3rd Trimester

Am I Wrong? MIL VENT

Both mine and DF's family lives 7.5-8hrs away. However, we see my family more because they actually come see us. We have lived in Florida for 4yrs now and my future MIL has not once tried to come visit us but expects us to come visit her all time... She actually has driven to see some of her friends who live about 2.5hrs from us and couldn't drive that little bit extra to see us. She openly thinks our house, that she has never been to, is disgusting because we have 3 dogs and a cat that are inside most of the time and is constantly telling us she could never stay in that in that kind of filth and we should get rid of all our furbabies... but now all of a sudden she is super pissed at my DF and I because my mom came to help when I was in the hospital and on bedrest and my sister is coming to help us with the baby when I go back to school and she feels we chose them over her! First we never asked either of them to come help they both offered and we happily accepted and second DUH! Why the heck would we want to inconvenience you and beg you to come stay in our "filthy" house! To make thinks even more frustrating, now she keeps saying we HAVE to come spend Christmas at her house so she can actually see her grandson... Am I wrong and selfish if I want to spend our first Christmas with our LO at home? Of course my MIL and my family can come celebrate with us... But my DF and I have scrounged together money that we couldn't really spare to go see her for Christmas for the past 3yrs and it has always been so stressful! Is it to much to ask for her to actually come to our house for once? I know this might sound kind of mean, but I don't really care if she sees our LO at all at this point if she can't make one dang trip to our house!! It is not like she works or anything (she is retired) and I know she has enough money to constantly get her nails and hair done, get the latest cell phones, clothes, and accessories.... Ugh! So frustrating!

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Re: Am I Wrong? MIL VENT

  • At least yours lives far away!!!! My DH and I don't get along with his side of the family...at all! They are hateful two faced, I go to church every sunday so I'm perfect, kind of people. If she wants to see the baby she can come see you....do people not realize we have a lot of added expenses when we have a baby!?
  • I would be pissed too.  I think it is fair for you and DH to want to spend your first christmas together... if she wants to come down then fine but I wouldnt go up there.  Especially since you say it is stressful.  You will just end up with unhappy parents and an unhappy baby which isnt good for any of you.  If she really cares enough to want to see him she will change her mind and come down.  Just talk to her about it civally (sp? lol) You or DH whichever can keep their cool the best and hopefully she will understand... if not, her loss!
    BFP#1 - 10/09, DS born 6/17/10 BFP#2 - 09/12, EDD 6/6/13, MMC 10/31/12 @8w5d, D&C 11/30/12 Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Anniversary
  • If you have gone there the past 3 years for Christmas....then no - you stay put right there in your own house this Christmas! 

     

    Our families both live about that far away too....DH's mom actually comes to visit more, but she has fewer kids/grandkids than my parents do.  My parents come about once a year and MIL comes 3-4 times.  We usually go up there once a year...not sure about this year though. 

    Adrian 7.6.07 - ADHD, Disruptive Behavior Disorder, Learning Disability-NOS
    Cam 6.6.10 - Autism, Global Developmental Delay, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Communication Disorder
  • Invite the in-laws to join you for Christmas and if they refuse, then it truly is their loss. They will be the ones to miss out on your little one's first Christmas.

    But you will be able to sleep at night because you have been the better people and put the genuine invite out there. At the end of the day, your parents and in-laws start to become extended family and the most important ones are your new family :) 

  • kdm06ckdm06c
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    image MrsBalletStar05:

    If you have gone there the past 3 years for Christmas....then no - you stay put right there in your own house this Christmas! 

     

    Our families both live about that far away too....DH's mom actually comes to visit more, but she has fewer kids/grandkids than my parents do.  My parents come about once a year and MIL comes 3-4 times.  We usually go up there once a year...not sure about this year though. 

    My mom has 7 kids and our LO will make 4 grandkids... My MIL has one kid (my DF) and our LO will be her first grandbaby... But my mom manages to come see us atleast 3-4 times a year! His mom literally expects us to come see her all the time! Well what she really wants is for us to move back home... She has even gone as far as trying to convince me to quit school, or drop a couple of my majors (I am triple majoring) and move in with her... only if we got rid of our furbabies though! I am just tired of it and I think my DF is getting tired of fighting and trying to reason with her...

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  • kdm06ckdm06c
    5000 Comments 250 Answers Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    member
    image MrsBalletStar05:

    If you have gone there the past 3 years for Christmas....then no - you stay put right there in your own house this Christmas! 

     

    Our families both live about that far away too....DH's mom actually comes to visit more, but she has fewer kids/grandkids than my parents do.  My parents come about once a year and MIL comes 3-4 times.  We usually go up there once a year...not sure about this year though. 


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  • Some mothers do not know when to let their babies grow up and live their own lives. Indifferent
    Adrian 7.6.07 - ADHD, Disruptive Behavior Disorder, Learning Disability-NOS
    Cam 6.6.10 - Autism, Global Developmental Delay, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Communication Disorder
  • image MrsBalletStar05:
    Some mothers do not know when to let their babies grow up and live their own lives. Indifferent

     This is so my MIL!!!! My sister died when I was 10 in a car accident... she was 13.. My DH moved in with me when he turned 18..I was only 16(my mom and dad really loved him too and knew how awful his mom was) And my MIL had the nerve to tell me how dare my mom and dad let him move in with us it was like stealing her son away and was the same as loosing a child. For 3 and a half years stood by her statement that my sister was a good comparison to her son moving in with me! 

  • kdm06ckdm06c
    5000 Comments 250 Answers Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    member

    image MrsBalletStar05:
    Some mothers do not know when to let their babies grow up and live their own lives. Indifferent

    SOOO TRUE!!! We have been together for almost 6yrs now and we have ALWAYS had this problem. My DF has been really good at putting her back in her place... but it is so annoying that he has to keep doing it and she hasn't quite pieced it together that he isn't 10 anymore and he is going to make his own decisions based on what is best for his family and that it isn't always going to be what she wants...


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  • kdm06ckdm06c
    5000 Comments 250 Answers Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    member

    image MrsBalletStar05:
    Some mothers do not know when to let their babies grow up and live their own lives. Indifferent

    SOOO TRUE!!! We have been together for almost 6yrs now and we have ALWAYS had this problem. My DF has been really good at putting her back in her place... but it is so annoying that he has to keep doing it and she hasn't quite pieced it together that he isn't 10 anymore and he is going to make his own decisions based on what is best for his family and that it isn't always going to be what she wants...

    *** I am soo sorry for all the double and triple posts... I am bumping from my blackberry....***


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  • image supermel:

    Invite the in-laws to join you for Christmas and if they refuse, then it truly is their loss. They will be the ones to miss out on your little one's first Christmas.

    But you will be able to sleep at night because you have been the better people and put the genuine invite out there. At the end of the day, your parents and in-laws start to become extended family and the most important ones are your new family :) 

    This!  It sounds like you guys put in a lot of effort so I think you can put your foot down this Christmas!

  • Just because someone is loud and disagrees with you doesn't make them right.  :-)  You have a perfect right to do what you want as adults in your own home and parents of your new child.  I'm with everyone else - it's completely fine to set limits and if you want to offer, you can certainly find a nice way of saying we are looking forward to Christmas as a new little family this year.  You're welcome to join us - I know you're uncomfortable with the pets, so here are some nearby hotels if you'd rather. 

    Then you can have offered genuinely and, whether she chooses to cooperate or not, you are NOT responsible for her choices or how she feels about the consequences of her choices.  Enjoy your time and don't let her poo on it.

  • Your MIL sounds like a self-centered drama queen. As PP said, you have made the effort for years to accomodate her. DF needs to set some boundries.

    My DH & I come from divorced families w everyone spread out all over the US and always had to deal w the not so subtle harassment over who we would go see on what holiday, etc. Once our LO arrived we put a foot down & announced that we would no longer travel for Xmas because we were going to establish our own family traditions (never mind it isn't fair to expect the folks w an infant to travel and haul gifts around) now that we had started our own family. 

    Maybe a similar announcement would be a non-confrontational way for DF to start drawing the line?

     

  • I like the, "You're welcome to visit, but we know you don't like the pets so here are some hotel options" bit. 

    Honestly, this will make her mad.  But she sounds like the kind of person that will always be mad at you for something.  Might as well get the Christmas you want out of it!  

     

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