1st Trimester

(vent) why do people assume this is unplanned...

Most people we've told outside of family, and really close friends have instantly said, "Well this wasn't planned, right?"  SERIOUSLY!!!? You wouldn't say that to someone having their first baby, even if it were true... and why is it such an awful CRAZY thing that we PLANNED to have two babies within 14 months of each other. Yes, I know it will be hard. Yes, I planned this. Please don't ask or assume it was a "mistake"... UGH!
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Re: (vent) why do people assume this is unplanned...

  • LCB34LCB34
    10000 Comments 250 Answers Combo Breaker
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    Actually people say that to women having their first all the time...
  • LCB34LCB34
    10000 Comments 250 Answers Combo Breaker
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    Also, I'm pretty sure your first reaction to this pregnancy was "hold shiit how am I going to do this is that what I really want".  So why can't others have that same initial reaction you did?

  • I hear it every time my SO or I tell someone. They assume that since we aren't married, that it wasn't planned.

     

    Unmarried doesn't equal poor birth control habits.

  • I am married and hear it everytime I tell someone.  I don't find it offensive at all.  Some people plan it and others don't.  It's no big deal.
  • People don't generally plan to have kids back to back. some people may- or say they did as an afterthought (DH actually wants them back to back, I told him that was fine, he can get a uterus and do that then), but the friends I have who had kids less than 2 years apart definitely did not plan it that way- and they were all very open about it.

    ETA- with this said, I would never actually SAY that to anyone. 

     

  • as someone who totally planned on having kids close togeth- even i wonder "was it planned" when i see someone prepping for 2u2.

    it's completely normal.

  • image LCB34:

    Also, I'm pretty sure your first reaction to this pregnancy was "hold shiit how am I going to do this is that what I really want".  So why can't others have that same initial reaction you did?

    She has an excellent point.

    We KNOW we're going to get a ton of questions from people, since we were on track to adopt.  Whatever, it comes with the territory.  People question things they didn't expect.

  • So I take back the part about not saying it to someone having their first baby... I would never say that to anyone, and I think it's just RUDE!!!

    It's totally natural to think "holy sh!t I'm pregnant! Am I ready... etc... etc..." No matter how many children you have. I don't see that as a grounds for others to make open rude assumptions. 

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  • Actually I think a lot of people will think that you're having an "oops" baby..As PP said they ask first timers that all the time and the fact that they are so close will just make them think that even more.

    My cousin had her son 16 months from her daughter (prob would have been sooner if her DH wasnt in boot camp)..He was planned but everyone in the family thought it was an accident..

  • I get that all the time.  DH and I got married in July so because it's, "so soon."  people automatically jump to that assumption.  People also say, "wow you guys are sooo young."  Well I'm 25 and DH is 28... it's not like I'm 14!

    I'm noticing being PG = a lot of rude comments from people.  For some reason some people just can't keep their mouths shut the second they find out you're expecting.

  • I am sure it gets annoying hearing that question over and over. But consider that people don't equate "unplanned" to "mistake" and even for me being a mom, I would probably wonder the same thing.

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  • image saturdaynightdoubletree:

    I don't see that as a grounds for others to make open rude assumptions. 

    Everyone does it.  Get used to it.

  • Another note, I can honestly tell you that this decision was 110% planned to have babies back to back... it was my decision to make, and other people judging that (and wrongly assuming things about it) is just annoying to me.

    And that's not to say an unplanned pregnancy isn't/can't be amazing and special.

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  • LCB34LCB34
    10000 Comments 250 Answers Combo Breaker
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    image saturdaynightdoubletree:

    I don't see that as a grounds for others to make open rude assumptions. 

    Pot meet kettle.

    You are queen of the rude assumptions - do I need to remind you that you think you friend shouldn't be able to mourn her miscarriage b/c she wasn't jumping for joy when she found out she was pregnant?

  • image saturdaynightdoubletree:
    Most people we've told outside of family, and really close friends have instantly said, "Well this wasn't planned, right?"  SERIOUSLY!!!? You wouldn't say that to someone having their first baby, even if it were true... and why is it such an awful CRAZY thing that we PLANNED to have two babies within 14 months of each other. Yes, I know it will be hard. Yes, I planned this. Please don't ask or assume it was a "mistake"... UGH!

    FOR THE RECORD! MY BABY WAS NOT PLANNED AND IS CERTAINLY NOT A MISTAKE! Just because a baby is unplanned doesn't mean it's a mistake.  There are many women on this board with surprise pregnancies so you should probably watch what you say!

  • image saturdaynightdoubletree:


    And that's not to say an unplanned pregnancy isn't/can't be amazing and special.

    Well of course! No one is saying an unplanned pregnancy is a mistake or an accident. If someone said "Your baby must have been an accident" I would probably get bent way more out of shape. 

  • I think the point is that it is quite rude to ask someone if it is planned. To me, it is just a very personal question. 

  • image ~Flossie~:

    I think the point is that it is quite rude to ask someone if it is planned. To me, it is just a very personal question. 

    Definitely.  And people do it ALL the time with pregnancy.  They also rub your belly and ask if you're going to circumcize your son and ask how your milk is after the baby's here.

    People ask personal questions about pregnancy.

  • image LCB34:
    image saturdaynightdoubletree:

    I don't see that as a grounds for others to make open rude assumptions. 

    Pot meet kettle.

    You are queen of the rude assumptions - do I need to remind you that you think you friend shouldn't be able to mourn her miscarriage b/c she wasn't jumping for joy when she found out she was pregnant?

    zing!

  • image piecesofflare:
    image saturdaynightdoubletree:

    I don't see that as a grounds for others to make open rude assumptions. 

    Everyone does it.  Get used to it.

    Sorry, I don't accept comments like that from people. I will never get used to it. If you don't like my vent, move on and comment somewhere else.

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  • image piecesofflare:
    image saturdaynightdoubletree:

    I don't see that as a grounds for others to make open rude assumptions. 

    Everyone does it.  Get used to it.

    No lie.  This is only the start.

     

    We got the "Is this planned" when we were on our FOURTH PREGNANCY IN A YEAR AFTER THREE LOSSES.  Ya fricken' THINK it was planned?  Still, it's just the first in a loooooong line of idiotic assumptions.  Just wait till you're further along and they ask you about dilation, when you'll deliver, whether you'll breast or bottle feed, when you'll go back to work, etc.

  • image saturdaynightdoubletree:
    image piecesofflare:
    image saturdaynightdoubletree:

    I don't see that as a grounds for others to make open rude assumptions. 

    Everyone does it.  Get used to it.

    Sorry, I don't accept comments like that from people. I will never get used to it. If you don't like my vent, move on and comment somewhere else.

    No.  And you're going to have to learn to accept that.  You can't control other people's reactions.  You don't like how I'm reacting to your asinine vent?  Tough.  Don't post it on the internet.

    You don't like people asking if your second baby was planned, when even you were freaked out about it right from the beginning?  Too bad.  Don't share your personal life with people.

  • image LCB34:
    image saturdaynightdoubletree:

    I don't see that as a grounds for others to make open rude assumptions. 

    Pot meet kettle.

    You are queen of the rude assumptions - do I need to remind you that you think you friend shouldn't be able to mourn her miscarriage b/c she wasn't jumping for joy when she found out she was pregnant?

    First of all, that whole thing shouldn't have been posted (my bad) I was in a weird place, and what got written didn't reflect the situation well. Second, I would NEVER say anything rude to someone if they didn't deserve it. Third, totally not a friend.

    But that's cool, attack a post because of the past... even though it has NOTHING to do with the subject at hand.

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  • image saturdaynightdoubletree:
    image piecesofflare:
    image saturdaynightdoubletree:

    I don't see that as a grounds for others to make open rude assumptions. 

    Everyone does it.  Get used to it.

    Sorry, I don't accept comments like that from people. I will never get used to it. If you don't like my vent, move on and comment somewhere else.

    And if you don't "accept" those comments from people then "move on" and ignore it. Confused

  • This question (was it planned?) really annoys me too and is just kind of yucky, because it's basically a question about your sex life which is very private.  If people asked me this, I wouldn't even answer. I'd just say, "We're very happy about having a baby."
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  • image saturdaynightdoubletree:
    image piecesofflare:
    image saturdaynightdoubletree:

    I don't see that as a grounds for others to make open rude assumptions. 

    Everyone does it.  Get used to it.

    Sorry, I don't accept comments like that from people. I will never get used to it. If you don't like my vent, move on and comment somewhere else.

    *side eye*

    This is a message board...

  • image PunkyBooster:
    image saturdaynightdoubletree:
    image piecesofflare:
    image saturdaynightdoubletree:

    I don't see that as a grounds for others to make open rude assumptions. 

    Everyone does it.  Get used to it.

    Sorry, I don't accept comments like that from people. I will never get used to it. If you don't like my vent, move on and comment somewhere else.

    *side eye*

    This is a message board...

     but she doesn't accept it damnit!!!

  • image Estellankase:

    I get that all the time.  DH and I got married in July so because it's, "so soon."  people automatically jump to that assumption.  People also say, "wow you guys are sooo young."  Well I'm 25 and DH is 28... it's not like I'm 14!

    I'm noticing being PG = a lot of rude comments from people.  For some reason some people just can't keep their mouths shut the second they find out you're expecting.

    I agree. It just annoys me. It's my life, my baby I need to raise... why do YOU need to add your two sense of my decisions. Even if it wasn't planned, how is that a helpful thing for someone to say?! Grrr. (haha)

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  • image saturdaynightdoubletree:
    image LCB34:
    image saturdaynightdoubletree:

    I don't see that as a grounds for others to make open rude assumptions. 

    Pot meet kettle.

    You are queen of the rude assumptions - do I need to remind you that you think you friend shouldn't be able to mourn her miscarriage b/c she wasn't jumping for joy when she found out she was pregnant?

    First of all, that whole thing shouldn't have been posted (my bad) I was in a weird place, and what got written didn't reflect the situation well. Second, I would NEVER say anything rude to someone if they didn't deserve it. Third, totally not a friend.

    But that's cool, attack a post because of the past... even though it has NOTHING to do with the subject at hand.

    Previous posts tell a lot about a person's character hun, just like any other day-to-day interaction.

  • I take back my post.

    I was sharing my situation, but clearly your a looney toon.

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