2nd Trimester

Anyone else's DH say this?

We had our 12 week appointment today and DH asked me if the Dr was going to examine me...I said yes...he said he would step out during that time.  I asked why...he said it would make him feel uncomfortable...

I thought well how the heck are you going to be able to see me in labor then?!?!  I kept my cool and stright up just told him he needs to be in there with me and get used to it.

Should I have let him step out or did I do the right thing?

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Re: Anyone else's DH say this?

  • I'd have done the same as you.
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  • This makes me think of the Office when Pam has the male lactation consultant. hahahaha

     I'm sure my DH would be the same. But the way I see it is, your exam he is getting all up in there. But the baby is coming out, so no need to go in. I dont know, its been a long day. haha 

  • Hmm...tricky question. At my last exam, DH stepped out and I didn't think anything of it. But you have a point, he has seen you naked before and will again in the moment of glory called labor and delivery. Maybe he was uncomfortable watching someone else down there?
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  • personally I think you did the right thing. My DH said the same thing, and I asked him so are you going to step out when our baby is being born too? He thought I had a point and he stayed....I think its just kinda weird for them at first.....but there really is no way to ease them into it! haha. I agree with you!

  • Haha, I told my DH to suck it up and stay too. Afterwards all he did was comment on how quick my doctor was!
  • My husband isn't uncomfortable with that, but if he was I probably would of done the same thing you did. He doesn't need to stare or watch, but he should get used to the idea and being around it if he expects to be in the room when you're in labor :)
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  • I can see both sides. DH might not be comforatble yet seeing another person 'down in your area'.

    Since at such an early stage your DH might also still be coming to terms with the idea of you being pg.

    However I do think if you ask DH to be there he needs to suck it up and deal- its medical not like "bang my wife please.com"

    However any of the appts my DH has came to with me I've gotten the "hot" mid-wife, according to him, so to him its not like seeing another man touch my junk.

  • You did the right thing. He's seen it before! Maybe it made him a bit uncomfortable. But like you said, he can't just step out of the delivery room to be gracious! Now is the time to get used to it before you're being checked constantly to see how dilated you are!
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  • At my OB office, they have family wait during the exam, and then come in after.  I don't need (or really want) him there for a pap test, thanks.  Would he go with you to an annual pap?  Probably not.  I think that labor is a whole other story, and shouldn't really be compared to a pelvic exam. 
  • My midwife eliminated the need for this discussion by pulling a curtain between us, which I appreciated. I keep telling DH that spectator seats for the birth are by my head only. It's more my hangup than his though...I am just shy, I guess - and yes, I realize there is no such thing as modesty in the delivery room, and yes, I realize that I need to get over this hangup. But I have like 3 more months of kidding myself so I'm going to keep my head in the sand on this one. :)
  • I think DH needs to be comfortable with your doctor examining your lady parts since it will happen a lot during delivery. I would just explain to him what to expect so he's not shocked.
  • yep! Mine did the same thing..he hung out in the room with me the whole time until the stirrups came out, than he bolted to the lobby..the dr was like "whoa whoa, where are YOU going?"..just kidding with him, he told her he didn't think he needed to stay for THAT part of the appointment. the Dr told him that he was to scared to stay..lol..I thought she handled it pretty good..she likes to tease him.. Wink
  • My husband asked to step out and I told him that I would like for him to stay.  It was my first time with a male doctor and I just felt more comfortable with my husband there.  My husband felt pretty uncomfortable because the doctor was trying to joke around with him while he was examining me.  A bit awkward but I guess we better get used to it!
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  • Geez, if he thinks that's bad....I had some bleeding around 8 weeks and had DH go to the dr. with me.  The Dr. put me in stirrups and calls DH over and starts pointing things out "you see the cervix, there's no blood there so the blood isn't coming from the baby, this is a good thing"  DH was weirded out by that but sucked it up, way worse than just an exam.  My DH should be a champ in labor Smile
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  • My DH has gone to every appointment so far ...willingly, I might add.  I've had about 4-5 ultrasounds (+2 kidney ultrasounds), 3 of which were internal.  DH didn't think anything of it.  Hell, he asks and talks to the doctor more than I do!  However, he will turn into a pansy during the birth.  He can't do blood or needles!

    I would have done the same as you though ... suck it up!  ;)

  • DH doesn't care. He stayed in the room.
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  • Mine didn't say anything and was has been in for all the exams.  He doesn't talk much and he would probably rather be somewhere else during them but he also wants to hear what the midwives have to say.  We've had so many appts. already I think he's just gotten used to it all.  For an ultrasound though, he talks and asks more questions than I do.  It's cute.



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  • My DH tried to leave the room the first time I was in L&D with DS, and the on-call OB said "Hey, you helped put the baby in there. Besides, I'm usually out faster than a teenage virgin, so this won't take long." I was in shock, but laughed because it was hysterical to hear a Dr. say that out loud. My DH just laughed and said "Well, since you put it like that, I guess I'd better take a seat then!"

    DH now has no problem going in with me for my OB visits, and unless I kick him out he stays int he room with me the whole time. The way I see it, if we can create a life and he can watch me have a c-section, I don't think either of us should be squeamish about an OB/Gyn taking a swab or two.

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  • i would have done the same thing. In my case DH was uncomfortable at first, but his curiosity got the better of him so he was beside me.

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  • Haha. I have a male doctor, and the second time we went in, DH was sitting in the chairs at the end of the table when the doc came in and was like, "Hey you're due for a pap so we'll do your yearly while you're here." The look on DH's face when he did the pap was absolutely priceless. Sheer terror. And then...while the doc is checking for lumps in my breasts, he tries to make small talk with DH and DH could only just nod and say "uh huh". I laughed at him the whole way home.

    I had my first internal on Monday...and when the nurse came in and told me to strip from the waste down....this time DH got up and went and stood by the head of the bed. (Afterward he said it wasn't that bad b/c "your belly was blocking my view"),

    You might suggest that next time. That way he's still IN the room, but doesn't have to actually see anything he's uncomfortable with.

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  • Both my husband and I have been clear from the beginning--he stays by my head.  This goes for exams, delivery, whatever.  During the CVS he said he almost passed out, but otherwise he's been fine.  I know the delivery room's going to be crazy, but I think he'll be ok.  I want him there with me, so he will be there.  By my head.
  • If my DH was uncomfortable about it, I wouldn't have insisted on it.

    DH was present during my first delivery and saw everything by his choice, but he did make some comments about what he saw that I have not forgotten.  He was just being candid when he described it.  I'm not upset, but could do w/o hearing it.

     For my delivery next month,  I told him he can leave the room because I remember the comments.  He has insisted on staying with me, but he said he will stay by my head this time.

     

  • When I was PG with DS there was a divider between me and DH when they did exams.  But when they did the first internal ultrasound, there's a sheet there, and DH didn't say anything or seem to care.  But if he did I would also say suck it up.  Also my new doctor with this second baby didn't bring DH in until after they did my exam, but before they started the internal ultrasound.  But he saw so much when I was giving birth to DS that I'm not sure I could handle seeing, that I am not worried about that man.  It's a good thing for them to get used to it.
  • my dh was sitting toward my head so he really couldn't see anything. usually there is a stool or chair and, if he's sitting in the right space, it'll be a piece of cake. even if he's sitting at the bottom; he could just read a magazine!

    in my case, i had an internal at 8 weeks but they haven't been back in since. they've just been looking at ultrasounds and measuring from the outside.

     

     

  • I think you did the right thing.
  • My DH was uncomfortable being in the room at our first appointment. I just told him that if he really wanted to go to the waiting room he could, but that he had to get used to it at some point if he wanted to be in the delivery room. He stayed and was uncomfortable at first but forgot about everything once he saw the ultrasound picture.

    Now he doesn't even ask, he just comes in with me. There hasn't been any more internal exams since but at this point, he is fine with it. 

  • I also would have done the same thing as you!
  • My DH steps out or averts his eyes when anything is getting shoved up my vag. I appreciate the privacy.

    I think it's different when there's a baby coming out than things just going in.

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  • My husband stayed in the room during examinations, but stayed up near my head.  During my delivery, he surprised me and himself by being right in the thick of things, which he said he would never do.  He said once he was in the moment, he didn't feel weird or anything, mostly just felt "this is amazing" and "I have to help my wife now".  So he may surprise you on the big day!
  • I totally agree with you!  I would have said the same thing to my DH.
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