Baby Showers

Is it rude to have a baby shower for #2?

This is my 2nd and last child. My first is 22 months old and a girl. This baby is due July 2nd and is a boy. I was hoping for just a small shower to CELEBRATE the new baby but my MIL came today and told me and DH that a second baby shower is rude. Really? My mother got a 2nd shower for my brother. I personally don't see anything wrong with it. Its supposed to be celebrating the new baby coming!! So, does anybody else see this as "old fashioned" and stupid like I do? LOL
[Poll]

Re: Is it rude to have a baby shower for #2?

  • I think a second full blown baby shower is a bit overindulgent. Let's face it, especially with a 22 month old, you probably have most of big ticket items you need and asking for all new gifts is a little tacky. I think baby showers should be reserved mostly for first time moms.

    With that said, I think it's fine to have a small get together, maybe with just family to celebrate the new addition, or to invite friends and specify no gifts and no registry.

     

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  • celebrate the baby w/o a shower.  Have a barbeque or wine tasting or fondue night but don't call it a shower!
  • pam1005pam1005
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    Have a small get together if a friend offers to host it for you.  Your kids are very close in age, and I would personally be put off if invited to a shower with the mom's children that close together.  I have been to "sprinkles" and baby brunches where there are either no gifts/small gifts (new pacis, burp cloths, onesies) or diapers/wipes brought.  We all were there to celebrate the new baby, but asked not to bring anything.
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  • Your poll is going to be skewed because a majority of us feel that full blown second showers are a no-no. I voted Yes, rude, however, a sprinkle, hosted by someone else is just fine in my opinion.
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  • I HIGHLY disagree!!! I dont think it's tacky at all to have a 2nd shower at all esp. if someone has offered to throw you one. I'm not sure about west tn but here in middle tn where im from...... we have full blown showers for every baby no matter how many you have!! Hell it may just be my family & huge circle of friends but i doubt it! Im fixing to go to my ex sis in laws 4th baby shower. For her third we switched it up a bit & had a spa baby shower but we still did the food & gifts, but we all got pampered!! it was great i say go for it if some one wants to throw you one b/c ppl are going to buy you stuff regardless!! ?My DS is 7 & my sis is going all out for this one's shower aswell as she & my mom did for my DS!! your from tn so you know it's nothing but 110% pure southern hospitality!!?
  • To be quite honest, I don't care what people think!!! 

    I am pregnant with #2 a girl and DD is just over 2. My family has offered to throw me a baby shower and I am all for it! The baby hsower has a diaper and formula theme and  guest have been asked to bring diapers and formula for the baby, instead of "big ticket items" which I already have.

    I don't see anything wrong with celebrating every child, being surrounded by the ones you love. And yes, that includes getting gifts!!

    I say, GO FOR IT!!! If your family/ firends are willing to participate than I say why not!!! 

  • Well, first of all showers are not really a "celebration" of baby coming. They are pretty much a party for gift giving. To give the mom things she will need for the baby.

    As for the appropriateness of a 2nd shower, it totally depends on how much time between children and whether the second child is the same gender as the first.

    I would say there is no problem of having a second shower if it's not going to be huge and you are not registering for specific items or if it's been a few years and you have nothing left from the first shower. Maybe you don't need another crib or stroller or pack and play but DD cannot wear the same clothes that DS wore as an infant. 

  • ctanactana member
    No full blown shower for #2 especially if your first child is under 2 yrs old. You should still have most baby items from your first child.
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  • A shower is not celebrating a baby that is not here yet. It is celebrating the NEW mom to be. If you want to celebrate the baby, wait until the baby is born and have a meet the baby party. 
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  • I didn't vote because I am finding that it could be a regional thing.  If most of the people you would invite aren't accustom to going to showers for number 2+ then I would stick with a meet and greet after the baby is born.
  • First- here is a missing component.  Whether you have a shower or a sprinkle - someone has to OFFER TO THROW IT FOR YOU.  You asking for one, expressing that you want someone to throw one for you is rude. 

    Second - as others have said, if you want to celebrate the BABY, then have a "meet the baby" party here once the BABY is actually here.  I find it preposterous that people claim showers are to celebrate the baby when the baby is still in utero. 

    Shower are GIFT GIVING events.

    If you wantt o celebrate your baby, have a party to meet the baby once he is born.

    Lastly, how much do you really think you need for a boy vs a girl?  Even if you don't have a shower or sprinkle, you will get TONS of clothes.  Trsut me.  You will.  You don't have to ask people to buy you stuff to make this happen.

     

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  • K.a.T.eK.a.T.e member

    a sprinkle in lieu of a shower OR a meet the baby party after baby is born.

     

  • LCB34LCB34
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    image krissyh21:
    A shower is not celebrating a baby that is not here yet. It is celebrating the NEW mom to be. If you want to celebrate the baby, wait until the baby is born and have a meet the baby party. 

    I totally agree! 

    And I don't get how some people don't understand this concept.

  • My son just turn 2 and we are due with baby # 2 in Nov. I am having a big shower just like I did with my 1st. Someone has offered and we are taking it. Then our couple friends want to do something for us so we might also do a couple diaper/beer party. You do what you want, if someone doesnt want to come because they think it is rude, then find dont like them come. Enjoy your shower :)

  • Honestly I do not see the problem! If having another baby shower makes you happy, then go for. Who made up all these rules/regulations for baby showers anyway?
  • I think it depends. We only had a small family shower for our 2nd. If it would be the same exact people coming to your 2nd shower, I probably wouldn't. Those that want to give you gifts will do so whether or not you have a shower. If someone approached you and really wanted to throw you a shower, I would say okay.
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  • ctanactana member

    I am expecting my #2 and my DS is 8 months old. That means I just had a 'big' (i.e. 50 guests or so) baby shower last summer and received a lot.  I knew i was having a boy and was given mostly boy items with some bigger baby gear gender neutral.

    The genetic testing has told me this pregnancy is a girl.  I have had people already offer to throw me a shower because this time it's a girl.

    I have politely declined. I cannot with clear conscious accept presents from people so soon after my first big shower.  I don't need people to spend money like that on me. I appreciate it, but don't need it.  For starters, the only things I need for #2 is a crib (already borrowing one) and new carseats (already purchased) and a double stroller (already purchased).    If people still want to give a small gift after the baby is born that is appreciated for sure, but totally not expected!  So hence, I will not let anyone throw me a party for this baby before it's birth. 

    Everyone feels very differently about this. I would rather my friends and family save their money and besides my husband and I can fully provide for our children.  After all, aren't there enough gift-giving events over the course of a child's lifetime? 

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  • image EastCoastBride:

    First- here is a missing component.  Whether you have a shower or a sprinkle - someone has to OFFER TO THROW IT FOR YOU.  You asking for one, expressing that you want someone to throw one for you is rude. 

    Second - as others have said, if you want to celebrate the BABY, then have a "meet the baby" party here once the BABY is actually here.  I find it preposterous that people claim showers are to celebrate the baby when the baby is still in utero. 

    Shower are GIFT GIVING events.

    If you wantt o celebrate your baby, have a party to meet the baby once he is born.

    Lastly, how much do you really think you need for a boy vs a girl?  Even if you don't have a shower or sprinkle, you will get TONS of clothes.  Trsut me.  You will.  You don't have to ask people to buy you stuff to make this happen.

     

    Didn't you know you need alllll piiiiink things if you have a girl! Duh! 

  • People do it all the time in California. I say if someone wants to throw you one, let them! Yes
  • image ctana:

    I am expecting my #2 and my DS is 8 months old. That means I just had a 'big' (i.e. 50 guests or so) baby shower last summer and received a lot.  I knew i was having a boy and was given mostly boy items with some bigger baby gear gender neutral.

    The genetic testing has told me this pregnancy is a girl.  I have had people already offer to throw me a shower because this time it's a girl.

    I have politely declined. I cannot with clear conscious accept presents from people so soon after my first big shower.  I don't need people to spend money like that on me. I appreciate it, but don't need it.  For starters, the only things I need for #2 is a crib (already borrowing one) and new carseats (already purchased) and a double stroller (already purchased).    If people still want to give a small gift after the baby is born that is appreciated for sure, but totally not expected!  So hence, I will not let anyone throw me a party for this baby before it's birth. 

    Everyone feels very differently about this. I would rather my friends and family save their money and besides my husband and I can fully provide for our children.  After all, aren't there enough gift-giving events over the course of a child's lifetime? 

    Of all the replies people have given as to why not to accept a shower for their 2nd. I like the way you explained your reason.

    Most of the times some ladies on this board, just say NO and are very rude about it. (I have seen some of your not so nice comments too :0)

    But when you explain it like this, I think someone can read it and say I see where she is coming from this makes sense!!

    With that said, around here it is very common to have 2nd and 3rd showers. I do agree that it is not necessary to have huge shower if you have children close in age.

  • Looks like the majority follows proper etiquette.

    Obviously, if it is the norm in a person's circle of friends and family to have showers for 2nd, 3rd and more children then go for it.  It could be a regional thing or just in that person's circle of friends/family.  In my area it is really frowned upon to have showers for 2nd children unless there are several years (as in 6 or more) between children.  I have been invited to 3 showers in the last 8 months that have been for 2nd and one for a 4th child.  I went to all of them as did our other friends.  I will say that we did talk about the mom-to-be behind her back even though we are friends because we felt it was tacky.  Two of them had 3 year olds and the other (having her 4th) had a young child age 1 1/2.  We talked about the mom having no manners and being gift grabby because (even though she didn't throw the shower) she accepted it.  It is not something that would end a friendship and it's not like we are best friends...but still we talk amongst ourselves anyway.  It is interesting that 2 of the women have expressed (in years past) that they though 2nd showers were tacky.  Guess it's different when it is them receiving the gifts.  lol

  • ctanactana member
    image hopefulmom:

    Looks like the majority follows proper etiquette.

    Obviously, if it is the norm in a person's circle of friends and family to have showers for 2nd, 3rd and more children then go for it.  It could be a regional thing or just in that person's circle of friends/family.  In my area it is really frowned upon to have showers for 2nd children unless there are several years (as in 6 or more) between children.  I have been invited to 3 showers in the last 8 months that have been for 2nd and one for a 4th child.  I went to all of them as did our other friends.  I will say that we did talk about the mom-to-be behind her back even though we are friends because we felt it was tacky.  Two of them had 3 year olds and the other (having her 4th) had a young child age 1 1/2.  We talked about the mom having no manners and being gift grabby because (even though she didn't throw the shower) she accepted it.  It is not something that would end a friendship and it's not like we are best friends...but still we talk amongst ourselves anyway.  It is interesting that 2 of the women have expressed (in years past) that they though 2nd showers were tacky.  Guess it's different when it is them receiving the gifts.  lol

    Since you have been attending these showers for 2nd moms still with little ones, did they receive all new baby gear?  I can't imagine feeling OK with people spending money on stuff for me that I already had for the first child!  It just seems so wasteful.  Not to mention I wouldn't want more big baby gear in my house. I have a big single family house and only one child and it already bothers me that there is apparatus everywhere for him.  I mean twins are one thing, but the children are different ages and would not be using the same equipment at same time.

     

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  • I had this LONG discussion where many other moms give ther opinion, my thing is What do you think? tacky or not its for you ... and if some people think it is tacky they more than likely wont come. I am Puerto Rican and we give EVERY baby a baby shower!!! 

    Who cares what others think is tacky, rude or they dont like. If you dont like it DONT COME!!!

    ok end of RANT!!!

  • A lot of my friends have had showers for #2 because it's just a celebration of life. There's no need for the big item gifts (esp. if you kept the first baby's stroller and car seat) but friends and family always want to celebrate various joys. My friend who recently had one for #2 kept it small. It was about 15 of us but really enjoyable!
  • ctanactana member

    image Ella C.:
    A lot of my friends have had showers for #2 because it's just a celebration of life. There's no need for the big item gifts (esp. if you kept the first baby's stroller and car seat) but friends and family always want to celebrate various joys. My friend who recently had one for #2 kept it small. It was about 15 of us but really enjoyable!

    But how is a shower a celebration of life if the baby isn't born yet?  Wouldn't a celebration of 'life' be one after the baby is born?

    Isn't a shower traditionally held for the transition of one phase of life to another - i.e. into motherhood?  You only make that transition once no matter how many babies.  

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  • It depends, and varies regionally.  Generally, having a full blown shower for a second baby is tacky.  It's fairly common in some circles to have something small/more intimate, though, which is generally acceptable.  If you want to have a full on party, or you want to host it yourself, have it after the baby is born.  Then you are truly celebrating the baby, as opposed to a shower which by definition is all about gifts.

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  • image krissyh21:
    A shower is not celebrating a baby that is not here yet. It is celebrating the NEW mom to be. If you want to celebrate the baby, wait until the baby is born and have a meet the baby party. 

    This exactly! 

    My personal opinion is register, hopefully those who throw you a shower will know what you need and what you don't. My DS will be 3, when his sister arrives and I gave a lot of his baby items to other deserving mothers because we move alot. So there are some things that we really need, not necessarily saying I'm going to ask of them from others but if someone offers up to host a shower, I will gladly accept because babies are not cheap.

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  • My daughter is 2 1/2 and we're due with the second baby girl in July. My friends have offered to throw me a 'diaper party' for two reasons. One, because they love me, and want to do something special for me. Two, because my family lives far away and couldn't come to my first baby shower. It was mostly my husbands family who live close by, and some friends. I am not inviting my in-laws to this baby shower because they would be the type to think it's tacky even though the entire theme is to just bring a pack of diapers.

    The way I see it baby showers are to celebrate a new life, and to prepare for that new life. My daughters will be born in completely different times of year (dec and july). I will be able to use old clothes later on, but for the first few months I will need new onesies. Not to mention all the little things you should buy new like bottles and pacifiers.  If no one came with anything, and I just got to spend time with my mom and best girlfriends I would take that too. I hope you have a blast at your shower!

     

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  • I think it's tacky, because showers imply that you want gifts. wait until after the baby is born and have a get together or something, if you really just want to celebrate.
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