2nd Trimester

Baby's last name?

Any single mom's out there know what they are doing for the last name of baby?  Daddy is going to be involved, but baby will be living with me and there is no chance of us getting back together.  I feel like it should have my last name, but he isn't comfortable with this.  Also, we aren't going to hyphen the names together.  Anyone know what's standard?

Re: Baby's last name?

  • I don't have an answer for you but there is a single parents board that perhaps they can give you some good feedback/information.
  • You should probably check your state law regarding the legal last name.  In my state, if the mother is single the baby has to take the mother's last name on the birth certificate. 
  • My mom and dad were never married.  My maiden name = her maiden name.
  • I understand feeling like it should have your last name if there is no chance of reconciling with the father. It is your decision really, so do what you want to. I am living with my boyfriend and thought about giving the baby my last name too...but considering we are planning on getting married at some point, I decided against it. I just want to feel "unified" with my child when it comes to the name...
  • My Mom hyphenated my last name after my bio-Dad FINALLY signed my birth certificate, but I always went by her last name regardless. It was much easier on me growing up to have one last name and not have to explain why I had a hyphenated name. In my case, my bio-Dad was not in the picture at all, so it was an easy choice. In your case, him being involved makes it harder.

    I also have a cousin who opted to give her daughter the bio-Dad's last name, and she and the Daddy are no longer together. Again, it's just a question of what your preference is. I will say personally, I feel it is MUCH easier when you have the same last name as your Mother!!!

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  • IMO, I think it's traditional for the LO to have the father's last name.

    However, if I was in your situation, I'd want LO to have my last name - mostly since s/he would be living with me.

    Our LO will have SO's last name.  We are still together but mostly because I never went back to my maiden name after my divorce.

     


  • I am not a single mom, but I did keep my last name for professional/cultural purposes.  I am giving baby girl DH's last name.  I do family law for a living and in Oregon, you can put your last name on the birth certificate no questions asked...If the Dad files some sort of custody or parenting time (visitation) suit in court, most likely he can at least get the court to agree to add his last name on the birth certificate.  Good luck!
  • When I had my son, he had my last name. It's all what you prefer but I was so happy my son had my last name.
  • If it were me, I'd give baby my last name.  Easier for legal purposes.  School registering and anything like that. 

    DD has her dads last name, and we seperated when she was 6 months old and he lives three states away.  I am now going through the trouble of having to change her last name to mine.  I feel it'll be easier for her to have my last name and be able to relate identity-wise to me... If that makes sense.

  • My sister wasn't married to her babys daddy when her daughter was born, she had the choice to give DD her last name or her boyfriends BUT she could only give the boyfriends if he signed the birth certificate. (Which he didn't because he was in prison when she was born.) I think it's whatever you want. If you want the baby to have your last name, that's easy, if you want it to have the bio fathers last name he has to sign the b/c.
  • Growing up, I had my bio-dad's last name.  He wasn't involved at all for the most part, but he was at first.  That's why I got his last name.  I hated it, because I always felt so different from my family after my mom remarried. 

    Yours is a tough situation, because you want the baby to be united to both of you even though you aren't united to each other.  Maybe put the dad's last name as a second middle name?  It's not hyphenated, but will still carry on with your LO.

  • I would imagine state laws may vary on this, so I'd check on the legal issues first.  Otherwise, I'd say there is no standard, different single parents do things different.  If LO is going to be living with you, and you are going to do most of the caretaking, I think LO should have your last name.

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  • We are not married, but we are together and living together and LO will have his last name. Several of my single mommy friends think I'm crazy and that I should give LO my last name until we're married. I guess I'm just old-fashioned and think if the father wants to be apart of his child's life, the child should have his last name.

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  • I'm pretty traditional when it comes to this stuff, I think that children should have their fathers last name if that father is involved.
  • My son is 3yrs old and his father and I were not married when we had him.  I WISH I had given him my last name!!!  I always feel like people question that I'm his mom (which is silly, I know this, but I cant help it).  Especially at preschool, doctor, or indoor playground (where you have to sign up your child and then put your name too).  I hate being asked, "Are you his mother?"  I know they don't mean anything by it, but COME ON!!!  I put in the hard work, I shouldn't be the one who has to answer that question.
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  • I would say the father's last name. But I am partial. My SD has her mother's last name and it has been a major source of tension between DH and his family. They were seperated but still legally married when she was born. DH really wishes he had fought more to have her last name be his. Her mother has remarried 2 times since SD was born and now SD has a different last name than her entire family and it is just weird in my opinion...

    You may want to consider that you might remarry (although maybe not since I don't know the situation) and then your child will have a different last name from you and the father. Again I'm assuming a lot including that you would change your last name if you did get married again.

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  • Can you give his last name as your LO's middle name? It doesn't have to be hyphenated, but then the baby has something from both of you.
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  • I would never give my baby any other last name other than my own.  Meaning if i am married then he/she will have my husbands last name and if i am not then they will have my last name.  Ive seen way to many kids have their fathers last names and their fathers are not involved in their lives at all. Why give them that honor when your the one raising them???
  • Thanks everyone!  You gave me some things to consider.  I have thought about using his last name, Harrington, as a middle name.  However, he wants the middle name to be his middle name.  Assuming it is a boy.  I want him to feel apart of things, but at the same time, you never know how long he will be there for baby.  I think I will stick with my gut and give it my last name and find another way to make him feel special and a part of things!  I still have a lot of time to think about it!
  • This may not be what you want to hear but it may depend on where you live what last name your baby will have. Where I'm from, the baby must bear the father's last name if he will have rights to the child.  In that case, many women choose to hypenate it.  It may be a good idea to check with your local Social Security office to find out what the laws are. If it were me, and I could help it, I'd give LO my last name.  If he's living with you it would be less confusing to him and everyone else (teachers, doctors etc) if everyone in the house had the same name.
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  • I was a single mom with my first and I gave him my last name. It is easier if you are going to be the main parent who handles school, insurance, doctor appointments, etc. if you and the baby have the same name. But just because the baby has one legal last name does not mean he can't go by the other. I have a friend whose legal name is her dads, but she goes by her mothers. Also, at the hospital all the forms and the baby are going to be listed with the mother's last name, not the fathers, regardless of what name you end up giving the baby.

  • I haven't had this experience, but I think I would use my last name for some of the same reasons pp's listed.  As a kid my mom remarried and had a different last name than my brother and I and it was tough in school, etc having to explain why her name was different.  It's more common now, I know - but if it was my choice, I think having my name since the baby would be living with me, would be easier.

     

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  • i know that in Canada, it depends on the province(state) you are in. 

    IMO, unless i am married to baby's daddy, no way in hell i would give the baby his last name.  

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  • image seells:
    My sister wasn't married to her babys daddy when her daughter was born, she had the choice to give DD her last name or her boyfriends BUT she could only give the boyfriends if he signed the birth certificate. (Which he didn't because he was in prison when she was born.) I think it's whatever you want. If you want the baby to have your last name, that's easy, if you want it to have the bio fathers last name he has to sign the b/c.

    Ditto this.

    My DH and I weren't married when we had DD. However, DD has his name because he was there during the birth and was there to sign all the papers.

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  • BIGGEST mistake of my life was giving my son his father's last name. I was pressured into by him and his mom right after I gave birth. I feel like the only way a man deserves to have his name given to his child is if he is married to the mother. I get called Mrs. Sanchez all the time and I hate it! Then I have to explain that my name is different than my son's.
  • My SO and I live together and plan on getting married sometime in the near future, so DD will have his last name. In your case, I would say go with your last name - especially since the baby will be raised by you for the most part. After my parents got divorced, my mom went back to her maiden name. I hated explaining to people why our last names were different!
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  • I'm going with dads name...but we are still together and i know he'll be a permanent part of the childs life. But it's really whatever you are more comfortable with.
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  • So I am always not married to the father but we are together. Im choosing to give the baby his last name since he is more than involved now and plans on staying that way despite if we break apart. If ur not sure just use both that way he feels involved and u dont have to worry about the last name seperation with u and the baby. but it is YOUR choice. GL!


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