Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

Having mommy guilt--- wwyd?

I know this will sound trivial, but I'm very blessed and only work part-time now (Mon and Weds in the office and from home on Friday).  So Tues and Thurs and all weekend I spend all of my time with DS.  My husband is working about 60+ hours a week 6-7 days a week.  It sucks but he'll be laid off in a couple of weeks (he's in the trades, so we expect it).

Anyways--my issue is that my hair needs to be done SO bad.  The roots are icky and the style is grown out and I just feel disgusting and icky.  Going to get it done in the evenings is out b/c of when DH gets home from work.  I would use my mom who has a day off this week to sit, but that's the day I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled (4 of them)---so I'm sure I'll be out of commission for a few days. 

I'm debating putting DS in daycare an extra day (tuesday) instead of just Mon and Weds which are his normal days.  I know----sounds silly to have him in a full day of daycare for a 2.5 hr hair appt--but it would also allow me to get some last-minute things done before I get my teeth yanked --and also be able to purchase a last-minute b-day gift for my mom, clean the house, etc.  BUT I FEEL SO GUILTY!!!!!   Do you think this is dumb to put him in an extra day?  I could wait until next Tuesday and my MIL can watch him for a couple of hours.  She's good with him, but I wouldn't say he gets the same attention he would from daycare. 

I hate hate hate mommy guilt!!!  When does it ever go away??


Re: Having mommy guilt--- wwyd?

  • Everyone has mommy guilt.  I'm a SAHM and sometimes I feel guilty for cleaning up the kitchen & not being with DD.  Talk about silly!

    I'd do it.  We all need days to ourself.  But don't feel guilty!

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  • There is nothing wrong with taking him an extra day if they allow that.  You will be able to get a ton of errands done.  He'll have a better time there than running all over town with you anyways.  Don't feel guilty.  We've all done it(well a lot of us anyways)
  • i know it sucks but you got to remember you need some mommy time too.. and it is only one time its not like you do it every week.. I say go for it and ENJOY your day!!!
  • I'm a SAHM, but if DD was in daycare, I'd do it.  When I get my hair cut, it's like the one time I get to pamper myself.  When I take DD with me, I feel like I can't relax cuz I either have to hold her cuz she gets shy sometimes or I have to keep a constant eye on her to make sure she stays with the play toys and doesn't bother anyone.  Sounds like you have a lot to accomplish that day, so I'd do it!  And I have mommy guilt when I leave DD with my mom or even DH sometimes cuz she's so used to being with me all day.  It's so silly, but we all get it.  :)
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  • MIL really gives him less attention then daycare??

  • Do it. The fact that you are getting your teeth out makes it a no brainer. Make a couple of freezer meals that day so you won't worry about cooking for the weekend too.
  • LOL- I work p/t T & Th and dd goes to MDO those days. I am totally sending her tomorrow so I can go to the office for like 2 hrs and then go shopping all afternoon. And I don't feel one bit guilty. She loves school!!!

    Hmmm... maybe I should feel guilty for NOT feeling guilty or even thinking twice about it.  ;)


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  • image busygal:
    Do it. The fact that you are getting your teeth out makes it a no brainer. Make a couple of freezer meals that day so you won't worry about cooking for the weekend too.

    Good thinking!!!  That's a good idea and gives me even more permission to have a 'mommy' day. what to cook ahead????  Even planning slow cooker meals helps---I do love my slow cooker

  • image Mrs.McLovin:

    MIL really gives him less attention then daycare??

    No--I wouldn't say less attention so much as she's basically just running around after him b/c he LOVES to tear their house apart.  It's comical and scary at the same time.  You'd think they would 'child proof' the place a little more LOL.  I'm talking glass everything....but I digress.  It's just a different type of attention.  But I do love her and I feel comfortable with him there--just thinking I'm not sure my roots can take another week of growth.  I know--sound dumb.

  • Just. Do. It. Being a mom is not an automatic sentence to never do anything for yourself again. Happy mom=happy kiddo, and pretty hair=happy mom=happy kiddo. Repeat after me: I deserve it. I deserve it. I deserve it....
  • I would do it and not even feel guilty.  We need some "us" time too.  It's not like your LO is in daycare all day every day and you are adding extra time to that.  Take the time to get your hair done, do some things you need to, and relax!  When we were still in Germany we used hourly care every once in a while just so I could get a little break.  I am a SAHM and when my husband was deployed I needed that time.  I did not feel guilty about taking a day to go shopping, to lunch, or whatever kid free once every few months.
  • Do NOT feel guilty! You spend a lot of time with LO already and even if you didn't, you deserve time to yourself. Do it!
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  • I think you should feel guilty of getting your hair done if finances are possibly going to get tight soon from lack of job- and expensive dental process.  Just get a trim from a great clips or something and do the box dye for the roots.
  • take advantage of nap times, and locking them in the stroller lol thats how ive gotten through several dr appts for me when i've had to watch my 3 yr old niece at the same time.  be prepared with coloring books, blocks, snacks, something easy to keep them busy that doesnt require you to do a major clean up when your done 

     as a busy almost mom i have noticed the easy way to keep the house clean is to clean in increments,  like the living room one day the kitchen the next the bedrooms the next and so on

    but if you want to put him in daycare for one extra day i dont see a big deal with it, its no worse than having him there while your working or having ur mom or mil watch him, your gonna be busy, give yourself some me time and relax 


    hope this helps  

    God Bless!







  • You have no reason to feel guilty. Get your hair done and run your errands before you get your teeth pulled.
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  • Getting your wisdom teeth pulled isn't the ordeal you think it will be. I was groggy for the first few hours after having mine done, but was fine by that evening- we went to Cracker Barrel so I could have blueberry pancakes & grits! I was prescribed percosets, but only took half of one at a time, & only when I really needed it (very rare). It shouldn't be any bar to getting your hair done a day or 2 after, unless, of course, you have a different reaction to it than I did. I agree with the other moms, though. Don't feel bad for taking a little extra time for yourself.
  • Do what you NEED to do. I always put myself last and it's so wrong. I'm a SAHM, I have no family or friends nearby. The only other suggestion I have is if it is possible can a friend do it for you? I know some coloring and such is harder to do and requires professional help, but if you have fairly easy going hair, maybe someone could do a root touch up for you until you can get to your regular stylist? Good luck. I've only had 1 haircut since 2007.
  • Here is another way of thinking about it (hope it helps.) As far as I know mommy guilt never goes away... but here is a quick little antidote. One of your jobs as a mom is to teach your child how to respect and take care of himself, right? Children learn better  by modeling  than lectures. If you demonstrate good self-care and show that you know how to  balance the needs of others with your own needs you model that for your child. Also, can't remember how old your DS is, but an extra day of playing with his peers  once in a while may be important in his social growth and prepare him for pre-school/ pre-K. (And it is probably more fun than sitting in a salon smelling hair chemicals or being chased through a glass house.)  It is tempting to put yourself last, but remember that if you do that all the time, your child may expect that as "normal" behavior of women as he grows up. Hope that helps. :)
  • It?s common for mothers to feel guilty, threatened by - and envious of - their nanny or daycare provider. It?s often difficult to leave your kids to go to work, and here?s this ?other woman? who gets to do all of the fun stuff that you?re missing - playing with your kids, teaching them new things?even being there for their milestones.  Talk about major mommy guilt!

    It?s natural to feel possessive and protective of your kids - that?s the maternal instinct.  It?s also OK to need help with childcare - it takes a village to raise a child, right?  

  • Mommy guilt isn't going to stop.Even though I'm 25, married, and have a two month old of my own, my mother is upset she won't be with me for my birthday this year.

    My daughter and I have spent a few hours apart already for Dr's appointments, grocery shopping, ect. I also get Daddy or my father to watch her so it isn't drastic. If he's already in daycare, he'll have a lot more fun running around for an extra day with his friends. My daughter already seems miserable when I take her to the store. She can't talk yet but you can tell that she'd rather be somewhere else. Actions speak so loudly.

    I wouldn't feel terrible about it. If you do, chocolate always seems to solve my guilt problems. After your wisdom teeth and the new addition, when is the next time you can really say you'll have some time to yourself again?

  • Please, please please do not feel guilty!!!!  Putting your son in daycare an extra day so you can have some time to do what you want/need to do is perfectly okay!!!! You still need some you time and he will probably have fun going to daycare.  Shoot, you shouldn't feel guilty if you put him in daycare an extra day a week/every other week/once a month. Our children will be just fine not being with us all of the time.  Shoot, if you want my honest opinion, our children are sometimes better without us occassionally (probably sound like a really bad mom by saying that).  I work full time and am a recently single mom to a 3.5 year old boy and expecting another son in December.  My son is in daycare more than he is with me during the week and sometimes I will still keep him there an extra hour or so just to go to the grocery store/run an errand. I get my stuff done quickly so I can make the time I spend with him less stressful and more enjoyable for the both of us. I know that mommy guilt never goes away. Just like another poster, my mom recently called me to apologize for not coming to my house (which is an hour drive each way) to help me with some errands because she had stuff that she had to get done. She also works full time.  She had ABSOLUTELY nothing to apologize for!  So, sorry for going on and on but just take the time to get your hair done, read a book, go shopping, whatever. A happy mom = happier kid(s).
  • Have fun getting your hair done!  No need to feel guilty!  GL with getting your wisdom teeth removed -- I agree with PP.  I had them all out at once too and it's really not a big deal at all.  I barely even swelled. 
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