3rd Trimester

How would you react ladies?

Today I was talking with one of my good friends, (mother to a four and two year old girls,) and I mentioned to her that I've made my decision to formula feed.  Ideally I would have opted to breastfeed, but due to medical reasons that's not practical.  I asked her if she had any friends in her mothers group that used formula, and if so, what brand.  She informed me that none of her friends used formula and left it at that.  I spoke with her today and apparently she called the Le Leche in my town, (she lives three hours away,) and inquired about getting me some donor breastmilk.  Apparently it would be shipped from another state and is rather expensive.  I don't know if it's my hormones or if I'm justified in being really irritated that she didn't respect what I said, "I'm formula feeding," and went out of her way to get the information that she felt I should have.  I hate that I'm overanalyzing things, but ugh, so irritated.

This conversation was also followed up with her telling me that when he's born, I should let him latch on for bonding and comfort.  I told her, "so that i can take him off my boob and try to get him onto a bottle when I know I'll be bottle feeding him?!"  The poor guy will have had a confusing enough day.  Just because she's been a mom for four years doesn't mean her advice is needed or wanted.

James Matthew, born 5-8-10
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Re: How would you react ladies?

  • Wow, she needs to mind her own business!  I mean, you made your decision.  Jeez.  I don't know what you should say to her, but she is really out of line IMO. 
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  • Personally I plan on breastfeeding, but I also feel strongly that everyone needs to make the choice that is right for them. I would be really offended and pissed off if I were you. What she did was completly uncalled for and rude.
  • I would have been really annoyed by this. If anything she could have given you the number and made the suggestion and let you take it however you feel the need to. I would love to in an more ideal situation but after talking to my doctor I've decided against it and the best advice I've gotten about that is not to let anyone make you feel guilty about it. 
  • WOW!  That's pretty bold.  I would tell her thanks for the information and that you'll think about it and then throw that paper away.  hmmmm, a wet nurse is pretty 19th century.  It is your choice and yours alone.  Personally, I'd be creeped out about another woman selling her breast milk to me.
  • I think she totally overstepped her boundaries and I would tell her that in future if she has a question about any more of your decisions as a mother, she should ask you directly and accept your answer instead of asking a third party's unsolicited advice.
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  • How rude! I breastfed DD, and am planning on BFing LO, but that's not always possible or even ideal for everyone.  Especially since you said you had medical reasons for choosing formula.  She definitely should have minded her business and respected your decision.
  • Whoa....whe's out of line.  but maybe she thought you would appreciate it since you initially wanted to bf and cant for med. reasons.  I would be mad...but if she is a good friend she may be thinking she was doing something thoughtful.  Ask her about it.
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  • Am I the only one who thinks she's trying to help and had good intentions? I don't think she did anything wrong.
  • image mama_duck:
    WOW!  That's pretty bold.  I would tell her thanks for the information and that you'll think about it and then throw that paper away.  hmmmm, a wet nurse is pretty 19th century.  It is your choice and yours alone.  Personally, I'd be creeped out about another woman selling her breast milk to me.

    The use of donor milk is NOT like wet nursing. The milk is screened and pasturized. It comes from women who have an abundant supply, or sometimes from women who's own babies have passed away. I think it's an awesome thing for one woman to do for another who wants her baby to have breast milk and for whatever reason can't give her own.

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  • image AbJams:

    image mama_duck:
    WOW!  That's pretty bold.  I would tell her thanks for the information and that you'll think about it and then throw that paper away.  hmmmm, a wet nurse is pretty 19th century.  It is your choice and yours alone.  Personally, I'd be creeped out about another woman selling her breast milk to me.

    The use of donor milk is NOT like wet nursing. The milk is screened and pasturized. It comes from women who have an abundant supply, or sometimes from women who's own babies have passed away. I think it's an awesome thing for one woman to do for another who wants her baby to have breast milk and for whatever reason can't give her own.

    Well, that sounds a little better, but I still wouldn't do it, personally.  I am going to breastfeed though.  Hey, these sand bags are good for something right!

  • Great!  I'm not crazy.  I was totally shocked that she would have done this, kinda of behind my back, when I didn't ask for this information.  I'm a doula so she should know that I have, "resources."  And I agree breast milk is best, but I've had two brain tumors and am on a ton of medication and I'd like my for my son to be med-free for the first time since conception.  Like I said, decision already made, maybe by my next baby I won't be on so many meds and perhaps I can breastfeed.  I'll be seeing her this weekend, my baby shower, she'll be staying with us.  I'm going to gauge how she is in person and if needed I'm going to tell her, thanks, but no thanks.  I'm going to be doing things differently and I'm going to ask that she respect my decisions as I did hers. 

    I'm so glad you all didn't think I was over-reacting.  I'm truly trying to tell myself that she has my best intentions at heart, but maybe she should keep her mouth closed too.

    James Matthew, born 5-8-10
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  • image KLTMommy:
    Am I the only one who thinks she's trying to help and had good intentions? I don't think she did anything wrong.

    I was thinking this too... No doubt she could've done it in a better way. She probably should have just made the suggestion and given you the information. But knowing that you ideally would like to breast feed, she was probably just trying to be helpful by offering you an alternative so your baby could still get all the benefits of breast milk.

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  • image KLTMommy:
    Am I the only one who thinks she's trying to help and had good intentions? I don't think she did anything wrong.

    Maybe if the girl had suggested the option to OP and said just to give you a heads up if you want to try breast milk. But to go behind her back and make these decisions for her is not right. It seems like she is pushing that breast is best. The OP has her reasons why she is not BF and that is HER choice. NO ONE should make her feel bad for that or try to change her.

    P.S. I am very set on BF but if someone chooses not to that is their choice just as much as BF is mine.

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