2nd Trimester

Husband Gender Disappointment

DH and I had a second trimester ultrasound.  Prior to having the ultrasound, DH said he wanted a boy, I would prefer a girl, but I would not have been disappointed if it were a boy.  I acutally thought it was a boy.  After losing a baby I am just happy when I hear a heartbeat and see it move on an ultrasound.

When the tech asked if she could tell us the gender, DH was so excited and we both said yes.  The tech told us it was a girl.  I was thrilled and DH immediately sat down in a chair with his head down.  I asked the tech again if it was a girl and she said that is what it looked like and she showed me the three lines.  The sne referred to the baby as a she during the duration of the ultrasound.

On the way home from the appointment DH looked so disappointed.  DH has a daughter from a previous relationship and he wanted a son.  For a moment I felt kind of bad for him. 

This morning DH said that he had accepted that fact that we are having a girl.  Well this afternoon he tells me that the tech may be wrong and there might be a chance that it could still be a boy.

I just wanted to hit him.  I hope he overcomes his disappointment really soon.

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Re: Husband Gender Disappointment

  • Awww I'm sorry to hear that. My DH REALLY wanted a boy too.. but when the tech said girl he was smiling from ear to ear. With my DH, it was mostly just that he thought he would have more in common with a boy and didn't know what to do with a boy.. but he got over it really quick and now he's very happy to have a girl. I hope your DH comes around soon.
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  • That's a bummer. I can understand disappointment (to a point) when finding out the sex if it's the opposite of what you thought. Heck, I bawled when I found out I was having a boy but I literally "got over it" 5 seconds later. I felt so guilty for being upset about the sex of the baby when my baby is thankfully healthy and growing strong. 

    I do think that your DH is being a bit immature though.... to be upset about it for a few minutes is okay, but to have to "accept" that he's having another girl? It doesn't sound like he has either since he's having doubts and making himself believe the tech is wrong. He's in for a bigger shock when you get another u/s and it's still a girl.... 

  • He may just be in shock. If he's still moping around after a week, I would sit down and have a sensitive talk with him. This is something you both should look forward to, and that would be hard if he couldn't believe the U/S result.

    Do you have any U/S's in the future that will confirm it for him? If not, you may have to get an elective one if he can't accept it.

  • I'm sorry... my DH was really disappointed as well and it did take him a couple days to get over it but now he is super excited!
  • I'm sorry to hear that. I bet its frustrating for you. I'm sure he'll come around soon. Congrats on your little girl! Big Smile
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  • i'm afraid thats how my DH will react if we have a girl. We find out April 12 and same thing I want a girl and he wants a boy badly. All I can say is good luck and hopefully it will sink in soon.
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  • Aww, that is a tough one....my hubbie really wanted a boy too (he is a big sports fan and all of that "man" stuff).  Once we found out we were having a girl I kind of felt sorry for him too. He was a bit disappointed at first too....that did go away and now he is absolutely thrilled that we are having a girl! I hope this happens for you too! We found out the gender just in case we were having a girl..I would have freaked out if he wasn't less that thrilled in the delivery room, this way he had his time to accept it and love it! I am sure your hubbie will change his attitude when he is holding his perfect little baby girl!!!  Good luck:) Congrats!

  • I could have written this post myself (except the part that DH has another daughter from previous relationship).  But I will tell you it got better.  He did pout for a good couple of weeks though.  He is now excited about having a little girl.  I think he still kind of wishes he had a boy first but he loves and adores is daughter-to-be.

    Don't worry, I think your DH will come around.  

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  • I totally understand! 4 years ago we had our big u/s...DH really wanted a boy and I thought we were pregnant with a boy. He was super disappointed when we found out it was a girl. But within a few days, he was fine. And now...OMG he wouldn't have it any other way. He even said he'd be fine if this pregnancy was another girl.

    I really hope your DH doesn't really want another u/s. **hugs**

  • DH was actually really careful not to tell me how badly he was hoping for a boy. When the ust said 'Ok, 70 percent... no, make that 80 percent chance this is a little boy!'... well, you could have lit the entire city on the wattage of his smile.

    Hopefully, your DH will be just as happy once he adjusts to it.

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  • That makes me sad.  Especially since you guys experienced a loss.   I totally don't understand gender disappointment in general though.  I hope he changes his tune quickly.
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  • My husband is the opposite! He REALLY wants a girl and I really want a boy, but I am happy to have a baby--no matter what. I was always a tomboy and never understood all the girly stuff, so I think maybe that's what scares me about having a daughter. But I am grateful to be pregnant and to be able to bring life into this world with a man who I love.

    I do think your DH is being a little immature, but he will snap out of it. You are blessed to have a child, and soon you both wont be able to imagine life without her. Trust me, my brother in law wanted boys and he has two girls (first boy on the way) and he loves those little girls with all his heart and wouldnt trade them for the world. He, too, is one of the macho guys who thought he couldnt relate to daughters, but those girls are Daddy's girls and he said its been his most rewarding experience. Trust me, once your DH sees that little face, he will melt too.

     Congrats on your little angel!!! 

  • I understand where you and your DH are coming from and I hope he will come around soon.  We are having a girl and it took my hubby abt 2 hrs to process it.  As much of a sports fanatic as my hubby is his concerns for having a girl were more of relating to the baby- changing a girls diaper and things down the line like boys/dating and teenage years.  I hope he comes around.  Good Luck and be happy you have a healthy baby growing inside you :->
  • I really wanted a girl.  DH was sort of indifferent (but secretly he wanted a little girl as well).  We are having a boy... I still feel upset about not having a girl from time to time, seriously (and I am due in 2 weeks).  He is happy that we are having a baby... so I guess just the opposite of you :)

    My brother is having a baby girl 2 months after us (its their 2nd daughter) and they are absolutely thrilled.  He actually was hoping for a 2nd girl because "what am I going to do with a boy???" :)

     I'm sure your husband will come around.  Daddy's love their little girls. 

     

  • My father had three daughters and now after (zero sons later) he would say that if he were having another baby, he would want another girl. He had the best of both worlds. We were all raised to be both girly and Tom boys. We loved to dress up AND get muddy on the soccer field.

     Remind your husband that girls are the best of both worlds. It's all in how you raise her. Plus, there's nothing better than a close relationship between a dad and his daughter. I think sons even miss out on that special bond/connection.

  • I think if it were difficult to determine if the baby was a boy or girl and the tech guessed it looked like a girl it'd be ok to say maybe the tech was wrong, but if she was sure then he's just being in denial. If he keeps it up he needs to be talked to b/c this may be his second child but it's your first child Period and your first child together. The important thing is you two having this baby and it surviving. You should be celebrating and not feeling bad about it or start feeling that you can't talk about the new baby with him because it might "bring him down" since it's not going to be a boy.

    He needs to stop moping and start being happy. There will be time to try for a son later. And to be honest it might be good that it's a girl instead of a boy this time. Since he's got a little girl already it might be hard on her realizing another baby's coming from daddy's new spouse. Maybe the baby being a girl will be easy to accept because the two girls will have more similar playthings and maybe will bond easier making the transition of a new baby easier for his first baby girl. If the little girl knows she's having a little sister she might be more excited about all the cute girly things that may come. Or you can tell him that if it may make him feel better..haha

  • How sad when there are so many Mum's and Dad's out there that can't have ANY kids or when they do the entire 9 months are touch and go. If this is the worst thing to happen that he get a healthy baby girl out of it then he is very blessed indeed. I am sure with time he will "get over himself" but until then a good whack in the butt might be in order!!! Maybe he needs to be reminded of all the good things that you two are experiencing right now and be told not to dwell on things that are out of your control, like the sex of your baby!
  • Hi there leatrez

    Sorry to hear that DH was disappointed about not getting his little man, but I think, to make him feel better, you should first check/ask why he is disappointed.

    My daughter was just born in November of 2009 and the first few months I swore she was a boy in the womb. Even her older brother (my 1st born) would tell everyone that he was having a brother and when we all found out  that it was a girl he cried and cried and cried. Even the nurses in the office felt so bad for him when we expalined why he was crying. Not to mention I wasn't that thrilled either, but my husband was beaming!

    For the next few months, until my due date, I was kind of disappointed too, but I knew it was a miracle just to have a baby and that I should be happy no matter what. So, I thought about why I was disappointed and I came to the realization that I wanted a boy to make my son happy and if we had another boy then my husband might let us try for baby number 3 somewhere down the line. But, after I gave birth to my daughter, I just knew that all the disappointment was ridiculous and that she was just what I needed in my life. I never had a good relationship with my mother and I already had a son, so I knew that God sent her to me to fill the void in my life and give me just what I needed to create that special bond I was always lacking in my life.

    But, I think if you speak to DH that maybe you can address his concerns and offer him the pros to having a little girl. Maybe he feels that having a girl will be harder because he will one day have to let her leave your home to get married and start her own family or maybe he thinks that he will have to have tea parties instead of attending a football practice. But, maybe that is just what he needs and is lacking in life. She may just be daddy's little girl and they will go to Valentine's Day dances at her school and play princesses and he can be the knight and shining armor, ya know?!

    Well, I hope everything works out for you both and that my advise provides a little assistance. Congrats on the beautiful baby girl to be!

    Lauren

  • I was the disappointed one. But now I simply can't wait to meet my baby boy!!! He'll come around when it gets closer. Took me about a week.
  • We had a daughter already so my husband was looking forward to having a boy too.  When the us tech told us we were having another girl - he did the same thing your husband did.  I cried and couldn't even enjoy the news because he was so obviously upset. Over the course of a few days he realized he was being immature and apologized for his behavior. He explained that he really does want to pass down the family name to his son and that he knows we only get so many shots at having a boy.  I was kind of surprised by what I considered "out-dated" ideas.  But I guess the boy thing runs deep with men.  He certainly warmed to the idea as the pregnancy progressed and on delivery day, he cried and cried. Now that our daughter is here, he is just in love and is making all kinds of plans for the four of us.  :) 
  • My husband wanted a boy and I wanted a girl as well. He got over it when we found out it was a girl. Well at first they weren't 100% sure it was a girl at first ultrasound. and I think he started hoping along with me that it was a girl and during my 2nd ultrasound it was confirmed! He's super excited now :)
  • image lauralie27:

    Aww, that is a tough one....my hubbie really wanted a boy too (he is a big sports fan and all of that "man" stuff).  Once we found out we were having a girl I kind of felt sorry for him too. He was a bit disappointed at first too....that did go away and now he is absolutely thrilled that we are having a girl! I hope this happens for you too! We found out the gender just in case we were having a girl..I would have freaked out if he wasn't less that thrilled in the delivery room, this way he had his time to accept it and love it! I am sure your hubbie will change his attitude when he is holding his perfect little baby girl!!!  Good luck:) Congrats!

    This is my main argument for finding out in advance.  So if you were hoping for one and find out you're getting another, you can have time to adjust to the idea.  And I don't think there's anything wrong with a little disappointment.  It happens.  No big deal.  He'll get over it.  No worries!

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  • Girly, I feel your pain- my DH really wanted a boy this time too (we have a girl already, and we are the last chance to carry on the family name).  I didn't want to find out and he did, but I gave in b/c I really thought it was a boy this time since I feel GREAT and w/ DD I felt horrible and sick the whole time...turns out this one is supposed to be a girl too.  DH isn't too upset, but he's clearly disappointed, but I'm glad I took the advice of the other ladies on here and found out b/c it has given him a chance to warm up to the idea of having another daughter (the other day he made a comment about how nice it will be to have another Daddy's Girl wanting to snuggle on the couch w/ him).  The tech only gave us a 60/40 split b/c she didn't get a straight on view, but said she thought girl, so while he's still looking forward to a chance of a boy at the final ultrasound in a couple of months, he's not going to be completely shocked and disappointed the day the baby is born at least ;)  Now don't get me wrong, he's happy now, but of course he's already thinking that we can try again LOL
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  • I waiting for my BFP after an IUI on 3/4/10. I feel like I may be in the same boat as you and your DH. My DH has a 17 yr son and wants a girl. I don't have any and going through this for 3yrs, I just pray for a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby. DH jokes all the time that if the dr says it's a boy, he is going to say put it back, I tell him if he can back into you than fine, b/c I'm just the oven baking, you did the mixingStick out tongue. I wish me luck and congrats to you and your DH! Congrats to all and Baby Dust to all that are trying!
  • My husband really wanted a boy. After the tech said we were having a girl, I asked him on our way to dinner if he was disappointed and he admitted to being a little disappointed, though he didn't show it. The next day, we were shopping and he made his way over to the baby girl clothes. When I found him, he was holding up the absolute most frilly dress on the rack with this big stupid grin on his face. He didn't even say anything; he just grinned at me. That's when I knew he was okay. Now, he's absolutely super excited. I think he'd be disappointed if our little girl suddenly morphed into the boy he thought he wanted. Pretty certain he'll spoil our little girl unbearably.

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  • honestly, I get so sick of a man liking sports being an excuse for not being happy to have a girl...this is so annoying to me, since I played almost every sport, granted, not american football, but I played softball, basketball, soccer, did track & field, plus dance & music...I feel like we are limiting our children's choices before they are even born!

    I was the third daughter, and I'm SURE my parents were hoping for a boy, but you know what?  I still fished and water skied with my dad, then went shopping with my mom...

    even the clothes...I went shopping for a friend last night and 1/2 the boy clothes had sports on them and not a single girls' one did...am I the only "jock" that is bothered by this?  /end rant

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  • The day that little girl is born, I guarantee all the disappointment will disappear.  There's nothing like watching your daughter being brought into the world.  Don't worry, he'll come around...   ;)
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  • I think DH wanted a boy too.  He never said that he had a prefernce but it was just a feeling i had.  Anyways, now that she is here he spoils her so bad.  Hes completely wrapped around his finger and calls her his little girl.  Believe me, he will come around!
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  • he'll get over it sooner or latter at least by the time he holds her!  I know it's hard for you because you want to be happy with your baby and naturally you want him to be happy with your baby.. my suggestion run out and by something that refers to being daddy's little girl or special angel... SOMETHING that solidifys for him that you are having a girl and that she will be special to him also. But remember men aren't women and they have their own way of dealing with things...
  • My DH and I had the same arrangement. He wanted a boy and I a girl. We decided that what ever it was, that person got to name him/her. We started to have fun with it and when the u/s came back a girl, he was laughing and crying as much as I was. Your DH may have disappointment now, but when he gets to see her and hold her and be apart of her life, he will love her so much. Are there any plans for more children after this one?

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