2nd Trimester

A little uncomfortable with this idea, please help???

DH and I have a mutual friend(she's my BFF and he was friends w/her before he knew me) and she told us she really wants to host a shower for us. In fact, she's lovingly adamant about it and that it be a [gift-giving]shower. I'm a little uncomfortable with this because, just 2 years ago we had a huge shower when I was pg with our first daughter.

As DD got older, we gave away or sold most of our baby items(as she outgrew them) figuring that Allison would be our only. We have most of the smaller items still and almost all of her clothes/shoes(many gently/never worn) to pass down to this daughter.

Yes, our situation is unique(see my tickers) and I fully understand that she is super excited to celebrate this new arrival. I've bounced this idea off of a few people, and they seem to think it's sweet of her and rallied behind her. Even DD's medical team/nurses have asked to be invited to a shower for this baby if we have one. I haven't declined, but I haven't agreed yet either. I still feel like it's our responsibility to furnish these items ourselves, because this baby is still a second child.

One idea I figured MIGHT be ok, is to have the party and request no gifts, or maybe just the practical things, like a diaper/formula/bottles sprinkle or something. I'm just so uneasy. I guess I just need some outside thoughts and opinions on the issue. help?

Re: A little uncomfortable with this idea, please help???

  • I don't know your history and for some reason couldn't view your tickers?

    But it sounds extremely generous and I say let her do it, maybe just request specific gifts since you already have some stuff?

    "Babies, Ballet & The Law"
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  • Second showers are generally a no-no in my book if they are huge affairs, but I see nothing wrong with a small intimate "sprinkle." Request that the guest list, decor, ect.. be kept simple and low-key and emphasize the get-together aspect. 

    You could also see if she'd like to host a "meet the baby" party instead. It would be held after the baby is born, but might make the situation less uncomfortable for you because it is not a shower, so gifts are not expected. 

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • In your case I say celebrate celebrate celebrate!  If that means have 10 showers than by all means have 10 showers.

    ETA: And your tickers are not showing up so people dont know the whole story.

    What did ya get bro?


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    Biggest Bro Blake 12/31/99
  • As PP said, your tickers are not showing up but judging by the excitement of your friends, I'm guessing that you've had some hardships in TTC. That being said, it generally is tacky to have a second shower, but if these women and men are so pumped to throw you a shower, let them. I think that your idea of having just a sprinkle, and requesting that IF someone wanted to bring a gift, that you could really use the practical ones is a great idea. It will satisfy your friend's urges to have a shower for you, while not making you feel like a total cheap-skate. 

  • I know people who have had 2nd and 3rd baby showers!! However, is the sex of this new baby the same as the first. If the new baby is a different sex then I think its acceptable to have a 2nd baby shower. Maybe you could do a "diaper and bib" party. I don't care how many kids you have, you can never have enough diapers!
  • I read you blog the other day and knowing the situation I think that is definitely find to have another shower especially how excited everyone is. If you just want to do a sprinkle I think that is a great idea. But as pp said Celebrate! Celebrate! 
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  • Since her tickers are not showing up her is here blog so you know the whole story.  In this case a 2nd shower is defiantly not tacky!



    What did ya get bro?


    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Fifth Birthday tickers

    Biggest Bro Blake 12/31/99
  • Oh...ooops! I didn't realize my tickers weren't popping up. In October 09 our first daughter lost her battle with an extremely rare form of leukemia, just four months after being diagnosed. We are having a girl again.
  • Please accept the generous offer.  The fact is you shouldn't have to use those items again for another child if you don't want to and I'm sure your friends respect that, and they want to celebrate with you.  Have a wonderful time celebrating and enjoy this child.
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  • I am so sorry for your loss first of all...Allison is beautiful!
    I think a 2nd shower is totally appropriate here! Enjoy being showered! You deserve it!


  • I just read your blog and have tears streaming down my face.  What a precious little girl!  I am so, so sorry for your loss.

      It sounds like you have a lot of people who are ready to celebrate your new miracle and I think that's absolutely wonderful.   Sure, a lot of people say second showers are tacky, but this is a special circumstance and it's not like you're demanding one.

  • not tacky at all for you and know one would think it.  all babies should be celebrated and your family and friends want to be there with you.

    perhaps a meet the baby type thing would be more comfortable for you?

    I am so sorry for you loss, she is beautiful.

  • thank you ladies! It's really helpful to get some outside perspective on this, because the situation is so unique.

    also, thank you 618mom for posting the blog address. :)

  • If your friends want to throw you a shower, let them! Its not like you asked for it. Its something they want to do to celebrate you, your family and the new baby. If someone who is invited thinks its tacky then they don't have to show up. Enjoy it!
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    "There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."
  • I just read your blog...you go ahead and let people shower you. You are obviously loved and those closest to you want to show it.....as long as you are ok with all the attention for this baby.

    While I am with you on being responsible for your baby's things (I don't even want a shower for this baby, which is my first) your situation is unique. I think this is more about your friends and family rallying behind you and showing their support and less about you registering for a fancy stroller.

    Let them share and try and let yourself enjoy it...and whether you get  a $10 outfit or a $1000 stroller....who cares.


  • IMO, go for it and enjoy every moment.  You deserve it mama.  Your daughter is a beautiful angel.
    Love: 8/2000 | Marriage: 7/2005 | Baby makes three: 3/28/2007 | And one more makes...SIX?
    Steal my kids picture or pretend they are yours, I will find where you live and ship all of their dirty diapers to your doorstep. Promise. image
  • It is definately NOT tacky to have a 2nd shower. Please accept the fact that your friends love you and really want to do that for you. After reading your story, I think that you are a very strong woman. You deserve to celebrate this new life. I didn't know her, but from the pics and your story, I think Allison would want this for you. My heart goes out to you and your family. God Bless you guys.

     P.S.- One of my sisters lost her battle with leukemia also, I was very young when it happened, but I can somewhat relate. I will definately keep you guys in my prayers.

  • Please, please let those who love you pamper you and this new life! I don't have a problem with second baby showers anyway...I was so bummed when my sister didn't have another party for my second niece but that's just me...you DESERVE a happy day for you and this new blessing! Can thebump friends come to? Lol...I'm having a boy and dying to buy girls stuff!!!
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  • Let her throw you a shower if she wants but I would not register.  
  • I think a second shower and a celebration sounds like a wonderful idea.  I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. 
  • Your angel is beautiful.

    Yes, you should most definitely accept a shower.  Register, enjoy, you deserve it all.  Your friends wouldn't offer if they did not want to do this for you!

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