Stay at Home Moms

Similar to the "comments" post below, but how do you handle the jealous comments?

I will soon be a sahm for a couple of years after dd is born next month.  Anyway, I know I will get some obnoxious comments from moms who have no choice but to work.  My aunt, for example, was a single mom and envied sahms.  She would make comments to my mom all the time about it.  She'd call her and be like "hi how are you?  what are you doing over there?  relaxing?"  That used to annoy my mom, because as a sahm, she did all the sahm and traditional wifey duties.  Having very opinionated older women in my family, how would you respond to those comments?  I know they'll make my blood boil, but I obviously need some assertive yet respectful comebacks.  Can you suggest any? 

Re: Similar to the "comments" post below, but how do you handle the jealous comments?

  • I've never gotten those kinds of comments from anyone, but if I did I'd probably just say, yes, we're lucky that we can afford to have me stay home.  I worked outside the home until DD was 4 months old and from home until she was 8 months old, and I do have more time to relax now.  Not to mention, our lives are a lot less hectic than when we were doing daycare drop-offs/pickups.  If you're happy about your choice to SAH, that's all that matters.
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  • In short, I don't handle them. Other people's jealousy and insecurities are not my problem and I have no control over it. Therefore, I'm not going to waste my time and energy worrying about it.  Why should I? There's nothing I can do and I sure as heck not going to change how I'm choosing to raise my family just to make someone else feel better about themselves. 
  • DochasDochas
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    Can you try "It's FANTASTIC".  The housekeeper comes every day and the nanny makes both of our meals".  And you could keep going with that until they "get" that they're being ridiculous.
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  • You DON'T have to defend your choice to be a sahm to anyone.  It's nobodies business but yours and your husband's.  Actually when someone makes a comment like that just play into it to annoy them even more..."Yes, it's great being home all day, I even took a long nap today,  I watched a soap opera and ate Bon Bons this afternoon..etc, etc."  It is not your job to convince everyone that the choice you made was the right one.   These people will eventually stop asking you what you did all day because they aren't getting a rise out of you, you are actually mocking them for asking such a stupid question.
  • I've never gotten these types of comments (except on The Bump!).  I would try to handle them with humor.  "Oh, yes, I'm just finishing some wine and then it's time to lay out tanning for a few hours.  DD is doing the laundry!" 

    Seriously, I would do my best to show rude commenters they are being silly and that they amuse me.  Why justify your life to anyone else? 



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    Lucy 5.15.12


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  • The only comments I have gotten are snide remarks about the fact I have a cleaning lady (only comes 1 a month), and whenever I say I am going shopping or on a trip.  Its called budgeting people, not to be jealous!
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  • If you walk around expecting snide / jealous comments, that's exactly what you're going to hear.  Regardless of whether we work or SAH, we all want what's best for our families and our children.  Just be sure not to make any of your own obnoxious comments about how great it would be to be able to "take a break" at work or how working moms have it so much easier.  By the way, if you have any clue at all, you would never, ever criticize a single mother--their best days are still harder than most of us with spouses will ever have on our worst days.

  • Just keep in mind that their 'rude' comments are made from jealousy. There is nothing you can do about their jealousy. It's not worth starting an argument over and there is no need to 'defend' yourself. Just smile and be polite... after all, you're staying home because it's what you feel is best for your family and you have the privileged to do so and there is no reason for you to have to justify it - just let it roll off your back and kill their jealousy with kindness. No need to get defensive.
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