Toddlers: 24 Months+

Are your kids 4 years apart?

We are just deciding if we want to start trying for #2 right now, or wait another year.. the difference is if we got pregnant right away our children would be 3 years or 4 years apart.

The ladies I work with, who have grown children say 4 years is too far apart.

How has it worked for you?

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Re: Are your kids 4 years apart?

  • I am 4.5 and 6 years older than my sisters. It's not absolutely ideal, but it's fine! I'm close with them now that we're older.  If we have another baby it won't be until DD is closer to 4 either.
  • I'd rather give her a sibling that's 4 years apart than none at all. 
  • image MrsT1209:
    I'd rather give her a sibling that's 4 years apart than none at all. 

    So true!  Not everyone can control how or when they get to have kids.

    My bro and I are 4 years apart and were not close at all growing up.  We're still not super close as we live in different states but now that I've got kids I'd say we're closer.

    But....  I'd still MUCH rather have him as a part of my life than not.

    IMO 3 is preferable to 4 but the bottom line is that either way it'll be all they've ever known. 

    Our IF journey: 1 m/c, 1 IVF with only 3 eggs retrieved yielding Dylan and a lost twin, 1 shocker unmedicated BFP resulting in Jace, 3 more unmedicated pregnancies ending in more losses.
    Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
  • my kids will be 3.5 years apart.  I think that is pretty good.  I was hoping closer to 3, but at 3.5 DS will be able to help more.  He will be able to get diapers out, pull a bottle out of the fridge etc..  He will also understand to be more careful with a baby.
  • My boys are 4 years and 2 month'ish apart.

    I think it's perfect. The oldest is old enough to understand that some times the younger one needs us and he has to wait, etc. He is in school now during the day while the youngest is home with me. 

    I like the difference.

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  • We are going to try for 4 years apart. That is what works best for our family, our lifetsyle, etc. I want DS to be older, out of diapers, in pre-school, past all the 2 and 3 year old insanity. I want to spend as much one on one time as possible with him now, and with the other baby have as much one on one time as I can (since DS will be in school I will be able to do a lot of the same classes, activities, etc. with the baby as I did with him - this is really important to me).

    In my opinion, siblings being "close" has WAY more to do with personality and family dynamic than with spacing between them. You can have siblings that are a year or so apart that are not close, or siblings that are 5+ years apart and are very close. You need to do what is best for your inividual situation, not for what hypothetically may or may not work in terms of personalities.

    Henry 4.23.2007 Elliot 3.30.2012


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  • I have an older brother and he is 5 years older, I have 2 twin sister's that are 3 years younger.  I don't think any age is really ideal for time in between siblings.  You're going to have issues and fighting, but that's just siblings.  Growing up, I wasn't ever really close to my brother, but now we are very close and they are actually our really close friends. 

    That being said, I have always said I want my children at least 3 years apart.  I think anything over 5 years is like having 2 different children.  My dad and his sister are 10 years apart.  My cousins are 7 years apart, 1 is in HS and the other in elementary school.  I think the magically age is what works for you and your family.

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  • I am 3.5 years older than my one sister and she and I were best buddies growing up.  We were also very close as adults too until something happened, which I won't get into because it doesn't really matter.  We still talk and are friends, but not like before.

    That being said, my kids are 14 years apart.  Is it how I always thought it would work out?  No.  But the relationship that they have is just precious (he worships the ground she walks on and she is really protective of him) and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

    Don't worry about what people say, do what works for your family.

  • I am currently expecting #2, and DD just turned 3. I don't know how it will work out with her adjusting. We agreed that the age difference is nice. DD is potty trained, out of a crib, and is able to keep herself entertained while I do house work.

    With any age difference you will run in to some kind of problem, right now with us it's trying to explain to DD that she can't play rough with mommy anymore, and that some day soon I wont be able to pick her up.

    In the end it's what you and you DH/SO find works best for your family.

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  • image DevonPow:

    In my opinion, siblings being "close" has WAY more to do with personality and family dynamic than with spacing between them. You can have siblings that are a year or so apart that are not close, or siblings that are 5+ years apart and are very close. You need to do what is best for your inividual situation, not for what hypothetically may or may not work in terms of personalities.

    Very well said!  We will wait until DS is probably closer to 4 to ttc for many reasons.  We want to be the best parents we can to our kids and in order for that to happen it is best to wait.  Responsible parenting is more important than having siblings that are close in age!

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  • Why don't you split the difference and go for 3.5 years apart?  I think this is what we'll end up with -- 3.5 to almost 4 years apart.  We're definitely not TTC until the fall right around when DD turns 3.  I am loving being able to give DD my undivided attention these days, especially as she gets older and more fun.  
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