Baby Showers

Second child shower??

Would you have a full blown out shower for your second child? Just curious, my SIL is expecting her second and expects another huge shower. TIA for your opinions!

Re: Second child shower??

  • Sorry I guess I should have read some before I posted...your opinions are still welcomed and appreciated!!
  • Nope. Tacky. She should already have a lot of what she needs, why does she need more? 

    ***The only exception in my mind is if the first child is much older then the next, we are talking 10 years or more.  

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  • No, I would not have a full blown out shower for my second child.  Showers are to help parents to be to get ready for their baby.  For the second child, they have almost everything that they need.  For everything that they don't have, they were the ones that decided to have a baby, so they should be the ones to provide for it. 

    There is always the arguement that "every baby should be celebrated".  I agree with this, but the baby doesn't need to be celebrated by a gift, it can happen in a variety of other ways. 

    If I get an invitation to a second child shower (given that there aren't special circumstances), I give it the side eye and RSVP no.  It feels gift grabby to me. 

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  • No, I don't feel a full blown shower is appropriate. 
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  • ctanactana member
    image northtamarack:

    No, I would not have a full blown out shower for my second child.  Showers are to help parents to be to get ready for their baby.  For the second child, they have almost everything that they need.  For everything that they don't have, they were the ones that decided to have a baby, so they should be the ones to provide for it. 

    There is always the arguement that "every baby should be celebrated".  I agree with this, but the baby doesn't need to be celebrated by a gift, it can happen in a variety of other ways. 

    If I get an invitation to a second child shower (given that there aren't special circumstances), I give it the side eye and RSVP no.  It feels gift grabby to me. 

    I totally agree.  And I tend to think those pushing the argument "every baby should be celebrated, so why not a shower" end up being perceived as being materialistic.  In my circle, unless there is a significant number of years passing between children, you just don't do showers for seconds.  Nor do you do "sprinkles".  Some people get gifts after the baby is born.

    There are other ways to celebrate...and they may or may not involve a gift. And this is OK.  Not every baby automatically means you will get a gift from someone. 

     

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  • image ctana:
     

    And I tend to think those pushing the argument "every baby should be celebrated, so why not a shower" end up being perceived as being materialistic. .......    There are other ways to celebrate...and they may or may not involve a gift. And this is OK.  Not every baby automatically means you will get a gift from someone. 

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  • I agree with the others.  No full blown shower, celebrate in other ways.

    Anyone who is broadcasting that they expect a shower (and a huge one, at that) in general doesn't strike me as the most...um...etiquette conscious person in the world.


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  • Nope I wouldn't - that is way tacky to me.
  • I am co-hosting a second child shower for my sister.  In her case, she's married to a new husband, they have a new set of friends who didn't know her 5 years ago when my nephew was born, and they want to celebrate together.  I think the only thing we've disagreed about regarding it was who, if anyone, outside their new circle of friends and co-workers to include.  For her first shower we invited all the aunts, girl cousins, neighbors we grew up next to, etc. and she seemed a bit taken aback at my suggestion that that group shouldn't be included this time around (pointing out that no one else in our incredibly large family has had a second shower except for one very young and princess-y cousin).  We've met somewhere in the middle on it in that very close relatives who she sees frequently/socially will be included but not the whole shebang.

  • ctanactana member
    image serarose:

    I am co-hosting a second child shower for my sister.  In her case, she's married to a new husband, they have a new set of friends who didn't know her 5 years ago when my nephew was born, and they want to celebrate together.  I think the only thing we've disagreed about regarding it was who, if anyone, outside their new circle of friends and co-workers to include.  For her first shower we invited all the aunts, girl cousins, neighbors we grew up next to, etc. and she seemed a bit taken aback at my suggestion that that group shouldn't be included this time around (pointing out that no one else in our incredibly large family has had a second shower except for one very young and princess-y cousin).  We've met somewhere in the middle on it in that very close relatives who she sees frequently/socially will be included but not the whole shebang.

    I see what you are saying...five years and all since the other baby, but honestly I still say it's tacky, but that is just my opinion. 

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  • image LCB34:
    Nope I wouldn't - that is way tacky to me.

    Same here. My sister threw herself a baby shower, yes my nephew was a premie, but it was her second son. I did not go 

  • No. But I hate being the center of attention and hated my bridal showers due to it. I'd much rather have a meet the baby party for #2. I will certainly NOT be registering for #2.
  • image ctana:
    image serarose:

    I am co-hosting a second child shower for my sister.  In her case, she's married to a new husband, they have a new set of friends who didn't know her 5 years ago when my nephew was born, and they want to celebrate together.  I think the only thing we've disagreed about regarding it was who, if anyone, outside their new circle of friends and co-workers to include.  For her first shower we invited all the aunts, girl cousins, neighbors we grew up next to, etc. and she seemed a bit taken aback at my suggestion that that group shouldn't be included this time around (pointing out that no one else in our incredibly large family has had a second shower except for one very young and princess-y cousin).  We've met somewhere in the middle on it in that very close relatives who she sees frequently/socially will be included but not the whole shebang.

    I see what you are saying...five years and all since the other baby, but honestly I still say it's tacky, but that is just my opinion. 

    Well... not so much the five years thing as much as it is the entirely new social circle thing, but you are certainly entitled to your opinion.  :-)

  • My children are 16 and 10.  I have absolutely nothing for a baby right now.  Anything I had I passed on to friends or got rid of because I never thought I'd have another.  In fact, my ex-husband had a vasectomy before we divorced, so I had every reason to believe we wouldn't.

    Years and years later, here I am and have nothing.  My crib is gone, bedding, clothes, etc... so I would like a shower, but I won't ask for one.  

    I think if they are years apart... like 5.  Or if it's a different gender, maybe... 

    This is a whole new family and many many years apart.  

     

  • ctanactana member
    image Emjay221:

    My children are 16 and 10.  I have absolutely nothing for a baby right now.  Anything I had I passed on to friends or got rid of because I never thought I'd have another.  In fact, my ex-husband had a vasectomy before we divorced, so I had every reason to believe we wouldn't.

    Years and years later, here I am and have nothing.  My crib is gone, bedding, clothes, etc... so I would like a shower, but I won't ask for one.  

    I think if they are years apart... like 5.  Or if it's a different gender, maybe... 

    This is a whole new family and many many years apart.  

    I think in your very extradordinary circumstances a second shower would be fine!   I would be very surprised if a good friend or family member didn't offer!  Best of luck to you!

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  • I'm not sure if I will have a full-blown shower or not but I am comfortable with what people can do. As most of my baby stuff is in other peoples hands by now...I am trying to have fun, be creative, and be practical.

    I remember one person gave a relative coupons that he had made and they were good for a number of useful things; going out to eat, a massage, a service she may have needed, a performance, etc.  It's easy to be creative. See if the mother-to-be just needs a friend to be there for a day to take her shopping, perhaps get her a massage, help her with a project, or just spend some time with her. Does she like any particular music? Evesdrop or ask her 'better half' and make a CD.

    Hang in there!

     

  • KateMWKateMW
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    I helped host a shower for my best friend who was on her third child {the others were 7 and 5 at the time}. We practically had to force her to let us throw one, but it ended up being wonderful. She didn't register, but we didn't put "no gifts" on the invite. Everyone brought a gift, we had about 20 women and it was great. I see nothing wrong with the way we did it, but maybe I'm just biased. Now that we're trying for our 2nd, six years after our first, she's already said she wants to host a shower and I'm fine with that. I don't expect gifts, but I have NOTHING from my first, so it would be fun to get cute things when the time comes.

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  • image krissyh21:

    Nope. Tacky. She should already have a lot of what she needs, why does she need more? 

    ***The only exception in my mind is if the first child is much older then the next, we are talking 10 years or more.  

     n my family we throw a shower for every baby on the way. I am having my second child and yes, I will have another shower. My son is 5 and I don't have any of the infant equipment needed for a baby anymore....I don't know of anyone who holds onto baby equipment for 10 years....and some of that stuff would probably be outdated and possibly unsafe by then anyway. Also, I'm having a girl this time around.

    Even if someone is already prepared with everything they could possibly need for the baby, I think a shower should still be held. Who says it has to be all about the gifts? It is a celebration of the new life on the way....Send out invites stating that gifts are NOT necessary, buy a cake, get some games, and just have fun!

    It is only tacky if the mom to be is obviously being gift-grabby.
  • ctanactana member

    My standard answer is - how can it be 'celebration' of the life of a baby that hasn't been born yet??  It would be a celebration of the mom. 

     

    A celebration of the life would logically be held after the baby is born.  And that is not a shower that is a meet the baby party.  Which I would be may more inclined to attend (with gift).  Who doesn't want to actually meet the baby??

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  • I believe it's a celebration of life because even though the baby isn't born yet, it is definitely alive.....I don't think a baby shower is ever about the mom, whether it's the first or third or whatever.

     

    A meet the baby party could certainly be a wonderful option, but some mothers may not want the baby exposed to such a large group all at once, and being passed around to so many different people. Also, mothering a newborn is so stressful that a new mom just might not feel up to it. It all depends on a person's individual opinion.

     

    This is just my opinion, but I feel that not everyone is being a tacky gift grabber for having a second shower. I know that I'm certainly not, I could care less if I received one thing for my kid. I'm just looking forward to seeing my family and friends all together and having a good time before the baby arrives, because who knows when all of us will be able to get together again after the baby's born? It's hard enough to get together with them as it is without some special reason.

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