2nd Trimester

Anyone else adopted?

I was adopted as a young child and I'm an only child. Now that DH and I are pregnant with our first, it keeps bringing up alot of emotions. I have so many feelings. I want so badly for something in this world to look like me? I wish I could ask my mom and dad more questions but back then adoptions were closed and so they don't know much. I barely know how much I weighed. I was wondering if anyone has or is going through similar feelings?

 If so- what are you doing to release?

Re: Anyone else adopted?

  • Depending on the state you may be able to request your file the from agency, or your birth certificate. If it's still closed, you could go to a judge and petition for it. After all, you're pregnant and you want to make sure there isn't anything genetically funky that you might need to know about right?
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  • I was adopted when I was only 2 weeks old. The adoption (as far as I know) was closed and I have only basic information in terms of their height, eye color, etc. It is impossible for me to get any more information out of my parents (mother passed, father ill) so I am feeling pretty stuck in that regard. I never had the desire to meet my birth parents because I had a really great childhood, but I have always wondered about things that will be a concern later, in terms of health and even heritage. It is tough, but I handle it. 

    Just think how amazing it is going to be to FINALLY have another person in this world that you know you share DNA with. That you can actually look at and know you are blood related to. I am looking forward to that. I also am looking forward to seeing what she looks like. I would be lying if I said I wasn't really hoping she is a little mini-me haha.  

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  • I'm so glad you posted this.  I'm adopted too and while I had a great childhood and a amazing relationship with my family, this pregnancy has brought up a lot of suppressed feelings too.  Having been adopted internationally, I have hardly any info on my birth family.  

    I often think about my birth mother and her pregnancy with me, my biological health history, and the fact that this baby will be my first blood relative.  I don't really have an outlet to share all these new feelings with.  While my family and husband are sympathetic, I don't feel they really understand. 

    Like other posters I can't wait to look at this baby and hopefully see some reflection of myself for the very first time.  Best of luck and keep in touch if you want to share the unique journey we're on!

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  • I am also adopted.  My adoptive parents took me home from the hospital.  I share the same sentiments and emotions.  It took us about 7 months, 5 cycles, to get pregnant and I was some how convinced that I would be completely left out of the biological connection/experience.  I want a mini reflection of my husband and myself so badly.  I don't know why but I have always loved seeing families/siblings that look alike.  Guess its because it is something I don't have.  So, I hear you.  I just deal with it by looking forward to this baby sooooooo much.
  • I am so glad to not be alone. I love my parents and I loved my childhood but over the last couple of months I've just been so overwhelmed with feelings and excitement (and silent prayers) that I hope this LO favors me in some way. I can look at DH and I see his mom and dad and sister in him plain as day- I so long to have that as well. We should all keep in touch. I do talk alittle bit about this with my mom but I don't want her to feel like I'm upset with them- that's not true at all. I'm just emotional about the whole experience. Thanks guys!
  • yay! I love this post! I am adopted, too, and I can't stop thinking about how this will be the first person on earth I know that might look and be like me! Its going to be so cool to finally have someone that resembles me, or maybe have my mannerisms.

     I was born in NY and adoption records are sealed- which is such bullsh*t dont even get me started that there are laws preventing me from knowing anything about myself- so it would be really, really hard to find my birth parents. Also, my parents are very secretive and weird when the topic comes up, which is also annoying, but yea, thats one huge reason I was so excited to start a family- finally, someone with my genes! :)

     

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  • DH is adopted. We're in the process of getting his records unsealed right now. His mom was tribal and his adoption was held up in tribal courts as the tribe tried to find an adoptive parent within. He was eventually released to the state and adopted out. The U.S. passed a law saying that the state has to enable the search process for anyone of Indian descent hoping to get in touch with their tribe and parents, so the Bureau of Indian Affairs is actually petitioning the state government for us to unseal the records. However, WA state says he can't make contact with his parents... an intermediary will make contact and ask if they are interested in getting in touch. DH has a lot of emotions going on about this whole process. He has said that he is in part excited about the baby because it will be the only blood relation that he knows of, which makes sense. I can't understand the feelings he is going through, but I can totally understand how this is an even more emotional experience for him because of his adoption.

  • I am but I was adopted into the same family. I have known my bio father my whole life and tracked the bio mom down about ten years ago. Being pg has def stirred emotions in me- i too want for someone in this world to be connected to me. My bio parents are both mentally disabled so Knowing them does not fill the void. I always felt like I missed out on the natural bond from mother to child on the child side. Before we got pg I was really worried I would miss out on it from the mother side too.

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  • I;m adopted. I am also a birthparent. I got pg at 15 and gave her up for adoption at 16. This is going to be mine and dh's 2nd child. Do I feel like I have worked through a lot of the feelings you guys are talking about. Huge parts of my life have been spent dealing with being adopted and relinquishiong a child. Now I just feel like I am in a good and happy place with my life and my family. My daughter will be 15 next month and thankfully when she is in this place she can come find me if she wants with no red tape in the way.
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  • I was adopted and it was an open adoption. I do not know who my biological father is and I don't think my biological mother knows either (bad situation). I am a twin and my biological mother had a set of twins two years before us and just was not able to do it with two sets of twins by herself. Fortunately we were adopted by my biological uncle and aunt (my biological moms brother) hopefully that makes sense. So For me having a child was very impotant because dd was my dads first biological grandchild. My mom got remarried to him and already had five children and her tubes tied so adopting us was a huge deal especially for my dad who always wanted children!
  • I can really relate to what you're going through as well.  I was adopted internationally as an infant, so I have virtually no information about my birth parents.  I have wonderful parents and a great family, but that does not mean that i don't have a lot of deep feelings that have to be worked through. 

    I spent some time doing that in college with a psychologist, and am now in my third year of a PhD program to become a psychologist myself. What I've learned from research and my own clinical training is that there are times in life when things that seem relatively settled can be stirred up psychologically, and for adoptees the birth of a child is often one of those crucial times. I am just trying to be as open with myself and my husband about my feelings as possible.  Sometimes just giving voice to your feelings and exploring what they mean can be amazingly soothing, whether that is with a loved one, in a journal, or with a therapist (which I highly recommend).  In addition to the happiness of creating a family, adoption always involves profound loss.  Recognizing all of the feelings that result, without shame or guilt, can be a big part of finding your equilibrium.

     

  • I was adopted at a few weeks old, during a closed adoption period in Michigan. I totally relate to what you're saying, I have really been excited about meeting someone that looks like me and has my blood!

    A number of years ago I paid an private investigator (who worked for the adoption agency my parents used) to represent me and petition the court for my "non-identifying information". (I paid her because I live 2400 miles away now).This was "non-identifying info" was six pages of information about my birth mother, father, family, and circumstances surrounding my birth without personal info like names or birthdates. The PI also located my birth mother and sent her a form that would release identifying information to me but she never replied so I still don't know who she is. I do know what she looked like, what my APGAR scores were and how much I weighed, what she named me, what she liked in school, some family health history, how she got along with her mom, and lots more random stuff. So perhaps receiving this kind of information is a possibility for you if you were interested. Smile

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