1st Trimester

Engaged and Pregnant! What to do?!

My fiancee and I were engaged before we found out we were pregnant. We're trying to decide if we should rush the wedding or wait until after the baby is born and have our dream wedding.

 Any suggestions?

Re: Engaged and Pregnant! What to do?!

  • Maybe talk to your families and see what they think is best? My husband and I had a very simple wedding for $3000 and it was wonderful. We were engaged in July and married in November. I know people who have spent a lot of money on their wedding and gotten themselves into debt because of it. Trust me, it goes by so fast. I didn't even notice the cake or the decorations!!! The only thing that is going to matter is that you and your fiancee are there and you are starting a family in the presence of your loved ones.  
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  • image hollyinaz2:
    The only thing that is going to matter is that you and your fiancee are there and you are starting a family in the presence of your loved ones.  

    Agreed. I was engaged July 28 2007 and married Sept 28 2007.

    But I don't know why you would need to rush the wedding to get married before the baby is born. You are already pregnant. I don't get it why people feel the need to be married before the baby is born but not married before it is concieved. I don't mean to flame you at all. I just don't get it.

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  • wait until after the baby is born. I'm engaged too and am waiting until after my LO is born to have my wedding. I would like to at least wear a nice dress and have a glass of champane on my wedding day. You'll enjoy it more after the baby is born. 
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  • image Nana_Osaki06:
    wait until after the baby is born. I'm engaged too and am waiting until after my LO is born to have my wedding. I would like to at least wear a nice dress and have a glass of champane on my wedding day. You'll enjoy it more after the baby is born

    I don't know about that.  Priorities change.  I felt like a fat cow for the first year and couldn't lose weight while bfing without losing my supply.  I never could have gone on a honeymoon and left DS when he was under a year.  So unless you want to wait a long while after the baby is born to make sure you can fulfill your dream wedding, then I'd have it now, simple and sweet and enjoy a babymoon before the baby comes.  Plus I can't imagine trying to plan a wedding with a baby.

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  • image Carilyn:

    image Nana_Osaki06:
    wait until after the baby is born. I'm engaged too and am waiting until after my LO is born to have my wedding. I would like to at least wear a nice dress and have a glass of champane on my wedding day. You'll enjoy it more after the baby is born

    I don't know about that.  Priorities change.  I felt like a fat cow for the first year and couldn't lose weight while bfing without losing my supply.  I never could have gone on a honeymoon and left DS when he was under a year.  So unless you want to wait a long while after the baby is born to make sure you can fulfill your dream wedding, then I'd have it now, simple and sweet and enjoy a babymoon before the baby comes.  Plus I can't imagine trying to plan a wedding with a baby.

    I was just kinda telling her what I would do. What I am doing. When my wedding occures my LO will be 10 months old about. I'm not to worried about the honey moon or really planning it. I'm planning it whil I'm pregnant and my mother is helping. At that point my LO will be fine spending a few days with grandma without me. I just wanna be able to enjoy my wedding. Have a few drinks, have some fun, have some time to fit into a wedding dress. Same with my honeymoon. Thats just what I am doing.  

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  • I would do it before. Once the baby is born you can't focus on yourself as you would before the baby is born. It's not a big deal to plan a wedding in a short amount of time. I did it in 3 months  because my DH got a job where he couldn't take anytime off  so we moved the wedding up drastically and we loved it. It was nice not to stress about planning for a long time and we had a blast.

    Once the baby comes you're going to be busy taking care of them and it will be much harder to plan and organize and take time out for yourself. Good luck. 

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  • A dream wedding, while fun, is just a big party. A baby is forever. I'd get married before the baby is born.  It will create legal protections for your baby and your family. 

    If you want the fantasy party, throw a kick ass 5 year anniversary. 

  • im in the same boat right now.We just found out im pregnant and we are engaged.we are thinking about having a quick little wedding before the baby is born and then in 5 or 10 years have a big dream wedding and renew our vowls
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  • im in the same boat right now.We just found out im pregnant and we are engaged.we are thinking about having a quick little wedding before the baby is born and then in 5 or 10 years have a big dream wedding and renew our vows
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  • Good luck to your and your fiancee on your decision.  A friend of mine was pregnant at her wedding.  I was telling one of my older friends, a nurse, who is more of a grandmother to me and her response was "Well the first one sometimes comes a little early"  Wink  Best wishes!
  • First this stinks for you...I am sure you are excited but it sounds like you were really looking forward to having your "dream wedding". 

    That being said, what I would do if I was in your situation would be to have a smaller fabulous event now...or as quickly as you can plan it, then go on an amazing honeymoon to Europe or somewhere you have always wanted to go.  Then get home, get ready for baby and begin your lives.  Now if you still want to wear a real wedding gown(which I think is kind of odd once you have a child) and be able to drink (which I think is great!!) then wait until after baby comes.

    What I will add though is this...you cannot have a bridal and baby shower within several months of each other.  Totally tacky and wrong.  So think about that, OK? 

  • HONESTLY -  my fiance and I got engaged and set a date before we found out we were expecting and had most of the wedding planned out and paid for (im a bit OCD so i planned it all in about 3 weeks) and now im going to be about 16 weeks pregnant at my wedding. I didnt think i would mind and as it gets closer i really wish that it would have happened differently.  Now i am constantly worried about wedding gown not fitting, being uncomfortable, everyone else being drunk and me being annoyed on my own wedding day ... etc ... my advice would be to WAIT till after!    If it would have been a month ago i would have told you to rush it and its not hard ... but now that the wedding is 39 days away i am definately sure you should wait. hormones and the stress of an upcoming wedding is not fun!  GOOD LUCK :)
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  • Do whatever you and your fiance feel is right. I have seen lovely weddings with a pregnant bride and lovely weddings where the couple already have a child or two. It really depends on what you imagine for your "dream day" (and like pps have said, that dream day FLIES by. I don't remember half of mine).

    Whatever you do, don't have a quickie wedding now and another, big "wedding" after the baby is born. A vow renewal/anniversary party at a milestone year (5, 10), yes, but a big wedding a year or two after is tacky, tacky, tacky, and will only get you gossiped about.

  • Butting in... We found out in October we were expecting and had out wedding Jan 19th. It was a small family affair. I could still fit in my dress just fine. I didn't stress about anything really. DH said it best: I just need you, me and God there really. We had a small brunch reception and I had sparkling cider, wasn't a big deal that I couldn't drink.

    Our friends want to throw us a reception/party once our LO arrives since they couldn't attend and I am all down for that! Good luck!


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  • I am in the same boat too... I decided to plan my wedding for May 22 (I'll be 17 weeks)  and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I wont need a ton of alterations since I went the early route.  Though with a rushed wedding date and baby coming 17 weeks "early" LOL I think the jig will be up! We are planning our honeymoon for our 1 year anniversary. 
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  • I found out I was pregnant with DS literly the day after we got engaged. Because of the timing of everything we didn't even think about the wedding and just wanted to focus on preparing for a baby. We got married when DS was 6 months old. It really wasn't hard to plan a wedding with a baby and by 6 months PP I was pretty close to my goal weight. However, we didn't have a honeymoon or even a night by ourselves because I wasn't ready to leave DS overnight. Our plan is to take a real honeymoon in a few years and leave the kids at Grandma's. I loved our wedding and I am glad it didn't feel like a shotgun wedding or anything. I was able to wear the dress I wanted, have a few drinks and dance my ass off. Sure, DS is in the wedding photos but whatever it's not like he couldn't do the math if we were to have gotten married before he was here.

    Some advantages to getting married before though would really have to do with L&D. When DS was born all his paperwork and everything said "Baby Boy MYlastname" and had to be changed (wasn't a big deal at all, just annoying that his hospital bracelett for the scrapbook doesn't have his lastname on it). Also, I wasn't allowed to fill out any of DH's information on the birth certificate (again not a big deal at all, but DH was at home feeding the cats and getting some clothes when the people came by to fill out the forms so again, it was just annoying). Also we had to resubmit his hospital bill to insurrance 3 or 4 times before it finally got worked out. It was mailed to my name since thats what was registered at the hospital but he was going on DH's insurrance.

    ***DS 10/15/08 *** DD 08/03/10****
  • image Carilyn:

    image Nana_Osaki06:
    wait until after the baby is born. I'm engaged too and am waiting until after my LO is born to have my wedding. I would like to at least wear a nice dress and have a glass of champane on my wedding day. You'll enjoy it more after the baby is born

    I don't know about that.  Priorities change.  I felt like a fat cow for the first year and couldn't lose weight while bfing without losing my supply.  I never could have gone on a honeymoon and left DS when he was under a year.  So unless you want to wait a long while after the baby is born to make sure you can fulfill your dream wedding, then I'd have it now, simple and sweet and enjoy a babymoon before the baby comes.  Plus I can't imagine trying to plan a wedding with a baby.

    I agree with this. After the baby comes, you might find that you don't have the energy/interest in some elaborate wedding.

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  • it's ultimately your call, of course.

    if it were me, i'd want to be married before the baby arrived.  if you just found out you're pregnant, you have plenty of time to plan a small wedding.

    some people will think it's tacky to have a "big" wedding after the baby is born anyway, but it depends on your circle, and the values of your circle.

    FWIW, my hubby and I didn't have a long engagement and I was able to plan everything fine.  We weren't expecting a baby, though, we just didn't want to wait very long to start our married lives together.  I got engaged in July and married in January (of '07 and '08, respectively.)  So you have enough time to plan something and celebrate your marriage before the baby arrives.

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  • Same thing happened to me. We eloped on Xmas Eve and then told the family all of the good news on Xmas day. It was great for us... but we never wanted a big wedding anyway.
  • I am in the same situation as you! We have decided to do a small ceremony that includes our closest family and friends. We didn't want a big wedding anyway though.
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