2nd Trimester

nbr: Please tell me - is my husband an a$$ for doing this or is it just me!?!!

I don't know if it's PG hormones or what.... DH and I do not usually argue or fight.... but I was so angry I was screaming at him before. Like... I think I lost my voice. Crying, the whole nine.

We went to look at a Honda Odyssey I have had my eye on. My sister had come over to watch the kids, which was nice because it was just us with the salesguy (who we met yesterday). I was pretty sure we'd be buying this car(minivan) today.

Before we got to the dealer he and I argued about something insignificant. But it set the tone.....

When we got there, we were ready to test drive the Odyssey. I test drove first.... you know, went a couple miles, came back... got the general feel for the car and how it drives. Asked DH is he wanted to drive it, he said sure and gets in the drivers seat. The salesguy is sitting behind us.

About 5 miles down the road, salesguy realizes we're going a little far.... suggests that DH make a right at the next light. DH goes "No, I have to make a stop at a store..."

The thing is.... he wasn't KIDDING!! I couldn't even believe my husband was doing this. And here's the best part - this effing store..... is ANOTHER TOWN AWAY!!! It's about 10-15 minutes away!!! I was like "You've got to be kidding.... DH.... turn around..." Nope. Not kidding. At all.

Takes us all the way out to this store (he says he needed to buy an "instructor" shirt for a class he is teaching tomorrow.... wtf??) Meanwhile we get to this store and it's closed anyway.

Salesguy is really nice about it... "Oh don't worry about it..." "It's ok..."

BUT NO!!! It's NOT OK!!! WTF DH!?!?!?! Why would you do that!?!?!?

I was appalled. And embarrassed. VERY VERY embarrassed. I'm still embarrassed. I was so effing embarrassed at my DH's complete lack of.... etiquette? Common sense? That when we got back to the dealership I couldn't even think of buying the car. I was so fuming mad and we ended up leaving.

DH thinks it's fine... almost "funny" even. I am FUMING. I'm so lividly mad.... not just at WHAT he did, but then his actions AFTERWARD and his complete lack of an apology, complete lack of seeing what he did as WRONG.... that I'm practically seeing red. I feel like I am overreacting but at the same time I can't shake being so angry at what a P.O.S. he behaved like and that is NOT how my husband normally acts. I'm still so FURIOUS!!!!!!!!!

So ladies..... would what my DH did be "OK" with you????? Or am I justified in being appalled and angry at him!?

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Re: nbr: Please tell me - is my husband an a$$ for doing this or is it just me!?!!

  • Nope I'd be mad too... very inconsiderate of the sales guys time.
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  • I think your justified. Sorry you had to feel like that, I have been there and I don't know what is worse the fact that we have been treated like that or that we married these men! It will pass and maybe in the long run be a little funny, but definitly not in the moment.
  • thats embarrassing! You are very justified at being furious at him.. i cant believe he would do that.. omg. im embarrassed for you. if my DH ever tried that i would kill him.

  • wow, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. 
  • I think you're completely justified.  I'd be livid - and mortified.
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  • swg2008swg2008 member
    I completely agree with PP you are absolutely justified, how rude! I would feel the same way
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  • Ok, I guess I'm alone here. I'd be annoyed and embarrassed, but I don't think I would be shaking, screaming, crying mad.Yeah it's rude and clearly not what you would typically do during a test drive, but it's not like he cussed the guy out or said highly inappropriate things. I dunno, maybe just me.
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  • I'd be fuming too.  But I think all DH's act like an a$$ at some point.  I've definitely had similar situations where it seems like common sense situation and ettiquite to me, but not to DH!  Heck, yesterday he couldn't even order food from Pizza Hut online.
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  • lolclolc member

    I definitely had an overreaction (the crying, shaking, screaming).... a gross overreaction. I feel that my emotion of anger was justified.... but my reaction probably wasn't.

    DH and I talked about it and smoothed things over.... we both apologized. He apologized for upsetting me so much, but he still doesn't understand what the problem was. I'm like "It's common sense..." "It's just etiquette... you don't DO that sort of thing!" And he kept saying "Explain it to me, what specifically about that was so wrong? What harm was done, besides upsetting you.... what harm was physically done to the car or to the salesguy by me doing that?" I didn't have an answer. Other than.... it's just WRONG.

    (((sigh)))

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  • I would be just as mad if not more I would have prob made him stop the car and gotten in the driver seat my self to go back 
  • image lolc:

    I definitely had an overreaction (the crying, shaking, screaming).... a gross overreaction. I feel that my emotion of anger was justified.... but my reaction probably wasn't.

    DH and I talked about it and smoothed things over.... we both apologized. He apologized for upsetting me so much, but he still doesn't understand what the problem was. I'm like "It's common sense..." "It's just etiquette... you don't DO that sort of thing!" And he kept saying "Explain it to me, what specifically about that was so wrong? What harm was done, besides upsetting you.... what harm was physically done to the car or to the salesguy by me doing that?" I didn't have an answer. Other than.... it's just WRONG.

    (((sigh)))

    Yup, you are right. He was being an a$$. However, I could totally see my DH doing something like that and having a similar reaction. Then again, he doesn't seem to have much common sense or sense of ettiquette either. Maybe it's a guy thing? 

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  • Wow, I'd be shocked if DH did anything that remotely....dumb? I'm sorry to say, but how selfish. The fact you asked him to turn around and he ignored you/said no...basically disrespected you in front of a stranger. That is what is disturbing about his behavior. Sounds like he's passive aggressive and was getting his frustrations out re the argument you had earlier.
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  • I would be angry and extremely embarassed as well.  I do also agree that your reaction was a bit over the top :).   I couldn't see my husband doing that, necessarily, but I could see him  doing something equally stupid/embarassing.  If they don't get it, it is so hard to explain, because really he is right...there was no harm done, but that doesn't  make it any more right.  Glad you talked things over.
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  • image Kristi221:
    Ok, I guess I'm alone here. I'd be annoyed and embarrassed, but I don't think I would be shaking, screaming, crying mad.Yeah it's rude and clearly not what you would typically do during a test drive, but it's not like he cussed the guy out or said highly inappropriate things. I dunno, maybe just me.

    Not alone. I think OP over-reacted. Yeah, I'd be a little annoyed that he wasted the sales guy's time, but to scream and cry is a bit over the top.

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    image Kristi221:
    Ok, I guess I'm alone here. I'd be annoyed and embarrassed, but I don't think I would be shaking, screaming, crying mad.Yeah it's rude and clearly not what you would typically do during a test drive, but it's not like he cussed the guy out or said highly inappropriate things. I dunno, maybe just me.

    I agree with this.  I would be mad and annoyed, but the reaction seems a little over the top.

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  • Not only did he disrespect you by ignoring your pleas for him to turn around he disrespected the sales guy too. Poor guy, all he wants to do is make a sale and has to go to the next town to a closed store! My DH knows better than to pull a stunt like that. I'd totally let him have it, even in front of the sales guy.
  • I see the comedy in how ridiculous it is... but I would be pissed!!!  I would have been soooo mad at DH and would have apologized like a crazy person to the poor sales person!

  • I would be embarrassed and pissssed too. But shaking and crying no. OP has already admitted she overreacted to the situation. As for the sales guy, yes your DH wasted his time, but whenever I'm embarassed in front of someone (doctor, nurse, cop writing me a traffic ticket) I comfort myself with this thought - "This person has seen it ALL in their line of work and nothing I do is going to be the worst they have ever seen, or even remotely close."

    That guy has had a test drive hijacked to the next state, he's had people pop wheelies in his "mom van." I would not go overboard in being forever motified by what he thinks of your husbands weird stunt. (Yes it was weird and uncool, but not that bad.)

  • I think he should have asked the sales guy first, but I wouldn't be upset at all about that. And if you are planning on buying the car (or did buy it) I'm positive that the sales guy isn't upset either.

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  • image Kristi221:
    Ok, I guess I'm alone here. I'd be annoyed and embarrassed, but I don't think I would be shaking, screaming, crying mad.Yeah it's rude and clearly not what you would typically do during a test drive, but it's not like he cussed the guy out or said highly inappropriate things. I dunno, maybe just me.

    Same here.  Honestly, I probably would have giggled a little after.

    Really, he went 10-15 min out of his way.  I would rather test drive a vehicle too long than just a couple of miles and gotten a true feel for the car.  It is a major purchase and what is it going to hurt to drive it a bit longer/further?

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  • Yeah, that was totally wrong of him.
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  • nope -- i'd be just as upset as you were.  shopping is what he could have done after you test drove with the salesguy -- take your own vehicle to the store.   i think you're justified in being mad -- that's not just pregnancy hormones talking.

  • Well I would absolutely be mad at this.  That being said, he sounds like a really good guy all in all.  I think you need to step back and look at the whole picture.  There are a lot of real assholes out there and if your hubby is awesome 90% of the time, how long do you want to stay mad at this one thing.  We women are not the only ones going through some major changes... he may have just had a freak out moment and decided to act like a little brat!  I bet he feels bad and will let you know and even possibly apologize to you if you drop it. 
  • I can see the embarassing part and the "what the hell was that for" part, but I don't think there is anything to be fuming raging mad about.

    On the flip side:  How did you like being a passanger in the car?  Did it ride smoothly, was it roomy enough, how did it handle the corners?  Since you went far enough.. was the gas mileage what you thought it would be? 

    Not trying to be a smarta$$, just suggesting another way to look at it.  I personally don't think is a "battle" worth picking, especially when you are preggos and supposed to be avoiding any extra stress.

    Hope you get a new mini-van that you like!

  • Hi, first, for the original poster of this message we have the same due date!! How exciting!! Second, try not to be too upset. I know it was probably a little (ok a lot) strange that he decided to go and run errands while test driving a car, but I don't know about you, but during this pregnancy so far I've  done a few odd and out of the ordinary things myself...(lost a bag of groceries between the store and home AFTER paying for them...still don't know how that happened; and the other day I seriously thought it would be okay to try to open a window that a window air conditioning unit was in, thinking it wouldn't fall out...luckily it didn't fall but it was almost a disaster)...my point is that maybe our men are also prone to doing things during pregnancy that leave us scratching our heads?? Obviously their excuse isn't related to hormones but it could be stress related, you never know. Well it looks like you made up though so that's good!! And good luck with the van and the rest of your pregnancy!!
  • I would have been really upset at the time but it is pretty freaking funny too...years from now you'll look back and laugh.
  • I agree that the additional miles for the test drive is probably not a bad idea.  I always try to be sure to hit all sorts of road/traffic conditions, and 15 miles isn't out of the question, so that part isn't so bad.

     The good thing for you is that the store was closed.  If it had been open, how long would he have needed to shop -- would he have needed to shop around, maybe try on the shirt, first??  If so, the story could have been so much worse.

  • Yeah, unfortunately you husband was an a$$.  Not only that it is embarassing to you (and disappointing because you thought you were going to get a new car) but also that he wasted the sales guy's time.  They work on commission usually and to take time away from maybe helping someone who was really serious about purchasing a car is just plain rude and inconsiderate.  Your reaction might of been hormone induced but I think when you calm down you need to really explain why it hurt you so that he understands it's not cool.  I've found that when I'm upset (and pregnant) that my hubby just dismisses it as the "crazy rantings of a pregnant woman" unless I'm really calm. 
  • No, I don't think that you overreacted because if everyone drove over to the next town whilst test driving a car...eventually the miles add up to enough for the dealership to lower the value of the vehicle.  That's not fair to the dealership or to the sales guy who gets the lower commission.  When I went to buy a new car I test drove several before deciding on the one that I liked, even after I had a good idea of which one it was that I wanted. 

    I think that if my husband disrespected me enough to ignore my requests for him to turn around then what other requests is he going to ignore.  Even if it's trivial, it was obviously having a visual effect on you and he should have realized that it was more important to you than it was to him. 

  • Your reaction may have been a bit much due to hormones but your reasons were completely justified. He was a total poopiehead, completely inconsiderate, and that was soooo embarrassing. He needs a good smack upside the head.

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