Helppppp!!!! I can't stand my cat!!
So I adopted Luna when I was living the single life...I enjoyed her constant need for attention, her late night/early morning meowing sessions, her snuggling up to my face, her constant licking at me- I even enjoyed the fact that she is somewhat sickly, and needed someone to tend to her.
That was before...now it is just starting to become a pain! It is hard enough to be preg, work, take care of home, and start making plans for baby (not to mention the fact that we just bought a home and have all sorts of new home stuff to do!)
I can't handle her anymore! Now she started chewing on her foot, to the point of bleeding all over the house!! She spills her litter everywhere, and insists on licking everyone, including right after she picks on her bloody paws!!
I have to tend to her paw now, and cover it up and disinfect it, but really, I can't imagine doing this when the baby comes! And I certainly don't want her licking the baby, and all this dragging her litter around on the living room carpet is just not working for me anymore! I am tired of cleaning up after her!
So I don't want her anymore, but I also feel extremely bad about giving her away or leaving her with the ASPCA (that is where I got her a few years ago).
I do feel guilty, but I feel this is the best solution. THe money we spend on vet care for her is just ridiculous. SHe even needs a special diet! Aaagh!! I feel so guilty about giving her away, but I can't take care of her anymore!!
Re: Helppppp!!!! I can't stand my cat!!
The money, time, and care should have been things that you considered before getting a pet. That's great that she gave you support when you were alone and single...and now that something is obviously wrong with her, you're going to just get rid of her because she's too much work?
It's funny that people don't say that about kids.
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
I can understand this point, but I think it's also easy to write someone off if you don't understand the full situation. I would rather know that someone recognizes when they're overwhelmed than try to hide it and make the situation worse....
This.
Its not just an adjustment to you, but your pets as well. Its not fair to just pass the animal over to someone else.
After things slow down, then you'll think you're ready for a pet again.
Just call me "Brothel"
And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
my read shelf:
First, I agree with this exactly. She saw you through so much over the years, and now because things are a little difficult you're going to just toss her out?! She obviously loves you an incredibly amount from all the licking, purring, cuddling you described. How do you think she's going to feel when, in her time of need, you just toss her out because she's too hard to deal with? I'm sorry, but I don't agree with you. I think you should work with her and try to help her.
Second, if you are interested, I could offer you suggestions for working with her, and helping to make the adjustment easier for her.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
I get that vet bills are expensive, but that is the responsibility you take on when you get a pet. My free dog has cost me over $1000 in vet bills. She takes 3 pills a day, and I have to make her special dog food. I did not anticipate this when I adopted her, but you know what? She loves me, and I am responsible for her care. I wouldn't change a thing.
What kind of values will you be teaching your child? Your actions show that you do not value your commitments, and that you do not reciprocate the loyalty give to you by your pet.
Your cat is probably biting her paw as a result of anxiety due to the massive changes in her life.
I had one cat - bought from a breeder, a Ragdoll, perfect personality for what we wanted in a cat. She was the baby of the house, and incredibly loveable, just perfect in every way.
I became pregnant, AND got a new job (I got her when I was unemployed, so she had almost too much attention). What did she do? She moped. Really, I had a moping cat - she would sit in front of a window, and ignore us, and her tail twitching showed us that she was not very happy.
So, we bought another ragdoll (this was an expense, as they're not cheap, but having a cat is never cheap). This helped out a little - now she had someone to play with when we were both at work. Life was good. Mind you, at this point since I am pregnant, my DH decided to buy a Cat Genie (look it up if you're that curious - otherwise known as a very pricey litter box, but better for the environment, it doesn't smell, and I don't have to touch cat poo, ever). Life was good.
Until recently. Now my first cat refuses to use the litter box if the younger cat has gone, and we haven't turned on the Cat Genie yet. It got to the point where she was so stressed (would hold her poo in), she would poo all over the place. All of us were going out of our minds - at one point I said, "We need to fix this, or else we're getting rid of them!"
So, instead of getting rid of our cats.. we bought yet another Cat Genie. Yup, another $400. Each cat has her own place to potty, and guess what... both cats are doing fabulously, everyone is happy, and that was that.
We spent a LOT of money (chances are, you won't HAVE to buy a cat - that was our choice - or HAVE to own a cat toilet). However, I think you need to examine your options. You might want to see if she is lonely.. if so, she might just need a companion. I always thought Meiyu was a rather solitary cat... and then I saw how upset she was without the attention, and now her and her sister chase each other around the house all day. She was so stressed before this that she was scratching her face raw from it (similar to what your cat is doing).
So, that long winded story was just to show you that you should try exploring another option for your cat other than tossing her aside. The chances of someone taking her from a shelter right now are slim, meaning you are probably sending her to her death. As for the money... cats are not pricey. I buy pretty pricey food, and by ordering it in bulk online, I pay a very fair amount. As for the litter... have you tried using a litter mat? They cut down on tracking significantly, and are ridiculously cheap.
Dear S,
I did come on here for suggestions...it is a big, big decision, and I wanted to get some feedback. I am not ready to give her away, but it has been on my mind.
YOu are right, I did not take into account the big picture when I got her. We just got along so well...but she is a sickly cat. She has a tumor now, and a cyst. She was 9 lbs overweight when I got her, and we dieted to a regular cat weight...I was a good companion to her!
I just don't know if I can do it any longer! Do you know what I am talking about? Did this happen to you? What did you do? you mentioned working with her...what do you mean?
I am really worried about the baby, also...what will happen if she gets her blood on her stuff? SHe climbs everywhere? Or what about when she starts crawling, and she does her dragging the litter everywhere thing?
I am just thinking about what life will be like with a sick cat and a new baby. maybe I am worrying too much, but if I have to choose, then I choose the baby of course!
I guess what I'm trying to say is...I wish I did not have to choose...but I don't know what to do!
People like you are the reason why shelters are full of so many animals. She's no longer convenient for you or cohesive with your new lifestyle so you want to get rid of her. Nice.
I completely agree. Like the pp I generally walk away from these types of posts because I know I'm going to say some not so nice things.
A responsible person would worry about the needs of the pet before making the decision to add an additional stress to their life. My pets aren't just my pets, they are members of my family. Needy, ill or otherwise, I would never just toss them to a shelter because I'm overwhelmed.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
From what she has written, she hasn't seemed to try to figure out WHY the cat is doing this. Sure, she's taken care of her and nursed her back to health, but it will keep on happening unless she tries to figure out why.
She said that she feels guilty but sees no other way.
Of course I don't know the whole situation, but my comments were in response to what she wrote, which is the only thing I have to go off of.
It's great to recognize it, but it's also important actively do something about it instead of just giving up and chucking the cat out to make room for the baby.
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
Also, the only attention she seems to be getting these days is negative. She gets attention when she does bad things. Does she get any attention otherwise? What happened to the late night cuddle sessions?
JUST LIKE KIDS, pets act out when they only get negative attention. Something to think about.
I wholeheartedly agree with this. Your animal is your child. You agreed to take care of her no matter what when you adopted her and you should not just throw her out.
How would you feel if your mother had taken care of you part of your life and then handed you off to someone else because she couldn't deal with you anymore?
This. People who think animals are disposable when they become inconvenient is the reason I have my cat.
My 3 cats ARE my children, thank you very much.
I would never get rid of my cats. Ever. When we decided to get them as kittens, we made a commitment to take care of them until the day they die. There's no way that we would ever give them up because of a kid. That is unfathomable to me. I think it's really selfish of you to even be thinking of giving poor Luna up. As others have said, would you just give your child up if they were no longer convenient?
I feel bad for you...I completely understand where you are coming from. We have 2 Jack Russells who were our BABIES for 4 years before our DS came along. They both have allergies and have licked and chewed on their feet NONSTOP since the day they were born. We have spent thousands on them over the years for that issue and b/c one of them has seizures...not to mention all the pet sitting and boarding money we've spent when we've had to go out of town. So when I got pg we called in a "dog whisperer" to come in and help us learn how to help them make the adjustment. Paid $300 for him to basically tell us things we already knew. And that the only way to get them under control was to walk them at least a mile every single day and show them who their "pack leader" was. Right. LIke we have time for that once a new baby comes.... But we tried and tried and when DS showed up they were a little weird about him. But DH and I were shocked to discover that all of a sudden our lovely, sweet, but troublesome dogs had been bumped off their pedestal. The love we felt for DS was a million times more than what we felt for them-and we never thought that could happen since we lvoed our dogs so much! We didn't love them any less-we just loved our son more. We did our best to try and make time for them and keep them involved but our girl dog started showing some aggression to DS so that had me on edge all the time. Once he started crawling I was constantly trying to keep the dogs separated from him and it was starting to wear me down! By this point, they'd started acting out by peeing and pooping all over the house. Cleaning up stains all over my carpets where DS was crawling wasn't sitting well with me. We tried to give them more attention but soon it got to the point where both dogs could not be trusted around DS, especially once he started walking and wanting to smack them a little, put his hand in their food dish, pick up their toys etc. They bark like CRAZY anytime the wind blows which scares DS and wakes him up constantly.
It has been almost 2 years now since DS was born and we are at our wits end. We've done everything we can think of to try and make it work but the stress they are putting us under with the barking, peeing, pooping, and aggression make me scream at them so much that I feel like I'm losing my mind. DS now tells them to "shut up!" since he's heard us say it so many times. (they don't listen to "hush", "quiet", "shh" or anything like that...Jack Russells remember!?) Teh only way we can bring peace back to our home is to find them new "forever" homes. It may sound selfish to some people but we know that is the healthiest thing for our family AND for them. We want someone to have them who will love them as much as we did (and do) but be able to give htem the attention they need. With another newborn on the way its just too much. Some people may feel that we adopted them so they are our responsibility for life no matter what but you know what....they will not come before my family. I feel it is the responsible thing to do to find them new homes so that my DS and new baby do not grow up watching their mother pull her hair out from screaming at the dogs to be quiet from barking for no reason or cleaning up runny poop or pee off the floor and walls-hoping to get to it before they do.
I know the dogs will be happier and we will too so we are in the process of finding them a good home. We aren't jsut going to drop them off in a shelter. We are taking the time to find the perfect home for them.
I see some of the ladies points saying try to make it work and she's needs attention and I'm sure you realize that yes, she does need attention. I would definitely suggest trying some different things to see if she and you could be happier and make it work but if nothing does work and you are still miserable then by all means, find her a new home. You shouldn't be a miserable, cranky mommy just because your cat is making you crazy...your baby needs you more than that cat does and if it will make her life and your life better then I feel its an unselfish move to find her a loving home where she will get the attention she needs. In the end, its YOUR life, YOUR decision about what's in the best interest of your family (which I'm sorry...as much as I love animals, does come before them no matter what), and your sanity!
My dogs don't get along with any other pets or small children so we are having a hell of a time trying to find them good homes. Your cat sounds pretty sweet and normal so I'm betting you could find someone who would love to have her if it doesn't work out with you. Don't feel bad for doing what you think is right though and best for your family. I hope I don't get blasted for this but I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone and its a HEARTWRENCHING decision.
lolololol I see this all the time on here.
Because PETS ARE PEOPLE TOO!!!111!!!1!
Oh, wait. No, they're not. They're freakin' animals.
OP: I currently *gasp* hate my two cats as well. They are constantly shoving toys under DS's door to wake him up, throw up all the damn time (we have to put heavy objects in the food bowl per vet's suggestion b/c they gorge and then purge. Yeah, they literally have an eating disorder), etc... That being said, I would never give them to the ASPCA. They will be put down, and I could never live with myself. However, if you can find someone else who wants your kitty, that is a perfectly reasonable and acceptable solution for all parties. GL to you!
While my cat is not my child (I make a conscious effort to myself as a pet owner instead of pet mommy), I made a commitment to my cat to be a loving, caring, responsible pet owner.
I agree wholeheartedly with everything else that you said.
Like a PP said, I'm sure you will either DD or flounce out playing the victim, but...
Why not actually take care of the problems with the cat that you have created? The paw chewing and litter spreading are nervous behaviors that she has adopted in response to your change in attention and affection. So basically, you've driven her to the point of physically harming herself, and are now going to get rid of her because you don't want the blood all over your stuff. Nice. Please never adopt another animal.
I'm not sure if this is me or not, but I'll respond anyway. Here's what I'd do. First of all, I have no idea what medical issues she has, so if you'd like to elaborate, please feel free so that maybe we have a better picture of how to help you. As far as litter tracking, try using one of those sticky mats right outside the litter box. It has worked wonders for my cat (he used to track it and throw it all over the place. If its a throwing issue, try a covered box...maybe without a door...mine won't use the ones with the door). That should help the tracking. If it is stuck to her bottom, try trimming the area so the hair is shorter...it'll reduce the amount of sticking.
Try a Feliway diffuser. It releases a calming scent for cats. This should help her to relax.
Take her to the vet about her paws. She is most likely aggitated and upset and that is the reason she is chewing on them. they should be able to give you a salve to help heal them fast, and bandages to wrap them with. Also, they make a bitter-tasting spray that you could put on the fur right on the tops of her paws so when she chews them it won't taste good and she'll stop. however, this might just stop on its own once she calms down. Cats take a long time to adjust to changes, so she just needs some support, modifications, and help from you.
As far as getting ready for the baby goes: play baby sounds right now. If you go to my blog there is a link to a $6 download called Preparing Fido...it has all kinds of baby sounds. This will help to desensitize her right now so when the baby comes she will be mostly all adjusted. Actually, I wrote my blog for my dog, but you could use a lot of it with your cat. Carry around a baby doll so she is used to having to share you, set up and run all the baby things as you get them. If you don't want her in the nursery at all, teacher her that now. If she can go in the nursery, give her a bed or a place to go to and teacher her that she is allowed there and not in the crib/etc. I don't know her, but I would bet that she won't get into anything with the baby in it because she seems to have difficulty adjusting. However, teach her now. It will take time, and sometimes be difficult, but it'll pay off because when the baby comes she'll have had time to adjust. Not saying it won't be an adjustment, but it'll be much easier.
Also, if you have more indept quesitons, wander over to the pets board on the nest. Explain your situation with your cat (dont tell them you're thinking of giving her up or you'll get flamed and no help). Tell them you need help, and they will give you some awesome advice.
In addition, contact some pet insurance companies. Most won't cover pre-existing conditions but sometimes you could get a welness plan that will help with anything else that comes up in the future and routine vet bills. I have Embrace and they are wonderful, so maybe try calling them and see what they say.
If you need anything else, feel free to ask. I'm more than happy to help you figure out ways to keep your cat.
DD? GBCB? I have no idea what that means...
Probably something judgmental...I came to get ideas on what to do (I really appreciate people who pointed out things like positive reinforcement) but the majority of the comments just state that I am a horrible human being.
This is a hard decision for me. But I am not one of those ppl that believe pets are children...that is just not my belief!
I don't recall you asking for advice.
Look at the subject of your post and some of the key phrases - it sounds like you have already given up and just want validation.
I think you would have gotten vastly different answers had you said that you were frustrated and wanted to know what the next step in helping stop her behavior was.
You can't expect people on the internet to read your mind and know your exact situation.
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
Thanks S!
Yes, I was talking to you...we're going to the vet next week about her paw again...
I have a mat by the litter box, but the tracking is mostly because of her open wounds on her paw. the litter sticks to the wounds, and then scatters on hte bed and carpet. We have to continuously clean it so she does not get an infection (this has happened before). I was covering the paw, but the vet said I have to leave it open for the wound to heal.
I will def. try the bitter tasting spray, so maybe she will be able to heal! I hope it won't burn her...
Luna is a sickly cat. She always has been...she also just developed a tumor, and we will have surgery for it soon. I will call Embrace to find out if they will cover her, but between the kidney, cyst, tumor, and OCD, I just don't know...but if they do, it will help tons with the bills!!
I guess I just feel overwhelmed! New job, new town, new marriage, new baby, new house...everything new...I just don't know how my old life fits here anymore! And I feel stretched very, very thin.
put a collar on the cat .You know the ones that stop them from chewing on injuries.
I agree 100% with this post.
You mentioned all of the "problems" with her. She has given you the time, affection and companionship that you needed and now it's her turn to look to you for guidance on how to deal with the changes in her life, but now the problems are an issue for you because you don't want to deal with it? Get a cat behavioral book from the library and read up, at the very least. If she has these problems, chances are they aren't going to get better in a new home that she is unfamiliar with as she is already stressed out. Most likely she would end up in the shelter when they get sick of her too.
Pets are not people but they certainly have feelings....apparently the cat is acting out because she can tell the OP doesn't have time for her anymore.
AND anyone that gets prego or just keeps popping out kids without thinking about the time and attention AND money that it takes to have one is the same type of person who gets an animal then gets frustrated that they actually have to take care of it and put A LOT of money towards owning a pet. BOTH people are idiots to me.
OP I have no sympathy for you...only for your cat. I think turning the cat over to the shelter just means it's going to get euthanized. No one wants a sickly misbehaving cat. YOU need to find it a good home and as much stress as that brings you....oh well you atleast owe it to your cat.
Believe me...I get the overwhelmed feeling. I really get that. But please work with her...from what you described she loves you sooo much. You can pm me with anything you need...I'm more than happy to give you a hand with ideas and such.
As someone below said, try the cone until her paw heals. Its not super fun, but it'll keep her from playing with it until its all healed up. Once its healed and you take the cone off, then try the bitter spray on her paw(if shes not declawed maybe--and check this with the vet first--you could get some of that bitter nail polish on her claws since it would last longer. I bet its not toxic since its made for humans who chew on their nails, but ask your vet anyway...its a thought though..)
I'd bet the tracking goes away once the paw is healed up. So maybe just for now, clean her paw often and don't consider it a long-lasting issue just yet.
Also, talk to your vet about behavior modification shots. Its something that should be saved until you have tried all else, and I really mean all else, and I have no experience with them, but my vet said we might need to try it with our cat if he doesn't respond to retraining and such. Basically, from what I have researched so far, it just helps to calm them through medication. But again...talk to your vet about it because I don't know that much. I have a long list to try with my cat before I even think of the behavior mod shots.
Don't forget to read the post in my blog Baby Proofing your Dog(link in my siggy). It'll help you get ideas to help your cat transition before the baby comes so you won't feel as overwhelmed at that point in time. And go get a feliway diffuser: https://www.feliway.com/us Thats the website, but you can get the diffusers cheaper at other places like amazon.com...or google it and get a price compare
Good luck!
I know I have the unpopular opinion here, but you have to do what is best for you and the cat. Obviously, the cat needs more from you and you sound at your wits ends. I know exactly how you feel. I had a cat that needed way more attention than I could give her. She sprayed throughout the entire house ALL. THE. TIME. It was a long story and a hard decision but we ended up finding her new owners. I don't feel guilty at all and I am not going too. Some people are much closer with their animals than others are. That's just how it is.
I can't see people flaming you for doing something , overall, that is going to be better for the cat. If you are at your wits end, like I was, and just could not do it anymore, then find her a new loving home. One that has the time to give her the attention she needs. I will say, I wouldn't have given her to a shelter or pound. I couldn't do that.
SO I guess that's the real thing - are you willing to put forth the EFFORT involved in helping your cat?