I am a big fan of showers with your close friends and family as opposed to every last female relative and people you ever met. The nice part about my wedding shower is that it was limited to my guest list, and even then not everyone was invited. For my eventual baby shower, is it rude for me to provide a guest list of people I want invited, and also to request it be limited to that (allowing of course for people I've forgotten)? I loathe showers where I feel like I was only invited to bring a gift, and don't want my shower to end up being that way. This question stemmed from the fact that I asked my mom early on in my pregnancy, before any planning would have started, to plan a local one in Philly with my MIL instead of two, like they did for my bridal shower. My husband's family lives in Baltimore, which is 90 minutes away, but considering we drive down all the time for their events, and they rarely come up to see us (except for his parents, of course), I figured it would be a nice excuse for them to come up. Also, DH (who is 30) has lived up here for almost 13 years now and still has to drive down there every year for his Bday, etc. Plus, by then, the babies room would likely be done, and the non-locals can stop in and see it. Also, my last point was that once the baby is due, it's not like we'll be having a home party and a MD party for the baptism, 1st bday, etc, so they might as well get used to driving up here for baby related things. Anywho, my mom said that my MIL has already been talking about it, and when my mom told her my local request, she was disappointed about not being able to host her own shower, and some IL commented about that being a lot of people to have drive to come up here. Now that has me worried about how many people they are planning to invite. My MIL was arguing with us up until 2 weeks before our wedding about people we HAD to invite that she had forgotten in the two years prior (which we didn't), she seems to think the more the merrier. I did a quick guest list and came up with 15-20 people from out of state, and I don't think any of them are they type not to come because of the drive. This all happened earlier this week, and my mom was not pleased to be stuck in the middle. She said she thinks it is all smoothed over to the extent that there won't be one in Maryland, but they think its "too far away for them to help plan the Philly one". My mom also said she doesn't see the point of them worrying about it now, since "it's not like the shower will be until the end of August or early September". Considering I'm due 9/18, is it out of line to request an earlier shower? I already leveraged having a surprise baby shower to get a non-surprise bridal shower, so I won't know until I'm there, but I just worry about it being too late, especially if I deliver early. I feel like 4-6 weeks before is good, but I would wait a while to say anything to my mom anyway.
So with the limiting it to one shower and now trying to limit the guest list and also the timing, and I being overbearing? I really want the simplest shower, and I don't care about any of the details or anything, but I now feel like I'm becoming a pain. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. Sorry if this is too long, I'm new to the bump site and posting here. I also realize it's still early, but all this came up this week, hence posting now.
Grace(19 weeks, due 9/18. This will be the first grandchild on both sides.)