3rd Trimester

? for those who are not with the baby's father

My fiance and I are possibly separating (right now, it's just temporary, but we'll see where things do from here). I had planned on giving LO his last name since he and I were going to get married and I would eventually be taking his name too.

 I'm torn now since he will be a part of her life, but I'm not sure if I want her to have a different last name than me if he and I don't end up staying together. Are you planning on giving your baby your last name or the fathers and what is your reason for doing so?

Re: ? for those who are not with the baby's father

  • I'm not in your kind of situation but I definitely can tell you this right now ... do NOT give her his last name if you're going to split.

    if you do give her his last name, and you guys never get back together and/or married in the future, it will only give you more of a headache and you'll spend more in lawyer fees getting her name changed.

  • mrsjechmrsjech
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    image hmkoller:

    I'm not in your kind of situation but I definitely can tell you this right now ... do NOT give her his last name if you're going to split.

    if you do give her his last name, and you guys never get back together and/or married in the future, it will only give you more of a headache and you'll spend more in lawyer fees getting her name changed.

    This!!!

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  • she is getting my last name.

    i think if he is going to be in her life than why not give her his last name. it is up to you ofcourse, but make sure your not doing it out of your personal grudge towards him.

  • image hmkoller:

    I'm not in your kind of situation but I definitely can tell you this right now ... do NOT give her his last name if you're going to split.

    if you do give her his last name, and you guys never get back together and/or married in the future, it will only give you more of a headache and you'll spend more in lawyer fees getting her name changed.

    I agree.

    A friend of mine was having a horrible relationship with her son's Dad put toughed it out for awhile. She ended up divorcing him a little over a year later and now she's going through the process of changing his last name to her's and it's really heartbreaking and costly.

  • If things are questionable right now, I would definitely give LO your last name. It can always be changed if you guys get back together and eventually get married.
  • I'm not in your position but if I weren't married to the father or very positively getting married, I would not give her his name. Even if he is in her life, if he isn't married to you I just think it will be better to have your name, you'll be doing way more than half of the taking care of her if. My cousin just had a baby with her boyfriend, they have no plans to get married any time soon but he is very supportive, and she gave the baby her name.  
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  • Your last name. If your not sure if ya'll are getting back together its just added stress if you ever have to change the last name from his to yours.

    I'm giving the baby mine, I don't talk to the baby's father, but he put that on himself when I left a abusive situation, and when he told me that if I didn't stay with him that the baby wasn't his. We are now divorcing.

    Hope this helps.

  • My sister was not married to her baby's father.  My family all encouraged her to give the baby her last name and not his.  She didn't want to cause a fight and gave the baby his name.  It was such a mistake.  He is in and out of the baby's life (more out than in).  She tried to get her name changed.  He showed up at the court hearing (although he missed all the custody hearings) and requested her name not be changed.  The courts agreed with him and she cannot petition again.  My suggestion is give her your name.  If you and her dad end up together you can change it but if you don't end up together this will be much easier for you both. 

    PS. We live in NH too so you would probably have a similar court experience.

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  • I would give her your last name. 
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  • Well, I can tell you that even if I was with my LO's dad, and we had a positive relationship but weren't married, my LO would get MY lastname.

    So, in your situation, I would give her YOUR lastname 100%!!!

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  • My cousin gave the baby her bf's name and it turned out to be a HUGE disaster!  They split and now he is being a monster!  It was awful, it's really crazy!  I would highly suggest you give the baby your name!  if you get married, change your and your babies name!
  • my situation is a little different. I am married to my baby's father but we are separated. I dont know if we will get back together but I am giving the baby his last name. he is definitely the father...and I am married to him. But its not an easy decision and I dont envy you.  GL !
  • I am not this situation right now but I have been there. I made the mistake of giving my 1st DD her fathers last name. After about $1300 in lawyer and court fees we had it changed. It was a terrible ordeal.
  • I'm not in that situation, but you might want to just check what the procedure is for changing your child's last name after the fact, if that will in any way influence your decision. Like I said, I'm not in that situation, but I personally would give the child my own last name. Even if it's a hassle to change it to their father's last name after a marriage, it would be worth the paperwork/court or whatnot at that point.

  • She is getting my last name!
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  •   My oldest son has my maiden name.  I met my husband when he was 3 months old.   My oldest sons dad didnt seem to want anything to do with him and wasnt there for the birth either.  I got to pass on a great name that i never thought I would change when I got married. 
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