so we hired an experienced monitrice doula who is qualified to check my progress & monitor baby's well being. I started by looking at the DONA site, but once I discovered that what I was looking for was a specialty (most doulas dont do doppler & internals) I googled monitrice for my area, narrowed it down by qualifications & then tested the waters by chatting her up on the phone 1st . Another way to do it is to talk to your MW, who I assume will be of natural orientation, and see who she has worked well with in the past.     

     

  • mine wasn't a fan at first because of the added cost.  i sold it to him by telling him if i can go med free we won't have to pay that anesthesiologist bill...lol.  my DH hates seeing me in pain and i think he knows he's not super supportive in a setting like that.  he's extremely annoying to me when he's sick/uncomfortable and useless to me when i'm sick, and i think birth would just amplify those feelings between us.

    once he met the doula and read the contract, i think it made more sense to him what her role is, and that he is still ultimately "above" her and that we can ask her to leave the room or change something she's doing if we need her to.

    i found ours by acquaintance. 

  • We just had the conversation yesterday, ironically.  I was afraid he would totally shoot it down. But once I looked online and found one that only charges $450 (we haven't settled on her yet, she's our starting point)  he thought that was a reasonable fee.  I sent her an email last night and she's already responded with a hospital recommendation and the name of a doc who's notorious for supporting natural birth.  (We haven't paid her a dime and she's already earning her keep!)  

    Also, he was afraid I wanted someone to take his place in the birthing room.  I have a multitude of risk factors, and he thinks I'm being unreasonable attempting a natural birth.  I told him a doula would "also be able to tell me when I've gone too far and I need to listen to the OB."  He was sold. 

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