Baby Showers

Bringing a "date" to a shower?!

Ugh... I just got a text from a pretty close friend re:my shower that says "I will totally be there! If you don't mind, maybe my sister-in-law can be my date?"

How do I respond? I've never met her SIL before, nor do I think it's appropriate for anyone to bring "dates." Am I way off-base here?

Thanks! Big Smile

 

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Re: Bringing a "date" to a shower?!

  • I say "sure, bring a gift!" Stick out tongue lol Whatever, the more the merrier at things like these... but thats just how we do things here.
  • I'd respond "Oh, I'd love to say yes, but I can't add more people to the list.  My hosts gave me a limit.  Sorry!".

    I mean- seriously.  I wouldn't want someone I don't know to come, and I find it VERY hard to believe that her SIIL would really want to come. 

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  • I guess I should have mentioned that my shower is at a nice, intimate restaurant and my host is paying quite a bit per plate. Ugh, maybe I'm being bratty, but we deliberately only invited my closest friends and family. Having a random person there would be odd.
  • image EastCoastBride:

    I'd respond "Oh, I'd love to say yes, but I can't add more people to the list.  My hosts gave me a limit.  Sorry!".

    I mean- seriously.  I wouldn't want someone I don't know to come, and I find it VERY hard to believe that her SIIL would really want to come. 

    Right? I know!

    I wish I could use the "host gave me a limit" excuse, but she knows that her sister {who I am much closer to but will be out of town,} can't make it, so technically there is an "open spot." I'll save that for anyone else who tries to crash. Hehe.

  • I would tell her it's simply not in the budget to have added guests.

    She should have RSVPed to the hostess(es) and put this on their shoulders, though.

  • image 0danielle0:
    image EastCoastBride:

    I'd respond "Oh, I'd love to say yes, but I can't add more people to the list.  My hosts gave me a limit.  Sorry!".

    I mean- seriously.  I wouldn't want someone I don't know to come, and I find it VERY hard to believe that her SIIL would really want to come. 

    Right? I know!

    I wish I could use the "host gave me a limit" excuse, but she knows that her sister {who I am much closer to but will be out of town,} can't make it, so technically there is an "open spot." I'll save that for anyone else who tries to crash. Hehe.

    That should not mean "open slot" for a stranger. It seems odd to me to even want to bring a date to a shower. I would never have the balls to ask even if I did want to bring someone. It's such a personal event to me.

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  • When my husband and I first started dating he brought me as his date to his friend's baby shower - it was co-ed and the invite said "Mr. V and guest".  So unless her invite said "and guest" I think it wouldn't be right she bring someone with her - especially someone you don't know.
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  • I would just respond by telling your friend that she should check with the hostess because it's a "per person" set up and you think they may have submitted the numbers to the restaurant already, or something like that. Put it on your hostess to respond.
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  • Does she know anyone else that will be at the shower? That is the only reason I can think she would want to bring a "date".

    If it was at someone's house I would say, sure, why not. But since it is a per person lunch and the hostess is paying for everyone, just send her an email that says "I'm sorry, this is a per person lunch and the hostess has not accounted for anyone else."

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  • image 0danielle0:

    I wish I could use the "host gave me a limit" excuse, but she knows that her sister {who I am much closer to but will be out of town,} can't make it, so technically there is an "open spot." I'll save that for anyone else who tries to crash. Hehe.

    Does she know this?  If so, I'd play it off as it's been filled or ex'ed out.  And if she continues to ask, you need to put your foot down and say no.  Stretch the truth if you need to, use the limited spot excuse, or there's no more room,, the budget has already been set or the just plain bitchy No you cannot bring your guest.

    That's very rude unless the invitation said & Guest.   Considering we are discussing this, I'm guessing & Guest was left off, like her guest should be.  And who goes to a baby shower when you have never met the guest of honor?  Just tacky.

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  • image 0danielle0:
    I guess I should have mentioned that my shower is at a nice, intimate restaurant and my host is paying quite a bit per plate. Ugh, maybe I'm being bratty, but we deliberately only invited my closest friends and family. Having a random person there would be odd.

    Yeah, I was going to say to lighten up and the more the merrier , but now that I hear that it's at a nice restaurant and the hostess is paying per plate, I'd be pissed too.

    I guess you can say that your hostess gave you a limit, but just be prepared that she may not come because she gets offended.

    Whatever, people are so rude!

  • image 0danielle0:
    I guess I should have mentioned that my shower is at a nice, intimate restaurant and my host is paying quite a bit per plate. Ugh, maybe I'm being bratty, but we deliberately only invited my closest friends and family. Having a random person there would be odd.
    I think there is nothing wrong w/ telling her this, to be honest.  Or a split version.  Either:

    "Friend, it's at an intimate rest and the host is paying quite a bit per plate.  I don't feel it's right to bring someone who isn't invited.  THanks for understanding".

    "Friend, it's an intimate shower where only my closest family and friends are invited.  It really isn't the right event to bring someone new. Thanks for understanding.".

    YHou're not being bratty. Honestly- your friend is rude to put this on you!

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  • Do you think the reason she wants to bring a friend is because she is afraid she will not know anyone at the shower? I have one friend that is coming and she will not know a single person there, so I told her she could bring her sister...just so she would not feel awkward and alone while everyone else is socializing...

     

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  • It is an odd way of phrasing it...a "date" and it's her SIL?  Why wouldn't she just say "guest".  I would just ask your hostess if she can accomodate one more and if not tell your friend you're sorry.  It wouldn't bother me in the least to have people at my shower I didn't know.  Matter of fact, there WERE people at my shower I didn't know (my MIL's friends, as well as some of her relatives).  Didn't phase me at all.
  • Is she coming from out of town?  Would she have carpooled with her siter but now that she is not coming, just wants to have someone drive with her?

    If this is the case, and you want her to come, let the SIL come too.

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  • To answer a lot of your questions... She lives about 10 minutes from the event and knows several other people who will be there. Oddly enough, she is an event planner, so I'm super surprised she even asked to bring a guest. If the shower were less formal, I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it.

    Anywho, I sent her a message and explained that the shower was close friends and family only, but that she was more than welcome to bring her 8 year old daughter. {Her daughter's name was included on the invitation. I love her daughter and have known her since she was born.}

    Thanks for all of the advice. I appreciate it! :) 

  • Wow...she sounds like the one who adds a "plus 1" when she was only invited solo!?! Pretty ballsy, if you ask me? I would tell her that you dont feel comfortable asking to host to add one more guest and leave it at that. She really doesn't deserve anymore explanation than that. Good Luck!
  • I would say "It's not my place to make this decision because the hostess is paying per head and I believe it's pretty pricey.  So you should check with the hostess"  Then hopefully she has enough tact to realize that it's not appropriate to ask someone else to pay for a stranger to attend your wedding.  As an event planner, she should definitely know better.
  • Good response. The only issue is that maybe her SIL is in town staying with them or something? If it means she might not make it to your shower, I'd let the SIL come along....GL!
  • image 0danielle0:
    I guess I should have mentioned that my shower is at a nice, intimate restaurant and my host is paying quite a bit per plate. Ugh, maybe I'm being bratty, but we deliberately only invited my closest friends and family. Having a random person there would be odd.

    In this case, I would politely explain the situation. Initially, I was going to say "let her bring her SIL" but this is a different type of shower. At my bridal shower, a good friend of mine was coming but was going to know no one else at the shower (which is uncomfortable for any shower guest!) and asked me if she could a bring a friend -- a girl I had met before, and who knew my husband through work. I didn't know her well but I didn't want my friend to have no one to talk to. But DEFINITELY, in this case, just explain to your friend and I'm sure she'll be cool with it!

  • If she's a close friend I would just be honest.  Sounds like she's asking if it's okay to bring her SIL, and that you don't want her to bring the SIL.  Honesty is the best policy. 
  • I was about to say: The more, the merrier (and yes, she needs to bring a gift). But then I read this about the restaurant.

    It would absolutely be inappropriate for her SIL to come! I would just say: "My hostess has already confirmed the guest list, and just close friends and family are coming." and then maybe apologize and show interest in meeting her SIL at a later date for lunch or something.

  • eh, i'd be annoyed too... this happened with our wedding and we actually had to scramble to accommodate the "guests of guests" that showed up at the reception.

    in any event, let the SIL come, BUT that woman had better bring a gift (and a nice one, at that!).  if it were me, i'd feel awkward crashing a stranger's intimate baby shower.  

  • image CourtneyR2N:

    Does she know anyone else that will be at the shower? That is the only reason I can think she would want to bring a "date".

    If it was at someone's house I would say, sure, why not. But since it is a per person lunch and the hostess is paying for everyone, just send her an email that says "I'm sorry, this is a per person lunch and the hostess has not accounted for anyone else."

    This is my thought exactly. If it was an informal setting like someone's home or a park something like that then I'd say the more the merrier. But since it's a per person lunch in an intimate setting it sounds almost rude to even ask.

    I can't imagine asking let alone wanting to go to someone's shower where I don't even know them very well or anyone esle for that matter. Kind of awkward if you ask me. But that's just me and this is my two cents for what it's worth. :)   Have a wonderful shower!!!

  • I agree with everyone that if the invitation didn't state, "plus guest", it's just rude to ask! If you don't want her there, and you're just having a close group of friends, then that's how you want to keep it. If she doesn't like it, then she's not a very good friend of yours. Good luck!
  • I think it makes sense now - the invitation was addressed to her and her daughter and she isn't bringing her daughter so she assumed that she could sub for her SIL.....I wouldn't do it - but I could see how she could assume it would be alright to say - hey my daughter isn't coming I want to bring her instead. Like I said - still rude and I wouldn't ever do that but I could see how someone would assume - oh there is an open spot since I won't be bringing my daughter - like subbing your "plus one". It doesn't seem as rude and far off knowing that there kinda WAS a plus one on the invite - just a specific one. Good luck!
  • Uh, in that case it is rude and I would explain to her that there is limited seating, host is paying a lot for each person,etc.
  • It does make a little bit more sense since technically "her" invite was for two people, even if that second person was specific.  The only reason I could see myself wanting to invite my SIL to a friends shower would be a) my SIL and friend knew each other well, and SIL wanted to help celebrate the momma-to-be or b) SIL is an out of towner, who happens to be visiting the same weekend as your shower and now I'm "stuck".  Meaning, I dont want to miss out on my good friend's baby shower, but I can't be rude and leave my guest alone for 2-3 hours.  Perhaps she's trying to do a bit of juggling herself.

     Either way, she should have ASKED and not just simply stated. 

  • Whats wrong with an honest answer, she asked if you minded. I would just say honestly I do mind or I am not really comfortable with it. I agree with the other posters though if you are not comfortable replying that you mind give that reponsibility to the hostess and let the hostess know that you don't think it's appropriate.Big Smile
  • I would just explain that you have a limit on how many guests can come, I know I sure don't want people I'm not comfortable with or haven't ever even met before at my showers. And yes she did ask if you minded so i have to agree with Breerene that there isn't anything wrong with an honest answer, and if you don't feel comfortable just let the hostess take care of the situation. Plus it is rude for that guest to put you in a situation like that especially if you are only inviting close friends and family. Hope you get it all worked out!!! :)
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