Babies: 0 - 3 Months

We are having a really hard time with parenthood

I know it's a huge adjustment, but DH and I are having a hard time. Is this normal? DD is almost 2 weeks old, she has been really fussy and we are just really scared that it's always going to be really difficult. I know I might get flamed for this, but I'm really upset so I needed to post. Is anyone else struggling and really stressed and sometimes get aggravated w LO? I feel like a horrible parent and person.
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Re: We are having a really hard time with parenthood

  • Us too and LO is 2 months old.
  • Take a deep breath! It took me and DH till about the one month marker to feel "normal" and really hit our stride as parents. You'll do fine...It just takes time!
  • It took us 4 weeks to feel comfortable with DD. I was convinced she'd be an only child, and now I can't wait to have another! It gets better  -especially when your daughter starts responding to you and when she looks at you and gives you a BIG smile!!
  • Its readlly hard, it does get a little easier. But I am still angry that I was lied to about how hard it was (by others) because I feel unprepared.
  • The beginning is so hard.  It will get better and keep getting better.  Hang in there.  It's only temporary.
  • At 2 weeks, your hormones are still nutty. That'll take another week or so to calm down. From there, give it a couple of weeks to start to feel "normal". We really got comfortable around 4.5, 5 weeks. If you continue to feel like this, you might discuss possible PPD with your doctor, and get a referral to a family therapist. Be a support system for each other and don't worry about anything but providing for the needs of your little bundle for the time being; cleaning, chores, cooking, these things can wait.

    Also, pick one thing to do every day that makes you feel human, and do it without fail every day. Whether it's to sit down and have a cup of tea, read for 15 minutes, or just take a shower and put on pants...do it. It will help tremendously to have some "constant" during this time of constant transition.

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  • The first few months are VERY trying! Don't feel bad at all!!! What you are going through is completely normal, especially for first time parents. DH and I were ready to kill each other the first few weeks. Occasionally we still want to hehe But it really does get easier. EAch day you will learn more and more about LO and he/she will get to know. You'll be able to decode the cries and solve the problem fast. And being on a schedule will help tremendously. Hang in there and constantly remind each other that it is temporary and there is great fun times right around the corner....not to mention lots more sleep!

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  • KC_13KC_13
    10000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Fifth Anniversary
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    My son has been an extremely easy baby and I had a tough time in the beginning. Everyone does. It's very normal to feel that way and it's tough on your marriage no matter the circumstances.
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  • I feel that way sometimes too! I'm hopeful that all the above advice of things getting better as you go along is correct :) Hang in there!
  • This is extremely cheesey, but you should youtube the Darius Rucker song "It Won't Be Like This For Long". I heard it when I was prego and it made me a blubbering mess. However, it has been a good reminder for DH and I that this is the most your LO will ever depend on you, they will get more independent each day (even if its not noticeable) and it will get easier. We, too, are having a really hard time adjusting. I think it makes it even harder because, for me, there's this underlying guilt as everyone keeps telling us to enjoy this time. I'm sorry, but being up for half the night every night sucks a lot of the enjoyment out of the room. Give it a listen though. It has become our mantra...:) GL
  • I felt the same way when I had DS...I honestly said that I was not going to have anymore...he didnt sleep well at night, he constantly wanted to nurse, I cried daily but about a month into it we relaxed and things got better...it takes time in patience...now I have my DD and it is so much easier this time because we know what to expect...try to relax and know it just takes time for them to get into a routine and for you to become comfortable as parents
  • image Tess12:
    The beginning is so hard.  It will get better and keep getting better.  Hang in there.  It's only temporary.

    I second this.  The first 2 weeks were HARD!  Not to mention, I was still feeling like crap during that time from a CS.  I felt like it was going to be that way forever.  Around that 2-3 week mark I started to feel better physically and I also feel like I started enjoying DS more because I hit my groove as a mother and we kind of started to get a routine down.  (That routine being I just try to keep up with DS's demands, but hey, it started feeling like it was falling into place!)  2-3 weeks might not be it for you, but I'm sure that things will get easier and eventually you will hit a point where you adjust to life as parents and it becomes your new normal! 

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  • It is very hard going through such a big transition ,but like pp have said it really will get easier with time. My husband fell into the roll so quickly and easily ,but for me it has taken me until just this last week to finally start feeling normal again. You really have to depend on one another during this time and know your not alone.
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  • image Tess12:
    The beginning is so hard.  It will get better and keep getting better.  Hang in there.  It's only temporary.

    This. When I had my son I felt like such a bad parent. I couldn't understand why anyone would ever have a baby on purpose.  It took about 3 months for me to get into the swing of things.

    If anyone flames you for this, I will personally kick them in the shins for you.Stick out tongue

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  • It takes time...and once you think you have LO figured out, a week goes by and it's like they are a different kid! At least that is what LO has proven to me so far. You'll figure out over time what they like, what calm's them down, etc etc. Just try to be patient and realize that it won't be like this for long.
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  • We're going through the exact same things. I hope it gets better soon.
  • Your DD will be my son's age in the blink of an eye. It gets easier after three months! Promise!
  • I remember those first weeks were miserable and scary and thinking Silas is going to be an only child for sure! My guy is fussy and has colic and I would say just now I am getting comfortable with him! It takes time its a HUGE adjustment!
  • This will not make you feel any better, but our son is 13 months and we still struggle.  He has not slept through the night ever, not once, gets up 5-6 times a night so yeah, somedays we question ourselves.  It is normal.  I think every parent feels this way at some time or another and if they don't, they are lying.
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  • I'm popping over from 12-24 months with unsolicited advice.

    The first 3 months of DS's life sucked.  Seriously.  I did not enjoy them, I did not like being a mother, I wanted to send him back (I'm half joking...but not really).  I honestly asked myself "what have we done" every single day.  I was not prepared for how difficult the newborn stage would be.  

    DS was a very difficult baby and there were days when I thought he'd never stop crying (and therefore I'd never stop crying.)  It was very hard to give and give and give and not feel like I was getting ANYTHING back in return.

     But it DOES get better.  I know it feels like it won't, and I know that everyone says that and it makes you feel crappy because it doesn't change how things are now.  But it DOES get better.  Your baby WILL eventually smile and laugh and be a happy baby.  She will not be miserable forever (even though it seems that way).

    I never had DS on a schedule, but I definitely had him on a "pattern".  We used the EASY method described by the Baby Whisperer.  It really helped me feel more sane and in control because I felt like I kind of knew what to expect next.

    I wish you the best of luck.

     

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  • like everyone else has already said, it DOES get better! the first few weeks were really hard for me. i felt so overwhelmed and had many thoughts of "what have we done??" it's a huge change. all of a sudden this little person comes into your life and turns your whole world upside down. i think i almost had to "mourn" the loss of my old life, so it's ok to be sad sometimes.

    but you will slowly get to know your little one and things will get a little bit easier everyday. one day you'll just look at them and be so overwhelmed with love it will just blow your mind! just take it day by day for now and accept any help offered by your friends and family. good luck, you'll be ok Smile

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  • I was so overwhelmed after having my son.  I remember being up with him in the middle of the night crying, thinking that I couldn't take him back.  That was two years ago.  There still are struggles - trying to get him to stay in his big boy bed and not throw his food - but I just love him so much.  As they get older their little personalities start to show more and they are such amazing little people!  Your life will never be the same.  It really won't but you'll be be so in love with your baby it will make it worth it.  It really helps too to trade off with your partner or grandparents so you can have a break once in a while.  Remember to take time to yourself.  Good luck - You'll be ok!
  • It does get better and you are absolutely NOT a bad mom for feeling like its hard! It was hard for us too.  I too, felt like everyone candy coated it a bit.  My sister swears that if everyone knew the truth the population would die.  Yes, she is a seasoned mom with 3 kids.  I didn't think that was funny in the beginning - now I can laugh at it. 

     

    Just remember your whole entire life has just changed - no sleep, a new person you are solely responsible for their well being and crazy hormones you have never experienced before.  It will get better just sleep when the baby is sleeping and try to relax a little.  I know its harder done than said, but once I started sleeping more it got WAY better.

     

    GL! Don't be afraid to post for help.  We have to be each others support system.  If not, we'd all go crazy from time to time!

     

    Melissa

  • I think it's really important NOT to feel guilty about negative feelings. Hormones and sleep deprivation are powerful mood changers. I was told it's okay to WANT to stick my screaming baby in the closet, but of course it's not all right to actually do it. Parenting an infant isn't easy for anyone, especially the first time because until you're there, you have no idea what to expect. Everyone goes through the same thing. But when you're working on a couple hours of sleep, gloomy thoughts like 'this is how it's going to be forever' dominmate. Good news -- it will change. Everything will change. And believe it or not, you may even look back on these tough days with some nostalgia.

    Good luck to us all.

  • What you are going through is totally normal.  Every week will get better.  Hang in there!
    Secondary English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 8th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 3rd grade
  • My baby girl is 3 weeks and I feel the same. I feel overwhelmed at times...but I try and do something that makes me feel human each day. Its a learning experience and eventually we will get through it..........
  • as best as you can, relax.  i felt that way for the first 3 months and my baby was a good baby...i thought i would never like motherhood and i was so upset having wanted a baby for so long.  but every day i told myself, this will pass before you know it.  and its true.  the hard stuff, the bad stuff, the crying and not knowing what to do...it will be behind you before you know it.  it doesn't feel that way now but it really is true. 

    and just remember the same thing goes for all the sweet and happy times too...when your baby is snuggling peacefully with you, smiling in their sleep.  when they make the sweet little noises that they do at this age.  it really passes by so fast.

    the best thing you can do is tell yourself it is normal and stay as calm as you can.  your baby can sense that too and it does help a little.

  • You're definitely NOT a horrible person or parent. It was really tough for the first few weeks but it gradually gets better, a lot better! Our LO is 3.5 months old now and there are still moments when you get frustrated but you're just human. It's much easier to calm him down now when he cries and it's easier for everything: feeding, changing, bathing, etc. Hang in there mama!!
  • BeckFBeckF
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    HAVE YOU TRIED MYLACON? MT FIRST LOVED THE STUFF AND THE DOC SAID WE COULD USE IT WHENEVER WE WANTED GREAT FOR GAS AND UPSET TUMMIES WHICH A LOT OF THE TIME CAUSES ALL THE FUSSINESS.
  • This is TOTALLY normal.  It took ME a good 2 months to feel normal, that was totally hormones.  I would start to think I was back to normal and BAM boughts of crying on and off again.  Around 2 months, things started turning around.  Wait until DD is responding to you and smiling, it'll take a few more weeks but it is incredible.  Sleep is key too, EVERYTHING is worse w/o sleep.  You may think DD is a fussy baby but once you are well rested you'll wonder what you were so stressed about.  I can't tell you how many times I asked DH if we had made a mistake and weren't prepared.  It gets better, it gets a LOT better just hang in there, i'm telling you the first 2 months are the hardest, it's still hard after that, but managable and the good will TOTALLY outweight the bad.  Also, Mylecon can definitely be your friend for the gassy fussiness!!!!
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